Chapter 37 The call

He could see her standing in front of him. The wind played with her red curls. She looked so beautiful. There was a weird surrounding. It felt like grass, sun, but it could also be nothing. Alex didn't say a thing. He stared at her and saw her reaching to him with her hand. Her face looked calm, but her eyes were sad. 'I need you', was all she said. Before he could answer his attention got dragged away. He could hear someone say his name.

He turned around and all of a sudden he felt like he was Argentina. Not so much the surrounding, but just the smell and feeling. He wanted to turn around to see Stevie again, but there was nothing behind. Tess walked up to him. 'So Alex, will you finally get your bum into action? There's a lot to do.' She walked away from him and he looked around, noticing he was in a blue stable.

He awoke, dazed for a moment, looking around him. Alex was aware of the fact he had been dreaming, but it felt weird. He didn't have any rest in his mind since that day. He tried to cope with the loose, cause that was what it was; he had lost Stevie. The view of her not breathing had captured his mind. There was no hour that passed that it didn't show in front of his eyes. But lately, when he finally had settled a bit down in his apartment, there was a feeling coming over him.

A feeling that wondered if it all was true, or better if he shouldn't have ran away. He had left town, making his way to the big city; Sydney, to not feel the hurt. But of course it hadn't changed a single thing. The constant pain was living in his heart. There were moments he wasn't sure he could go on, but somehow he had managed to get those thoughts out of his mind.

Now he was thinking of Nick, Tess. The ones he had left behind; Dave, Charlotte. He was thinking of Jodi and Rob, the way it had made him feel. The way it had made Tess feel. The constant doubt if her sister was somewhere out there, save. How could he make her go through that once more, how could he do that to his own brother?

That feeling had started to nag those last days. Maybe he should just give them a call, just to let know he was save, trying to deal with his loose. She had meant everything to him. He finally had felt real love again and he felt guilt. Guilt; he had walked out on her, being a coward. Guilt; he left her, being once more a coward.

Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away,
Show the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken

He hadn't deserved her. She was too good, too beautiful, and too sweet for him. No wonder he lost her. Why didn't he just say he loved her? Why didn't he just stay? Enjoying her presence, her love. It all had felt so good, so right. It was shattered into a million pieces.

This dream made him decide to call. To call Tess and Nick ...

Driving, that was all he could do. Getting back to the place he once lived, the love he once had. Tess' words were still running through his mind. 'She's alive.' It had been the shortest phone call with her ever, but it had been the most important one. He couldn't think, not even hope. Alex had made sure she couldn't call him back; that she didn't have his phone number or place he stayed. He had thought about it, cause he was not ready to go back, he maybe never. He thought.

But within a minute it all had changed. He had simply said he was so sorry that Stevie died. Tess had guessed it was Alex within a sec. Saying his name she added he was wrong. She was alive. Totally shocked by her words he had put the phone down, grabbed some stuff and drove away.

It had been just as impulsive as him leaving Killarney months ago. It had taken him a few weeks to get to Sydney. And this time he would try to be as quick as he could. It would be a long trip, but it would be worth it. He wasn't sure what he would find, but he wanted to see it with his own eyes. See if it was true; Stevie alive.

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And never knowing
What could've been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Rascal Flatts – What hurts the most