Well, here is the next chapter. It took me a little more time to write since it turned out longer than I thought it would. Anyway, read on...
"I think I may be of some help to you."
Eiri and Hiro turned towards the unexpected voice. K stood in the nearby hallway, leaning his shoulder against the wall, arms folded across his chest, and a smile on his face. Eiri cocked his eyebrow. "Not to be cynical, but what the hell do you think you can do?"
Hiro nodded in agreement. "Yeah, K-san. I don't think pulling a guilt trip is going to bring Shuichi back, not this time."
K-san tilted his head back and laughed heartily. He approached the two men and met Hiro's questioning gaze. "You mentioned that you needed his address?"
Hiro nodded dumbly. "Well, that's the problem. I only have the phone number to the apartment where he was staying while he was in America. That is the only place I could think of that he would go, but we shouldn't call him. If he thinks we're going to drag him back, he'll run."
"It will take a couple of days, but I will get the address for you," K offered, a mischievous glint in his eye.
Hiro retrieved a piece of paper from the receptionist and jotted down the numbers quickly and handed it to K. Eiri folded his arms over his chest in obvious skepticism. "What makes you think you can get the address? For some reason, I doubt that it's a work requirement for becoming the manager of a band."
K-san smirked. "Let's just say that Seguchi Tohma is not the only one in this business with...certain connections." He glanced over the paper in his hands and turned his attention to both of them. "Like I said, this will probably take a couple of days. Until then, take it easy, both of you. Hiro, you can take a couple of days off if you need to. I don't think we'll get much work done, at least not until our wayward vocalist resurfaces."
Hiro nodded, knowing full well that he would not be able to concentrate on the music, anyway. "Call us when you find anything." K nodded and left without another word.
Hiro turned towards Eiri, who had a crestfallen expression on his face. Hiro suddenly felt a pang of sadness for writer. Judging by his face, the blonde obviously felt very deeply about Shuichi, even though they had met only a short time ago. Eiri caught his eyes and both silently agreed to head home.
Hiro decided to walk home and enjoy the calm night air rather than ride his motorcycle back. He knew he would regret it in the morning, but right now, he didn't care. He made his way down the dark streets, following his feet instinctively towards his apartment. He could not suppress the overpowering dread he felt when he considered what could have happened. Aki and Katsuki. He really didn't think that those two would be around here anymore, three years having passed. He also knew that the two would be extremely angry at him for having left so suddenly. He could not fathom the extent of damage they did to his fragile friend. He could remember that first conversation over the phone, when Shuichi had told him everything.
"America?! Why the hell did you go there?"
Shuici was silent for a moment, then began in a quiet voice. "I had to get away."
"Get away? Get away from what? You just leave me without saying goodbye! We're supposed to be best friends. How can I be a good friend to you if you decide to up and leave without warning?" Hiro was mad. He felt incredibly hurt when he found out his friend had left Japan.
Shuichi shifted in his chair, transferring the phone to his other ear as he forced his voice to stay calm. "You don't understand, I didn't know that I'd be able to get away from them. I didn't have much notice."
Hiro paused, confused. "Them? Your parents? I thought you guys got along?"
"Not my parents."
Hiro was becoming frustrated with the run-around answers. "Who then?"
Shuichi's voice caught in his throat. "A-Aki and Ka-Katsuki." He could feel his self-control begin to break.
Hiro was silent. He did not like the tone of voice his friend used. He could tell even over the phone that he was in pain. "What happened, Shuichi?"
Shuichi sighed. 'Here it comes,' he thought. He really did not want to lose his best, no only, friend, but he promised himself that he would tell him the truth. "They...Aki and Katsuki...they...used me. They sold me."
"What do you mean?"
"..."
Realization hit Hiro and hit him hard. No, that couldn't be right. "When you say they used you, do you mean...like for sex?"
"Yeah," Shuichi's voice betrayed his tone, tears sliding quietly down his cheeks.
