Settled In?
Disclaimer: If I owned the SC series, I wouldn't be typing stuff up. I'd create a show with all the characters on reality tv, just like BBZ. But that's just me.
Note: In this episode and future ones to come, characters will be 'interviewed' in the 'interview room,' just like other reality shows, fake or what not.
Example:
Cassandra: You know, I've always compared Sophitia to a psychaiatrist; she tries to help out with people's issues, even though no one knows what the hell she's talking about.
(She doesn't actually say that quote, but whatever).
-Abzan342
"And what do you promise to the Grand Duchess of the Marvelous and Kinky Valentine Mansion?---hey, answer me!" Ivy yelled to the bored group of housemates, stomping her boot against the hardwood floor. She was in a dangerous fit; everything that she hoped would not take place happened. For example, the whole idea of a group of idiots nearly wrecking her basement really ticked her off.
Ivy had been lecturing the group for over an hour about 'The Politics of NOT Wrecking One's Large Mansion' in her office. While lecturing everyone, she was keeping the Evil Bunny Rabbit of Doom company. She must have been the only deity in the universe who could handle the EBRD without trouble.
But at the same time, she had failed to realize that no one in the room except her had the faintest idea of what she was talking about.
"We promise we'll never ever go down into the basement and play with the dangerous weapons and kinky objects again..." Link, Xianghua, Sophitia, Cassandra, and Yun Seong recited all at once.
"Very good, children. Anything else you want to tell to your teacher?"
No one said anything.
"Speak up, dammit!"
"And whenever we do something bad again to your house we will address you by the Grand Duchess of the Marvelous and Kinky Valentine Mansion." Everyone answered monotonously, except for Xianghua. She was staring at Ivy blankly, with drool starting to come out of her mouth. Cassandra kicked her lightly, which caused Xianghua to stand up suddenly. But no one in the room expected Xianghua to scream bloody murder.
"AHH! My pineapple sundae's been stolen by the Evil Bunny Rabbit of Doom!!!"
Everyone in the room stared at Xianghua, speechless. Ivy cleared her throat loudly and continued on.
"I can not understand why a block head such as yourself wouldn care." Ivy answered cooly, standing up out of her seat and moving to the door. "All of you are dismissed."
Xianghua: I guess I am a block head. After all, I do love to make stuff with building blocks and knock them down with my head. They're the same things, right?
Just as Link and Cassandra stood up, Ivy spoke again.
"Keep in mind that any further violations of the rules will result in..." Ivy started, looking at Sophitia and Cassandra. "...Let's say, the loss of one's captaincy."
The two sisters glanced at each other briefly, still remembering their rivalries with one another. Both girls absolutely savored the idea of getting the other kicked out for good.
"And Link, I haven't forgotten about youKeep in mind that I have all the phone numbers of the producers and the editor of this show. One phone call could get you fired."
Link grimaced slightly, while Yun Seong grinned behind Ivy's back.
"I've kept you lot for too long. Get out, all of you! Curfew is in half an hour."
Ivy wedged everyone outside the office, and slammed the double doors behind her.
"How the hell does she have the phone numbers of all of Big Brother Zasalamel's producers!? And editor?" Link asked angrily, walking with Sophitia ahead of the three others.
"Well, duh. She sleeps with them." Sophitia answered in a typical 'know-it-all' voice.
"But the editor's female, she can't sleep with her."
"Fine, everyone except the editor."
It took at least ten minutes to get from Ivy's office to the grand staircase that led to the dormitories. All Link wanted to do was watch tv for several hours and sleep; he wasn't in the best mood for having a conversation with Sophitia.
"Well, at least the only thing I have to worry about is getting kicked out of here." Yun Seong mocked loudly behind Link and Sophitia. "But if it weren't for a certain Asian dipshit none of us would be in Ivy's office!"
"Hey, quick the backtalk!" Cassandra scolded. "Ivy can get you arrested, remember?"
"Why, 'cause she sleeps with all the Scotland Yard's officers?"
"What else?" Cassandra answered dismissively. "Just keep your mouth shut."
"I am so sorry, Captain." Yun Seong answered sarcastically. "But you have to admit, all Asian people these days are idiots, right?"
"Wake up and smell the fried gyros. You're Asian too, remember?" Cassandra sped up her pace a little bit, but Yun Seong caught up with her.
"Since when? I've trained in the Middle East with what's-her-face for most of my life!"
"Miss 'what's-her-face' is Seong-Mina," Cassandra answered darkly. "And you're also Korean!"
"But at least I'm not an elf, unlike some people around here."
"Watch it, bucko." Link answered angrily, turning his head around as he kept walking. "Today you've messed with the wrong people, and you're only making those around you angrier!"
"Oh look, Elphie's getting pissed!" Yun Seong mocked, circling around Link as he paced down the hall.
"For your information, Elphie's the nickname of the main character in Wicked---and she's not even an elf!"
Everyone looked at him, their mouths somewhat open.
"You know, the Broadway play?"
"What's Broadway?" Sophitia asked curiously.
"The editor told me about it, but I still don't know much." Link answered, walking on.
