I have been thinking for many weeks now about what else I should write in this journal. I have decided that maybe a bit more description of the setting would be a good next step. I have been speaking a bit about the loft, which is where he spends a great deal of his time. He has always felt very comfortable in the darkness, so everything is minimally lit. Only when moonlight does not suffice will he use a candle or light one of the torches on the wall. For this reason, I am most used to seeing him in the shadows. The door leading up to the loft is usually closed, at least partially. A long wooden staircase leads up to the main area of the loft. Everything in this room has a bluish tint to it from the lighting. After going up the stairs, there is a large, wooden-floored room with very little furniture in it. The staircase is on the far left of the rectangular-shaped room. The front wall has one large window near the high ceiling. This window has a platform along the outside of the building, and he often sits up there and overlooks the balcony below, where his friends usually are. The window is actually directly below the large clock on the building face. On the wall opposite of the staircase is a ledge that is as wide as the entire room. This is where he does most of his reading.
I mentioned that I am used to seeing him in the shadows only. His features are very striking in this way. His hair is a bit longer than you might think; a natural, wild cascade down his back. As I've said before, he wears an amulet around his neck, which is absolutely beautiful. He is very tall and moves with amazing fluidity, and he has unbelievable strength. Something that still amazes me to this day is how he can make his eyes glow. He can do this whenever he wants, but he chooses not to do it often. Every once in a while he will do it just for fun. I ask him what it is like for him, and he kind of smiles his usual hint of a smile and says something like, "it's really not that big of a deal". That's how he is. I think he likes to play that kind of "way" in general. That's why his hint of a smile is so deep.
The other day I asked him what kind of music he's been into lately. He tells me, "Bob Dylan". I just thought that was great. I don't know much about Bob Dylan, honestly, but what I do know makes me kind of laugh knowing he's into him now. But actually, it sort of fits, in a way. He's kind of random like that. Always the unexpected, I guess. It's like when we play video games sometimes. It's so crazy sitting there playing Mario Kart 64 with this amazing guy. And the really funny thing is that he acts so natural about it, like it's nothing, while I'm sitting there trying to get a grasp on the fact that this beautiful creature is next to me.
He doesn't use the amulet he won often, by the way. He wears it all of the time. I know that he is capable of casting a lot of amazing spells now, but I don't ask him about it. I guess because he is so quiet, I don't want to ask him about things, I would rather that he brought them up on his own. When he first showed me the power to turn into human form, I was completely stunned. He has only used it twice. I think it really affected him emotionally. I cannot emphasize enough how beautiful he is, in either form. I remember the first time, I asked him what he wanted me to call him like that, because I wasn't sure if he wanted to be a completely new person or not. He answered with the same name, and added, "what else?", with that same hint of a smile on a very different form. His eyes show the same emotion, I can't explain it. He did not decide on how he would look, incidentally, it just sort of…happened. The amulet translated him, I suppose you could say. But as I have said earlier, I have only seen him this way twice. The first time, he said to me, so quietly and in that same, soothingly low voice, he wanted to know what it could be like…but he wasn't sure how I felt about it…
I told him that I felt the same about him no matter what. The second time we only walked outside together briefly, and went into a few shops. In his human form he is not affected by light, but he is simply so used to being in the night that is just not comfortable like that. Not to mention that he has so little experience being around other people. I could tell that he was very nervous, although he carried himself in such a way that you would never know that he was actually completely new to all of it. The only thing that was unusual about the experience (perhaps to others) was his stunning appearance, which was in some ways not of the time, as his hair was pulled back but still long and very light, and his manner of dress was a bit magical as well. I should add that in his human form he has this strangely ageless face, as in he looks both young and not. I can't quite explain it. At one point during our outing, he mentioned quietly to me that he was not used to being so…ground-bound. So that was another way I knew that he was not comfortable. That was the last time I saw him that way.
The other amulet that he has (I am only aware of two) he gave to me many years ago. For some reason, I think he decided that something with the power to awaken him in the light belonged in the hands of someone else. I think he felt more comfortable that way, so that he wouldn't have the power all to his own. He trusted me with it. I think in some ways he is afraid to become used to things that are outside of his…normal way of life. Maybe that is why he gave it to me. You are probably wondering how it works, as I am certainly no spell-caster. The amulet is actually enchanted. All I have to do is touch it to the stone and he is instantly awake (or vice versa), and the sun does not affect him. I usually use it only for brief periods of time, and only very rarely. I still feel nervous about using it at all. I know he doesn't mind, but I am never sure just what it is like to be pulled out of such a deep sleep, from stone to reality. I really think he just feels very out of place in this world, so he keeps himself at a distance. That's why it makes me feel so much when I think about how he decided to take on the form of a human with the amulet he won. I know how hard it was for him, because it makes him feel even more out of place, but at the same time, he was trying to feel more connected to me. I don't even know what to say, I mean, what does a person say to something like that? It is such an unbelievable sacrifice to become something you are uncomfortable with in order to feel something you are not sure how to feel. That is how he is, unbelievably kind.