Hiro almost dropped the phone at hearing the confession. Sold him? Sex? He could tell by the heavy breathing over the phone that his friend was crying. His heart broke in that moment. 'How could I have not known? What kind of friend am I? I didn't know that my friend was raped?' He knew that it was rape, because his friend loathed physical contact and would never consent to something like that. Now he knew why the boy was so sensitive to touch. Not wanting Shuichi to take his silence the wrong way, he cleared his throat. "When did they do this?"
Shuchi laughed darkly. "Seven years, Hiro. They would do it at least once a day, depending on how many people..." He broke off. He put his head in his hand and tried to continue. "I became...numb, after a while. It's better that way. It doesn't hurt as much that way."
Hiro couldn't believe his ears. He desperately wished that he had found out this sooner, that way he could have protected his friend. "I'm gonna fucking kill them," he growled.
Shuichi's head shot up. "No! Don't do anything, Hiro...please? I don't want you to get in trouble, or worse, hurt. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to you because of me." Silence. "Please, Hiro? I just...I just want to leave that...all of that behind me."
Although Hiro did not agree with him, hearing those defeated worse made his heart clench. He could feel hot tears threatening to spill as he nodded his head. "I...I promise, Shuichi."
That was the last conversation they had in which Shuichi let his emotions show freely. In the years that followed, the younger boy had become more distant, stubborn and angry. Hiro knew that it was just a coping mechanism, but it was difficult all the same. He wanted nothing more than for his friend to be happy. He deserved it more than anyone else.
Hiro entered his dark apartment and closed the door behind him. He made his way over to his bedroom without turning on the lights. He did not want bright things right now, not when he friend could be in danger. What if he wasn't at the old apartment? What if they still had him? He kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed, not bothering with the covers. He wiped his damp eyes with the back of his hand and sniffed. "I'm sorry Shuichi, but if they hurt you, I going to have to break my promise."
XXX
Eiri drove slowly, unusual for him. He could not bring himself to concentrate at the simple task. His mind refused to see anything but pink hair and amethyst eyes. Why would his lover leave without telling him? Did he think that he would not be willing to go with him?
His mind ran through the events of the day. He was furious at Tohma's attitude. What wasn't he telling him? What gives him the right to interfere with his personal life? If he had any information on the singer, he should have told him.
Thinking about Hiro's reaction, something struck him as strange. He did not notice it at the time, but why did the red-head's demeanor change completely after he mentioned Katsuki and Aki? Sure, he did not know them personally, but if they were family...Eiri didn't understand why the man would immediately associate the two with Shuichi's disappearance.
Reaching his condo, he got out of his car and locked it behind him. Entering his house, he made his way to the bedroom, hoping for a dreamless night's sleep.
Nicole wiped her hands on the dishtowel and hung it to dry. Pouring the rice into two small bowels, she took one before walking out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Stopping in front of the door, she took a breath and tapped lightly. No answer, but she didn't really expect any. She tried the doorknob. Locked. "Shuichi," she called softly. She knew he was not asleep. "I have some rice for you." No answer. "Please, Shuichi, I'm worried about you. You need to eat something." No response, no movement. She hung her head in defeat. "I will leave yours out in the kitchen, okay?"
She turned around and returned to the kitchen. Looking sadly at the bowel, she slipped it in the microwave. To keep it warm, she thought. Just in case. She took her bowel into the living room and sat down in her favorite chair. She was not surprised by Shuichi's response, or lack thereof. He had been this way since he first arrived back at her apartment. He refused to say anything to her, specifically what had caused his change of heart and brought him back. After their initial greeting, he locked himself away, refusing...everything. Two days have passed and she hadn't even seen the boy leave his room.
Having lost her appetite, she set her bowel on the coffee table. She had come to terms with her feelings a long time ago, and understood that she loved the younger man. Not just in a friendly sort of way, either. Although she respected his need for distance, she longed to run her hands through his seemingly silky hair...to hold him close...to press her lips against his...But she knew better. She understood that she could never have him that way, and was content to just be there for him when he needed her. She understood...but it tore at her heart. To know that something was seriously hurting him was killing her inside.
What aren't you telling me, Shuichi?
