Xianghua Hunting
Xianghua had been walking around for over half an hour, yet even a gullible person like her noticed that instead of ice cream everywhere, there were strange potions, double-edged swords, leather whips, handcuffs, limb-stretchers, and a large sign on a wall that said, 'Hall of Dangerous and Kinky Alchemist Weapons.'
While Xianghua was looking around, there were four people with her. Two of those people had no idea that the other two were in the same room.
A large metal cage caught her attention earlier, with a strange-looking creature inside. Its large, beady yellow eyes were gazing up at Xianghua curiously.
One of the four people started to walk over to Xianghua, and the animal began to growl maliciously.
A loud and deafening scream rang throughout the mansion.
Twenty minutes earlier...
"I can't wait to see the look on Ivy's face when she hears Xianghua's missing..."
That was what Link had thought after he sent Xianghua off earlier. Now, he had wished that had never happened.
"You did what Link!?" Ivy screamed in Link's scared-looking face, while holding the Valentine Whip close to his neck. Well, anyone would be scared if a mad whip-holding woman in a skimpy dress was yelling in their face.
"I-Ivy, I...I just---"
Ivy grabbed Link by his tunic collar and held him up several inches.
"Yes?" Ivy said in her most dangerous voice. "Where did you send her, Link?"
Link reluctantly pointed down the hallway where Xianghua was last seen.
The Briton threw Link down and paced around the room, while being watched from all of the housemates.
"What are you thinking, Ivy?" Zasalamel asked curiously.
"I'm deciding what to do next. What did you think I was thinking about?"
Zasalamel looked at his boots without saying a word. Ivy continued to pace around the silent room.
After a couple minutes, Ivy eventually stopped pondering.
"Okay, here's the deal." Ivy turned around and faced the crowd. "But first of all, here's---"
A loug ringtone was heard, making everyone in the vicinity jump. Kilik quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone, with Ivy glaring at him dismissively.
"Sorry!" Kilik said hastily. "Hello? Ah yes, hi Victor. You've kind of caught me at a bad time, but don't worry it's---what? It's escaped? Okay..."
He quickly walked out of the room, with everyone looking at him as he left. Ivy rolled her eyes and continued with her conversation.
"Anyways..." Ivy continued, "Here is the information about what truly happened. Ladies and gentleman, thanks to this...this..."
She turned around again and gave Link a dark look.
"This scum juicer...A very valuble member of the Big Brother Zasalamel reality tv show has been lost in the darkness of the abyss..."
"Darkness of the abyss!?" Necrid blurted out loud. "Cut the crap and just get to the point."
"In other words, Xianghua has gotten herself lost in my basement."
No one moved. Instead, everyone burst out into laughter.
"You've got to be kidding me." Maxi commented loudly, while grinning at Raphael.
"None of us could agree with me daughter, laddies!" Cervantes said, tugging on the side of his pirate hat.
"And to think that I dated that blunder head for one month!" Kilik (who had just returned to the group from his phone call) exclaimed loudly. "One month!"
"Excuse me, everyone." Ivy said loudly. "The next person to speak out will---"
"---I mean, seriously!" Yun Seong roared, causing everyone to stop suddenly. "Of course that block head got herself lost! She can't tell the difference between a duck and a pencil!"
Ivy stared at him incredulously.
"Yun Seong, thank you for volunteering." She answered simply.
"But---but for what?" He stammered.
"Link will tell everyone now." Ivy said, glaring at Link, who was still on the floor. "Right, Link?"
"Of course. For the sake of things, right now we're going to have a practice showdown. Okay!"
Link stood up, and quickly took off his hat and dusted it clean.
"I'd like everyone from Team Botox Bunny Busters to go to my right and Team Bumpity Bus Stops to my left." Link proclaimed, gesturing his hands out towards the ballroom.
Within a couple minutes or so, the housemates had all filed to their places.
"Here's the deal. To start I'd like each of the teams to pick a representative from the opposing team. I'll explain what's going on after that."
Both teams then conversed with each other to pick a representative.
The only problem was, however, no one was sure who to pick. Several minutes later, neither teams had agreed on a candidate.
"Okay, everyone!" Link announced. "Has each team picked a rep?"
No one said a word.
"If that's the case, then I'll have to pick." Link told the housemates. "Okay, I'm gonna say something and if you match that trait, then you have to sit down. The two people who are remaining will be sent out along with Yun Seong. Capiche?"
