A.N. Well, here is the next chapter which, I hope, everyone was looking forward to. Enjoy!

"You look like shit."

Eiri narrowed his eyes and glared at the woman sitting in the chair facing him. "You don't look much better." He on the chair situated on the other side of the bed. He accepted the styrofoam cup she handed him, the smell of coffee stimulating his senses. "Still can't sleep?"

Nicole gave a weak smile and shook her head. Looking down on the sleeping face on between them, she sighed. "Every time I close my eyes...I can't erase that image. I keep hoping it was a nightmare, but every morning I wake up to...this."

Eiri nodded in understanding. For the past two weeks he visited the hospital, staying for as long as visiting hours allowed. The smell of antiseptic and alcohol no longer troubled him. Instead, it reminded him of the man that had yet to wake up. Nicole would always be there, as well, hoping that the angel would awaken if they continued to speak to him.

Eiri placed his cup on the nightstand, next to the lilies he brought the day before. He reached out and gently wrapped his fingers around Shuichi's limp hand. The bandages were still there, but weren't as thick as they were when he was first admitted. The stitches would be removed in a few days. The only thing they had left to do was wait for him to regain consciousness.

They did not speak to each other for a half hour or so, only the sounds of the machines breaking the silence. Eiri gently brushed the pink bangs out of Shuichi's closed eyes and tucked them behind his ear. You're still so warm. "When he wakes up, I'm going to take him back to Japan."

Nicole looked up, her expression lacking surprise. "I understand. But what will you do if he doesn't want to go back?"

Eiri allowed a small smile. "Then I will just have to stay here. I am a writer, after all. It doesn't really matter whether I work here or back home."

Nicole looked amused. "I knew you were lying when you said that you were just friends."

He looked up. "What do you mean?"

Nicole laughed lightly. "You said you were friends. But I see how you look at him, how you hold onto him."

Eiri nodded and returned his gaze to the boy's face. "He wasn't in Japan very long, as you know. But...we became close. I guess you could call us lovers." He heard Nicole emit a small gasp of surprise, but did not look up. "He never really...opened up to me, though. Not completely. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong when something was bothering him. I never found out what happened to make him this way." Eiri looked down dejectedly. "I wish he could have trusted me with that."

Nicole smiled and reached over, placing her hand on top of Eiri's, causing him to meet her gaze. "You still have plenty of time, after he wakes up. You just need to be there for him, help him through this." She sat back, an amused look on her face. "I have to admit, I am just a little jealous."

Eiri raised his eyebrow. "You like him?"

Nicole nodded. "I have since the first time I saw him, I just didn't realize it for a while. Him living with me was enough, though, and I never asked for anything more. He knows how I feel, I'm sure of it, but I guess he never felt the same way. I'm glad he found someone he could be around though. It doesn't matter if you both are guys."

Eiri smiled. For some reason, the opinions of this crazy American girl mattered to him, and he was grateful for the acceptance. He did not consider him a homosexual, as he had never been attracted to another man in his life. Shuichi was different, though. Special. He meant more to him than any woman he had ever met. It crushed him to see the boy in this condition.

Come back to us, Shu.

Pain. It was the first thing he felt. There was darkness all around him, but he could only concentrate on the throbbing sensation behind his eyes. He became aware of a noise in the background, one that he could not place. It was irritating and consistent. He counted his breaths, trying to concentrate on something other than the bothersome beeping. After what seemed like an eternity, his other senses awoke. He was lying down on something firm, but comfortable, his head slightly elevated. His fingers felt cold, and he curled his fingers until he made a fist in order to preserve his warmth. A dull, aching pain laced up both of his arms, causing his mind to begin clearing the foggy haze.

Where am I? What happened?

Slowly, and with much effort, he began opening his eyes. Everything was blurry at first, and he blinked several times in an attempt to focus. He was in a room with white walls, although they appeared gray due to the lack of light. There was a window to his right, but the blinds prohibited him from seeing outside. He turned his head to the left and noticed a vase of beautiful white lilies on a stand next to the bed, a chair situated nearby. He looked down at himself. He was in a bed with white sheets and was covered in a white blanket.

Why all the white?

His eyes fell on his arms. He saw that both of his forearms were covered in pristine white bandages. Suddenly, he remembered.

