Both mornings Anakin woke with hope in his heart, and two nights he slept with despair, for Obi-Wan could have come, but Obi-Wan had not come.
Three days now: it was the third day since crashing, one full day alone with nothing but his thoughts and his hopes and another day stretching before him. Another day with his apology unspoken, and another day without forgiveness.
He knew Obi-Wan was coming, so where was he? How long had he to wait? How long until his master was at his side with a tired grin and hand poised to tousle his padawan's hair? Anakin hated that, but he looked forward to it. It only took one hand, either one, to drop onto his head, so even with one badly injured arm Obi-Wan could still tease his padawan and chuckle at Anakin's protest.
"Please come soon, Master Obi-Wan. I'm lonely, and hungry, and cold, and I need you." His words were drowned in the silence, swallowed by emptiness, answered by no one. Obi-Wan would not abandon him! Obi-Wan was coming! Why didn't Obi-Wan answer?
"Master!" he screamed, stomping his feet.
For the first time, a flicker of fear crawled up his spine, and he angrily pushed it away. Anger was good – anger banished the fear, anger warmed him. Anger gave him strength to face another day, waiting.
Anger kept hope alive so he could scream and yell at Obi-Wan for deserting his padawan when his master finally decided to show up, and anger would give him the strength to fly into his master's arms and sob his fears away.
Anger let him feel, when despair threatened to strip all emotion away to leave him far more numb in spirit than the cold did in body.
To conserve power, Anakin had turned his comlink to emergency signal only, in the process discovering it had been turned off, and sat with knees drawn up, soaking in the last weak warmth of the sun as it slid towards the horizon, soon to disappear from sight. Clouds were coming in and the wind was picking up, so he retreated inside and curled up, and soon fell asleep.
The crunching of boots woke him from troubled sleep late that third day, pulled him from his snow cave even before he was fully awake. Master has come. Wild joy flooded him and he burst forth into the flat light with a wide grin on his face which quickly turned to a frown. The rescue party had made it – and Obi-Wan wasn't with them.
What game was his master playing with him? Trying to teach him patience? Impassivity under stress? Survival on his own? If so, they were lessons he did not wish to learn.
The weather had been deteriorating while he slept; at first he did not recognize any of the rescue party. They were Jedi – cloaked, hooded, Anakin could tell that much in the now fading day as a cloud passed overhead. A squall, not a storm, soon to pass; with clouds sliding in and out of valleys and peaks, revealing and concealing in turn.
Would the rescue party stop searching once they found him? Anakin knew Obi-Wan was coming, eventually, because he had to come. It was that simple. The rescue party might think differently: the padawan was alone, two nights now. They probably wouldn't have the same faith in Obi-Wan that Anakin had.
It was too late to consider hiding; a finger was pointed in his direction and all three Jedi looked directly at him. He barely knew Master Aneil, and Master Windu always seemed stern and forbidding, but the third Jedi was Garen Muln, one of his master's best friends. He had liked the young Jedi from their first meeting. Garen had been waiting for them upon their return from Naboo. Though he had been there to offer support and comfort to his grieving friend, he had been kind and accepting to his friend's new padawan.
"Anakin!" Garen shouted happily as he half ran through the snow and dropped to his side, pulling Anakin to him in a quick hug. "Are you hurt? Your master? We're going to get both of you warm and safe in a moment, okay?"
"Pl…please help my master." Anakin's teeth were chattering with cold and relief.
Garen picked up the shivering boy, patting his back as Anakin threw his arms around the Jedi's neck. Mace Windu handed Garen blankets from a pack to wrap around him. Garen first had to pry Anakin loose from his neck to securely wrap him before hugging him tight again. He crouched on the snow, holding him in a reassuring grip as he looked around for Obi-Wan.
The other two Jedi were checking their comlinks and softly calling the missing Jedi's name.
"Where's your master? Where's Obi-Wan?"
"I…don't know," Anakin whispered, burying his head against Garen's shoulder. "I waited and waited, but he hasn't come. Why hasn't he come, Master Garen? He was just over there."
All three Jedi focused their attention where Anakin indicated, but they could see no sign of Obi-Wan, and they exchanged puzzled glances with each other before Mace spoke.
"Where, Anakin?"
"Over there," he nodded, where the anchor still stood before disappearing in a swirl of snow.