XXX
Shuichi lay in the dark room, the heavy drapes on his solitary window blocking out any oppressive sunlight. The thick covers wrapped tightly around his body, creating a makeshift cocoon. Like a caterpillar, he smirked Too bad I won't be beautiful when I emerge.
He had lost track of the hours as he lay there, not knowing the time of day due to the lack of sunlight. It must have been a long time, though, as the pangs of an empty stomach assaulted him. He ignored the hunger effectively, pushing it aside. He did not have any desire to fuel his body anymore. He only wished for the darkness that surrounded him to bring dark mercy on him. The pain in his heart was unbearable, his body an empty shell. The darkness chaining him down threatened to swallow him whole...and he welcomed it.
He sighed, rolling onto his back to gaze at the dark ceiling. He wondered briefly about what was going on back in Japan. Why hasn't Hiro called? Why would he want to talk to someone like you? He's finally gotten tired of you. Tears pricked his eyes, knowing that this must be the reason. He didn't blame Hiro, it wasn't anything he could help. He had been defiled, and now he was just a dirty carcass.
And what about Eiri? Did the writer miss him? Did Hiro tell him the truth? He's probably disgusted...repulsed by the realization that he made love to a disgusting piece of filth like you...Of course, he didn't blame the writer, either. Shuichi had been dishonest, he had enticed the older man into thinking that he was clean.
Darkness edged its way into Shuichi's mind, his eyes becoming unfocused. He knew that his body was threatening him, telling him that he needed sustenance. What his body didn't know, however, was that he didn't care anymore. He had lost all of the people who had been important to him. Hiro would never speak to him again, Eiri would turn away, and he knew that if Nicole were to find out, he would no longer be invited to stay any longer. In his jumbled mind, he realized that even his birth family had abandoned him...
He closed his eyes as the darkness became heavier. He welcomed it, knowing that, at least in his dreams, he would see golden orbs looking at him, shining with love.
The shrill ring of the phone yanked Eiri out of his restless sleep. He was immediately overcome with a pounding migraine, the painful result of a mixture of sleep deprivation, lack of food, and the alcohol he consumed the night before. He rolled out of bed, cursing as he untangled the sheets from his bed. He glared at the offending object, sitting innocently on the bedside table. Sighing and rubbing his temples, he picked up the receiver. "What?"
"That's no way to talk to a friend, Eiri-san."
Eiri's headache forgotten, his eyes shot open. "K! Do you have any news?"
K chuckled over the phone. "A little eager, aren't we?" he teased.
Frustrated, Eiri began to lose his temper. "Don't fuck around, K. What-"
"Meet me at the studio in an hour. I already called Hiro-san. I'll see you then."
Eiri hung up and replaced the phone. Not wanting to waste any time, he decided to get ready immediately. Grabbing some clean clothes, he jumped into the shower, washing in record time. When he was finished, he dressed quickly and ran his hand through his hair. He slipped on his shoes, threw on his coat and made his way out, grabbing his keys, wallet and cell phone on the way. Stopping in front on the door, a shimmer of silver caught his eye. Looking down, he noticed that there was a silver metal object sitting halfway under the door. Leaning down, he picked the object up, and felt his heart sink. But...this is Shuichi's key. Why would he...Feeling his heart clench at thoughts of Shuichi, he slipped the key into his pocket and left the condo.
XXX
Eiri made it to the studio in less than ten minutes. It was still early in the morning, just before the usual slam of rush-hour traffic. He was thankful because, considering the circumstances, he would have likely gotten himself killed the way he was driving. He parked his car and made his way inside. Cursing the elevator for being so slow, he finally arrived on the fifth floor and found the studio. Although only half an hour had passed since the phone call, he was not surprised in the least to see Hiro already sitting at a small table, two cups of coffee on the table.
Hiro looked up expectantly when Eiri opened the door, his expression falling slightly when he saw the writer. Nonetheless, he offered a small smile. "Good morning, Eiri-san." He pushed the untouched cup towards him.
