Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: the day we finally own D.Gray-Man is the day when we can rule over the world. Meaning, it's neither today nor any other day possible

Warning: it's yaoi, it's sappy, it's OOC, but you'll love to read it… we know you will…

Chapter 8 - Lucina Maya Kanda

Kanda Yuu was not really a morning person so it was only fair if he said that he was used to hate his morning routines. But the statement became less and less valid as now he found himself really enjoying his mornings. There was only one simple reason that had made him change his opinion about his morning routines and that very reason was the one standing beside him that time as they walked slowly across the main hallway of the headquarters.

Allen smiled beside him. His face was serene and peaceful as he walked with most graceful act Kanda had ever seen coming from a man. They often had this kind of walk after they finished breakfast. They never did anything, though, just walking and chatting slowly among themselves. It was at time like that that both of them could finally find peace and privacy.

And that morning was just like every other of their morning. They would run this routine of wandering aimlessly after breakfast, a routine that they had done since over a month ago after they finally came into a conclusion of what their feelings toward each other really were. They were content now that all the confusion between them had been cleared up and in his relief Kanda saw how Allen seemed to laugh a lot recently. The boy had finally come back to his old cheerful self and Kanda would never dream of having the otherwise.

At a certain spot, Allen suddenly stopped and Kanda followed afterward. He knew that this meant the boy wanted to talk so he waited for him. He saw Allen playing with the ribbons on his bosoms and he could not help himself from being amused at that sight.

He was used to seeing Allen in nothing but his uniform and now to see the boy in a flowing red taffeta dress was really something. He recalled how Allen literally screamed when they first tried to put him in his dress, accusing them a bunch of perverts and almost breaking Komui's nose in the process. In the end he accepted his fate obediently since he could no longer fit into any of his clothes anymore. And, though Kanda knew it would surely ruin his reputation as a cold being if he said it out loud, Allen really looked cute in those dress Komui assigned him to wear.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Kanda asked as he saw Allen kept silent.

Allen smiled, "I just… have something cross my mind just now."

"What?" he asked.

"About our child," Allen said. It sent a shiver whenever Allen said anything about their child. The way he always reminded Kanda that the child he conceived was indeed theirs made him have some unexplainable feelings in him, was it pride, was it love, he could not tell.

Kanda nodded and out of nowhere he brought his face closer to Allen's face. Concerning not the soft intake of breath the boy made, he securely locked their lips together. This too had become something of their routine. He had never guessed it before that he would have a chance to kiss Allen at any time he wanted to, but, he thought, it had never crossed his mind too that he could be wedded to the said boy and had him carry their child.

They could kiss forever for what he knew but the sound of someone sniggering made him stop. Gently he released Allen's lips from his kiss before he turned his head to the direction of the sound. There he saw, tall and dignified, Rabi was standing with his wide grin plastered on his face.

At the sight of their best friend, Allen squeaked and quickly ran to the smiling person's side. Kanda only snorted but followed him nonetheless. It was rare that Rabi visited the headquarters and, though he would never admit it, he had missed the said person a little, only a little of course, just a very little bit.

"Rabi!" Allen laughed as he launched his arms around Rabi's neck. Rabi could only stare in shock when Allen suddenly hugged him tight. His eyes caught Kanda's own eyes that glinted with amusement.

"Hormones," Kanda informed him shortly. At that, Rabi smiled in understanding and let Allen cling to him for some more time before the youngest of the three finally pulled away.

"So, what are you doing?" Allen said. "It's rare to see you actually visiting the headquarters."

"Indeed, I hate headquarters, it's so dull," Rabi made a face. "But what kind of friend I am if I don't congratulate my two best friends after their wedding? By the way, Miranda came with me and she sent her congratulation too."

Kanda noticed Allen was blushing. Even after so many times had passed, the boy still got embarrassed when he was reminded of his current status. He had many memories of Allen blushing furiously whenever someone called him with his new name.

"Thank you then," Kanda said, stepping forward. "I wanted to make you my best man in fact but too bad you were not there."

"Yeah, I'm really upset for missing the wedding ceremony," Rabi said. "That mission was hell! But anyway, I'm really happy for you two. And by the way, Allen, how far along are you?"

"Eighteen weeks," Allen answered him. "Why? Do you want to be our child's godfather?"

"If you want your child to be a spoiled brat, I do," Rabi said. He reached his hand under his coat and thrust forward a box. "Here's my present for you. Wish you a happy life ahead and all those craps that are usually said in a wedding ceremony."

Allen happily received the box and said his gratitude. But Kanda had caught something behind Rabi's eyes and his brow furrowed. Rabi stared at him and it just needed a second to pass between them to make him understand that Rabi wanted to talk with him in private. Years of knowing each other had made them able to communicate without even the need of word.

Tenderly he placed his palm on Allen's shoulder, making him turn his face so their eyes met. He stared at those grey eyes he had come to love and said, "Don't you want to rest? I think you might be tired."

And just like what it was between Rabi and him, the comprehension reached Allen also. The boy nodded and kissed him softly on his lips before slowly walked away from them, leaving them to have their privacy.

