Disclaimer: I make no claim to the series, ideas, or characters of Full Metal Panic.

Defining Normalcy

Chapter 4: A Uniting Force

By Adam Lakewood

Who would have thought that a bag of groceries would have been such a burdenous weight after a mile and a half walk back from the grocery store? Jin Lain certainly hadn't.

The time she spent in basic training couldn't have possibly prepared her for this tenacious task she had tremendously underestimated. But, no one could say that she wasn't one to learn from her mistakes; she would definitely drive next time. Sousuke hadn't taught her to drive for no reason after all.

To say she was out of breath would have been an understatement. The air in the hallway of the apartment complex seemed to be a little bit thicker than it should have been. It was times like these she was glad she was in as good of physical shape as she was. At least now the ground was level and had plush carpet covering it instead of all uphill on solid concrete. Now she could breathe a bit easier, and her feet weren't aching so badly. She looked in the bag at a few of the large number of canned goods. She let out a dissatisfied, agitated growl.

The things she went through for that man. She shouldn't have to be doing things like this. He should have to do his own cooking, or at the very least his own grocery shopping. She should stop doing all of this for him and let him do it all his self. After all, he wasn't her child. She shouldn't have to take care of him like she was his mother.

But, at least he was very appreciative. He always ate with a smile whenever he was eating her cooking, and after the meal always came a long line of compliments. It was worth it just to know he was eating right. It wasn't that she was doing these things for him because he couldn't do these things; it was because he wouldn't. He would instead make a meal out of one of those disgusting protein bars.

How could he stand to eat those things? She had tried to eat one once but couldn't stomach it. She had never thought much about it before, but once she tasted one, her mind changed quickly. After that, she could no longer let the poor man torture himself by eating those things.

Besides, after all he had done for her the least she could do would be make sure he was at least eating right.

She smiled at that thought. It made her feel as if she were returning the favor in a small way.

She reached out and knocked on the door. It should have been answered by Sousuke shortly after she knocked, but it wasn't. Her smile quickly faded. She had just spent over an hour picking out the perfect food for him at the grocery store, and now she was here to cook for him and he wasn't even there. To make matters worse, she had even told him she would be coming over. He was supposed to have put a spare key somewhere, but he hadn't got around to doing that just yet.

Jin was about to let out a frustrated growl before she heard quite, hesitant, then hastened footsteps coming up behind her. She didn't have to turn around to know that was Sousuke.

"Here, let me take that; it looks heavy." he said as he lifted the bag from her arms.

"I apologize for being late. It's just that when Reggie starts shopping, he doesn't stop." he explained as he felt around in his pocket for his key.

Jin noticed then the several other large bags he had looped around, over, and under his arms. Most of them were labeled with names of a lot of different clothing companies, some she was familiar with, and some she wasn't.

"I see Reggie went with you to get some clothes. I mean nothing personal by it, but do you know what most people would think if they saw two guys shopping for clothes together?"

"I am aware, but I would not refuse Reggie's company on such a matter. His area of expertise is pop culture after all. Who better to tell me which clothes would best be described as 'normal?'"

Jin smirked at his reply. Funny how he always thought through every aspect of everything before he did anything.

"That's a strange contradiction itself, you know? A Jamaican man in Japan telling a cultural guru what is 'in' this season."

"Yes, I am also aware of that." Sousuke said with a smile.

"But, I do not wish to dress in the strange fashion as most of the other males my age, but I don't want to look like someone's father either. As odd as it may have looked, I have no regrets about having Reggie going with me to the different departments." Sousuke said as he finally managed to get the door open.

"Besides, one should never refuse the help or guidance of a specialist, or at least not in his or her field of specialty."

He walked into his apartment and gently, but quickly, sat the cumbersome bags on the floor. Jin walked in and peered into the bags of clothing. From what they saw, they actually looked... normal. Oddly enough, that was unusual. The paradox was only heightened when she counted six of these large bags full of clothing. She didn't remember him carrying that many out there in the hall... but that wasn't the point.

"Wow, Sousuke! What's the occasion?"