There were murmurs among the group, and Link began.
"If you're Asian, then please sit down."
Maxi, Setsuka, Yoshimitsu, Taki, Mitsurugi, Seong Mi-na, and Talim all sat. Apparently, Xianghua wasn't paying attention and Mitsurugi had to drag her down with him. Yun Seong didn't sit down, since that he was already being forced to hunt Xianghua in Ivy's labyrinth of a basment.
"Hey Maxi," Talim asked curiously. "Since when were you Asian?"
"I'm from India, okay? But how're you Asian?"
"I'm really Filipino. You have anything against us?"
"Hello! One conversation only!" Link scolded. "Moving on, if your favorite movie character is Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean then sit now!"
This whole game went on for a good fifteen minutes or so, until only three people were left; Sophitia, Ivy, and Cassandra.
"And here's the next question," Link began, "If you hate St. Patrick's Day, then---"
"Dammit!" Ivy muttered under her breath as she kneeled on the floor.
"Well, well, well..." Link said, slightly amused. "Once again, the two Greek godesses of the household are back together!"
Cassandra and Sophitia quickly glared at one another; neither one of them were enjoying this moment.
"So, for this round it'll be Cassandra and Yun Seong against Sophitia..."
He stopped suddenly.
"Link?" Ivy asked impatiently. "You still there?"
"Err...so, it's just Sophitia against these---"
"Where'd you get that idea? You'll be joining Sophitia."
"What!? But---"
"Quit your whining, dammit! You're in this till the very end, scum juicer, and you know it!"
"Fine." Link marched over to where Sophitia was standing and faced Ivy once more. "But this isn't the end, Ivy. I'll be back!"
"Link, aren't you gonna explain the rest of the rules?" Mitsurugi asked innocently.
"Right, thanks for reminding me. Anyways, each team has exactly half an hour to find Xianghua and get back into the ballroom. If neither teams can find their way back or Xianghua, then they'll---"
"--have to find their way back on their own." Ivy interrupted rudely.
"What!?"
"You heard me, elf. You're on your own after half an hour. And bear in mind that I have my dogs patrolling the mansion at night to prevent any trouble; they love the color green, too."
Link gritted his teeth and faced in the direction of the hallway.
"Shall we?" he asked Sophitia.
"Of course. Let's show my sister what it means to be at the top!"
"I heard that!" Cassandra complained loudly, facing her partner. "Ready, Yun Seong?"
"If you say so."
Cassandra looked back to where Sophitia and Link were standing. But there was a slight problem.
"Hey! They're gone!"
"Well thanks to you," Yun Seong began, "they've gone on ahead!"
"Dammit quit talking, let's go!"
As Team Cassandra ran off down the dark hallway, no one else moved.
"What's a scum juicer?" Olcadan asked with curiosity. Ivy glared at him, while everyone filed out.
Team Sophitia
(28 minutes left)
Sophitia and Link had taken a separate path from Cassandra and Yun Seong, and right now they were running down a hallway that seemed endless.
"Why...why'd I've have to get me involved in this!?" Link complained angrilly. "I'm the Host!"
"Remember, she could get you fired. I'd obey her if I were you."
A grotesque (yet slightly interesting) image of whips, black leather, handcuffs, and more bondage came into Link's head. He shuddered, not wanting to know the rest.
Link and Sophitia turned a corner and found themselves in a most peculiar room.
"Oh, fck me..." Link moaned.
This room would have looked perfectly normal, however posters of models from Playwithme magazine and cardboard statues everywhere prevented this.
Just as Link thought things were getting interesting, Sophitia dragged him by the ear out of the room and into another hallway.
"Link, we're looking for Xianghua, not looking at Playwithme sluts..."
"What!? But---"
"Just shut up and let's go!"
Team Cassandra
(21 minutes left)
"I can't believe this." Yun Seong complained. "We must have seen most of Ivy's basement, and she still didn't put in a plasma tv and a whole collection of video games!"
Cassandra and Yun Seong weren't having much luck, either. But instead of finding a room with Playwithme Playmates, they were in a room that only included one object. A giant refrigerator.
"Hey, let's open it!" Yun Seong said loudly.
"I don't know..." And of course, Yun Seong disobeyed her and ran to the fridge. He opened it, and found a large potato gun.
"I wonder what Ivy uses this for." Yun Seong picked up the gun and held it up. "What does she do, make dinner with this?"
