Disclaimer: I make no claim to the series, ideas, or characters of Full Metal Panic.

Defining Normalcy

Chapter 7: Appealing to Emotion

By Adam Lakewood

Kaname looked around the room, if it could really be called that. It looked more like a large storage closet. They sat at a small, messy table in the middle of the room, and they were surrounded on all sides by boxes stacked up to the ceiling. True, Kalinin's storage room may not have been the most preferable place to have their conversation, but at least it was dry.

She brought her focus back to Sousuke. In an attempt to not seem to be desperate, she would try to focus on something else for a short length of time, but a few seconds she did not spend looking at him felt like a few hours. She gave him the look over for the second time, or maybe the thousandth time; who was keeping count? She hadn't seen him in almost two years, she had a right too look at him. She had to look at him to take note of how much he had changed, not that staring at him was a complete hassle; she just had to make sure occasionally her tongue was still in her mouth.

Two years can seem like an eternity, but comparatively, it is a rather short time. But, Sousuke had changed so much; she would have thought she hadn't seen him in ten years. He was rather handsome boy in his own way two years ago, but now, he was... a man. Possibly in mind as well as body from what she had heard him speak. But, standing out to her most now was how much he had changed physically. He didn't even look like the same person. Standing outside, she had to look him over twice before she recognized it was him. He was a giant compared to what he was when she last saw him. She had heard of growth spurts, but... sheesh! His shoulders had broadened out a bit more, and his muscles were now chiseled more than they were before. His hair was still brown, but it was no longer a mess like it always had been before. Now, it was so long he had to keep it back in a ponytail, and still it came down past the base of his neck. He did still have that same tan complexion, same eyes, and the same scar she had known him to have. Surprising enough, he had facial hair. He had a neatly kept goatee and a thin mustache. She never would have imagined Sousuke having facial hair.

And, the way he spoke sounded so much different. He no longer sounded as naïve as he once did, and he actually spoke a bit more... normal. If she didn't know better, she would have sworn before a judge that he was not Sousuke Sagara. The Sousuke she remembered couldn't have more than a three word conversation before going off into something military. She was sitting here talking with him as if he were actually a normal person. He had definitely changed a lot.

Even the sound of his voice had changed, but thankfully, there was still that thing about it. The thing that she loved to here in his voice. In the past, no matter how much military stuff he was going into, she still loved to hear his voice because of something which she couldn't label. She decided 'that thing' was a good enough label. Yes, thankfully it was still there.

But, there was something new to his voice. Something which chilled her to the bone every time he spoke. There was nothing unusual about it, but for some reason his voice sounded different.

When he spoke, he sounded like he knew everything, and his eyes gave away the same hint. As if there was no bit of wisdom, new or old in this world, that he didn't have insight to. The strange thing was, he didn't speak much. Granted, he spoke a lot more than he used to, but that still wasn't a lot.

And, his eyes... His eyes looked as if they could, or have seen everything.

Oddly, this should have brought a feeling of unease to her, but she felt more comfortable now than she ever had before. Comfortable, sitting on a concrete floor surrounded by boxes and the voices of customers of the music store being heard through the thin wall.

So far, their discussion had gone well. Kaname had to admit, she was annoyed that Sousuke had suddenly disappeared on her without a word and now, almost two years later, reappear like a missing shoe in the closet. But, at the same time, she was thrilled to see him; she just couldn't let him know that. Make him sweat a little while.

But, their conversation hadn't gotten any further than the weather and a few current events and discussion of a new restaurant; now, everything was silent except for the sound of the rain on the roof. She could tell Sousuke was not trying to delay their real discussion, but he certainly wasn't in any hurry to approach the topic.

Kaname cleared her throat and casually started the conversation again. It was obvious he was having a hard time talking about the things that needed to be talked about, so she figured she would put the first foot down. If Sousuke hadn't gone through a complete change, that would get him talking quicker than just waiting around for him to start. Sousuke always did prefer answering questions to asking them.

"So, Sousuke.... You say you've been in Tokyo. How long exactly?"

She could have sworn she saw a fleeting sign of panic go across his face. He sat down his cup of tea and let out a sigh.

"Three weeks tomorrow."