But...why aren't I dead? What happened?

He let his head fall back onto his pillow. Tears burst forth quickly covering his flushed cheeks. Why couldn't I just die? Haven't I suffered enough? Do I have to be denied my escape as well?

He cried and cried, but was unable to find his voice. His sobs went unnoticed and the silence lingered on long into the night.

Eiri stepped through the automatic doors that led into the hospital. For the first time in two weeks, he managed a restful night's sleep. Although he could not figure out why, he was nonetheless grateful. He walked to familiar path towards Shuichi's room, mind full of pictures of that smiling face. What he wouldn't give to see those eyes light up once more.

He sighed and pushed to door open, stepping inside. He closed the door behind him and turned towards the bed. His heart stopped. Shuichi's head was turned away from him. Why would the nursed position him like that? His thoughts were cut short when he saw the fingers of his left hand curl into a fist. Not able to react right away, he stood there in shock.

Shuichi had heard the door open and close. His doctor had left him an hour ago and would not be back until this evening. He knew that the person who entered could only be one of two people, neither of whom he wanted to see. I don't want to live this lie anymore. He turned his head and amethyst met gold. Neither men dared to speak.

He's awake...he's finally awake...

How can he look at me like that? Doesn't he see what I really am?

Eiri regained his senses and rushed over to the bed. He fell onto his knees and grasped the boy's hand firmly. "Oh god, Shuichi. I didn't know when you would wake up. I missed you so much. Why would you do something like this?" His vision became distorted, but he did not bother to wipe the grateful tears away.

Shuichi felt his heart break in two, but he did not let it show on his face. I can't be with him. I can't let him see what I am. It will hurt too much when he finds out and finally rejects me. He hid the emotions from his eyes and glared at the blonde. "Why are you here?"

Eiri was taken aback by the question. Why am I here? "What do you mean? I am here because you hurt yourself, that's why. I was worried about you, Shuichi. I need you." Eiri surprised even himself with the brutal truth. Since when did I begin depending on someone? But, for some reason, it no longer mattered to him. Without his knowledge, and without really meaning to, he had fallen head over heals for the pink-haired man in front of him.

Shuichi turned away, no longer able to tolerate the raw emotions those golden orbs held. He pulled his hand away and laid it on his stomach. "You shouldn't have bothered. I didn't need help from you or anyone else. I did what I did intentionally."

Eiri felt his chest tighten. Why does he sound so...cold? It is as if we were never together. "Shuichi, look at me," he demanded. Although part of him wanted to keep his eyes averted, the commanding tone forced him to turn towards the blonde. "Why can't you trust me? Why can't you tell me what's going on? I want to know you."

Shuichi felt a burning sensation behind his eyes, but fought the tears back. "You don't want to know me. You won't like what you see."

Before Eiri could respond, the door opened once again. "Shuichi!" Nicole quickly ran to the other side of the bed and fell to embrace the younger man, ignoring the fact that she knew damn well he did not like hugs. He'll do me this favor, just this once.

Shuichi did not respond to her touch, not able to pull away. When she finally let go, she fell into the chair behind her, tears in her eyes. "I am so happy you're awake."

"I wouldn't know why." She gasped. He turned his head and glared icily at her. "Are you the one?"

Nicole furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "The one?"

"The one who found me?" Nicole nodded. Shuichi was incredibly heartbroken at what he was about to do, but he needed to push them away. He needed to protect them...from him. "The it is you that I hate most of all."

Nicole's mouth dropped open in shock. "H-hate? B-but why do you h-hate me?"

Shuichi turned his head and stared at the ceiling. "Because you didn't let me go. What the hell makes you think that I wanted to be saved? What makes you think that I needed you?"

Nicole could not stop the pain she felt in her chest, causing each breath to become painful. She opened and closed her mouth several times, unable to produce a sound. Without another word, she stood up and walked out of the room.

Shuichi did not watch her as she left. I am so, so sorry Nicole. I don't want to hurt you, but you have to see.

He could feel Eiri's eyes on him, but did not acknowledge him. Without a sound, Eiri stood up and walked out of the door.

XXX

Nicole sat on the curb, her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. She was crying so hard that breathing was difficult. She muffled her sobs in her hands, wishing for the pain to go away. She felt a hand on her shoulder, but did not look up. Eiri sat down beside her and rested his forearms on his knees. He stared into the blue sky, grateful for the clear day.

