Chapter 43 Hold on

At Killarney things had settled down. Alex had mostly put his energy into the farm to get his mind of Stevie. The words of Michelle had got to him and the way it had made Stevie behave had touched him deep. He didn't really know where to start. So he thought it would be best to give her some time, but it kinda started to annoy him now.

Marcus and Alex had their talk standing near Alex' Ute when Riley showed up. 'Hey big guy, I heard you're gonna be a dad?' Alex smirked, curling up his nose. He couldn't get enough of hearing that. Riley and him had changed their relationship after his return and he had noticed how handy the man was. Though he still thought the bloke had a slight attitude problem. 'Well, congrats. Never thought I would say that. But I guess we all have moved on.' Riley indeed had. He now had his eyes on Grace.

'Well, you work for me now so do you have a choice?' Riley shook his head amused. It always felt like there were two bulls in the paddock with Alex and him together. 'Yeah, but ... I must say, if you ever dare to run away again ..' But before the young bloke could finish Alex already filled him in. 'You can punch the teeth to the back of my head. I even oblige you.' 'Be sure of that', Riley said smirking. 'But I do hope', Riley continued, 'the kid will take after his mum, cause with your ugly mug ...' 'Enough Ward, there's work to do!'

Riley and Marcus made their way to the Western paddock while Alex glared in front of him for a moment. Work could wait for him, he had to finish something first. Talking to Stevie, and not just easy talk. Things couldn't go on like this.

'Hey Alex!', Kate said pleased when Alex showed up at Drovers. 'G'day Kate, do you know where I can find our cowgirl?' Kate smiled; she thought it was great that Stevie and Alex were expecting a child. Though she knew about their problems she was convinced they would work things out. 'Not far. There she is', she pointed behind Alex. He turned around and saw Stevie walking up to them, taking of her working gloves. 'Hey', she said not fully looking him in the eyes. She swept her forehead, which was covered with some sweat. It was a pretty hot day. 'Oy', Alex said softly, obviously a bit nervous what would come. Kate noticed she would be the fifth wheel on the wagon so she excused herself to continue her work.

'Well', Alex gathered all his courage, 'Steves, I don't know how you feel, but I think we need to talk.' Stevie nodded. 'That's probably a good idea.' 'Can we go for a ride?' He said quickly before she would invite him for a drink on the veranda. Stevie was pretty surprised by it, but agreed.

When she had dressed into something more comfortable, and mostly something more fitting the weather she returned to take a seat in his Ute. 'Where are we going?' 'Some nice place, you'll see', Alex said. While they drove to their destination Alex asked how she was feeling, how things at Drovers were going and it both made them relax a bit. 'We're there', Alex said while parking his Ute near the lake.

They got out of the car and Alex set the back of his Ute as a sort of bench, covered with some blankets to sit on. He handed her a bottle of water. 'You definitely choose a good spot', she said while she took a first sip of the water, enjoying the beautiful view. Alex was pleased he at least had one thing done well. 'But I haven't drove us all the way to just enjoy the view. I thought it would be best to talk on neutral ground.' She looked shortly aside her, seeing him watching the water, but being aware of the fact he was heading for a serious conversation.

It might never be the same
We might never live those days gone by
But we can try

He was holding a bottle of water in his hand, more to distract him, than to really have the intention to drink. 'I know this isn't easy for you', he started. 'But we have to start somewhere. We can't pretend nothing happened, or neglect our problems.' Alex now looked at her and saw her staring at him attentive. 'Cause we have more than ourselves to look after.' He paused for a moment. Alex hadn't really practiced the things he wanted to say, he just hoped that whatever would leave his mouth would fell in good ground.

'I wish I hadn't been such a coward to leave. I know it doesn't help a thing saying this, cause I did. I guess I couldn't think clear. Too shocked to see you lying on the ground. It was too confronting. I just couldn't, something blocked. And I just couldn't see you breath, I thought I lost you.' He hadn't looked at her, just staring a bit at the bottle in his hand or the water in front of him was easier than looking at her. This was hard, hard to tell her how he had felt.

'I couldn't, I couldn't go through it again.' He wasn't really willing to mention Claire's name. He knew she would understand him anyway. 'I felt complete lost. Didn't know where to go, what to do, how to feel.' He shook his head, starting to get that same feeling again. 'I guess I just didn't gave a damn any more. The first weeks I lived like a complete zombie, not willing to give in. Not willing to feel that constant pain.' Tears had found their way to his eyes and he had difficulty fighting them. He sighed. 'There were many moments I thought life was nothing worth. There was nothing left. But I guess I was also too much of a coward to end it.'

A tear roll of his face and Stevie had gazed at him the whole time, but couldn't look at him any longer. She glared away while tears were running down her cheeks. Of course there had been moments she thought how he would feel if he really was thinking she was gone, but she never really realized how he must have felt until now. 'I simply thought I didn't deserve a happy life ... till I find out you were still alive.'

He now faced her and looked her straight in her eyes. They both were crying and they could feel the emotion running through their bodies, both having a restless feeling. Stevie brushed away some tears. 'Sorry that I make you cry.' Stevie softly tried to smile at him, still brushing. She was glad he told her this, that he was this open to her. 'It's okay', she said softly.

Alex continued. 'And now everything is different. I've got you back and that's all that matters. Really!' He looked at her again and could see his words touched her deep. They came from the bottom of his heart. Alex started to smile. 'And than this little one ... I know we didn't plan it, but that doesn't change a single thing. This is better than I ever could imagine. I want this baby so much and I couldn't think of any other woman I want to be the mother of my child than you. I know things have been hard for you with Rose, but this time you're not alone. And I promise with all my heart I won't ever turn my back on you again. Cause without you and our baby there's no worth living.'

It's a new day
Let's look at all we've got
It's everything we thought
We ever wanted
It's beautiful

Stevie couldn't stop crying. She was moved, impressed with his words. He was saying the most perfect things and it only made her love him more. And she loved him; she loved him so much that sometimes it scared her. Stevie didn't know what she would have done if he hadn't come back. She gave him a soft smile, a loving one for sure, pressing her lips tightly together. 'Ow Alex ...', she whispered. 'Shh ..' he said gentle. 'I haven't finished yet.'

Hold on
Let's start this over
We're not much older now
If you still see what I see
Keep holding on
Hold on to me

'I want this to work and I know we can. You were, and for me you still are, my best mate. I know we have some repairing to do, but I hope you will give me a chance. A fresh start, just us three to find our common ground again. What you say?' She had to laugh through her tears. Us three. She could feel the joy take over. 'I would love that.' She kept smiling at him and Alex knew he had said the right things.

It's good to see you smile again
I know we can't escape
So let's pretend
We're someplace else

This could be a start of something good. 'Come here', he mumbled, finally feeling the courage to wrap his arm around her and pull her close.' She went along easily, feeling his strong arm around her. The same old save feeling she always had when he held her. Whatever would come she would fight for it, for their friendship, for their child.

See the love we almost left behind
Lead me by the hand and let's make up
Let's make up for lost time

They just sat there admiring the view in front of them, while Stevie softly started to talk. Just little easy things, knowing there was time and space to grow. She knew it would take a lot of words to work things out, but for know his embrace was good enough.

Just hold on to me

Dixie chicks – Hold on