I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter nineteen

It took Harry almost two weeks to convince Hermione that it would be a bad idea to follow any advice that Hagrid gave them. While following the spiders gave them valuable information last time, it also almost got Ron and him killed.

McGonagall did tell Dumbledore an abbreviated version of what Harry told her. She said that Harry had a feeling that something was wrong. The problem with that was now Dumbledore thought he was a Seer. But he knew that he could convince him that it had something to with his scar. It did have to with Voldemort after all. He really didn't like the idea of pretending to be a Seer. It would be easy to get caught in a lie if he managed to change something unintentionally like with what happened with Sirius.

It was the weekend again and Harry still hadn't gotten over his depression about Penny. The teachers told them that she was getting better but it was going slow. The Ravenclaws were grateful for any information about their friend. But it was Percy's behavior that made Harry's stomach go cold. He was acting like the attack wasn't even affecting him. She was his girlfriend after all.

Sirius was worried about Harry. He knew that if he didn't get out of the funk that he was in his magic could be affected. He had seen it happen before. Contrary to popular belief, Azkaban doesn't have any magic suppressant wards. If there were, he wouldn't have been able to turn into Padfoot. No one could do magic there because of depression that the Dementors caused. He shivered at the thought. But right now, Harry was his main concern.

"Harry, can I talk to you for a moment?" Harry followed him up the stairs to one of the cleaner rooms and put up an impervious charm. "Pronglet, I'm really starting to get worried about you. Minerva fire-called me last week and told me that your grades are starting to slip. Is there something you want to tell me? Remember, I won't accept that 'I'm fine' crap."

"I just have a lot on my mind. I really am fine, Dad." But Harry refused to look into his eyes.

"Don't lie to me. You are better than to stoop to that level. Now tell me what's wrong with you." He was angry and Harry knew it.

"I don't know how much more I can take. I haven't changed anything this year. And my selfish desires almost gat someone killed. I almost killed someone just like I killed Cedric. I don't know if I can do this." He was yelling by this point.

"Cedric isn't dead. You can still save him. Penny is going to be fine. You can't control everything. Some things just happen." He tried to soothe Harry's temper by not yelling back

'But it's my fault. I forgot about her."

"Then it's my fault that Lily and James are dead." He finally yelled. "If something that was out of your control is your fault then something that was out of my control is my fault."

"But I did know. I was in control and I forgot. I was selfish..."

"Then so was I. I was so selfish that I wanted to save my best friends' lives. I risked everything so that they could be happy. I was so selfish that I made a mistake

"You can't expect to remember everything that happened during a five year period. You are only human, Harry. You aren't perfect. No one expects you to be." He thought they were past that.

"I know that."

"I know that you know. But do you believe it," he asked.

"I want to but I don't think I can. It's so hard right now. Everything is so mixed up. I mean, I'm seventeen-years-old but I act like I'm kid sometimes. It's so confusing. I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't what to feel about my best friends or..." He stopped talking not know how (or willing) to phrase himself. "How am I supposed to be two different ages for the rest of my life? I was emotionally unstable before but now I'm a complete mess."

"All you really can do is take it one day at a time just like you did before. Don't worry about what you can't control and stop the bad things that you can control. Remember that you aren't alone and have a family that will do anything for you." He pulled Harry into a hug.

"So, do you feel any better, kiddo?" Harry nodded at his adoptive father. "Good let's get back down stairs. You have a lesson you have to get to."

Harry groaned. "I don't see why I still have to take the Animagi lessons. I almost have it down."

"Because I get to see you during our lessons. And when we are done with Animagi lessons I'm going to teach you how to control your wandless magic." He removed the charm and went back downstairs.

"I'm going to have another busy summer, aren't I?" He was looking forward to relaxing a little this year. He really needed it. His family knew that he needed it.

"Actually, I was thinking that we would take a little trip. I'm not sure yet but I want to go somewhere warm and sunny. Someplace that isn't Paris." Harry was a bit confused about the Paris comment but didn't say any thing.

The lesson went on for an hour. Neville was really progressing. He should have the transformation done by the middle of next year. Ron would have it not long before him. But Harry and Hermione...

Harry concentrated as he forced his body to transform. It was slightly painful as his bones shifted and reformed into a canine. So enough Sirius was also in his form and nipped at Harry's triangle-shaped ear. He tried to take a step but he fell over. He growled in annoyance when he saw that everyone was laughing at him. He and Sirius transformed back.

"I'd like to see you try to walk with four legs." Harry turned his nose from them.

"Hermione can," said Neville with a laugh.

"Show off."

Hermione let out a meow and gave them her best haughty glare. The effect was lost because she was a bushy brown cat.

"We have to name her," said Sirius.

"I got one; how about Fluffy." Hermione hissed when Harry said that name. Honestly, she actually liked it but she wasn't one agree immediately.

Harry went back to his wolf-dog form and once again tried to walk. He only managed a few steps before he fell again. And like last time everyone was laughing at him. He transformed back. He waited for everyone to speak up.

"I can't believe that I'm saying this but Sirius will you teach me how to walk." Everyone started to laugh again.

It was a few days later and Harry was in McGonagall's office. He wanted to see if he could take his Potions O.W.L.'s. He really hated being in Snape's class. That man really didn't have the stuff it takes to be a teacher. He knew Neville would fail that class if he didn't have his and Hermione's help. Heck, even Ron would fail the class without help. Scratch that, anyone who wasn't a Slytherin or Ravenclaw would fail that class the way Snape taught it. Who would blame him if he wanted an out?

"Professor, can I please take my Potions' O.W.L. early? I can't stand that class. I make the best potions and he still finds reasons to fail me." McGonagall put her hand up to stop him mid rant.

"Harry, I can't let you take the exam. There would be too many questions from the Ministry if a twelve-year-old passes the exam, even if he is the Boy-Who-Lived. So my answer is no."

"But professor..." he complained.

"I'm sorry Harry. We will think of something that will make things better for everyone in his class. This is just one of those things that you will have to accept." She really could sympathize with the boy. "We both know that going to the headmaster would be pointless. He refuses to hear a word against the man even though all the Houses but his own has complained about him. I will do everything in my power to get him to behave."

"Do you know why Dumbledore trust Snape so much?"

"I do but I can't tell you." Harry began to protest that he had every right to know but McGonagall stopped him again. "It isn't because I don't wish to tell you. I foolishly agreed to an Unbreakable Vow of Silence. If I tell anyone, I would die instantly. I didn't know what I was agreeing to when I made the Vow. I regret that I made it sometimes."

"You probably didn't have a choice but to make the promise. He wouldn't have a problem with using a Memory Charm on someone. But the problem with that is that Memory Charms can be broken. When they are the person's mind can be destroyed. Dumbledore respects you enough to prevent that."

"I wish I knew when he went wrong. I remember him from when I was a girl. I was barely in my twenties when he defeated Grindelwald. I knew that he was a Light Wizard through and through but now, he's nothing more than a Grey Wizard. He a good man; he's just imprudent in his ways. I will follow him in war but I will always second guess his decisions when it comes to the students' personal lives, especially after what he did to you."

"I really needed to hear that. I won't deny that he's a leader. He just needs to set his priorities straight. I don't hate him but I don't want him in my life.

"I'll talk to you later. I have to get down to Potions. Snape will wring my neck if I'm late again" He saw the teacher's lips go thin. It was a joke professor. He'll just give me a detention with Lockhart. That'll torture me more than any class with Snape. He doesn't even look at teacher's notes from me."

A/N I know that more of you wanted Harry to take the exam but I had to have something that Harry asks for that doesn't go his way.