After a short while, Nicole's sobs died away and her breathing became more normal. "We both know he didn't mean it."

She looked at him, her eyes red and puffy. "Then why would he say such m-mean things to me?"

Eiri shrugged. "I don't know, but I did see the look in his eyes when you left. He's hurting. From what, I don't know. He needs some time." He looked at her. "Give me some time to get through to him. I think that if I show him that I'm not going anywhere, no matter how hostile he is, he'll begin to understand that we care about him."

"What if he doesn't want all of this? How do you know that he doesn't honestly want to be alone?"

Eiri looked away and smiled. "Because...he's a terrible liar."

XXX

After consoling Nicole and sending her home, Eiri returned to Shuichi's room, his mind filled with stubborn resolve. He opened the door to find another person in the room with Shuichi. The brown-haired man was dressed in light blue scrubs and was scribbling notes onto a chart. "Okay, now bend your right ankle...good." He jotted some more. Eiri cleared his throat and the man looked towards him. He smiled and held out his hand. "Hi, you must me Mr. Uesugi. I'm Rick, the resident physical therapist. I was just going through the range of motions Mr. Shindo can perform without help. So far, everything looks better than the doctors had expected."

Eiri nodded and took the seat next to the bed. Shuichi did not make a move to look at him, choosing instead to follow the inane instructions given by Rick. The man continued the examination for about forty-five minutes before he finally finished. Looking over the chart, he smiled at Shuichi. "Well, everything seems to be working very well, considering you have been in a coma for two weeks. I think that you should be out of here in no time at all. I will go talk with your doctor and discuss the next step. Take it easy for now, you need to rest."

Shuichi rolled his eyes and Rick left the two alone. Shuichi looked towards the window, grateful that the blinds were open. "Why are you still here? Can't you get the hint?"

Eiri laughed internally at the frustrated insult. He was grateful to hear that beautiful voice again. "I am here because I want to be. And no, I am quite stubborn."

Shuichi huffed. "You should pick your battles wisely. I won't give in."

"Neither will I."

I won't give up on you, Shuichi.

I am nothing.

"When are you two coming back?"

"The flight leaves in an hour and a half. I am getting ready to sign his release papers. The doctors are going over his medication with him now."

Hiro sighed with relief. "I can't wait to see him. How has he been doing?"

Eiri ran a hand through his hair, trying to find the right words. "He's been...stubborn. He hardly speaks to me, tries to avoid looking at me. I'm not sure what else to do. It's been a week already with no change."

"He can be stubborn, that's just how he is. Just...show him that you're there...you know?"

"I know, Hiro. As stubborn as he may be, I can be even more, given the right situation."

Hiro laughed. "Alright, alright. Just give me a call when you two get home."

"Yeah. Maybe seeing you and K-san will have a positive effect on him."

"I hope so. Hey, I gotta go, Suguru is gonna have a breakdown if I don't at least pretend to get some work done. Tell Shuichi 'hi' for me."

"I will."

Eiri closed his phone and leaned against the wall, not looking at anything in particular. His thoughts, of course, lingered on Shuichi. For the past three weeks, and more pronounced in the last, he wracked his brain trying to figure out what was going on in the boy's mind. Although Eiri did not want to push him, Shuichi's evasive behavior was incredibly frustrating. The more he tried to get closer to the boy, the farther away he seemed. His decision to stay by his side never wavered, however. He only hoped that, with time, he would find out what was wrong.

Sighing, he walked into the hospital and made his way to the front desk. There, he filled out the patient discharge forms and the receptionist quickly filed them. He walked back to Shuichi's room to find the boy sitting on his bed, staring out the window. The morning sunlight made his hair shine ans sparkle, casting a golden glow on his porcelain skin. The effect was nothing short of ethereal, supporting Eiri's opinion that the boy was, indeed, and angel.

Shuichi, sensing Eiri's presence, turned his head towards the older man. He could see the longing in his eyes and he found himself, once again, silently apologizing. Instead of voicing this, he stood up and walked towards the door. "Time to go?"

Eiri nodded and led the way outside and into the taxi. Eiri instructed the driver to take them to the airport.

