AN: Title inspired by "Weak" by Skunk Anansie.
Rodney was too captured by the hum of the hoverer to look out the window. He knew he wouldn't see much, anyway. There were a few people walking on the streets, most of them reading something on their PDA-look-alikes.
The hoverer was far more interesting. When Radek first came with the idea of creating a car that would hover, he thought the man was crazy. Now, after using it every week when coming to the staff meeting in the capital, he thought it was brilliant. The one-passenger hoverer he was in was as comfortable as a means of transportation could get.
Most of the things they have created over the past few years since the Empire came into existence were brilliant. They had managed to create the best government system since the Ancients left the galaxy, peacefully ruling over hundredths of planets. It went faster than any of them expected, quickly growing from three planets to twenty, then fifty and so on. He could still remember the day when they decided to move from Atlantis, each on his own planet, in his own ministry.
After about ten minutes, they reached the destination: the Ministry of Commerce and Foreign Affairs. This was Elizabeth's Ministry and the white, elegant building suited her perfectly. It was complicated, with strange patterns in the walls, with inscriptions and letters. She had explained once that it had something from every planet that was part of the Empire.
Rodney walked along familiar corridors to the conference room where they met each week. Elizabeth, John, Carson and he were the four ministers that ruled the Empire. Sometimes, they'd bring some of their people when they wanted to present something, and usually there were ten people at most.
Rodney took his seat at the round table, noticing that it was only the four of them. They all wore their 'elegant' suits, the grey ones, with the little colored rectangles on their right shoulders that denoted their specialty and it made the meeting more official.
Elizabeth was calm, smiling as she looked over a piece of paper. John was trying to look at the paper, but couldn't find an excuse to move closer, so he tried stretching as much as possible to peek at Elizabeth's source of amusement. Carson on the other hand was looking straight ahead, lips in a thin line and eyes narrowed.
"Am I late?" Rodney asked as Elizabeth looked up and acknowledged him.
"Not really, please sit down," she answered, pressing a button on a little remote she had on her right.
A young man came in and handed each of them a single sheet of paper.
"This is the list of planets that have applied this month and at the bottom of the page, you'll find my recommendations," Elizabeth stated.
Rodney skimmed the first list and checked the second one to see if his proposal had been accepted. There was only one planet that he found interesting, because it had an impressive network of naquadah mines that he could find very useful. As for the other planets, he didn't even know where they were or what was so great about them.
Most of the time, the governors of those planets knew what the Empire needed and tried to provide it. Several times, planets bought their admission by 'donating' things previously bought specifically for this purpose. No one ever said anything about it, and if it was good for the Empire, they weren't going to complain. From time to time, a planet would request admission because its citizens needed it – as if there was a planet in the galaxy outside the Empire that didn't need it. None of them ever got accepted.
"I'm okay with it," Rodney stated, placing the paper back on the table.
"Me too," John added.
There was a short pause, all of them turning to Carson. He was staring at the paper, probably unhappy about something, but considering his mood when the meeting had started, it was hard to say if the list helped with that in any way.
"Carson?" Elizabeth asked.
"Did you get my recommendation?" he asked, looking at her.
"Yes," Elizabeth answered, nodding.
"Then you know I'm not happy about this. Out of fifteen planets, I asked for one. I thought it was reasonable enough. I don't see it on the ones that were accepted, so I'm not okay with the list." There was something impersonal, cold about the way he said that.
"Carson…" Elizabeth started, not sure what to say to get things back to some sort of normality. "We have to consider the welfare of the-"
"I know that, Elizabeth. I know the Empire has been very supportive with my research, you keep reminding me that, but allow me to remind you that we're not God. The Empire is not God. We don't have the right to decide who lives or who dies, and most of the people on that planet will die." Every time something like this happened and Carson wanted to do an act of charity, they assumed it was his way of trying to make up for everything that he had done wrong, ever since Hoff, and they waited until he was calm enough to let it go.
Seeing Carson, the way he looked at them, half angrily, half pleadingly, the way he twisted his hands nervously, Rodney felt like there was more to it this time.
"We can't make such decisions based on our emotions," Elizabeth said, impatient.
"It's in our power to save them. And it doesn't mean someone else will have to suffer, it's just that others will have a wee bit less. There are less than a million people on that -"
"No!" Rodney hadn't heard Elizabeth raise her voice in a long time, and he wasn't sure if it was because she was angry at Carson for questioning her decision or herself for not being able to find a better reason that would convince him. "We are not deciding for ourselves here, Carson. It's not that you'll have a smaller food ration. This is for the welfare of the Empire."
John cleared his throat, and frowned. "We've talked about this before."
"Aye, and I've let you convince me. But it always felt wrong, just as it does now."
"You're weak, Carson," John said, stopping as soon as he realized that the words were spoken out loud. "I mean, you're… softer than… you need to…"
"Buck up, Colonel?" Rodney never imagined Carson capable of putting so much sarcasm in three words, and John looked at him, hurt and angry and ashamed of himself. "Weak as I am, I know I'm doing the right thing in supporting those people. When I didn't want to be one of the ministers, you said I needed to, that my opinion was valued and that I could… what was it that you said?... contribute." Carson looked at each one of them, studying, trying to see beyond the unspoken words. "What have I contributed with? What am I expected to contribute with from now on?" Carson rose slowly from the table, leaving the paper not signed. "I'd like to think that there's more to me being here than the memories of Atlantis, but I think I'd be wrong." He walked to the door, slowly but determinedly.
Carson wasn't one of those people that held a grudge, but this felt like something deeper, like something that had been troubling him for a while and now had the opportunity to explode.
Rodney rose and caught up with Carson on the corridor. "It's not like we can't talk about it. You shouldn't have walked out like that," he said, trying to adjust his pace to the Scot's.
"Aye, because we all know how Elizabeth would have agreed to it."
"It's a vote. Maybe John and I would have voted for you." The truth was they would have, if the gain was worth angering Elizabeth. At the moment, there were a few things that Rodney would have found worth it.
"You would have? Really?" Carson stopped and turned a bit, looking at him. "And why would you do that?"
Rodney wasn't sure if Carson was honestly asking that or if it was a remainder of the earlier sarcasm. He decided to go with the truth, stating it as evenly as he could, "You know, eye for an eye, planet for a planet."
Carson looked at him disbelievingly, "You want the planet we talked about and you'll agree to the acceptance of this one?"
Rodney nodded, expecting Carson to agree. There was a look of sadness on his friend's face, mixed with disappointment, and after a brief shake of the head, Carson looked away from him and walked towards the exit.
"You're going to lose them both this way, Carson!" The man was just a few meters in front of him, so he must have heard him. He didn't say anything, though, so Rodney walked towards him. "This has nothing to do with… morality. You shouldn't look at things that way. All's fair in war."
Carson spun around, surprising Rodney. "We're not at war, Rodney. Get your Colonel to sign the order, if you think that's the right thing to do."
"This isn't about right," Rodney said, regretting that he had come after Carson. There was no way he was going to convince a stubborn Scot to do something through a discussion.
"No, it isn't. It's about the welfare of the Empire." Carson waved his right hand in a 'do what you wish' gesture. "Long live the Empire," he added sarcastically before walking away again.
This time, Rodney didn't follow. He returned to the conference room, determined to do what needed to be done. And at the moment, he needed that planet and its unique conditions. Carson would have to move on without it.