The song at the end of this chapter is by This Providence.

Nick sat outside on the steps of the church out of the way of the people walking inside. He knew most of them, but not all. He would glance up every now and then hoping to see Greg's parents, even though he knew he wasn't going to. He remembered the telephone conversation with Greg's mom all too well.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Sanders."

"Nick, how many times am I going to have to tell you to call me Andrea?"

Nick smiled slighty on the other end of the phone. "Sorry...anyway...the service is-" Nick was cut off.

"We're not going to come."

"Why?" Nick asked before he thought.

"I can't see my only son buried Nick...I just can't."

Nick ran his hands back and forth through is short hair. He stared down at the stone step his feet were resting on so he wouldn't have to see all the sad smiles and sympathetic looks everyone was giving him. He might not have known who they were, but everyone there knew who he was if they knew Greg even a little bit.

Nick looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stood and hugged the attractive young brunette, who immediatly broke into tears.

"I'm so sorry Nick." Lauryn said softly.

Nick thought he was going to go insane if anyone else said 'I'm sorry.' He hated those words more than anything, but when Lauryn said them, his heart broke. She knew Greg just as well as Nick did, if not better. They had been best friends since junior high. "I know...me too."

She pulled away from Nick slightly and rested her hands on his shoulders. "How are you holding up?"

Nick shrugged slightly. "I'm not. How about you?"

She smiled sadly. "Pretty much the same. I just can't believe this..."

"Me either."

Nick hugged her again before she went into the church to take her seat. Nick collapsed back down on the steps and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how long it had been since the last person had walked in before Warrick came and sat down next to him. He didn't even have to open his eyes to know who it was.

"They're ready to start Nick." Warrick said queitly.

Nick nodded and opened his eyes. He looked at his best friend and tried to smile as best he could, but didn't succeed. "Okay." He said simply and stood, following Warrick into the dimly light church. He slowly walked to the front, keeping his eyes trained on Lauryn so he wouldn't have to see all the sad looks people were giving him.

He finally made it to the front pew and slid in next to Lauryn. They were Greg's only immediate family that had come. The rest of the CSI team, including Brass, Archie, Super Dave, Doc, Hodges and Lindsey sat behind them. Lauryn grabbed Nick's hand and squeezed it as hard as she could and didn't let her grip slip even slightly.

Nick took another deep breath as the service began, only half listening. He could only make out a few of the words the priest was saying and heard some of the muffled sobs from the people around him. He stared sadly at the picture of Greg on top of the coffin 5 feet in front of him.

He remembered everything about the day that picture had been taken. That was the day he had finally mustered up enough courage to tell Greg how he felt. It was at Lindsey's birthday party a little over 4 years ago.

"Nick, enough is enough man. Just go tell him." Warrick said as he shook his head.

"It's really not a good idea." Nick said and started to walk away, but Warrick grabbed his arm and yanked him back.

"Yes, it is. Stop being stupid. He clearly wants you."

"Oh clearly." Nick said sarcastically. He sighed heavily. "Fine, I'll do it. Just have a lot of beers and cigarettes ready for when he punches me in the face."

Nick walked over to Greg, who was standing by himself next to the cake and looking like he was about to do something stupid.

"Hey Nick." Greg greeted with a smile.

"Hey G." Nick said. "Can I uh...talk to you about something?"

Greg shrugged. "Yeah, of course. I need a distraction anyway so I don't steal the cake and make a run for it." Nick laughed, but it was clear he was nervous about something. "So what's up?"

Nick took a deep breath. "Well...this is gonna sound stupid and is probably a very bad idea...and you can just forget that I ever said it if you want, but I think I need to tell you that..." Nick trailed off.

"Tell me what?"

"That..." This isn't that hard. Nick thought to himself. Too late to back out now dumbass. "I...think I'm in love with you." The look on Greg's face spelled out pure confusion. "Actually..." Nick corrected, "I am in love with you. I know that for a fact." Nick laughed slightly. "That's gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever done..." Nick thought out loud. He looked down at the grass then back up at Greg, who was still trying to remember how to talk. "Sorry...I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it."

Nick turned and walked away, taking a long sip of the beer in his hand in the process.

"Really?" He heard Greg call out a few seconds later.

Nick turned and nodded, and was surprised to see Greg was smiling wider than he ever has before.

And that's when Catherine took the picture Warrick had told her to be waiting for. The picture that was now sitting on top of Greg's coffin in front of Nick.

Nick snapped back into reality when he heard the priest say, "And now we'll ask Lauryn O'Connel, Greg's best friend, to come up and say a few words."

Nick squeezed Lauryn's hand and smiled slightly before she got up and slowly made her way to the alter. She brushed away the few stray tears that were falling down her cheeks and took a deep breath as she ran her fingers through her hair to get it out of her face.

"First I just want to thank you all for coming, it really means a lot." She started. Her voice was steady, but wouldn't remain that way. "I've known Greg for 20 years, and he's never changed. He was always that energetic kid who never stopped talking unless he was eating. He was way to smart for his own good and constantly used that to his advantage." A little rupture of laughter echoed through the church. "I don't think there was a day in his life he went without making someone smile. He could make anyone smile without even trying. In high school, he wasn't the most popular kid, but everyone still got along with him. It's tough to hate Greg Sanders, believe me, I've tried. It doesn't matter what he does to get you mad, you'll always forgive him."

