Chapter 12 More than a man

Lucas concluded it was best for Alex to give him rest. Today already was too much for him and he kind of regretted he gave permission for Fiona's visit. He didn't know what exactly was going on, but that Alex' wife upset him was clear. Nurse Carter had her own ideas and shared them with the handsome doctor. 'Well, don't interfere in any way. I know you can be nosy', Lucas said with a smirk on his face. 'Hey, I only stick to the facts ... and the fact I don't like that wife of him.' The doctor laughed. 'Well, don't show it Carly. Better check on Mr. Ryan.'

They kept Alex on the Intensive Care for another night, but he got transferred to the general ward the next day. Things were looking good. The verdict so far was no damage of the vital functions, only a bad concussion and bruises. It was sure Alex Ryan had been very lucky, though it would take some weeks before he finally could go home. The doctor had more worries about his mental state and so he advised Alex' family and friends to give him rest.

And that was what they did. Stevie and Regan decided to go back to Drovers and had paid Alex a quick visit before leaving. She still could see Alex' face in front of her when they were walking on the parking lot. The soft smile he had showed was good enough for Stevie, though she wished she could spend some more time alone with him. Dave promised to keep them up to date. The vet visited Alex daily and although it weren't the deepest thoughts they shared, it worked for Alex.

'There's only one thing', Dave said, staring a bit bored out of the window. 'What?' Alex asked, while he took a swung out of a glass of milk. 'You said something about carrying a child till full term? Or did I heard it wrong?' Alex swallowed, moving a bit in his bed. He couldn't wait to just go out here and have a walk. 'She's infertile', it was all he said and it surprised Dave. 'Really?' 'I thought you knew?' Dave shook his head. 'No, I don't think there's anyone that knows that part.' Alex started to tell more about the whole situation, when he finally realized it meant that Stevie didn't know that part either.

'I don't think she knows', Dave said calmly. It was like a puzzle to him, and it was to Alex to pick up the pieces and put them together. 'O'. Alex stared in front of him. 'Don't be too hard on Stevie anyway, mate. She cares a whole lot of deal 'bout you.' Alex glared a side to his friend. Why did he say that? Dave noticed the questioning look on his mate's face and hesitated for a moment to answer. He didn't want to use the word love, that wasn't up to him, but he nodded. 'She does, really.' It was the way Dave said it that showed a deeper layer, but Alex was still too confused to notice it.

It was a few days later when Alex finally agreed on a visit of Fiona. Not really into the mood to hear her try to make it all sound not that bad, he stared out of the window. It wouldn't take long for her to get here, he figured. But somewhere Alex felt the urge to know why, cause it didn't make sense to him at all. And if she really loved him, like she claimed, how could she have done this? And mostly for himself to understand why he didn't see through her, why he believed all the lies without even one single doubt.

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

She showed up, and Alex couldn't deny she was beautiful, though she really felt like a city girl here. 'I brought flowers', she said a bit unsure. Alex frowned. 'Just lay them on the side table, a nurse will put them in a vase.' So she did and her blue eyes were staring at him, not sure what to do next.

'Do you feel any better?' Her voice was soft. 'A bit'. 'Oh', she looked down. 'Why are you here?' It may sound rude, but Alex wasn't into a 'play all nice' mood.

She licked her lips, looking at him and it brought tears in her eyes. She finally started to realize what a big mess she made. 'I just wanna know if you're all right ... and talk.' Alex sighed. 'Well, go on ...' She didn't dare to sit down, so she just stood in front of him.

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

'I just thought you wouldn't want me if you would know ... and', tears were welling up and her mouth hesitated to continue. 'I ... you wanted to talk. I thought you wanted to postpone the wedding, and ... I just said what popped up in my head. I couldn't go back. I tried to tell you, I really did, but you were so sweet and ...' Her breath stocked in her throat. Alex had closed his eyes. He just couldn't look at her. He had loved her, maybe he still did. Sometimes he hoped it was all a bad dream, but it wasn't.

She could see her words were upsetting him. 'It all got out of control. I was so scared to loose you.' 'Loose me ...', it were words that left his mouth, but it was like they didn't belong to this conversation. It didn't feel like a conversation. Tears were running down her face. 'I .. I ... thought you would just trade me in for someone else, someone that could give you a family, someone you knew better ...' She only had one person in her mind while saying these words, but Fiona refused to speak out her name.

That name didn't cross Alex' mind. He just felt grief and anger taking over his body and by now he stared fearlessly to her. 'You never trusted me. How often did I tell you I'm not Michael. Why couldn't you just ...' He shook his head, and noticed it only made him more enraged and confused. He figured he would never understand her, like he always tried so hard to do, and he had fooled himself he would.

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this anymore

And there she stood again, watching the man she loved deeply; totally out of tune with the way she treated him. She would never forgive herself for what she had done to him and Fiona knew the only way to help him was to leave. She didn't deserve him and if she really loved him she would set him free.

Her body was shaking, sobbing and her eyes red like never before. She had to let him go, cause the look in his eyes showed too much hurt. So she left and walked to the door, seeing a last glimpse of the man who deserved better, and it hurt so much to realize that.

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

Rihanna - Unfaithful