"Well, if she were feeding a giant, then yeah."
Cassandra walked to the end of the room.
"Let's bring that. Any chance of being able to hit Sophitia with that would make my day."
Team Sophitia
(17 minutes left)
"Want a carrot, Sophitita?"
"What!?"
Link and Sophitia had stumbled on yet another room with food. This time, it was filled with barrels upon barrels of carrots. Things just got more weird as the two trekked on through Ivy's basement.
Once again, Sophitia pulled Link out of the room and entered another hallway.
"Seriously, Sophie, what's with you these days?" Link asked while trying to keep up with Sophitia's pace.
Sophitia opened her mouth to speak, but didn't get to say a word. They had just found Xianghua.
Xianghua was standing in the middle of the room, while looking into a giant cage. The cage didn't have to be giant, because there was a small white rabbit inside
"Xianghua, there you are!" Link exclaimed loudly. "Where have you been this whole time?"
"Well, since that I couldn't get any ice cream, I've found myself a new pet. His name is the Evil Bunny Rabbit of Doom."
Sophitia and Link stared at her blankly.
"He doesn't look that evil..." Answered Sophitia, slightly amused.
"It says so on his collar." Xianghua pointed to the EBRD's collar, and sure enough her claim was true.
"But Ivy told me once that he's perfectly harmless."
Just as Sophitia stepped over to where Xianghua was, something she didn't expect happened.
As she moved, a loud and deafening scream rang throughout the mansion.
Team Cassandra
(Ten minutes before...)
Much to Cassandra's sheer amazement, she had actually found Xianghua minutes before her sister did. Yun Seong didn't care one way or another. All he wanted to do was get out of Ivy's basement.
But from Cassandra's perspective, just getting Xianghua back to the ballroom would be too easy. Wouldn't it be so much fun if she could set a trap for Sophitia when she and Link came?
"Okay Xianghua, just stand by the cage. Yun Seong and I will take care of the rest."
Not being the sharpest knife out there, Xianghua obeyed Cassandra. Both Yun Seong and Cassandra took their places behind a large statue and waited.
Ten minutes later...
Sophitia had been through a lot of interesting experiences in her life. One of those events would include getting thrown by Cassandra into a bread oven and her husband having to fetch her out. Another involved accidentally getting hit by the Greek God Zeus' thunderbolt and Cassandra laughing her head off about the whole thing. It seemed that most of Sophitia's problems revolved around her younger sister.
What had just taken place also seemed to involve Cassandra, too.
But Sophitia wasn't the only one who screamed. In fact, at the exact moment Sophitia cried out so did Link, Xianghua, Cassandra, and Yun Seong.
"What...what the hell just happened!?" Link cried out after screaming bloody murder.
"That nutshell named Yun Seong just hit you with a potato gun..." Sophitia answered, while gritting her teeth. "Cassandra, why'd you scream?"
"Because Yun Seong missed! But I don't know why he screamed---"
"It's because you were about to hit me!" Yun Seong answered distainfully.
"And I screamed because I almost got hit..." Sophitia told. "But why'd Xianghua scream?"
Everyone immediately looked at her.
"I screamed because the Evil Bunny Rabbit of Doom escaped." The EBRD was on the floor, and looking up at everyone.
At least, it was looking up at everyone. Right at that moment it was latched onto Yun Seong's leg, growling loudly.
"Hey, uh, Xianghua...I thought you told Sophitia earlier that this thing was harmless..."
"Did I say that?" Xianghua answered blankly. "Oh, right. It's opposite day today!"
No one moved. Well, except for Yun Seong who was trying to get away from the ERBD.
"Run!" Link cried out, snatching the potato gun from Yun Seong's hands and dragging Xianghua behind him.
"Oh no you don't!" Cassandra grabbed Xianghua from him and sped out of the room with Yun Seong.
But neither teams had really left the other behind.
Ivy had made sure of that. And at the wrong moment, too.
Link had thought she was a demon of some sort and used the potato gun on her.
"LIIIIIINK!!!"
A/N: For some reason I had trouble writing this chapter. When I was about halfway through, I didn't feel writing about Xianghua getting lost in the abyss of Ivy's basement was a good idea. But I managed to pull through (writing Ch5 before Ch4 helped) and finished. Well, I didn't really describe the search scenes in great detail, due to finger cramps and wanting to finish and move on.
-Abzan342
Note: I'm actually really bad at action scenes, so don't expect any more to come later on)