Ch 9- Broken Hearts and Torn up letters
"I did…and the answer is I do." Cao Pi sighed in relief. All the other officers cheered at her response and that it was positive. The only one not leaping for joy was Zhang He, for he only stared at her slumped over figure. Her head was tilted down for a reason…and he found the reason when something small and glittery fell from her eyes…she wasn't happy. She wasn't happy like a bride should be when she answered that question, that fateful question.
"All right, now that we have our answer…if there are any objections speak now or forever hold your peace." Cao Cao said, actually in a normal tone.
Zhang He had many objections to this marriage, but he didn't have the courage to speak up and defend her. He didn't want to ruin anything that maybe might have changed Zhen Ji. Maybe she was crying because she was overwhelmed with joy. Maybe…but it didn't seem that way in Zhang He's eyes.
He shifted from one leg to the other as he waited to see if anyone had any objections, but silence filled the room so obviously everyone else liked things to be like this. Suddenly, Zhang He's shield fell completely. He whimpered a little bit, still trying to keep his feelings in. His small whimper was heard through the hall and everyone's attention was now on him.
"Is that an objection Zhang He?" Cao Cao asked from his position. Zhang He didn't answer but instead bowed and then turned around and ran off. He ran as fast as he could past all the generals, making sure that none of them saw the tears that were now flowing down his cheeks. How could he let it get to him like this?
All the officers watched as he rounded the corner and made his way to his corridor. Zhen Ji especially had her eye on him. She suddenly figured out that his small cry was an objection, but he didn't want to let anyone know that…he had feelings for her. Was that it? Could it be that Zhang He actually loved her more that the man standing before her now?
She wanted to run after him so that she could comfort her friend, but her legs wouldn't allow any movement. She only turned back to Cao Pi and waited for the wedding to continue, so she could hurry and get it over with.
"He was probably just crying for joy. You know him; he's normally over emotional with things like this." Zhang Liao suggested. His arms were crossed in impatience, waiting for the actual party to begin. There were only a few more words to say and then he could be free from this whole thing.
"Yes…I do believe your right Zhang Liao. Now, let's get this last part over with." Cao Cao read off of a scroll the 'sickness and health' speech and soon it was over with and now was the hard part for Zhen Ji.
"You may now kiss the bride…" Cao Cao declared, back to his boring speech tone. Cao Pi immediately grabbed Zhen Ji and tugged her toward him, embracing her in a deep kiss. Zhen Ji cringed at the harsh gesture, but she knew that she had to go along with it. There would be more to come now that she was married to him.
Later that night, after the party had ended, Zhen Ji went to her room and picked up a quill and a scroll. This scroll was her secret diary that she wrote in every night before checking in. She wrote in it tonight; but this entry would be longer than what she had written before.
Dearest Diary,
Today, something happened that I never would have expected. Remember how Cao Pi and I were getting married today? Well…I figured something out that was much more important to me. I noticed that I didn't truly have feelings for him after all and that this whole time my heart belonged to Zhang He. I don't know what it is about him, but his touch was so soft and warm when he was teaching me how to dance earlier today. So now, I think I'm regretting this decision to have a life with Cao Pi.
So, tonight I'm going to write a letter to Zhang He, telling him what I felt the whole time. I wonder what he'll say. Will he say that he feels the same or will he say that he was only crying in happiness like Zhang Liao suggested? I truly made a horrible mistake…but had I known earlier that I had feelings for Zhang He, I might have been able to stop everything from happening like this.
I didn't know that it would end like this. I guess love at first sight isn't something that you should follow. You have to wait a little while, to see if your feelings are true. If you know you can trust that person with everything you are then you know that your feelings are right. I guess I block myself off with the world too much…and it leaves me to make irrational decisions. I made a mistake and now…I have scarred my closest friend for life. If only I had know sooner that he loved me too…
I guess I should get to writing that letter I said I was going to write. I just hope that Cao Pi doesn't come in my room tonight. I can only hope that he doesn't catch me writing that letter…or would it be better if he saw that I didn't truly trust him? Right now, all I can do is write my feelings.
Zhen Ji ended her diary entry and took out another, smaller scroll. She dipped her quill in the bottle of ink that she had on the night stand next to her and began writing to Zhang He. She knew that she had to get it done tonight, so that she could sneak in his room and give it to him then.