Taking the offer, Eiri slumped in the seat and sipped the scalding coffee, allowing the caffeine to do it's work. "Can't sleep either?" he asked, noticing the purple bags under the brunette's eyes.
Hiro smiled weakly. "Nope."
They sat in silence for a while, each silently cursing the American for making them wait. Before they could voice their agitation, the door of the studio burst open, slamming firmly against the wall. K walked in, a bright smile across his face. "Good morning!"
Eiri and Hiro merely stared at him, making their irritation known. Hiro spoke up first. "What have you found out, K-san?"
K laughed, taking a seat at the table. "Cut to the chase right away, huh?" Both nodded. "You guys don't know how to build suspense, do you? I mean, I offer to help, go out of my way to find the little cherub, and all I get in re-"
Eiri slammed his fist on the table, spilling a few drops of cooling coffee. His migraine had returned full force and he was in no mood to play games. "Just tell us what you know," he demanded. He felt a hand cover his fist, and he looked towards Hiro, who gave him a pleading look. Eiri let out a deep breath and dropped his aching head into hands.
K, who looked unfazed by the outburst, continued to smile. "Well, to make a long story short, I have the address." He pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket. "The hard part is done. Now we just need to see if he is there. I guess we can only hope for the best."
Eiri took the paper from K's hand, studying the address written. "I'm going alone."
Although K did not seem surprised, it was Hiro's turn to jump from his seat. "What the hell do you mean you are going alone? Shuichi is my best friend, I have just as much right as you to go get him? What makes you think I'll let you go without me?"
Eiri maintained a calm attitude. "If we both barge in there demanding for him to come back, how do you think he will react to that?" Hiro's face fell, contemplating Eiri's reasoning. "If I go alone, it would be less threatening for him and he may just come around. Besides," Eiri met drew Hiro's eyes to meet his, "if it turns out that Shuichi is not there, someone needs to be keeping an eye out for him here."
Hiro returned to his seat. He couldn't argue, what the writer said made sense. In any case, he feared too much for his friend, and if those assholes still had him somewhere, he wanted to be the one to deal with them. After a few moments of contemplation, he nodded his head. "Fine, then. K and I will stay here and keep an eye out for him." He locked eyes with the older man. "Just bring him back."
Eiri nodded, and silently thanked the Gods that the brunette relented. Standing up without another word, Eiri walked out.
XXX
Reaching his home, Eiri set to work quickly. Logging onto his computer, he managed to reserve a plane ticket to leave later in the afternoon. Using the address K had given him, he searched to find a hotel that would be close to the singer's apartment and reserved a suite. He kept the ticket as well as the room open-ended, not knowing how long he would be there. He smiled, imagining himself and Shuichi enjoying Los Angeles together. Although Eiri had been to America before as a teenager, he had spent all of his time on the east coast, mainly New York. He never had the opportunity to travel elsewhere, and he looked forward to sharing the time with his koi.
Pushing his thoughts aside, he quickly began to pack a small suitcase for his trip. After an hour, he had everything ready, managing to fit what he needing into a carry-on bag. He grabbed his keys and wallet and made his way out the door. He slid into his Mercedes and set out towards the airport.
Eiri arrived in Los Angeles after the long flight and stepped out into the warm sun outside of the airport. He looked around and quickly spotted a waiting taxi and entered the car, directing the driver to the hotel. His thoughts never left the task at hand. The hard part was going to be controlling his temper. Although he was happy to have found where the singer likely was, he could not quell the feeling of betrayal that firmly rooted itself in his heart. Am I so unimportant to him that he could just leave without saying a single word? To not even call to let me know he is alright?
Eiri dismissed these thoughts as the driver pulled up to the door of his hotel. After checking in and being shown to his suite, he sat down on the queen-sized bed and tried to think of a plan. He could just go over there, demand to talk to the younger man. But what if he became angry at him? What if he really did do something to make the singer upset enough to leave? He could always give him a call first. Making up his mind, he pulled the, now worn, piece of paper from his pocket. After studying it for a minute, he reached for the phone.