He had been here for three weeks? He had dared to keep her waiting for three weeks more than he had too? Needless to say, that answer didn't settle over too well with her. But, miraculously, she managed to keep her cool. He had changed a lot after all; maybe he had a good reason.

"I see... three weeks." she stated as she smirked slightly.

She looked up at him in time to see him gulp, though the sound was purposefully silenced.

"So, why didn't you come see me, or call me, or something before now, like... I don't know... when you got back." she said with venom in those last words.

Sousuke knew that now he was stepping on egg shells. No, forget that metaphor... broken glass... barefooted.

He quickly ran through all of the reasons he could think of and finally settled on the one which made the most sense.

"I... I don't know, Kaname."

Now her patience was wearing thin.

"You don't know?" she stated with a sarcastic smirk.

Sousuke opened his mouth as if he had a different reply, but he quickly closed it as if the idea escaped him.

"No. I don't." was the best he could come up with.

He would have loved nothing more than to have given her his true reasons for not showing his face around her. But, for some reason, the words stuck to his tongue, refusing to come off.

Kaname didn't know why she expected him to say some romantic for; there would be absolutely no way Sousuke would be able to do something like that. Maybe he hadn't changed that much after all. Regardless, she would try again.

"Well then, allow me to ask you something you do know." she stated.

She knew he had to have had feelings for her somewhere. If her suspicions were correct, she would finally find out.

"If you are technically no longer with Mithril, then why did you come back to Tokyo?"

His silence and emotionless face bothered her more than she expected.

Once again, the words were there, but they were not making themselves known. He badly wanted to speak the words, but for some strange, bothersome reason, he couldn't. But, he had to say something, and without thinking, he replied.

"I don't know." he stated in a low voice.

Breathing seemed to come hard to her at this point. Had she gotten her hopes up for nothing? For as long as she cared about Sousuke Sagara, was she doomed to heartbreak? She felt the tears threatening to boil up behind her eyes.

"Sousuke, do you have any idea how hard it has been for me for these past two years? Do you have any idea what I have been through because of you? Do you know how hard it was for me that next day to not see you at school, and visit your place only to find it empty?" she almost shouted.

"I... don't know."

"Well, is there anything you do know?" she asked, raising her voice in disbelief and turning away from him, hoping he would not be able to sense the pain coming from her.

"I don't know!" he stated louder and more agitatedly than he had hoped to.

"Then tell me!" she said turning around to face him.

"Why did you leave me to begin with, Sousuke? You broke my heart that day!"

Sousuke looked down at the ground, feeling horribly ashamed of himself. He knew how he felt and he knew she must have felt almost if not the same amount of pain he did. That much was evident to him now. And, out of all the questions for him to finally find the words; it was this question.

"Because I had too."

Kaname stared at him in disbelief.

"So, just because Mithril commanded you to, you just left without saying goodbye."

"They did not command me to!" he said raising his voice.

He clinched his hands together until his knuckles popped and were of the lightest shade of white possible. Kaname stared at him, shocked. Now, she had the fear that he had volunteered to leave her. That was not something she needed to hear.

"It was optional." he said in a barely audible voice.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"You mean to tell me, you volunteered to leave Tokyo?! And, after all we had been through!?"

"Yes." he stated quietly and sorrowfully.

"So, you wanted to leave?"

Sousuke continued staring at the floor. He liked to say it was all Mithril's fault. It was what he had told himself for almost the past two years. But, he could lie to himself a lot easier than he could lie to Kaname. She deserved better than that. No matter how much it hurt him or her for him to reveal the truth.

"No... but, yes... well, no... yes..." he said as he let out a sigh. "I don't know."

"Don't tell me that, Sousuke! It is a simple question!" she shouted, anger apparent in her voice and tears now making their way down her cheeks.

At that, it was obvious she was heard out in the main part of the store, for everyone had gone quiet. Sousuke didn't care; this was no easier for him to admit than it was for her to accept. He stood up quickly, knocking his glass of tea over onto the floor where it shattered into several pieces.

"I don't know if I wanted to or not!" he shouted back.

Kaname was taken back by his sudden outburst. He actually startled her somewhat. It seemed as if Sousuke was capable of showing emotions after all, not just anger, for several others were displayed across his face.

He wafted his hand through the air as if to cut it in half.