About a half an hour later, Zhen Ji finished her 'love note' to Zhang He and put her ink and quill away. She inhaled deeply, ready to try to be as stealthy as she could along the hallways. She took off her shoes to make it much quieter, even though she knew the floors were disgustingly dirty.
She was walking through the halls when she felt a cold and harsh hand on her left shoulder. She stopped, frightened and then slowly turned to see Cao Pi's face. She sighed and closed her eyes in relief. Still…the sight of him wasn't any better than a kidnapper.
"What are you doing up so late?" Cao Pi questioned, taking his hand back from the woman's shoulder. She hesitated before answering.
"I'm just wondering around. I couldn't sleep. I still am quite excited I guess."
"Then what's that in your hand?" Cao Pi pointed to the scroll that she held at her side. She gulped and panicked to find a good excuse.
"I saw Zhang He run off at our wedding, so I thought I'd write him a note to cheer him up…" She answered, her voice wavering a little. Cao Pi didn't respond. He only glared at her. After a minute he turned around and started to walk away.
"I guess I should trust you…after all you are my wife." He then disappeared around the corner. Zhen Ji sighed in relief and continued down the halls.
She had finally reached Zhang He's quarters. She stood in front of the door, hesitating before cracking it open. She peeked inside to see if he was asleep or if he had stayed awake. Fortunately, he was asleep. She snuck into the room and quietly shut the door behind her. She crept up to Zhang He's bedside and stared at him for a moment, just watching him breathe. She then decided that she would have to get out of there quickly, so she put it next him on the bed and then left.
What she hadn't known was that Zhang He really was awake. He opened one eye to make sure the woman was gone and quickly sat up and unrolled the scroll. He read it carefully, trying to get every word in his head. This what the letter said:
Dearest Zhang He,
I would like to tell you…I think I made a bad mistake getting married today. Nothing feels like it should. When I saw you run out of the hall I figured out something that I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't because of the people who were there. So, instead of waking you up and telling you or telling you tomorrow, I decided to write you a letter.
What I really wanted to say was that I found something deep inside my heart that told me that you were the one for me. We've known each other a long time and…I guess I've actually been in love with you for longer than what I had realized. But now, all I can do is write you letters to try and help fix my broken heart. I've torn up many scrolls because I wanted this to be the most perfect letter that it could be.
Now that I'm with Cao Pi, I feel more alone than what I was when I was single. When you and I danced before the wedding, I felt you touch and noticed it was warm and welcoming. I only wished I could've known about these hidden feelings for you sooner. Please, forgive me for not telling you sooner…and if you don't feel the same, then do not respond to this letter.
This is all I can write for now to tell you that I love you so very much and I wish that it was you standing beside me earlier today. I wished it was you I made those vows to, you who I married, you who I kissed…but now it is too late. I guess…I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'll either be waiting for your response or waiting for nothing. If you don't respond within a week, then I'll understand and maybe I'll try to get closer to Cao Pi.
Whatever you decide, I will understand. Just let me know. I'll be waiting.
Love,
Lady Zhen Ji
Zhang He stared at the scroll in his hand. He couldn't believe what he had just read…was it really true? Did Lady Zhen really care for him like that or was she just saying this to cheer him up? No, the words that he read were real and the love that had come from them was real as well. It wasn't false like the relationship between Zhen Ji and Cao Pi.
"But…am I truly worthy of someone as beautiful as she is?" He whispered to himself in disbelief. He rolled the scroll back up and put it down where Zhen Ji had laid it. Then he too lay back down and thought about the letter and Zhen Ji as he slowly drifted into a deep sleep.
Zhen Ji had just made it back to her own room, still thinking about her letter, hoping that it didn't sound too retarded. She wondered how he would react. She would find out tomorrow night if she got a reply or if something else popped up. For now, she would have to deal with Cao Pi and keep faking her love until she found the right opportunity.
She lay in bed, thinking about her situation, hoping that she might be doing the right thing this time. She tossed and turned thinking so hard on the subject, but soon her mind wore out and gave way to sleep. Soon, she would find out what Zhang He would answer…whether it be tomorrow or at the end of the week. She didn't care, just as long as she knew what he thought.
TADA! End of chapter. Please review and I will be happy and I'll be motivated to work on the next chapter. Again, I left you all waiting in suspense...or at least I hope I have. Anyway, until next time! Jr. the Red Dragon