XXX
Nicole entered the apartment carrying several bags of groceries and a large box. She set the box on the counter and began to put the cold items away, smiling to herself. She was determined to get through to her roommate, and what better pick-me-up than freshly baked cinnamon rolls from the local bakery. Slipping off her shoes, she made her way down the hall towards Shuichi's room. The door was, of course, locked. Sighing and fixing her smile on her face, she raised her hand, getting ready to knock. She was stopped mid-way, however, after her ears caught a strange noise coming from the room. Furrowing her eyebrows, she leaned her ear against the door, trying to identify the sound. It was a guitar. Her heart skipped a beat, realizing that Shuichi was showing the first signs of life since he came back. She continued to lean against the door, trying to absorb the boy's beautiful voice.
XXX
Shuichi sat in a dark corner of his room, knees brought to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, and chin resting on his knees. Although the room was void of light, his eyes had long-since adjusted, and he could see fairly clearly. He looked down at the notebook that lay on the floor by his knees, scanning the sloppy handwriting of his latest 'masterpiece'. It may not have been a happy song, but he liked it nonetheless. It was the only means of communication he wished to deal with. Now and forever, he thought.
Looking to his side, he saw his guitar leaning against the closet. He was relieved that it was still at the apartment, having left it when he went to Japan, knowing he could count on Hiro's skills. His heart clenched at the thought of his best friend. Ex-best friend, now. Reaching out, he fought to keep his hand steady, but lack of nourishment was making his body weak. Even so, he had no desire to consume anything that would satiate the pain ripping through his stomach. Placing the guitar on his lap, he plucked the strings experimentally, tuning the instrument to the best of his abilities. Finally satisfied, he began pouring out the words to his new song.
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochist to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds.
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
My flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
With its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries
And you don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on;
I'll never live down my deceit.
Shuichi let the last cords trail off. His eyes were dry, having forgotten his tears long ago. A soft knock was heard. He glared at the door, willing it to burst into flames. After it seemed that no such thing would happen, he settled for ignoring it. The person on the other side, however, was not so ready to give up. A louder knock, followed by a voice. "Shuichi." Shuichi laid his head on his knees, trying to fade away. He did not want to face his roommate, knowing that he was causing her a deal of pain from his behavior.
The knocking became more persistent. "Shuichi, I know you're awake. Come out, for heaven's sake. Please, I just want to talk to you." No response. Nicole knocked louder, continuing to speak through the door. "You can't stay in there forever, you know? What the hell has gotten into you?" Shuichi could make out the slight quiver in her voice, knowing that she was fighting hard not to cry. "Why don't you just talk to me?"
Shuichi's patience wore out. Anger flooded his mind. Why can't everyone just leave me the hell alone? He stood up angrily, ignoring the tremble in his weak knees. He stomped towards the door and threw it open forcefully, causing it to bang loudly against the wall. He glared at her coldly, despite seeing the wet shimmer in her eyes. They stared at each other for several moments, neither wanting to make the first move. Shuichi was the first to act, walking past her towards the front door. He slipped his feet into his shoes and began to reach for the door handle.
Nicole quickly gained her senses and followed him. "Where are you going? I thought that we could talk," she pleaded.
He merely shot her a dirty look and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.
XXX
Nicole stared at the closed door for quite some time, trying to figure out what happened. The look he gave her...It wasn't that the expression was cold, as he probably had intended. It was hard to see, but she saw it. His eyes were empty, void of all emotion. Although his expression was hostile, she realized that he had nothing left inside. When she heard the song he wrote, her heart tore in half, her soul ached. Even though he rejected her, she did not love him any less. She could not stand seeing him in pain, not knowing how to help, or even what was wrong. In all the time they spent together, not once had he opened up to her. This pained her beyond belief.
She snapped out of her reverie at the unexpected sound of the phone. Walking into the living room, she picked up the receiver. "Hello?"
"Is Shuichi there?" (a.n. japanese)
Nicole blinked in confusion. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
There was a pause, then the voice spoke again, with a foreign accent. "I'm sorry. I asked if Shuichi was there?"