They rode in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Shuichi's gaze lingered outside, not really seeing anything. A part of him was apprehensive about returning to Japan, especially after what happened before he left. These fears, however, were overcome by another, unfamiliar train of thought. A part of him didn't care what happened when they got home.

Let them have me...I don't deserve any better. Let them hurt me...I deserve no less.

Eiri turned the key in the lock, earning an audible click. With an inward smile, he pushed the door open and walked inside. Home sweet home, he thought. He was very relieved to finally be back home after almost a month in America. He was hoping that Shuichi felt the same way.

Shuichi followed him inside and closed the door behind him. He set his duffel bag to the side and walked towards the living room. "I'm going to take a shower." Without waiting for a reply, he entered the bathroom and locked the door firmly behind him. He closed his eyes and slid down the door until he was sitting on the floor, knees drawn to his chest. He looked around the bathroom, noticing how immaculate the writer kept the room. Why am I even here? He could not find the answer to that.

Feeling a headache threatening to surface, he stood up and turned on the shower. He began taking his clothes off and set them in a pile beside the counter. Looking up, he caught his reflection in the mirror. His face was paler than usual and his hair no longer had the silky sheen it once did. As he looked at himself, he couldn't help but feel completely disgusting. How many men have touched him? How many phantom bruised were there on his body? He could not fight the feeling of being absolutely dirty.

Tearing his eyes away, he walked back to the shower. After adjusting the temperature, he stepped inside and allowed the water to saturate his pink hair, creating a waterfall down past his shoulders. Without thinking, he turned the hot water higher and took the washcloth from the holder. Applying a generous amount of soap, he began to scrub furiously at his body.

I need to erase everything...

Shuichi spent an hour 'cleansing' himself vigorously before his exhausted body threatened to give out on him. Tears washed away with the forceful stream, he knelt down onto the hard tile floor. The water had lost it's heat long ago, but the cool liquid soothed his aching and raw skin.

It's not enough.

He heard a knock on the bathroom door, followed by a worried "Shuichi?"

"I'm getting out," he yelled back. Standing up, he turned the water off and reached for a clean towel. Quickly drying himself, he found a black robe hanging on the back of the door and wrapped it around himself. He avoided glancing in the mirror as he gathered up his clothes and walked towards the door. Pulling the door open, he was faced with a worried-looking Eiri. He struggled to keep his face calm as those beautiful eyes carefully studied him. Narrowing his eyes, Shuichi glared at him. "I didn't do anything, if that's what you're thinking."

Eiri quickly averted his eyes, not wanting to make the boy feel more uncomfortable. "I made a quick dinner, it's in the kitchen."

Shuichi turned away and walked towards the bedroom, which Eiri offered to him while he stayed here. "I'm not hungry," he said, before closing the door behind him.

Shuichi looked around the room. In his mind's eye, he could still see what had happened the last time he was locked in this room. As if he was seeing it from someone else's point of view, he replayed the events over and over again in his head. Behind the safety of the closed door, he allowed the tears to flow from his eyes. It's my fault...all my fault. He dropped his clothes by the door and walked to the bed, falling onto the cool sheets. He crawled upwards so he could lay on the pillows. He inhaled deeply, intoxicated by the scent that was unique to Eiri. His mind wandered to that night they spent together. He felt ashamed that he had not been pure for the only person he had fallen for. How many men has there been? I think I stopped counting long ago.

I can't keep going like this...they will all turn away in the end, anyway.

I wonder when they will come for me again. This time...I won't fight them.

XXX

Eiri could not bring himself to touch the plate of food in front of him. Neither of them had eaten on the plane, so he knew that Shuichi had to be hungry. He sighed in frustration. Why is he being so stubborn? Finally giving up, he took his plate into the kitchen and wrapped it up before putting it in the fridge. Walking back towards the living room, he spotted Shuichi's bag sitting by the door and remembered something. Retrieving the bag, he opened the zipper and took out a small white paper bag. He removed the two pill bottles - one an antidepressant and the other a bottle of sleeping pills.

Deciding that he would keep the sleeping pills where Shuichi would not be able to find them, just in case he was tempted to take the whole bottle, he walked towards the closed bedroom door. He knocked lightly.

"I told you, I'm not hungry."