Kanda saw Allen's figure walking away and after he could no longer see his shadow, he turned his face to meet Rabi.

"Spill it," he said harshly.

"Before I say anything, you must promise not to kill the messenger, which is me," Rabi said. Kanda kept silent but he took that as an agreement so he continued. "They assigned us to a mission together."

"So?" he asked. It was usual for them, exorcists, to have missions as partners.

"Three keywords: Japan, long-term, Allen," Rabi said and Kanda cursed with words that even a most vulgar man would flinch in hearing them.

"Japan?" he asked.

"Yep, I heard they directly appointed this mission to you because of your background. And it's supposed to be a long-term mission," Rabi explained. "You have Allen here."

"I know," Kanda said. His expression had turned really grim. "Don't tell him, okay? I'll tell him myself when the time is right."

"You only have a week," Rabi said which made Kanda curse more. Rabi was used to having Kanda cursing because something annoyed him but to have him cursing because he would leave a certain someone? That was a new sight to him.

"I'll find a way," Kanda said. His hand reached for his forehead, he could feel a headache coming. "God, I hate this."

"Yeah, but we're exorcists so this is our fate," Rabi grinned. "Just so that you know, I'll be more than willing helping you if you want to kill those Commanders because they gave you this mission."

Kanda snorted, "Yeah, I'll remember that."

And that time, Kanda had no thought that somewhere from that time he would really drag Rabi along with him to do the thing he had bravely suggested. At that time, Kanda only sighed and walked back to find Allen. Rabi came along with him to drop his report and in the process giving him full explanation of his latest mission which consisted mainly with his swearing in many languages.

They parted when Rabi reached Komui's office and he continued his walk, somehow confused as to how he would tell Allen. When he opened the door that lead to their room - they now slept together in a single room after their reconciliation and Komui was generous enough to actually arrange a new bigger room to fit the two of them - he saw that Allen was deep asleep in their bed.

It was a lovely sight for him to see Allen could be so at ease and sleep without any fear. He approached the boy's side and his hands absent-mindedly did their particular work of brushing Allen's hair out of his face. He had come to love the boy's hair so much that he almost could not hide his happiness when Allen decided to wear it long.

Well, he mused as his fingers idly play through the soft white strands, initially it was not Allen's own idea. Rinali was the one who brought that thing up when she saw Allen trying to cut his hair. The said girl's scream was heard even in the most remote part of the room where the two occupied at that moment and enough to make Allen stop dead in his work. After that she began her long anecdote of how pregnant wom… people were not supposed to cut their hair when they carried a child. It was just a stupid superstition in Kanda's opinion but since he loved Allen's hair so much, he would more than happy let Rinali convince Allen with her words.

Allen stirred in his sleep and soon was awake with a smile.

"You really like my hair, don't you?" the just-awakened boy said.

"It's soft," Kanda admitted.

Allen giggled and gracefully rose from his sleeping position to sit on their bed, "Like yours is not."

Kanda chose not to answer that. And Allen was indeed not waiting for any answer for he promptly moved into his next question.

"What did you two talk about?" he asked.

Kanda knew the question would come but he felt like he was not able to answer it now. It was not the right time, he reasoned. So he settled on just saying, "Nothing important."

Allen gave him a look, "I know you lied. There's something but you just don't want to tell me."

It was amazing that they managed to understand each other so well in just a short term of time. That time also, Kanda noticed, Allen knew perfectly well that he was hiding something from him.

"I will tell you," Kanda said but he added slowly. "Eventually."

Allen sighed, "Don't always try to protect me, Yuu, I can handle any news."

"Cannot help it," Kanda said. "Besides, it's indeed not that important, just some usual things between the two of us, else I would have told you."

Allen stared at him for some time as if measuring his words. At the end he smiled in a way that let Kanda know that he had accepted his speech. He might not believe it, but he accepted it, and Kanda was content enough with that.

He decided that time to change the subject of their conversation by saying, "I think Rabi and Miranda must have finished giving their report by now. Do you maybe want to greet them?"

Allen beamed in delight. Kanda knew that Allen treasured his friends the most and would be more than happy seeing them around him.

He let his hand to be taken by the boy and his body to be dragged along the hallway. They met their friends in the cafeteria and Miranda actually fell from her chair when she saw Allen in his dress and a wreath of ribbons on his head. It was a new sight for her and Kanda did not blame her to fall because of it. He himself recalled of how he almost slid from his chair the very first time he saw Allen walking timidly in his dress, waiting for any sign of disapproval from him.

Of course he had none.

They spent their day and evening chatting together. He saw how Miranda, being the true mother type she was, always tried to give her advice to Allen on what he should and should never do in his condition. Rinali added the spice of her belief in superstition. Crowley was being a silent man but he was a faithful supporter of Rinali's odd superstition, wonder if she got that from her brother. And Rabi was simply being Rabi with his loud and cheerful laughs.