Curiousity replaced confusion. "Who's asking?"
"I'm...a friend. I met Shuichi in Japan. I just arrived in Los Angeles today"
Nicole nodded to herself in understanding. "I'm sorry, but he's not home right now." Her heart felt heavy. "I think I made him mad, and he went for a walk, I guess."
There was a pause on the other line, then a tentative question. "How is he?"
Nicole could feel fresh tears threaten to fall, and shook her head, knowing that the person could not see her. "Not good. Worse than he was when I first met him. He just sits in his room all day, he won't even eat." She choked on her words and took a minute to compose herself before continuing. "You said that you are a friend?"
"Something like that. Do you know when he'll be back?"
"No," she answered. Then an idea came to her. Maybe seeing a friend, one who came all the way from Japan, would cheer Shuichi up. Trying to keep the excitement from her voice, she spoke again. "You can come visit, if you'd like. Maybe seeing another friendly face would cheer him up some. What do you say?"
"That sounds good to me. I will be over this evening." The phone disconnected. Nicole held the phone in her hands, staring at it thoughtfully. She hadn't even given him the address.
XXX
Shuichi had no idea how long he had been walking, but the sun was beginning to set as he made his way into the apartment building. He felt even worse than he did when he left, having hoped the fresh air would clear his head. Instead, his legs had difficulty holding up the rest of his body. Opening the door, he entered quietly, slipping out of his shoes. As he walked down the hall, Nicole came out of the living room and walked behind him. "What do you want?" he asked coldly.
Nicole held her breath, gathering her courage. "I want to talk to you. I want you to talk to me."
"Why? Don't bother." He started to walk again.
Nicole reached forward, trying to pull him back. When her fingers wrapped around the sleeve of his shirt, he immediately spun around, throwing her hand away roughly. "Don't tell me not to bother, Shuichi. I am your friend and I care about you. I don't like seeing you like this."
Shuichi fought to stay in control. "I am not worth your worry. Just...go away. I refuse to talk to you, to anyone. Just let me be." Without waiting for a response, he turned around and made his way into his room, shutting and locking the door behind him.
He went into his corner and slumped down, falling to his side. He curled himself into a ball to hide himself away. He did not want her concern...her pity. He loathed the unwarranted attention she was trying to force upon him. He only wished for it to go away forever.
He lay there for some time, not thinking of anything in particular. Before he could fall into darkness, he heard the annoying sound of knocking on his bedroom door.
K exited the elevator and made his way towards the president's office. It was well past working hours, so the building was thankfully empty. He needed it that way.
Walking into the office without knocking, Tohma's gaze studied him thoughtfully. K took the seat across from him, sitting in silence, no trace of the always-present smile. After studying the blonde for several minutes, he sighed. "I only have one question for you, Seguchi-san. Why refuse your brother-in-law? What motivation did you have?"
Tohma leaned back in his seat, folding his hands in his lap. He wore a plastered smirk as he regarded the American. "I don't believe that this is any of your concern, K-san."
K smirked, expecting that very answer from the devious man. "It is my business when it concerns one of my bands. Don't be coy, I am not as foolish as some of your other subordinates. I want the truth."
Tohma sighed, knowing that K was,indeed, a very cunning man and not to be underestimated. "Do you know who Shuichi was with just before he disappeared?"
K nodded, having overheard much of Eiri and Hiro's conversation. "Two guys, Katsuki and Aki, I believe."
Tohma nodded. "Tanako Sukio. Do you recognize that name?"
K was slightly taken aback. What did he have to do with anything? "Yeah, who hasn't. The police have been after him for years. He's the biggest drug-pusher in Japan. What does he have to do with this?"
"You are partially right," Tohma conceded. "However, he is also known to have...another business of sorts." K quirked an eyebrow, urging him to get on with it. "He also deals in human trafficking. Satou Katsuki and Hideki Aki were a couple of his underlings." He let the words have their effect.
K sat with a calm, disbelieving look on his face, which soon turned angry. "You can't possibly believe that Shuichi was somehow involved in that kind of thing?"