Sousuke actually looked nervous for a moment. He had to look away and busy himself with something before he could speak again. She knew what this meant. He had done this before. He was about to say either something he thought was really strange, something he thought was very embarrassing, or something he thought was very important. Every time he would have an announcement like this, he would always turn away from the person he was talking to, and do something else while he was announcing his statement in attempt to make it seem as if he only considered it to be casual conversation. He would always try to look cool, collected, casual, and discreet as to not show his apprehensiveness. So, in this case, he began juggling a kitchen knife. Yes... very discreet... she would have never guessed there was anything on his mind.

"Well, I... I..." he almost choked on the air and had to clear his throat.

"I was thinking about going to see Kaname tonight."

Jin had to resist the urge to jump for joy. They had been in Tokyo for three weeks, and she was wondering if he were ever going to... make his move. She hadn't been pushy or even talked about it that much. She knew that this was a major step, or at least for Sousuke. She understood a little how he felt. She had never been in this sort of circumstance, but she could still imagine how it must be. He was worried about what she would think of him. He had preached many a night since they got there about how he needed to start living a bit of a normal life if he were going to reintroduce himself back into her life. She couldn't much make sense of his way of thinking, but she supported him none the less. At least his intentions were... honorable, for lack of a better word. She felt sometimes as if her best friend was the reincarnation of an ancient samurai.

"Sousuke, that's great!" she a little bit more excitedly than she had meant to.

"I mean, I'm glad you've finally... it's good that you're... Congratulations on your decision." said the redundant voice.

She would stop at that.

Sousuke smiled a little bit. He had a good idea as to what she wanted to say. Jin looked at the ground again, unsure as to how to start the conversation back up without sounding too pushy or nosey.

"So... um... when are you going to see her? In the morning?"

"No. I think I'll go tonight."

"Oh! Well, that's... I see. That's great. When are you going?"

"I guess I'll go after dinner. I need a little time to gather up my willpower anyway. I also need to... work on my letter." he said, all but whispering those last few words.

"A letter?!" Jin said, quickly clapping her hand to her mouth.

That came out sounding a bit more surprised than it should have. It almost sounded discouraging. True, she had a... lack of faith... in Sousuke's ability to express himself through words, or at least in this situation, but she would have never tried to discourage him from something like this. Her heart almost stopped when he turned a confused, concerned... almost frightened look toward her.

"W... What's wrong with a letter?" he asked almost as if his life were on the line.

She needed to quickly support the structure before it fell in on itself. She knew she had to be careful with what she said to him since they left out that night three weeks ago, but it seemed as if she had actually let it slip this once.

"No, Sousuke! I... I didn't mean there was anything wrong with writing a letter. It's just that... uh... I didn't know anything about you writing a letter before." she said with a nervous laugh as she scratched the back of her head.

Sousuke narrowed his eyes.

"Do you doubt my ability to write a letter?" he asked gravely.

The way he said that and the way he looked at her sent a chill up her spine. She felt even more uneasy under his suspicious eye since he was still twirling the knife around in a very professional, highly trained manner. Not that she actually feared his turning the filleting instrument on her in a sudden serial bloodlust. She opened her mouth to reply in denial, but his look and tone suddenly changed.

"I do. I've never done anything like this before. I don't know how to express my feelings to myself, little along someone else. I just feel like... I don't know... sometimes I..."

Jin frowned a little at his comment. Sousuke never doubted himself about anything. He was probably the most confident man she had ever met before, and for him to admit that he was good at something... especially something so important to him...

She walked over to the table he was sitting at which had a pen and a piece of paper on it which she assumed was the letter. She kneeled down beside him.

"Well, if you don't think you've done a very good job at it, why don't you read it to me? I might be able to make a suggestion of two."

"No, I'm sure you don't want to hear what I have to say to..."

"Don't be silly! Of course I do. You admitted you were having trouble writing it; what kind of friend would I be if I didn't try to help you out?"

Sousuke looked contemplative for a moment.

"Yes. You are right. You are much more adept at such things than I. Truly, you will be able to assist me. But, I'm warning you: I haven't had any practice doing anything like this, so don't laugh."

"Of course not, Sousuke."

"All right, then." he said as he picked the piece of paper up off the table and cleared is throat.