For a good several minutes no one said anything. That is, if you ignored the high pitched squeals of Xianghua admiring the paintings in the dimly lit hallway.
Yun Seong decided to break the silence early.
"But you gotta admit, though. Asians are really---"
Cassandra whipped around and looked at Yun Seong dangerously. Sophitia and Link stopped walking, and even Xianghua paused to see what the commotion was all about.
"Just...just shut up, okay!?" Cassandra answered coldly, and trying not to kill Yun Seong with her bare hands. "If only you could take your mouth off of autopilot..."
"Why is everyone yelling at each other?" Xianghua asked stupidly.
"It involves an idiot named Yun Seong..." Cassandra began, trying not to laugh at the glaring Korean behind her. "Who happens to be racist about Asians, even though he is one."
"Y-you'll take that back!" Yun Seong answered with malice. "Someday, I swear it!" They had reached the Grand Staircase, and without warning Yun Seong ran in the direction of the West dormitory.
Cassandra sighed, and walked in the direction of her room along with Xianghua.
"Hey, what was the middle part again?" Xianghua asked.
Cassandra: Probably the only sane thing I've known is my cat, even though he was flattened by a pita bread cart back in Athens. Come to think of it, I've never known any humans who are mentally stable. At this rate, our society will be taken over by aliens and they'll use our brains to fuel their spaceships...something like that.
Cassandra entered the Bumpity Bus Stops' common room, looking around. Zasalamel was playing a game on his PXP, Siegfried was sitting the couch while Maxi braided his long hair, Raphael could be seen lounging on the red carpet, Xianghua was poking at a very annoyed Setsuka, Seong-Mina was staring off into space, and Talim and Yun Seong were playing cards.
It wasn't until Cassandra took another step in when everyone noticed her.
"We all missed you, Cassandra." Raphael told her, kneeling on the plush rug by the fireplace. "You look awfully tired. Relax and join me on the carpet."
He patted down on the spot next to him, but Cassandra ignored Raphael because of Setsuka's sardonic grin at her.
"Was Ivy's office fun?" Setsuka asked sarcastically. "Did the Grand Duchess of the Marvelous and Kinky Valentine Mansion give you any trouble?"
"Hey, how'd you hear about that?"
"Xianghua told her earlier." Talim answered simply, while Kilik nodded. Cassandra turned around and received a lop-sided grin from the Chinese sword fighter.
"I'm sure Ivy gave you a hard time; you deserved it." Setsuka told coldly, walking out of the room. Xianghua tried to follow her, but Setsuka slammed the door in her face.
Raphael walked over to Cassandra and put a hand on her shoulder.
"She doesn't mean it, okay? Setsuka's always been bitchy." said Raphael, massaging Cassandra's shoulder slightly.
"The last time anyone touched my shoulder, their head was found on a pike and the rest of their body parts were fed to rabid squirrels...on crack!" Cassandra retorted, taking Raphael's hand off her.
"Now if you'll excuse me," Cassandra finished, not looking behind her, "I'm going to my room early before curfew."
Raphael: What on earth did I say? I mean, we don't know each other that well, but I had to do something! Besides, she has such nice shoulders. Hey, you'd touch her too if you were me!
"And that's when he says, 'But at least I'm not an elf, unlike some people around here.'" I mean, Yun Seong's so racist about other people, but when it comes to Asians it's a whole other story.
For most of the evening Team Botox Bunny Busters was poking fun at the opposing team, with the humor mainly on Xianghua and Yun Seong.
"What happened next?" Tira asked while leaning against the fireplace.
"Well, Link got real pissed at Yun Seong, who then dubbed Link as 'Elphie' the elf!"
After several more bouts of laughter, the room calmed down slightly.
"We should definitely call Link that from now on." said Taki, sprawled on the floor after Sophitia's hysterical comments. "That'll really tick him off."
"Ye got that right, matey!" Cervantes answered, sitting on the couch and fiddling with his peg leg.
Before continuing, Sophitia paced around the room while being watched by her fellow housemates.
"Someone told me earlier that whenever you see an Asian person anywhere, you can assume that they're pretty bright." Sophitia told everyone who was listening. "But when it comes to Xianghua and Yun Seong, they're a disgrace to our civilization."
Just as the grandfather clock stuck nine, Ivy abruptly entered the room.
"Okay, people! You heard the clock, your curfew just ended! Everyone needs to be in their rooms in ten minutes!"
Not wanting anything unfortunate to happen, people stood up and began to walk out of the room.
"You have to admit, though," Sophitia began, "That Yun Seong is just as idiotic as Xianghua! How many Asian people out there are racist about their own kind?"
"For a second there, I thought you were just talking about racist Asians." Interrupted Yun Seong. Everyone in the common room stared at him as if he was some sort of alien on drugs.
"What are you doing here?" Mitsurugi questioned, standing up along with some other people.
"Well, it is curfew, and Tira and I are roommates."
"Meaning what, exactly?" Rock asked, beginning to advance on Yun Seong.
"We sleep in the same room, of course."
"But you're part of Team Bumpity Bus Stops! And you're in hostile territory!" said Ivy.