Kanda could not bring himself to ruin the happiness by telling Allen about his mission. He just could not. He knew he had to, but he always tried to get away from that. Rabi was aware of this and he gave Kanda a meaningful look every time their eyes met. Time was drawing near and he still had not told Allen about his mission. Until finally, he realized deep at the night when he had Allen nestling secured in his arms that he had to go on the day after the morrow.

He tightened his hold a bit around the boy's body to let him know that he had something in his mind. Allen quickly raised his face after he felt Kanda's gesture and questioned him silently with his eyes.

Kanda braved himself and took a breath.

"I have to go on a mission," he said slowly.

Allen looked at him for a moment with a look he couldn't decipher. Then he sighed and smiled sweetly at him.

"I should have known," Allen said. "Is this what you've been hiding from me for so long because you're afraid of breaking me?"

"Yes," Kanda admitted. "I have to go to Japan two days from now… this mission is supposed to be a long-term mission. I would be gone for more or less one month. I just couldn't say it to you sooner."

Allen chuckled, "You're worrying over the matter too much. I've told you I'm strong, I can handle any news. You're an exorcist and it's just ordinary for you to go on mission. Really, Yuu, you can be so stupid sometimes…"

Kanda breathed out in relief. Allen handled the news far better than he thought he would be. He nearly forgot how strong the boy was. Those sickness and weakness Allen possessed at the time being due to his pregnancy made him almost forget about Allen's strength. He had faced much more in his life yet he survived. It was only natural if he too could handle this, Kanda thought. But whether he really was fine with the news or merely hid his sadness within him, Kanda did not know.

He preferred not voicing out his doubt and instead kissed Allen's forehead warmly. He then remembered that Allen had something in his mind the time Rabi came to the headquarters and he had not yet told him about it.

Feeling somewhat curious, Kanda asked, "I recall you had something in your mind regarding our child that time when suddenly Rabi came to the frame. What is it?"

Allen thought for a moment and then said, "It's just a thought."

"Hm?" Kanda encouraged him.

"What will we name our child?" Allen asked.

Kanda was silent for a while, "We don't even know the gender yet."

"It's a girl, I'm sure of that," Allen said.

"A girl?" Kanda said, much to himself. "How about Maya?"

"What?" Allen said, staring deep into Kanda's eyes.

"She will be named Maya. It's a Japanese name," Kanda's explained. "My sister's."

"Your sister's name?" Allen asked, sounded really surprised because Kanda had never said anything about him having a sister. "Where is she now?"

"She has departed to the faraway shore when she was just a little newborn," Kanda said bitterly.

Hearing that, Allen's eyes went wide and he mumbled softly, "Sorry."

Kanda run his fingers through Allen's hair, saying, "It's fine."

The silence ruled the air as both Kanda and Allen did nothing but keeping their mouth shut until finally Allen broke it with his sudden saying.

"Maya sounds like a beautiful name," Allen said. "But she will be born in Britain; don't you think she will need an English name?"

"You choose then," Kanda said. He watched in pleasure as Allen seemed to think in search for a name. Then he saw Allen's face brightened up and he offered him a very dazzling smile.

"How about Lucina?" Allen said. "Lucina Maya Kanda. It sounds elegant and I love it."

Kanda let the name linger in his mind for some times. Lucina Maya Kanda, he pondered, it was indeed a nice name. He felt his heart warming up at the name and he said, "That sounds perfect."

It was decided without even the need of any word to come from their lips after that. The night was late and he could see Allen practically yawning quietly. He knew Allen needed his rest so he just silently wrapped his arms warmly around the other's lithe body. He felt Allen snuggling closer to the warmth his body produced and he could not help from thinking that Allen would have many nights cold and alone while he was away.

For two more days, Kanda thought, just for two more days could he feel this warmth. He was not trying to be romantic or what; it was not his nature to be one. He just could not help it. He had done so many things to Allen that he regretted and he just could not go away like that, leaving Allen in his condition. But he knew Allen's pride would be wounded if he did not go just because of him. No matter how weak the boy seemed, he still had that fire inside of him.

Therefore, he just closed his eyes and enjoyed this for as long as the time allowed them to. Tomorrow was tomorrow and today was today. That was how life worked, until finally the future became today, today changed into the past, and yesterday came to forgotten land.

- end chapter 8 -

(A/N: okay… chapter 8 is finally here… you may celebrate… please, we know you want to (laugh). Now, if you are wondering why we still spell Lavi's name as Rabi and Lenalee as Rinali and such, believe us, there is a very good reason for that… they're cuter that way (sweat) we know we're stupid, thank you, so shut up (laugh). Okay, back to this chapter… we really wrecked Kanda's past, eh, that's why we're calling it AU. And there's a very good reason for this too… it's cuter that way (laugh) and can you feel the aura of a trouble coming? We do know that you feel the sap and sugar though (we still have some toothache now after we wrote this… gah!) so, if you want to curse us for making your blood sugar run high, please do so by writing your review to us. But remember, no killing shall take place before the words 'the end' make their appearance, okay (smile)? Sa, guess that's all for now (we can hear some shouts of 'finally' on the background) hope you have a good reading and see you next chapter!)