Thanks for your reviews. Next bit made me cry while writing and I hope I wrote down some of the emotions taht made me cry yeah yeah weak spot for Alex ;)

Chapter 4 Pieces of a dream

Alex drove away. There was hardly any thought that came clear to him. It was a blur. His view on the road was covered with tears.

In the middle of the night Alex stopped his Ute, still far from the hill. It was the only place he wanted to be at the moment, or maybe it wasn't, cause he knew the place he wanted to be was not an option. At least this was close, it felt close. He walked upon the hill, hearing his own footsteps. The silence of the night, in the light of the moon.

He looked down, and couldn't suppress another tear leaving his eyes. Alex kneeled down, staring at the headstone in front of him. His right hand stretched out, reaching for it. His fingers touched it and softly followed the symbols on it.

In loving memory
Claire Louise
McLeod
1973-2003

Cherished daughter
Beloved sister
Loving mother

His fingers touched the last letter and he wondered why it stopped here. There was no sign of best mate, no sign of lover. Nothing that remembered their friendship, their love. It was the first time he had noticed it. Alex hardly had visited Claire's grave, but realizing this made him cry, not holding back one single tear.

Nothing left ... only his memories and his feelings reminded of their love. He took out the picture that he had in the left pocket of his jacket. He held it with both hands, and touched it. This was real. This was so real. It was something to hold on to, something he would always nourish deep inside his heart.

And he needed her, he needed her so badly. He wished for her arms to hold him and there was nothing here. For a moment he saw a light, a star, maybe a falling star. He didn't know, but for one second he stared to the sky.

And he wondered why. Why it should have happened to him? What's the use of living with no true lover? For a moment he wanted to scream out her name, but he didn't had the energy anymore. You were my true love and it's all gone, it's all fading away.

I thought I saw you late last night, but it was just a flash of light
An angel passing
But I remember yesterday
Life before you went away
And we were laughing

I could see it clearly once when you were here with me
Now somehow all that's left are pieces of a dream

Now I'm lost in restless nights
Just a whisper of the life that we created
Shadows falling, I am calling

The faded photographs
The frames of broken glass
The shattered memories
Time will soon erase
All these souvenirs
Salt from a thousand tears
But when I wake up you are never there

It was early in the morning when Alex woke up. He could taste the salt from the tears on his lips. He glared at the sun that had just touched the sky. He didn't know how he had fallen a sleep, but he saw the gravestone. There he was, all alone.

... at Drovers ...

Stevie hardly said a thing the whole day. Regan tried to talk to her, but all she got was an 'it's doesn't matter anymore'. It was simply the way Stevie felt. She could still see his face when he screamed out the one he needed was dead. He was right, she told herself. She kept it a secret from him, she kept her feelings a secret. She was just as bad as Fiona. Sighing deeply, she knew she lost him, her best mate, her love. The only thing she could do is look after Drovers and forget it.

She was standing near the fencing of the brumbies, leaning with her back to the partition. Riley was training one of them, just making her run rounds at a gallop, holding the rope. In a distance she could hear him give the horse some cheers. 'Stevie, can you take it over for a moment?' Riley turned around when he didn't got an answer. He saw her just standing there. He tied the rope to a post and walked to her, climbing a step on the fencing. 'Hey Steves', he said leaning next to her, 'are you anywhere near this planet today? Cause I could use some help.' Finally he saw her move, biting her lip, she hardly looked a side. 'Stevie, you're ok?' She looked at him and placed a fake smile on her face. 'You know what, we just gonna finish it for today. Wildflower is making a lot of progress anyway.'

She just saw him leading the horse to another fencing and without really thinking she just walked along with him. 'Soww...' He looked at her, as she still was watching the brumbies. 'Is there any chance you gonna tell me what is bothering you? You know, I'm a good listener. Ask the horses. They never complain.' She had turned her head and softly smiled to him, but he could still see the sadness. She shrugged her shoulders, as she moved her mouth.

They had taken a seat on one of the hay bales in the old shed. Riley looked at her, but Stevie seemed to be lost in her own little world. 'Wanna talk about it?' He tried again. She looked up at him, when she was playing with her shirt. She shook her head. 'There's not much to say...' than she looked in the distance, her lips moving, and her eyes started to fill with tears. 'I've made a mess and I don't know how to make it right again'. He didn't have a clue what she was talking about, but it was good she said something. She had never cried in front of Riley, but at this moment she didn't cared about it at all, she didn't cared about a thing. She looked at him with an expression that was lost.

'Hey, it can't be that bad'. She looked away again and Riley figured that wasn't really the best thing he could have said. Some times horses were a lot easier. So he stick to what he knew and lay his hand on her back, softly rubbing it. She looked at him again as she liked it, and moved closer to lean against him. 'It's gonna be okay'. He held her and somehow it was what she needed.

Than she stared at him, and their eyes were locked. They moved closer and kissed. They both didn't really know what was going on. Riley stopped the kiss and looked at her, he didn't wanted to take advantage of her know she seemed so vulnerable. But she touched his face and longed for his embrace ... and his kiss. So she kissed him again and it got more intense, passionate. Her hands went to his body and once again Riley broke it off. 'I don't think this is a good idea, Stevie.' She looked at him with a soft smile, tears in her eyes, and inside she felt miserable. She didn't want him to reject her too. 'Can you stay with me?', she uttered. They went to Riley's place at the quarters.

Stevie was staring at the wall, feeling his arms around her. They were lying in his bed, and yes they've gone all the way. She didn't regret it, cause it felt like the right distraction. She could feel him placing a kiss on her shoulder. It was good having someone's arms around her, but it also made her sad. Cause deep down inside she knew she was dreaming of someone else's arms.

... all that's left are pieces of a dream


Anastacia - Pieces of a dream