"Link told me earlier that I'd be residing in the East Dorm, and I can only come here to be in my room."
"Then why are you in our common room?" Necrid answered, followed by mutterings around him.
"Grrrrrrr..." Voldo grrrr-ed.
Yun Seong quickly stepped out, almost hitting his head on the door frame.
"Right...I forgot, sorry."
The others glared at him suspiciously, but continued to file out towards their rooms.
Setsuka never liked Xianghua, but after she found out she had the poking disease she'd thought of quitting. But with the Chinese airhead as her roommate, things changed fast.
"Mmm..." Setsuka moaned lustfully. "Yes, that's the spirit. Do it a little harder, now."
"Yes, master." Xianghua obeyed, pushing a little faster.
"Damn, you're not bad as my roommate. Do this every night for me...before bedtime, okay?"
"I'm at your service, master."
As said earlier, things could change without warning.
"Hey!" Kilik shouted from outside the door. "Whatever you're doing, shut up in there!"
"Just a minute, Kilik." Setsuka moaned, annoyed. "Do it faster now...Yes, yes! Ah, ah, ah, ah---"
"What the hell is going on!?" Kilik burst into their room, pretty sure he knew what was going on between Xianghua and Setsuka. He was wrong.
Setsuka was lying face down on the bed, with Xianghua next to her. Xianghua's finger on her back, and was staring up at Kilik, motionless.
"What did you think was going on!?" Setsuka yelled with malice, getting off the bed. "You disturbed my 'Finger Massage!"
Kilik: I swear to god, with the two of them making too much noise in their room, I thought they were...were...dammit, you know! Geez, whenever I investigate something I think is important it always backfires somehow.
Kilik nervously backed away from Setsuka towards the door
"B-but I thought---"
"Out! OUT!"
While unpacking quietly, Cassandra managed to ignore the loud yelling outside the hall. Talim was busy hanging up a poster on her side of the room.
"What poster is that?" Cassandra asked curiously while putting away several pairs of shoes.
"The movie Weather or Not. Have you seen it?"
"I've never heard of that, actually."
"I didn't think so. Not many people have seen it."
"Why not?" Cassandra turned around to face her roommate properly.
"Well, the movie's only about the weather. Besides, the critics on gave it a 0 out of 100.
"Oh, uh...that's a shame."
Cassandra plopped on her bed, sighing slightly.
"Wanna watch it sometime?"
"I guess..."
"I'm changing the subject now, but wasn't it a blustery day today?"
Cassandra: I've classified everyone I know on certain levels. Right now Talim's borderline between the lowest levels, 'Mental Psychopath' and 'Fresh off the Funny Farm.' So far the only real ones from the Funny Farm around here are Sophitia and Xianghua, but that's off topic.
"Die mother fcker, just die mother fcker, we're all gonna die mother fcker...Oh, yeah just die---"
"Hey!" Tira yelled, grabbing her roommate Yun Seong by the shoulder.
"What?" He took off his headphones, even though the music was still playing.
"Could you just turn that crap off?! Even for one second?"
"Make me."
Yun Seong: Tira obviously doesn't realize the pleasure of listening to 'Die, Die, Die.' Man, Skullfck a Fish can sure write some awesome lyrics, no matter how depressing they are. Some roommate she's gonna be.
Things weren't going well for Voldo and Ivy, either.
"Here is the ground rule." She had made a duct tape border between her bed and Voldo's.
She cut the tape at the end and added, "Cross this line and you'll be drinking through a straw."
"Grrrrrrr..."
Ivy: If I didn't make up that rule, who knows what he'd do!
"Hey, what's that?" Ivy asked, pointing at something that was sticking out of Voldo's suitcase. "Wait a minute, isn't that a Rocabling jack---"
"GRRRRRRRR!"
"Whoa, sorry I even asked."
Ivy walked out of the room quickly, not noticing that Voldo stealthily moved out after she did, taking his 'Rocabling Jacket' along.
"Come on, Tak!" Mitsurugi told his pissed roommate, who had her back turned on the samurai. "We'll get along!"
"As if." Taki answered hotly. "Call me Tak again and I'll---"
"Do what? Kill me? You've failed at that too many times."
She frowned at him distastefully and sat down on her bed. "Just shut up."
"Hey! Turn that frown upside down!" said Mitsurugi, grinning.
Taki gave him the upside down finger.
"Turn this upside down."
"Okay people!" Link announced using a loudspeaker in his room. "It's lights out now! Remember, breakfast is at 8:00 and the first group activity will be at 11:30 in the kitchen! Nighty night, then!"
Link: Yeah, that day was really long. From Sophitia and Cassandra's brawl to Ivy boring me to death, things will get even more interesting tomorrow.
A/N: This chapter where the personalities of some people are being displayed, and I'll continue to exploit more later on.
For pretty much every single chapter I pick five characters (for example Xianghua, Link, Yun Seong, Sophitia, and Cassandra), and they are the main focus points throughought the chapter.
Also, if you're a big fan of Xianghua and Yun Seong, then I must apologize. This is the only real chapter where they're made fun of and criticized.
Then again, that could change... ;)
-Abzan342