Tohma shook his head lightly. "I don't believe that Shindo-san worked with those men. However, his connection is no concern of mine. What concerns me, however, is Eiri's involvement."
"Involvement?"
Tohma smiled. "Yes. Involvement with that boy could prove to be against Eiri's best interest. I refuse to see them together, now that I have found the possibility of Shindo-san being connected with Tanako-san. I really don't care what his involvement is, but I will encourage Eiri to keep his distance from a boy of his...caliber."
K-san chuckled and stood from his chair, making his way towards the door. Opening the door, he paused and turned to face Tohma. "I'm afraid it's too late for that. Eiri-san has already left for America. In fact, I wouldn't doubt that he may be with Shuichi-kun right now. I would suggest that you stay out of it for now on, unless you want Eiri-san to turn against you in the end." With that, he walked out the door, leaving the blonde to sit in stunned silence.
Eiri made his way up the stairs towards the third floor. During the whole ride towards the apartment complex, he fought to figure out what he would say to Shuichi. Now, only a few feet away from the dreaded apartment, he was no closer to answering his question. He turned down the hallway and found the correct apartment number. Taking a deep breath, he knocked.
The door opened only a second later, revealing a tall, attractive red-haired woman. She stared at him with her brilliant green eyes, confusion playing on her features. "Can I help you?" He noticed how her voice held an almost inaudible quiver, and he also noted the slight puffiness under her eyes. Had she been crying?
Eiri attempted a smile, but it came out more like a grimace. "I'm here for Shuichi. I'm Eiri."
The woman's face brightened at the realization that this was the same man she had spoken to earlier. I didn't think he would be so attractive, she mused. "Hi, I'm Nicole. Why don't you come in. I was just getting ready to head out for a while, but I'm sure Shuichi can handle himself with you," she joked.
Eiri took the invitation and walked in. She led him down a short hallway, arriving in a small but warm living room. Nicole walked across the room and threw on her shoes. "I'm sorry I can't stay, but I have to drop something off for my uncle. He's not one to easily forgive if I don't show up." Eiri nodded. After she finished with her shoes, she stood up and walked towards the doorway. She pointed at a closed door down the hall, making sure she had Eiri's attention. Her face grew solemn and sad. "He's down there. I don't know what you can do for him, but please try anything." Her voice cracked slightly and she paused to compose herself. "Try to get him to eat something, if you can. He hasn't had anything for three days...at least not that I know of." Eiri nodded in understanding, his spirit ached with the information. She offered another false smile before walking out of the apartment.
Finally alone, his lover only a door away. He calmed his nerves and walked towards the door. Taking a deep breath, he knocked firmly. There was no answer. Determined, he knocked again, louder this time. Once there seemed to be no answer again, he raised his hand to try a third time. Before it could connect with the hard surface, the door was yanked open, revealing a very disheveled Shuichi. "I thought I told you no-"
Shuichi froze, having been confronted by the very man who haunted his waking moments. Eiri tried to maintain his cool while studying those angry eyes. "Shuichi..."
Shuichi broke from his stupor at the sound of his name playing from his lover's lips. Ex-lover, you moron. What makes you think he'd still want you after what you'd done? "Go away, Eiri. I don't want you here."
Eiri was stunned, but he knew that this would be a possible reaction, and he refused to be sent away so quickly. "Why did you leave? Why didn't you tell me?"
Because you would hate me...
He met the blonde's gaze and glared. "I don't have to tell you shit. What makes you think you have the right to question me? I can do what I want."
Eiri was surprised by the iciness of his tone. "What right?! I thought that you wanted this relationship. I thought-"
You thought I was someone I can't be...
"I don't care what the hell you thought!" he snapped, hiding his pain behind rage. "There is nothing between us. I left because I had to get away."
"Get away?" Eiri stiffened. "From what? From me?"
...no Eiri, I never wanted to leave you...
"What do you think, Eiri? Why do you care?"
Eiri never broke his stare. "I care about you, that's what. I want you to come back."
"No."