Kaname,

I'm glad I've finally got to see you again. I am staying in Tokyo now, and I am attempting to lead a normal life, just like those you described to me before. I've been doing well, with the exception of being home sick. I hope you have also been doing well. From what I've heard, you've been doing quite well. I keep up on your condition, even though I have not been able to make contact with you. Many things have changed recently. As I mentioned, I am now living in Tokyo. That is a major change from living aboard a submarine. I have sustained a certain degree of normalcy, and surprisingly, I am starting to actually like it. I have also made a new friend who has come with me to Tokyo. Her name is Jin, and I would really like for the two of you to meet. She is a really nice girl, and I believe you would really enjoy her company. Also, I am still a part of Mithril, but I will not have to fear ever being pulled away by them like I was before. I would like nothing more than to blame them entirely for having to leave you the way I did, but that would be unfair.

I do not blame you if you hate me for not contacting you in one way or the other. I mention you every time in my prayers, but I doubt prayers can be heard by others. I may not have been in contact, but I do not want you to think that I day has passed in which I have not thought about you. I fear I may be sick, for I cannot get you out of my mind. I cannot listen to the wind without hearing your voice, and I cannot look at the stars without seeing your face and your sparkling eyes. Things have only been worse here for the past three weeks since I arrived at Tokyo. There is not a single spot here that does not hold a sweet memory for me.

Never once have I forgotten about you, and even though all the pain it has caused me, I would not have it any other way. I know it is selfish of me to wish the same pain upon you, but I would like nothing more than to know that it has been just as hard for you as it has me. I do not know if that makes me a bad person or not. I do know that I am not the same person without you. I have changed so much, and it scares me to think that a single person could have changed me so much. I believe, no, I know we had something special. I like to think of it as a bond, a special bond which makes us...

Jin was speechless. She wanted to say something, but the words could not come easy. The words may not have been the most romantic thing she had ever heard before, but... the way he said those words. Each of those words, coming from him, said a thousand more. It was overwhelming. She never would have guessed that Sousuke would be capable of something like that. His words were old-fashioned, some almost Shakespearian, which only gave support to her theory that he had the personality of a noble samurai.

"Sousuke... that was beautiful. The way you said those words were just... wow." she said as she looked out the window.

When she turned back around, she realized that he once again had his nose stuck in that blasted dictionary. Talk about a way to spoil the mood.

"Sousuke, what are you doing, now?" she said almost agitatedly.

"I have to be sure of my words. I have to make sure they are used correctly."

"Sousuke, when you are writing a letter, especially a letter like this, a word doesn't have to make perfect sense as long as it gets your ideas across."

"That doesn't make sense." he simply stated.

Jin let out a growl of frustration.

"Sousuke, you're hopeless." she said as she got up and headed for the kitchen to begin preparing dinner.

"Maybe so, but at least I'll be correct."

"Sousuke, I think the words sound good the way they are."

"Yeah, maybe so. I especially like that 'bond' word. It reads, Bond: a uniting force or tie."

"Sousuke, like I said, you shouldn't worry about the exact meaning of a word as long as it makes sense to you."

Sousuke looked over his letter once more. She was right. It did sound artificial. Something from the heart should have just flown out smoothly on the paper, not require hours of pondering the meaning of words and their correct use.

He let out an angered growl as he wadded the paper up the sunk it into the garbage can.

"Screw it. I'll just tell her the words myself."

"I think that would be a good idea too." Jin admitted from her safe haven in the kitchen.

Sousuke got up from his position on the floor, dusted the nonexistent dust off of his pants and began his way towards his bedroom with the several bags of clothes in hand.

"I'm going to start getting ready. Call for me when dinner is ready."

Sousuke smiled all the way to his room, a new found determination displayed across his face. Maybe he had a right to be anxious, but that never helped anything. Besides, he shouldn't be too worried. He was Sousuke Sagara. Sousuke Sagara had a solid determination and an unbreakable will. Whatever Sousuke Sagara wanted in the past, Sousuke Sagara got.

Tonight, he wanted Kaname Chidori.

And, tonight, there would be no one to keep her from him.

TO BE CONTINUED