Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: ours with an added negation attached to it

Warning: diabetes people, behold, there's too much sugar here so back off for your own good!

Chapter 14 - In the Darkness of the Night

Kanda Yuu hardly ever found himself in any state of anxiety that was even near equal compared with what he had that time. He never went well with anxiety since in his opinion showing it would only mean revealing the person's incompetence in dealing with emotions. But that time, he condemned all those to hell. He could only swear in his mind as he held Allen's palm gently with his own two. The boy's silent cries of pain only made his anxiety grow even greater and he just could not understand why the doctor took so long just to examine him.

He gazed through the room. He was not the only one who felt restless. He could see Rinali biting her nails; Komui hugged her from behind as if to strengthen her. Rabi nervously played with his scarf, River made clank-clank sounds with his boots, Crowley silently rubbed his palms together in fretfulness, Miranda bit her lower lip as she wiped the sweat that covered Allen's face, even Cross looked homicidal which he thought as the man's way to show worry. They all had come as fast as they could after they heard the news that Allen was going to give birth. And now they were gathering around Allen's bed, doing anything they could to ease Allen's pain - which meant nearly nothing.

Kanda breathed out. He then stared at the doctor who was still busying himself with checking Allen's condition though Kanda thought that it was too obvious the boy was deep in pain so what was the need of checking him again? Just why couldn't the doctor just do something… anything?

"Okay, then, it seems fine, don't worry," the doctor smiled reassuringly at Allen before he said to the other occupants of the room. "Could one of you assist me in delivering the baby?"

"I can do it, I've been a midwife's assistant before," Miranda appointed herself.

"Very good, now…" he stared specifically at Kanda. "I believe you're the husband. I need your approval for the surgery I have to perform on this boy to deliver the baby. It might be risky, given the fact that the birth is premature but I'll try to do my best."

Kanda blinked then held Allen's palm a bit harder, "Before that may I ask a question?"

"I'm at your service, Sir," the doctor said politely.

Kanda stared at him, "Why is he going to give birth now? He's supposed to be giving birth in a good one month and a half from now!"

The doctor sighed, "Well, I believe his depressed state has done this to him. I thought that he might have been undergone such a really discouraging state in the beginning of his pregnancy, am I correct?"

Kanda was silent. All the rest of the people in that room too chose not to answer that. Their minds worked in the same way. They knew what had made Allen so depressed, or at least a part of his reasons to be depressed. And among them, Kanda was the one who felt the most uneasy due to his comprehension. So that was it, Kanda thought bitterly, once again he had hurt Allen without him realizing it.

"Go and do your job then but if you make any mistake, I'll ask for your compensation," he finally said to the doctor but his eyes were not threatening, instead they were pleading for Allen's safety.

"Yes, Sir," the doctor smiled and turned his attention back to all the people inside the room, "I want all of you else than that one lady who is to assist me out of this room. I need to keep this room hygienic. Bring me some clean towels, a basin of hot boiled water, and could somebody give me some chloroform? I need that fast!"

All the people then rushed to retrieve the doctor's wanted articles, all of them, except Kanda who remained in his position on Allen's side. He kept holding Allen's palm in his and tried his best to calm the boy, who by then had already possessed tears forming in his eyes. It seemed the pain had increased but he saw Allen trying very hard to conceal it. Seeing all those, Kanda could only hope that they would soon treat Allen so that he had his pain gone away or at last lessened.

He felt a touch and saw the doctor with a white rag wetted with chloroform smiling at him, reassuring him and gesturing him to wait outside. Allen was insistent on keeping him by his side at first but he gave one last kiss to the boy's forehead before he comforted him that it would be okay. He promised him that he would be there when he opened his eyes and after finally Allen was rest assured he exited the room.

Outside, he met the anxious faces of his companion. Rinali was reciting her prayer nervously with a silver rosary in her hand. Komui just stared downward, missing his dose of caffeine already. Rabi was poking at the fresh bandages that were wrapping up his arm. He could spot neither Cross nor Crowley but he knew they were somewhere near him. Miranda was nowhere to be seen since she was inside, assisting the doctor. That woman was the best he could hope to help and he was pretty content in his faith on her.

Leaning against the wall, Kanda released the breath he had so long been holding. He could only wait now but as the hours dragged slowly, he began to get uneasy. He bit his lips and stared at the closed doors, thinking of just yanking the door open and entering the room just to see that Allen was still fine…

"Want some?"

He was startled at the sound speaking to him. He turned his face and met the sight of Cross Marian handing him a bottle. A sweet smell of alcohol greeted his nose and made his face scrunched.

"You really try to give me brandy in this kind of time?" he stared in disapproval.

Cross only shrugged, "It might help for handling with nervousness."

Kanda was silent but he took the bottle and gave himself three large gulps. The burning liquid passed down his throat and he sighed in content. Cross was right, he thought, it helped a lot. And several hours from that time, Kanda noticed that all of them, even Rinali, had taken at least one decent gulp of the drink. It was already past midnight by then. All of them had gone from the state of nervous a few miles back and was now in pursuit of the state of insanely rabid anxiety. It had been nearly a good deal of four hours since they left the room and still there was no report coming to them about Allen's current condition.

Kanda's face darkened as the time struck 2 a.m. He knew that birthing process could take a very long time, at least from what he had heard it was possible to last even for days. How could he be content in waiting for days he did not know. He just assumed that if there was still no news on Allen's or their baby's condition right away, someone in the headquarters might get killed because worry had never settled well with him.