Eiri sighed. "Then tell me one thing. Do you care about me?"
Of course I do...I love you, Eiri...so much...but I can't let you become dirty by me...I need to let you go...
"I feel nothing for you," he replied without emotion, although he had to avert his eyes, not able to stand seeing the hurt he caused.
"I don't believe you."
Shuichi's conflicting emotions finally drove him over the edge. Glaring at Eiri, he screamed. "Get OUT! I don't want you here! I can't stand the sight of you anymore. GO NOW! LEAVE ME ALONE!" The rage and hatred poured out of him, although it was not borne from Eiri. He hated himself for believing, at least for a little while, that he was happy.
I'm not good enough for anyone, especially someone like him...
I don't deserve any part of him...
Eiri's heart broke, hearing those words from the one he cared so deeply about. Without saying another word, he turned around and walked out the door. He made his way down the stairs, reflecting on what just happened. Although Shuichi's words were angry and aggressive, he could not deny the look he saw in the younger man's eyes. A storm of emotions - anger, self-hatred., fear...but most of all, there was pain and sadness. He could not understand why the boy pushed him away, and yet be so unhappy about it. As he walked out onto the sidewalk, he made a promise. I will not give up on you, Shu-chan. I can't...
XXX
Shuichi stood in the doorway of his room for several minutes, his body trembling uncontrollably. All of the anger and pain, loneliness and sadness threatened to swallow him whole. These uncontrollable emotions caused him to feel enraged, unable to stuff them back inside. Clenching his fists, he screamed. He screamed as loud as he could until his throat hurt. He hated himself, he hated Aki and Katsuki, and he hated Eiri.
...because I can't have him...
He made his way into the bathroom, wanting the feel of cold water on his skin to fight his hot temper. As he walked in, he caught site of his reflection in the mirror and was frightened at what he saw. His pink hair was no longer bright and shiny, but dull and disheveled, uncombed. Dark purple skin surrounded his eyes from lack of restful sleep. His eyes...
He growled, slamming his fist into the mirror, shattering it. "I HATE YOU!"
He sank to the floor cradling his injured hand, doing nothing to stop the trickles of blood. As he sat down, he pulled his knees to his chest and allowed silent tears to fall. He looked at the mess on the floor. Thousands of tiny pieces of mirror reflected the artificial light from above. His eyes landed on a much larger, jagged piece. Sniffing lightly, he reached out and picked up the misshapen shard. He teased it across the palm of his hand, eliciting a few small drops of blood. His tears ceased, marveling at the sensation. For some reason, the hurt was fading away. He drew the sharp scrap a few times across his forearm, allowing himself to sink into the pain.
Stopping mid-cut, his mind became startlingly clear. Maybe this is what he was meant to do. Why didn't he think of it earlier? A way out.
No more pain...no more pitiful glances. I won't have to hurt anyone anymore. I won't have to see anyone...ever again.
Making up his mind, he took a firm hold on the shard, ignoring the pain from the glass digging into his palm. He placed the edge halfway up his forearm. Taking a deep breath, he applied pressure, more and more, drawing the shard down towards his wrist. He continued to apply pressure until he reached the blue lines. Blood poured freely from the vessels, the final length of cut being almost an inch deep. Switching hands, he repeated the same act to his other arm, though less firmly, his arm becoming numb.
After the final cut was made and the blood drained unrestrained, he dropped the mirror. He could feel dizziness, and a calm detachment. This is the best thing I can do.
Seeing spots in his vision, the images at the corners of his eyes becoming shadows, he felt himself fall to the floor, no longer able to support his weight. His head hit the tile floor with a firm thud, but he could not feel the pain. His eyelids became unbearably heavy and he did not feel the need to breathe as deeply as before. His heart protested loudly in his ears, but he paid it no mind, all he could feel was the desired numbness.
Finally unable to hold his eyes open any longer, he allowed them to fall shut, sinking into darkness.
TBC...
A.N. I'm sorry, but I had to do it...Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I look forward to hearing everyone's opinions on how the story is going so far. Till nex time...R & R appreciated.