She paused for a second to wipe away more tears. "He was such a friendly person. He could make a friend faster than anyone I've ever met. He loved people and would talk to anyone who would listen, and even some who wouldn't." More laughter. "Greg was also very flirtatious. It was natural to him, I'm pretty sure he couldn't help it. As big a flirt as he was, he never really had too many relationships. He said it wasn't fair to everyone else if he just had one 'special person'." Nick smiled as he pictured Greg saying that. "But he did find the one person that changed his life. I'll never forget the way he talked about Nick. He made him sound like a god, and in Greg's opinion, he is. I can't thank you enough Nick for taking such good care of Greg. He always said he was the luckiest guy in the world to have you and you'd never know how much he loves you."

Nick bit the inside of his cheek and tried to swallow the throbbing lump in his throat. Lauyrn took another deep breath to steady her shaky voice. "Greg Sanders is the best friend, and boyfriend, anyone could ever have asked for, and I know how much everyone's gonna miss him." She tried to choke down another sob, but couldn't. "I'm sorry..." She smiled sadly and stepped down from the alter and went back to her seat next to Nick.

Nick wrapped his left arm around Lauryn's shoulders and rubbed her arm soothingly. "You did a good job." He whispered.

She didn't say anything, just rested her head on his shoulder and let the tears fall. The service finally ended and everyone was invited to the cemetary for the burial. The 15 minute ride there felt like it took days before Nick was standing 2 feet in front of Greg's coffin, surrounded by his team.

Lauryn was on his left and Warrick was to his right with the rest of the team. Nick couldn't hear the final prayers or the people around him crying or feel the cool wind blowing against his skin. All he could see was the dark brown box in front of him and hear Greg's voice, but couldn't understand what he was saying.

Nick felt his heart drop when the coffin was slowly lowered into the ground under his feet. He felt sick to his stomach when he thought about how he had a been in a similiar situation, except he he had been alive.

People slowly started to leave the cemetary. After a while, Lauyrn squeezed his arm and kissed his cheek before she left too. Before he knew it, Nick was standing with only Warrick next to him in front of Greg's gravestone. Nick smiled slightly as he remembered the few people who had questioned him on having it say just Greg instead of Gregory. Greg hated being called Gregory, so why should he be remembered like that forever?

It was simple, what Greg would have wanted:

Greg Sanders

May 5, 1975 - November 23, 2006

Nick stared at Greg's name carved in stone on front of him, and that's when it really set in. The realization of it all hit him hard. He knew all along Greg was gone, but now he really knew. His lungs started to burn from lack of oxygen and he realized he wasn't breathing. He couldn't force the air into his lungs. His throat went dry and his chest felt like it was about to explode.

And then everything was fine again. As quickly as it happened, it was gone. Nick sighed. He knew these little panic attacks were going to become more frequent, as well as the other ones he gets from nightmares.

Nick ripped his eyes away from the gravestone and looked at Warrick. He opened his mouth to say something, but Warrick cut him off.

"I know bro. I'll leave you alone for a bit. I'll be waiting in the car whenever you're ready man." He patted Nick on the back gently as he passed. Nick smiled his thanks and shook his head slightly. Sometimes it scared him how well they knew each other.

He turned back to Greg's grave and didn't try to fight back the tears that were running steadily down his cheeks. He choked down a sob and ran his shaky fingers through his hair once again.

"I'm so sorry Greggo..." He started. "I should have stayed with you. I...I just couldn't watch you die G, it would have killed me. I tried to pretend this wasn't happening, but I know I can't anymore. I have no idea how I'm gonna attempt to do this without you." Nick took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'm sorry I couldn't have done more for you. You changed my life, and I can't thank you enough for you just being you. I don't remember what it actually was, but the last thing I should have said to you was that I love you more than anything. I wasn't there for you when I should have been, but I will be now. I promise I'll come see you everyday no matter what." Nick reached forward and traced his fingers over the cold marble. "I love you Greg." He dropped his hand back to his side and slowly walked away.

The tears were gone by the time he got into the car, but Nick's eyes were still slightly red. He sighed heavily and let his head fall against the back of the leather seat and closed his eyes. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Warrick started the car and asked, "Do you wanna go home or come back to my house?"

"I'll go to my house." Nick said softly.

"Okay. My phone's on so call me when you wanna come over." He glanced at Nick in time to see him open his eyes and smile.

Nick quickly changed out of his suit and into pajama pants and a t-shirt as soon as he got home. He didn't have the energy to shower, so he just crawled into his bed before he could decide not to and let Greg's scent engulf him. He reached out and grabbed Greg's pillow and hugged it close to his chest. He forced his eyeslids shut and tried to trick himself into a sleep that he knew would never come.

I'm finding it hard just to breathe
I'm finding it hard just to breathe without your breath of life
I'm finding it hard just to breathe in you
I can't breath, can't you see that I'm suffocating
Are you here with me now
Well everyone keeps telling me how you're the air I breathe
And everything I need is in you

I'm sorry I killed Greg, but I hope you all continue to read the story anyway. Thanks for the reviews.