"Shuichi, open up. You have to take this medication. The doctor said it will help you," Eiri said, almost pleading.

Shuichi tried to bury his head in the pillow. "Go away, I don't want them," he said loud enough to be heard.

"Shuichi!" Eiri yelled, but received no response. He tried the knob, a faint speck of hope, but it was locked. Sighing in defeat, he decided not to push the boy too much...for now.

He walked into the living room and sat on the couch, placing the small bottles on the table. He picked up his cell phone from where he left it on the end-table and dialed a number.

"Hey, Eiri! Are you guys home already?"

"Yeah, we got back a little while ago."

"That's great! I will be right over."

"Wait, Hiro. I don't think that would be a good idea right now."

There was a pause. "What do you mean? What's wrong?"

Eiri massaged his left temple with his index finger. "He's being...difficult. He's currently locked himself in the bedroom."

Hiro sighed. "Alright, I understand. Talk with him tonight, but I'm coming over in a day or so. Maybe with the both of us, he will start to cheer up."

"Hm," Eiri grunted before hanging up.

Feeling the effects of jet lag mixed with preexisting sleep deprivation, he laid down on the couch and quickly succumbed to a restless sleep.

Hiro closed the door quietly behind him and joined his friend in the living room. He sat next to the blonde and leaned his head back against the pillows. Said blonde smoked in silence, not glancing up at his guest. "No luck?"

Hiro shook his head sadly. "I don't know what else to do. He looks really terrible, Eiri." He turned his head to look at the older man. "You said he's hardly eaten anything in the past two weeks? Hasn't even left the room?"

Eiri nodded, solemnly. "He only eats a bite here and there, and I can tell he's lost a lot of weight. He won't take his medication, he won't even say more than two words to me. He only leaves the room to use the bathroom, but locks himself inside."

Hiro stared blankly at his lap. He was truly worried about his friend. For the past week, his friend had been more distant than he had ever been. He was not sleeping, not eating, and kept the bedroom dark. Overall, Shuichi gave the appearance of the walking dead. How can I get through to him? I even told him that he doesn't even have to worry about them anymore. That only seemed to make him more upset. Why? He was at a loss of what to do, but his exhausted mind did not offer any help. Yawning, he stretched his legs and stood up. "I gotta go home. I will be back tomorrow afternoon."

Eiri nodded, but did not follow him out, formalities forgotten days ago. His frustration was reaching it's peak, his temper drawn taut. He was out of ideas. He had tried pleading, sweet-talking, even the cold-shoulder, hoping that Shuichi would show some kind of emotion. He did not want to be angry at the boy, but there was only so much one person could take. What else can I do?

XXX

Shuichi stared at the dark ceiling. His vision was blurry from lack of sleep. He couldn't help it, every time he closed his eyes, he saw a pair of concerned golden eyes. He hated the fact that he was causing his love so much irritation, but it was for the best. He could feel his mind becoming incoherent, his body in desperate need of sustenance. With just a little more time, I won't have to worry anymore.

Rolling to his side, he slipped out of bed. Taking a moment to allow his legs to adjust to the weight of his body, he took deliberate steps towards the door. I'm even causing Hiro trouble. He said that he 'took care' of them...they aren't coming for me anymore. Why doesn't that make me feel better. A delirious chuckle escaped his lips. Because I can't take back everything I'd done...can't redeem myself.

He numbly unlocked the door and pulled it open. The brightness of the light stung his eyes and made them water slightly, adding to his slight disorientation. He turned to the right and began walking towards the bathroom. I need to clean myself again.

He stopped when he caught movement a few steps in front of him. Looking up, his eyes locked with Eiri's. The man had a determined look on his face and had his arms crossed over his chest. "We need to talk, Shu."

Scoffing, Shuichi attempted to walk around him, but was stopped before he took a second step. "Get out of my way," his voice cracked.

Eiri placed his hands on the smaller man's shoulders in an attempt to gain his attention. "No, not anymore, Shu. You are going to tell me, right now."

"Don't touch me!" he screamed, pulling away from the man's grasp. He stumbled a little, but caught himself and glared at the other man. "Get the hell away from me?!"

Eiri held his gaze. "I won't do that, Shu."

Shuichi became angry in an instant, fueled by his self-inflicted deprivation. "Leave me the hell alone. Can't you see that I don't care? Why can't you quit bothering me?!"