"It is hard to say. I can stand here and swear to you that I did not want to leave you. Mithril couldn't have made me come back, but I wanted to. There was a mission where if I was not present; hundreds... thousands of people would die! I simply had to measure priority and importance." he said as he took in a deep breath.

Kaname could believe what he was saying, but couldn't understand how cold he was saying it.

"So, you mean that a mission was more important than me... than us?!" she shouted again.

His response came sooner than she would have liked.

"Yes. I this case it was." he simply stated.

The slap to his face came as fast as lightning. His face stung from where her hand had made contact. He was totally surprised, and it showed on his face. He looked back around at Kaname in disbelief. Not from the fact that she had slapped him, but from the fact that he had caused her to slap him. He saw the pain and sadness dominating the most of her expression.

Kaname stared at him, not being able to believe the words he had just said. She could understand that the lives of thousands were much more important than his and her happiness, but she wasn't ready for the way he had stated it so simply and without hesitation. She had wanted to see him more than she did anyone else in the world. Now, she was regretting she had ever came inside with him. She tried in vain to choke back a sob which made its way out before she spoke to him again.

"You certainly do know how to hurt a girl's feelings!" she said trying to keep some of her dignity to her as a tear slowly made its way down her face.

That feeble attempt didn't last long.

She covered her face as she was no longer able to hold back her uncontrollable sobs. She looked back up at him, tears running down her face and dripping onto the ground.

"I hate you!" she screamed as she ran out the back door and into the rain.

Sousuke stared at her retreating figure, unable to form any words of think clearly at all. He remembered her saying those words before, but this time she sounded like she meant them more than ever. His worst fears had come true. What he wanted, the life he wanted, the girl he wanted... were nothing more than unachievable dreams to someone like him. He sighed as he rested his head against the table and took in a deep breath. Her scent was still lingering faintly, like the memory of her which had haunted him for the past two years. Now, to haunt him forever.

Kaname ran down the sidewalk as fast as she could, paying no heed to others walking as she ran by, pushing harshly past them. She could not let any of them see her in the shape she was. She could not let them see what one man's words had done to her. She was Kaname Chidori; she was stronger than this. Right?

The rain still had not ceased and seemed to be coming down more than ever. She saw one of the few remaining walk-in, glass telephone booths up ahead. She quickly ran inside it, locked herself in, leaned up against the glass, and fell to the floor crying, allowing the rain to be her cover from the rest of the people outside. It did not really matter that they heard her; it just helped to not have all of those eyes on her.

She remained like that for at least half an hour before she was startled by a tapping at the glass outside.

"Kaname?" said an unfamiliar voice.

She looked at the hazy outline of the person outside to see it was Sousuke. She still hadn't gotten used to his change of voice.

"Kaname, are you in there?" he asked, voice sounding concerned.

That wouldn't work on this occasion. By all means, she shouldn't have ever talked to him in the first place. She had every right to be angry with him, but decided she would still give him another chance to explain himself. He had failed miserably, and had even managed to run a knife through her heart. She was through with him. That would be the last she would ever speak to him. Ungrateful bastard.

"Kaname, I know you're in there."

"Go away!" she shouted to him through the glass.

It wasn't hard to hear through the glass since it was after all, only glass. Surely, everyone outside had heard her and him both. She didn't care, she wasn't embarrassed. Let him deal with the embarrassment.

"Open the door, Kaname. I want to talk to you." he said sternly.

"Go away, I said! We have nothing more to discuss!" she yelled, her voice cracking again.

"Kaname, open up. Everyone's staring. I'm sorry. I..." he said a bit more quietly.

"I don't care!"

The thought that he was worried about what others might think more than he was worried about her feelings made her feel worse. Her body was once again wracked with sobs as he pecked on the glass again.

"Kaname, open the door." he stated sternly once again.

"I hate you!" she yelled between sobs.

Sousuke sighed as those words once again pierced his heart. He was getting a lot better at reading people's emotions through the sounds of their voices. She truly sounded as if she meant those words. Those three words angered him more than anything had ever before. She had a right to be mad at him, but she had no right to say such a thing to him.

He gritted his teeth and made a fist so tight every bone in his hand popped. He felt like hitting something now more than he ever had.

So, he did.

