SO YOU HAD A BAD DAY...part 6

Chase healed over the course of the next two weeks. He had a few rough nights once he was released from the hospital. Pain was an issue at first, but then he felt back into his pattern of not being able to sleep well. He did sleep a bit better once Danielle got back from England. Because of their schedules they couldn't hook up as often as they might have liked too, but at least two nights a week found Chase at her place. He slept better in her bed after sex.

Cameron hounded Chase for details about Danielle, which he didn't give her. Foreman still seemed amused, or maybe bemused, by their relationship. House, surprisingly, didn't tease him about it. He made one comment about them using each other for sex, which Chase didn't deny, then he let it drop.

To Chase's relief, this thing with Danielle did remain about nothing more but sex and companionship. When she told him she was attending a dinner event with a male collegue from her department, Chase didn't even blink. He had no problems with that, or if she slept with him even. In that once sense, his life was going well. If he could get back to a semi-normal sleeping pattern, it would be better.

But it didn't seem to be in the cards for his life to get better.

During the course of a differential diagnosis, Cuddy entered the conference room. She looked subdued. To the point where even House's snark toned down a bit.

"We're being good, mom," he drawled at her, sarcastically.

"I have some news," Cuddy announced, her glance sweeping the group at large. "Do you remember Andi?"

Cameron looked like she resisted the urge to raise her hand before answering. "The little girl with cancer. Of course we remember her," she replied for all of them.

Cuddy nodded. "She died at four am this morning, at home and surrounded by family and friends."

"That's too bad," Foreman said, his focus then going back to the file in front of them.

"We should send a card or flowers," Cameron piped up.

"Already took care of that," Cuddy replied.

House got up and moved to the whiteboard, writing something down. He didn't make a comment.

Chase studied the others, feeling like he needed to gauge his own reaction. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about this. Andi had been a sweet little girl and he knew that his kissing her had meant more to her than it ever could to him. For himself, Chase felt a lingering sense of guilt. Never shame because he knew the kiss had been totally innocent on his part, but he felt as if he had failed her somehow. Even on that level. He was anything but Prince Charming, and Andi should have had that in her life.

"Dr. Chase?"

It took him a moment to realize Cuddy was calling his name. He shook his head as if it would help clear his thoughts, then looked at her. "Yes?"

Cuddy studied him a moment, looking uncertain about something, then she was gesturing. "Could you come to my office for a moment?"

He didn't get a chance to reply.

House interjected. "He's busy right now. Working. He'll stop by for his booty call later."

"Dr. Chase." Cuddy was adamant, her tone firm as she glared at House.

So he got up and followed her down to the elevator. They didn't speak as they rode them down. Then they were in her office and Chase had to fight the urge to fidget. He felt as if he'd been called to the principal's office or something, only he couldn't think of anything he'd done wrong. At least, not lately.

Cuddy moved to her desk, shooting a glance at him over her shoulder. "Have a seat," she invited.

"I'll stand," Chase replied. Sitting made him feel too vulnerable. Besides which, while standing it was easier to bolt. Right now he felt like turning tail and running, and he didn't even know why.

"This is for you," Cuddy said, holding out a white envelope as she moved to his side. "It's a letter from Andi. Her mother dropped it off a week ago and she asked that I give it to you after Andi passed away."

Chase stared at the envelope, not touching it. He didn't want it. "What is it?" he asked.

Cuddy shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't read it. It's for you, not me."

He could see his name, printed in big letters. A young girl's handwriting. "Of course." Hesitantly, he reached out and took it, almost afraid it might burn him or something. Which was ridiculous, but he couldn't shake the feeling.

"You can use my office to read it," Cuddy offered. "I have a meeting to attend." And with that she slipped by Chase and was gone.

He heard her close the door and he wanted to go as well. He didn't want the letter. He started to stuff it in his pocket, but then he pulled it out and smoothed the crinkles. It was a just a letter from a dead little girl. It couldn't hurt him.

Moving to sit on the arm of the couch against the wall, Chase tore open the envelope. He pulled out a folded piece of paper and saw that there were two photos inside it. Two 4 x 6 snapshots of Andi. One was of her standing in front of a butterfly display, smiling. The other a picture of her at Disney World, standing with a character who looked like a story book prince. She looked thinner than he remembered, but still happy. She knew how to live her life, as brief as it had been. Chase envied her that.

Tucking the photos back in the envelope, he studied the letter. It was short and to the point.

Dear, Dr. Chase,

Thanks for everthing. Butterflies and my first...and only...kiss.

Don't forget me.

Love, Andi.

Refolding the letter, Chase realized his hand was shaking a bit. He stuffed it into the envelope and folded it carefully then put it in his lab coat pocket. He didn't want to think about Andi being buried in the cold ground. He didn't want to think about her life over. So he would go back to his job and focus on the living. He didn't want to grieve for the dead.

OoO

It was late when Chase was able to pull on his coat and grab his bag to go home. He dreaded going there. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts, so he was thinking about going to see a movie.

Turning, he froze to see House standing there, watching him. He hadn't heard his boss enter the room and he had no idea how long he'd been watching him. "Did you want something?" Chase asked, his tone more clipped than it needed to be. But he felt wound up and angry for reasons he couldn't explain.

"Cuddy told me there's going to be a service for Andi at St. Anthony's church at ten am tomorrow," House replied.

"So?" But even as he asked, Chase knew why House was telling him that. He also knew that he would be there and that he would hate every minute of it.

House shrugged in reply, limping closer, one hand digging into his blazer pocket. He set a pill bottle on the table in front of Chase.

He didn't need to look inside to know what it contained. Sleeping pills. Chase didn't look at House as he scooped up the bottle and tucked it in his pocket. He was too grateful and felt far too needy to reveal himself to House. Nor did he want to see even a sliver of disappointment in the other man's eyes. So he did nothing more than slip past House on his way to the door.