Eiri's face remained determined. "I want to know what's wrong with you."

Shuichi laughed darkly. "Whats wrong with me? What's wrong with me?! What isn't wrong with me? Why do you even care?" Shuichi could feel the familiar burning sensation behind his eyes and could not stop his body from trembling. He could feel his mind begin to crack, his mask breaking. He wanted to yell, to scream, to make the man see everything that was wrong with him and give him every reason to abandon him.

"I care because I care about you, Shu. I can't help you if I don't know what's going on." Eiri took a step towards him.

Shuchi desperately wanted to get away from the situation. He did not want his vulnerability to show. Turning his back, he made his way towards the bedroom. "Don't bother, you don't need to fix me."

Eiri could no longer keep his passive facade. His temper had reached its limit and his anger rose to the surface. "Don't you walk away from me!" He quickly closed the distance, grabbed Shuichi's shoulder and spun him around to face him. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?! There are people who care about you, why do you have to be so fucking selfish?!"

Shuichi felt himself break. "Selfish?! Selfish?! Don't you presume to know how I feel! You have no idea what I've done! You have no idea what I've gone through!" He threw the Eiri's hand away. "If you knew who I really am, you wouldn't want to touch me so casually."

"Then tell me," Eiri replied firmly.

"I was raped, goddamnit!" Shuichi's mouth dropped open in shock after realizing what he had said. The world was spinning and he had no control over it. All of his walls were falling down around him, turning to dust.

Eiri was dumbstruck. "Raped? Who? When?"

Shuichi, too weak to stand any longer, fell to his knees and lowered his head in his hands. "Every day for seven years. Who? I didn't know half of them." Eiri did not say a word, trying to process the information. "They sold me. I couldn't fight them. I let them be paid for me. I never fought back" He could not stop the tears from soaking his face despite his tightly-closed eyes. "Aki and Katsuki...just before I left...they raped me again. They said that they would take me away. I couldn't stay." He trembled, waiting for the rejection he knew was sure to come.

Eiri tried to work through the confession, unable to move. Finally, everything made sense to him, and he became very angry at himself. Aki and Katsuki...they did this to him. Sold him?! He was ashamed at once. When they came...I practically fed Shuichi to them. I should have known. This is my fault.

Although he was not sure how he felt about the situation, one thing was crystal clear. Lowering himself to his knees, he gently removed Shuichi's hand from his face and cupped his cheek, bringing his face to eye-level. Confused as the soft touch, Shuichi opened his puffy eyes. Eiri gave a reassuring smile. "Thank you for telling me this. Now you have no reason to push me away."

Shuichi furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "W-what? What...you would still w-want me?"

Eiri smiled and nodded. "Why in the world would I give someone like you up?"

Shuichi sobbed. "I can never be...I'm...so dirty...s-so many times...why would you want to touch me anymore?"

He gently brushing his thumb over Shuchi's cheek to wipe away some of the tears. Leaning forward, he placed a chaste kiss on the boy's forehead. "An angel could never be dirty. I don't feel any differently about you, except for the fact that I want to protect you even more. I won't let anything like that happen to you ever again."

Shuichi felt his heart swell, making it difficult for him to breath. He...still wants me? Even after I told him? "Why do you say things like that? I shouldn't mean anything to you, I don't deserve it."

Eiri leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on those very lips that infatuated him. "You mean so much to me, Shu. You do because I love you."

Fresh tears fell from the boy's amethyst eyes, but they were tears of relief and happiness. It had been so long since someone had said those words with such sincerity and devotion, not since before his birth parents had died. Looking into those deep golden pools, he could not stop a smile from appearing on his face. "You mean it?"

Eiri nodded and traced his fingers over the flushed cheek. "Always."

Shuichi allowed the larger man to engulf him in his warm embrace. The strong arms wrapped around his delicate frame, making him feel unbelievably protected. He breathed deeply, enjoying the warmth of his beloved. "I love you too, Eiri."

TBC

A.N. As you can see, I had a major fluff-attack at the end of this chapter, but I felt that it was only right since the rest of the story was pretty gloomy. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. There will only be one more, which will serve much as an epilogue and will probably be all mushy. Anyway, please review!