Kaname shrieked loudly as she was startled by the sound of breaking glass near her. She looked over to her right above her head to see a bloody fist sticking through the glass door, shards of glass stuck in it and falling from it. The hand was roughly removed from the hole, leaving more blood to drip down the glass for a moment before the rest of it was completely shattered out by a shoe coming through. She felt scared for a moment as she stared up into the angry eyes of Sousuke Sagara.

Sousuke exhaled through his gritted teeth. His bloody fist was shaking uncontrollably with anger and his sleeve was in bloody shreds. He thrust his shaking, blood covered finger out toward her. A few droplets of blood plummeted to the floor of the phone booth from his extended finger.

"Say it one more time, Kaname!" he shouted louder than she had ever expected him to be able to.

His breathing was heavy but steadied out a little bit more as he spoke in a stern, hissing, voice only clearly audible to her.

"If that is truly how you feel about me, then tell me once more, and I swear to you, God, or anything else that you will never see me again... no one will." he said, looking at her as if all was lost to him, but still keeping the faintest glint of hope in his eyes.

Kaname stared at him. Nothing which had happened in the past couple of hours had seemed real. But, now everything finally seemed to be so real. Nothing said before had any meaning until now. The man standing before her was Sousuke Sagara; nothing would change that, nor how she felt about him. She knew she had right to be angry with him, but she finally realized she had no right to say what she had said to him. Now, those last three words made her realize how badly she had hurt him. She did not deserve to be hurt the way she was when she left, but she understood he did the right thing. She was being selfish. Now, he was the one who had the right to be angry with her. She wouldn't have blamed him if he felt like lunging at her and beating her within an inch of her life for saying what she did. But, this was Sousuke. He would never do anything like that.

"Sousuke... no, I don't hate you. It's just that I'm..." she started before she was curtly interrupted.

"Then, if you are not going to repeat your last statement, I do not wish to hear you speak." he demanded more than he requested or stated.

Kaname took in a deep breath. He had suffered the wrath of her malicious words, now it was her turn to suffer his.

Sousuke's previous actions had caused quite a commotion amongst the people around the area. Everyone stood, staring, talking. Kaname watched as Sousuke took in a deep breath and looked at her.

"This is a problem." he quietly said to her as he turned around to meet the glares of the people.

The people kept staring at him as if this were some sort of play for their entertainment. This was a problem.

"Is there some sort of problem?" he politely asked to whoever may listen to him.

Kaname saw one man carrying a briefcase speak something even though she couldn't tell what he was saying. Sousuke seemed to interrupt him.

"You, sir, are a problem." Sousuke simply stated to the man.

The man seemed to look a little bit worried as the words came from the man with the fire in his eyes and the blood on his fist. He said nothing more as he quickly turned around in the opposite direction and walked off as if nothing had happened. As did all problems when presented with Sousuke Sagara.

"Are there any other problems?" he politely questioned to the rest of the people, letting his double meaning speak for itself.

With that, everyone seemed to turn around and casually walk away from the scene before them.

"Good. Then it is not a problem." he said as he turned back around and looked down at Kaname.

To his pleasure, she remained silent. He bent down on the other side of the booth and faced her, leaning his back up against the glass for support. For some odd reason, he was feeling slightly tired... and dizzy.

"Since my tongue seems to want to cooperate with me now, I will try to answer your previous questions as best as I can. Kaname, I'm not good at this kind of thing. But, I'm proud to say, I am getting better."

Rain was now starting to make its way in through the new, permanent, open doorway Sousuke had made in the phone booth. He looked down at the puddle of water making its way inside. He sighed before he looked back over at her. His eyes fixed on hers.

"The thought that I may have been able to see you has been what has kept me sane for the past two years. The memory of what I had and what I lost is what almost drove me insane. I kept faith that this day would come. And, woe and behold, it did. My memory of you, and the times we shared together haunted me everyday like a vengeful wraith. I did not call you, but I thought of you everyday. I did not call you because the sound of your voice would surely have turned me into a broken man. Your memory was enough, I did not need a reminder. But, now I can finally be with you. And, this time, we have no worries about me being pulled away. There is so much I want to tell you, show you... and we have all the time in the world. I have given up everything, started again, and built my life around you. That is why I have been here for three weeks and haven't notified you. Everything had to be perfect. I built my new life to fit around you and me. Without you as its structure and support, I have no doubt the entire thing will crumble." he said as he looked up at the top of the phone booth.

