Our Feelings - a series of drabbles; pg-13 & lower

How to say "I love you"

"Hey... Al?"

"Yes, Nii-san?"

"Umm… w-what… what would you do if I… if I… got a promotion!"

"Well, I guess, I'd be very happy for you-"

"No! No! That's not what I was gonna say!"

"Oh, what were you going to say?"

"I-I was gonna say… uhh… what should we have with the fish?"

"Huh?"

"F-for dinner… what should we have… with the fish?"

"… I thought we already decided. Rice and vegetables, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember… sorry, Al."

"It's okay, Nii-san."

"…"

"…"

"… Al?"

"Yes, Nii-san?"

"…Y-you know that I… I-I'll always… Dammit…"

"I love you too, Nii-san."

Not Here

"I'll always be here for you. I'm your big brother after all." That's what you promised me, Nii-san, as children. "I promise I'll never leave you alone, Al." That's what you promised me after mom died, when we were grieving for our loss. "I'll always be here for you, Al. I promise I'll get your body back." That's the oath you'd whisper to me, desperately kissing the cool metal that was my face as armor. "I'll get you your body back. I'll never leave you."

But where are you now, Nii-san? You gave me my body, but you're not here.

You being here with me was the promise that mattered most to me…

My everything

"You're my sun. You brighten my life and make me warm inside. I feel alive with you around. Watching you, being with you, talking with you. I can feel the love and pretend I can feel other things. Like your soft skin or silky hair. You're my life, Nii-san. You would've given up everything for me and I'd do the same for you, without a doubt. You're my everything. To be without you, even with a real body of my own, would be less of a life than I have now. I love you, Nii-san."

"Al… you're such a sap."

Home Again

It was only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity. After so, so long… Trial and error after trial and error… it had finally worked. His breath was caught deep within his chest as silver-tinged optics watched the steady rise and fall of a chest. The long, golden locks framing the beautifully angled face. So much older than he remembered, but still the same person. If only he could see those eyes. The captivating dark gold eyes that held so much emotion and life in them. The eyes that held an indescribable knowledge. The eyes of an older sibling; his big brother's. Suddenly, gold met silver and the reaction occurred. Arms tight around the other, clinging tightly and desperately. Never wanting to let go.

Frantic whispers, "Al...? Al...!"

"Nii-san... You're here… you're really here…" it was all he could choke out, memories of dashed hopes and shattered dreams afflicting him.

Burying his face in the honey colored hair of his little brother, all he could do was rock them back and forth, "It's okay, Al. I'm home now. I'm home..."

Together, the two brothers shared tears, touches, and unspoken words of love and loyalty. It didn't matter that they were kneeling on the hard ground, knees getting sore and covered in chalk and remnants of the transmutation. It didn't matter that the sun was setting and life was moving on. Both of them were home again, and that was enough.

Scars Left by Time

Bedtime was one of the best times for Al to get reacquainted with the sensations of touching his brother's body. They'd curl into each other, skin on skin as soft, downy blankets engulfed them. It was the only time where Ed would willingly allow nimble fingers to travel up his arm and leave goose bumps or caress the soft skin of his cheek or gently massage his chest and leave tender kisses on his abdomen. It was where Al could freely worship his big brother's body and warmth with touch and taste and smell. He never asked why Ed wouldn't let him do this when it was daytime or if the room was lit; he knew why. Edward was ashamed of his scars. The countless scars that marked each and every sin he committed, they'd never heal. He didn't want Al to see them; the old ones or the new ones, the small ones or the large ones. 'It's behind us' he'd say, 'I don't to remind you of those times'. Al respected this, so he'd merely worship his brother's scarred body in the dark with touch and taste and smell, but no sight.

One thing he'd never tell Ed though... Al could always feel each and every scar.

That was enough to remind him.

Tearless

There are plenty of times where I've wanted to cry. Just break down screaming, sobbing, clinging, anything to relieve the building tension. The guilt, the sorrow, the loneliness. There are so many times where I just want to feel the relief of tears slipping down my cheeks or even my eyes tear up, or maybe no tears at all, but tremors and shivers. No matter how strong I may think I am, I know that I have to cry once in a while…

What matters is how strong he thinks I am… how strong he needs me to be. He may not say anything, but I can see it. I can see all the times where he wants to cry, but can't. Or all the times where he did cry, but it was only metal trembling and shaking with sobs that weren't real. It's not fair… that I get to cry and he doesn't. It's not fair.

So I suck it up, swallow the tears and sobs and shakes, and smile for him. Because until he can cry, then I won't shed a single tear, no matter how much that will hurt. At least I can feel that pain.