"I don't see him – Kenobi?" Mace's words mingled with those from the other two Jedi, before they paused for an answer. None came; the only sound was a soft hiccup of a choked cry from Anakin, muffled by layers of cloth as he pressed his face into Garen's shoulder.
In the half light of twilight, the two Jedi started to search for his master, calling, "Obi-Wan," pausing to listen for any response. They hadn't seen the anchor and cable trailing from it, hidden from sight in the swirling clouds.
The Council member frowned, and directed his next words at Anakin. "Is your master hurt, padawan? We can help him, but we need to find him."
"Where's Obi-Wan, Anakin?" Garen repeated, tilting the boy's head up to look him in the eyes. "I know you're cold and hungry, probably scared, but I bet your master is, too, and the sooner you tell us where to find Obi-Wan, the sooner we'll get both of you back to the ship."
"Master isn't scared!" Anakin tried to shout, but it came out a weak whisper. "Master's never scared. He…he's brave…and he – he - ." Up above the clouds parted suddenly; mountain tips glowed red as the sun flamed its last – and Anakin finally realized that Obi-Wan was dead, carried to the Force by the fire above, not that of flame below.
"He's gone," he whispered as the harsh truth broke over him. Now that he wasn't alone, he could admit it.
"Gone – gone for help? Damn, in this light I can't see tracks – "
"He's gone!" Anakin said again, and something in his voice silenced the Jedi. He turned his head and pointed over there, at the edge of the crevasse, where the anchor was again in sight, as it had not been when the rescuers arrived.
"He's down there. I didn't see him fall; I didn't even hear him scream. Before he – hit," he swallowed, "I felt him in my mind. Saying I needed a lesson in letting go, only he's the one who let go. I didn't realize he was – saying goodbye 'til now."
Only the hiss of slowly indrawn breaths betrayed dawning comprehension in the rescuers.
"Why'd he let go? Why did he leave me?" He suddenly started beating at Garen with his fists. "He abandoned me – he left me – I know he was hurt, he was bleeding – how could he leave me –"
"He saved you by sacrificing himself," Mace said, crouching by the anchor and holding up the end of the cable. He looked with compassion at the padawan, clutched tight within Garen's arms and saw the same look of horror on each Jedi's face. "He cut the cable."
"He – killed himself? But, but he wouldn't – he'd never…" Anakin trickled off. Jedi didn't commit suicide. Never. In the direst of need, perhaps they would passively accept death rather than actively resist it, but to chose to die, deliberately and with full knowledge – "He'd never, Master's the bestest Jedi ever when it comes to following the rules."
Sapphire eyes, dull with shock, stared at the cable – at the end of hope. Severed, by his own master's hand. Fallen: Obi-Wan had let himself fall into the jaws of the chasm – willingly - all too ready to leave his padawan behind.
"Tell us what happened, Anakin," Master Aneil urged, squatting before him, eyestalks quivering with the cold. "Can you tell us?"
With three Jedi looking at him, Anakin held back his sobs. Reality had set in and he wanted to cry inconsolably, but Jedi didn't cry. He knew, because Obi-Wan didn't – he had always held back his tears. Even on Naboo, except a time or two when he had thought he was alone. Jedi didn't cry, especially in front of other Jedi.
In a voice devoid of emotion, he said, "Master was badly hurt when we – we landed. His head was…was bloody and I think his arm really hurt. We…we… and he…he threw his cable and he…stopped but I was falling and he…he grabbed me. The anchor was f…failing, we could feel it each time it slipped. He…he told me to climb above him – if I hadn't – if I hadn't obeyed him he'd be alive…I was almost in time, I was, to hold the anchor…but instead of waiting for me…he left me. He c..c..cut… "
"If he hadn't, perhaps both of you would be dead," Mace said; his face grim and shuttered. "Your master chose to die alone, rather than take you with him."
"One is rarely granted the chance to choose his own death…" Garen muttered, and to his surprise, felt Anakin nod in agreement.
"Master told me that too, once. He chose to leave me, it was his choice, he left me…he left me," and Anakin broke into sobs in Garen's arms, unable to hold them back any longer.
Holding Anakin tight, the Jedi slowly stood; his face ashen but composed. "No, Anakin. Obi-Wan didn't leave you. Obi-Wan let his padawan live – he chose life for you, not death for himself."