Kaname now felt guilty for ever being angry at him. He had been trying so hard to try to fit in... for her. The thought alone wanted to make her cry again.

"Sousuke, I..."

"Hush." he stated sternly.

Ok. So, maybe she did deserve that.

"I do not want to hear you say anything further tonight. The words you have spoken tonight have come closer to killing me than any bullet ever has. I understand you are mad at me, but I never, ever, would have even dreamed you would have said you hated me... and meant it. But, I know you didn't mean it. It confuses me as to why you said that and didn't mean it, and frankly, I'm quite pissed."

Kaname was shocked. Sousuke really had changed a lot. It made her feel great that he was standing up for himself, but she kind of wished it was to someone else at the moment besides her. She smiled at him, and almost said something, but then remembered she had lost her speaking privileges.

"As long as I know you don't hate me, I will make it, I can live with the thought that you don't care for me as I do you. It does not matter for as long I know that I care about you."

Kaname couldn't take it any more. His words had hit home. She never expected such words to be able to come from Sousuke Sagara. But, she would have to understand; this was the new Sousuke Sagara. Breaking the Royal Sacred Silence or not, she had to say something to him.

She quickly lunged herself forward at him from her seated position in the booth and wrapped her arms around his neck, though she almost had to jump to reach it. He bent down, surprised by her sudden action. She let out a joyous laugh.

"Oh, Sousuke. You big idiot, of course I care about you. How could I not?"

Sousuke smiled at that.

He pulled her away from him and looked her longingly in the eyes. Without any further notice, he bent down and firmly placed his lips upon her own lustrous lips. The moment felt so right, as if it were something he had been neglected from for so long. His heart raced so fast it felt as if it were doing a marathon all by itself. The pleasure was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. He wished truly that the moment would never end.

... If it would someday ever begin.

At least it was a nice image: one he gladly welcomed from that overly active imagination of his.

He took in his surroundings again, as also he took in her sweat scent as she still clung to his neck. He reached around her and returned the embrace. Yes, it felt so right now that he knew the significance of these sorts of things.

It was a deep, longing kiss, but it would have to do. ... for now.

"I can't tell you how happy it makes me to know that Kaname. Your mere presence brings joy into my life unlike any I have ever had before. And, I wish nothing to ever take it away. I will do anything I can to make you happy. We have a long way to go, but... we do have plenty of time." he said that with a broad smile making its way across his face.

He was glad he could actually say that. For once, he would not have to be worried about Mithril interfering. So, yes, they had plenty of time. He would never again be taken away. Time was now something he had a great abundance of.

Sousuke looked back over at Kaname. She was already smiling, but the smile on his face only made her want to smile more.

"Kaname, I know we both got off with the wrong foot today, but that can be easily enough remedied. As best as I recall, we have never been on an actual date before. I would like to fix that problem tomorrow... now that I have a pretty good idea as to what a date is. What I don't know about it, I'm sure I can learn from you."

Kaname almost had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Sousuke was back in Tokyo. He was not longer with Mithril, so he was here to stay, and he was asking her out on a date? Wow. Who would have thought... Sousuke? Kaname was dumbstruck; all she could do was dumbly nod her head, and attempt to say words.

"Good." Sousuke said with a humored smile.

"I will pick you up at your place in the morning then." he said as he stood up and kicked some shards of broken glass out of the way.

He picked up his umbrella, unfolded it, held it above his head, threw his hand up in departure, and started to walk off into the rain.

Kaname ran to the man-made entrance of the phone booth and called after him.

"Hey, it's still raining, and I don't have an umbrella, remember? Aren't you going to walk me home?" she asked expectantly with her hands on her hips.

Sousuke turned back around as if he were heading back for her, but he stopped and smiled. He turned back around and headed in the direction he was originally going.

"No. I've still got a lot I've got to do tonight. I have already wasted enough time." he called back with his back turned to her.

Kaname caught that part.

"'Already wasted enough time...' Ohhhh! Sousuke!" she grumbled at his retreating figure.

Sousuke clearly heart her annoyed grumbling, but she did not hear his quite chuckling.

TO BE CONTINUED