Chapter 23 Don't crush me

Apart from the whole Rose situation Riley didn't get any wiser, cause Stevie's behavior hadn't changed a bit. Pulling in, pushing away. Why was she doing this? Or was it the fact he wanted more and she just saw him as a friend? It all had gone so well, she even kissed him back, till Alex returned. That so called friend of hers.

'Hey, do you know where Stevie is?', Moira asked while she had walked up to Riley who seemed lost in his own world. 'No, why?' 'I thought you should know. You get along pretty well hey.' She said it with a soft grin. Riley kept his silence. 'You're okay?' She looked studied at him.

He watched her and figured it maybe wasn't a bad idea to talk. Moira had been nice to him, someone he could trust. He climbed upon the fencing and looked at her. 'What's with Stevie?' 'What?' Moira asked a bit puzzled. 'Is there something I don't know? Like bad experiences in her former relationships?' 'Uhm ... haven't we all?' Moira said softly.

It had surprised her, but she thought about how to help the guy. 'Well, can't remember she had a serious relationship.' 'Is she scared?' 'Maybe you should talk to her.' Riley glared in front of him and jumped off the fencing. 'She won't say a thing.' 'Than she probably has a reason', Moira said while Riley stood in front of her.

'And what's with Alex?' 'Alex?' 'Yeah, it seems he has a thing for upsetting her.' Moira started to talk. Telling the things she knew. She had been shocked by Fiona and knew Alex was hurt deeply. So she told him about Fiona, and about Claire. Not that it got any clearer to Riley. 'And what does this have to do with Stevie?' 'She's his best mate; she cares a lot about him. And besides that, I think her mind is with Rose at the moment. Maybe it's not the right time.' She petted him on the arm. 'Give her some time. It all will make sense in the end.'

Stevie and Jodi were moving the cattle. They had almost finished their job when they saw Alex appear on his motorbike. They greeted. 'Can I lent her for a moment?' Alex asked to Jodi, who smiled. 'Of course, we're finished anyway.' Stevie glared at her friend, who seemed to be amused. 'Do I have any say in this?' 'Nah', Alex and Jodi smirked in congeniality. 'It better be good', Stevie mumbled.

Finding the last pieces of the puzzle. Somehow Alex felt Stevie could give him some answers, but he wasn't sure how to put it in words. 'So?', she looked at him, standing in front of him, hands leaning on her hips. 'You're today's sunshine, or what?' 'Just get on with it. There's plenty of work to do.' 'Didn't seem Jodi was bothering.' Stevie sighed. Some how she could have those annoyed moments with him, and it was probably a mote of defense.

'I just wanna talk, that's all.' 'About what, the cattle prices?' Alex stared at her, hoping his expression would tell her he was serious and it meant a lot to him. 'Okay, let's sit down somewhere.' Leaning against a tree the two friends sat in silence before Alex finally found his words. 'Have you ever wondered why Fiona lied?' If Stevie would have had a drink at the minute, she would have choked in it for sure. 'What?' She glared at him. 'She always said she panicked, afraid to loose me ...' It was a statement and he looked at Stevie to see if she could add something to it.

'Maybe you should ask Fiona that.' She sounded a bit irritated. 'So you don't wanna talk?' She could hear the disappointment in his voice and Stevie regretted her attitude immediately. He was her mate, he just got divorced, he just wanted to talk. 'Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just ... I'm not fond of talking about her.'

'How did you found out she was faking the pregnancy?' It still hurt him with every single word he said, but Alex knew he had to go through this. Stevie glared in front of her, biting her lip, thinking about that day. 'I ... I just guessed.' He gave her a questioning look, a bit pleading to say more. 'I asked her and she admitted it ... I said she needed to tell you the truth ... before the wedding.' He was silent and she knew he was waiting on more. She couldn't really face him.

'Or otherwise I would tell you, she agreed she would.' She continued the story, how Fiona was gone, and she was too late to tell him before the wedding. Alex was thinking back, of the moment before their wedding ceremony, the moment Fiona was so upset. It started to make sense to him. And all of a sudden he looked at Stevie.

'But you didn't tell me?' Her eyes were already teary and it was hard to tell him all this, well not all, she didn't tell him the part where Fiona had said Stevie wanted him for herself. 'I couldn't tell you on your wedding day. I just couldn't and she ...', she sighed, hesitating to continue. 'She what? Just tell me. I need to know', Alex asked, feeling all emotions running through his body. He touched her knee for a moment and it startle her, but Stevie tried to recover as quick as she could.

'She said you would never believe me. I would loose you if I told you.' She stared away, closing her eyes, trying to block the tears. 'Sorry', he said. She looked at him shortly. 'Just sorry'. He had been blind, had he? He saw flashes of his wedding day pass him by. He was so happy back then, but it was all a lie.

'Why did she lied?', he mumbled it again, not really to Stevie. Thoughts were running through his mind and he could feel Stevie wanted to stand up, but he held her back in a reflex. 'Please?' His pleading blue eyes dragged her back. Fiona had mentioned Stevie in their fight and the thought made him look at her. Something in her eyes made it all clear.

'She was scared to loose me ... to you'. The last two words were so soft. It made sense now. He had been on Drovers that whole night, just before she told him she was pregnant. He told her so many times he wasn't anything like Michael. But she never ever had trusted him and the reason for it was Stevie.

He could feel her standing up again, but this time he was too confused to make her sit down. 'Stevie.' He stood up and she faced him, a couple of meters separating them. He could see the tears in her eyes, some look that reminded him of his wedding day. 'I can't Alex ... I just can't'. She shook her head slightly, looking down, and turned around. Mounting her horse, riding away. Leaving Alex totally dazed ...

All I know is all I feel
But I'm afraid to feel it

Don't crush me
Don't break me
Been trying to turn the end around
But I can see it coming
Don't rush me
Don't wake me
Make me forget

She has to tell him but she's waiting

Krezip – Don't crush me