As he stepped into the Elevator, Chase felt weak with relief that House had let him go. He leaned against the wall as the elevator descended, one hand in his pocket, clutching the pills. They brought him more comfort than prayer ever could.

OoO

The service was typical. Chase had been to more of them than he cared to remember. He didn't know a single person there. He was actually surprised that Cameron hadn't come, or maybe not. None of them were big on follow up with their patients. Once they were either cured or died, it was better to let them go. He hoped that being here would allow him to let go of Andi. She hadn't haunted him once he had let himself stop feeling guilty about the kiss. But last night, even in drugged slumber, she had haunted his dreams.

Whispering along with the prayers of the service, Chase was intensely aware of the acrid scent of burning candles, and the sound of soft weeping echoing around him. He found himself whispering a prayer for his father, wondering if God would accept it as a fitting goodbye to the man. Chase hadn't gone home after his father's death. He hadn't found out in time to be there for the funeral or any of the services before it. Not that he had wanted to go. He had closed the door on his father a long time ago, and his father had pretty much closed the door between them since the day Chase had been born.

But he didn't want to think about that now. He wanted the dead to stay buried.

When the service ended, Chase sat where he was for a time. He was in the last pew, off in the corner, watching people hug or whisper to each other, or stream out the doors. He needed a moment to compose himself before heading back to work. He didn't want Cameron to see anything but neutrality on his face, because he knew she would be the one looking for it. But he could feel grief brushing against his skin, weighing him down. He wished he could simply shake it off him, but it was never that easy.

"Dr. Chase?"

He jolted in his seat, even though the voice calling his name was whisper soft. Looking up, he recognized Andi's mother. He stood up and cleared his throat, ready to offer his condolences.

She didn't give him a chance. She was in his space, hugging him tight, her face pressed to his neck for a long moment. He managed to pat her on the back, awkwardly, wildly trying to figure out how to break apart when she was moving away from him. Panic fluttered inside him still, but he didn't let it show. He managed a mangled smile.

"Sorry for your loss," he whispered.

"Thank you," she replied, her voice husky with unshed tears. "And thank you for coming. I was hoping you would. I wanted to thank you for everything you did for Andi. That money you gave us so I could take her to Disney World...it was so generous of you. I wish there was something more I could do than just stupid words."

Chase stared at her in disbelief. She wasn't supposed to know he was the one who donated the money for the trip. "How...how did you?" He couldn't finish asking.

She looked almost guilty. "It was Father Jarrett who told me. He felt you would forgive him for telling me the truth. I was reluctant to accept the gift without knowing who it came from. When he told me it was from you...well...I just felt better knowing."

"I see," Chase replied, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. He supposed it didn't really matter that she knew. And he supposed, he wasn't all that surprised that Father Jarrett had told her. Everybody lies anyway. Even priests. Chase had learned that lesson at Seminary. "I have to go back to work," he said, feeling a bit panicked again. She was staring at him with such gratitude and sadness in her eyes that Chase felt overwhelmed by it. He didn't know how to comfort her. Nor did he want too. It wasn't his place.

"Wait...just one more thing," she pleaded.

So he nodded, because he could give her that without it costing too much.

She dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief that was wadded in her hand, then she blurted out," Andi told me about the kiss."

A sledge hammer to his gut would have winded Chase less. He didn't know how to respond to that, and he wasn't sure he could suck in enough air to say it anyway. He had to force himself not to push past her and run out the door. Instead he shook his head.

She touched his arm. "Every girl dreams about a kiss from Prince Charming, Dr. Chase. You gave her that and it was a beautiful memory that she cherished till the day she died."

"It was a stupid thing for me to do," he protested, surprising himself for admitting that to her.

"It was a sweet thing to give a dying girl," she replied. "Andi wasn't like other ten year olds. She was a wise and old soul and she took care of me as much as I took care of her. She knew what she was asking and you cared enough to give it to her. She told me how uncomfortable you were about it. That bothered her a bit. I think it was guilt that made her tell me about it in the first place. But she didn't have any regrets and neither do I. And neither should you."

She might have said more but something touched her shoulder and she turned and fell into their arms.

Chase was glad for the chance to escape. He made it to his car and sat there for a long time, relieving the kiss and remembering the way Andi had looked. So young and fragile and vulnerable as she lay there on the table. He had wondered about his reason for kissing her for a long time, finally just telling himself to let it go. Now maybe he could do that.

Maybe he could let go of his disappointment in his father too.

Maybe donkey's could fly.

Laughter bubbled out of Chase, but he swallowed it down as he started the engine and drove to work. When he entered the diagnostics office he found Foreman sitting at the table, reading a file.

"Patient?" Chase asked, as he moved to the coffee machine. He felt like he needed about a gallon of the stuff.

"Eight year old boy with chest pains and an unexplained rash on his groin," Foreman replied.

Chase nodded, feeling grateful that they had something to do. "Where's Cameron?" he asked, as he brought his mug to the table.

Foreman pushed the file to him. "Getting a better history. How was the service?"

"Sad," Chase replied, because it was the truth and because he knew Foreman would accept it and move on. He started reading the file when his beeper went off.

Clinic Hours.

Chase knew it was House. He got up and dumped his coffee in the sink then headed for the clinic. Happy to be where he wouldn't have time to feel.

OoO

It was after eleven when he got home. He dumped his bag, shrugged off his coat and headed into the kitchen. He poured himself a glass of scotch then set it down on the counter and walked away. He didn't like scotch anyway.

Stripping off his clothes, he climbed into the shower, pretending that the wetness on his face wasn't tears.

THE END...of part 6