Just when Kanda was almost sure that there must be something going wrong with Allen, the door was slowly opened. He almost jumped when he heard a baby's cry from inside the room piercing the darkness night. Was it his and Allen's baby? His heart pounded uncertainly and he felt restless.

Miranda's feature came from the inside of the room not long after he heard the cry for the first time. All of the people gathering in front of the door had their feet in reflex walk to the said woman, wanting an explanation. Kanda was a bit shaken at the sight of blood on the woman's front dress but he approached her nonetheless.

Miranda smiled, "It's a girl."

At first there was nothing. And then suddenly Rabi cursed loudly in happiness which broke the tension immediately. Rinali jumped in joy and hugged Komui and Crowley very tightly. Cross only snorted in relief and River shouted to release the stresses he had in him during the waiting. Kanda could do nothing. He just breathed and tried to grasp the information. It was a girl. He had become a father now for real and he had a daughter, their baby daughter, his and Allen's.

And after that, he exhaled in relief. They had done this, he thought, they had succeeded.

"And how about them?" Komui asked Miranda in his professional tone. "I mean the baby and the mother."

"They're both fine. She's so beautiful and healthy, five pounds and two ounces is a rather small weight but otherwise, she's perfect. Her lungs and heart are in good condition," Miranda explained. "However, there are some issues for Allen."

Hearing that, Kanda frowned.

Miranda sighed, "He had some bleedings during the process. Don't worry, we have taken care of that now, but he has lost a great deal of blood and is now very tired and weak."

"How much?" Kanda found himself asking.

"Too much," Miranda admitted. "But he managed to survive though barely. I confess, I almost thought he would never make it. But it's fine now."

Kanda was still had his worries in his heart but when Miranda stepped forward and gave him a smile while holding his two hands saying, "Congratulation, you are now a father," he could not help but gave her one of his softest gaze.

"Thank you," he said. "May I see them?"

"Yes, of course, I believe the doctor had finished cleaning them up by now," she said while opening the door wider. "Coming in?"

He did not need more word. His feet brought him entering the room. He saw Allen was still deep asleep in the bed and the doctor was standing beside him, a little warm bundle of blanket was in his hands. At the sight of him entering the room, the doctor smiled and before he knew it, the bundle was handed to him. He stared downward and his little daughter's face was staring back at him.

She was beautiful, that was the first thought that came to his mind. She inherited his hair and façade, Kanda observed, but her eyes were grey, so much like Allen's clear eyes which he loved so much. She was beautiful, Kanda thought, and she was his; his daughter, his treasure, his precious one.

"Congratulation," the doctor said much to his shock since he was so absorbed in adoring that little baby he held so tenderly in his arms. He raised his face, meeting the sight of the smiling doctor's face as the older man said, "She is a really beautiful and healthy baby. I initially thought that there would be some problems with her since she came sooner than what it's supposed to be but thankfully there's none."

Kanda nodded; the girl - Lucy, he added slowly in his mind - indeed looked so well, "And how about Allen?"

"He just needs his rest to return his power, but I have to warn you not to let him be under any type of stress in these recent times, that might be the worst for him," the doctor said. "But he's a strong boy, he'll make it. By the way, out of curiosity, have you decided on her name?"

"Yes," Kanda said. "She will be named Lucina Maya after her aunt."

"That's a beautiful name, I'll make sure to attend her sacrament of baptism," the doctor smiled. "Take care of them, will you, especially that boy. He has been through a lot and currently he's not in any of his good conditions."

Kanda silently pledged himself to take care of Allen more regarding his current weakness, but his mind was soon disturbed by the coming of his friends to the room. He let them have a look at his newborn baby girl and all of them agreed that she was the most beautiful baby they had ever seen. Each of them had his and her turn to hold Lucy for a little while, adoring the little girl in the process. Rabi said something about Allen would be furious when he woke up since the baby really resembled Kanda in most of her appearance and there was near to nothing she inherited from Allen, her eyes might be the only part she had from her mother. Kanda only snorted at that and he saw Lucy slowly closing her eyes as if she was tired of being everyone's centre of attention.

He took the little baby back into his arms. With a pride only a father could acquire Kanda put the baby to Allen's side after all of them had enjoyed themselves in admiring over the little girl. The baby soon fell to sleep beside her mother, the two of them made a perfect image for everyone's eyes.

The day was dated the thirteenth of July and the time 02.23 a.m. when they recorded the birth of the daughter of Kanda Yuu and Allen. Cross was personally leading them in giving the first pray for the baby though with a little grunt after Kanda asked him to. After all he was Allen's master, Kanda thought, so he was the most appropriate person to do the job.

It was already nearing dawn when finally they took departing to their own respective rooms. All of them but Kanda who resumed his place back on Allen's side, watching him and their daughter as the two was sleeping peacefully. He wanted to be on Allen's side when he first opened his eyes and after all, he thought, this was his place, with Allen and their daughter, with his family.

Kanda did not know what had made him wide awake for the entire night. He did not feel sleepy at all. He just stared with the softest gaze he allowed to appear on his face all the night long. He even did not feel any bit tired when the first ray of the sun came peeking from the curtained window and Allen slowly opened his eyes.

He saw the boy blinking his eyes, trying to focus his sight. The sedative seemed begin to wear off for he saw Allen winced which he assumed must come from the pain of his new fresh wound on his abdomen. He saw Allen turning his face to his direction and after their gaze met, he saw him smile.

"You're here," Allen said. His voice was so weak that it came just a little above whisper.

"I am," Kanda said. "Glad that you finally decided to wake up, you've slept so long."

Allen said nothing to that because that time his eyes caught the sight of the little baby girl who was still asleep beside him on the side of his pillow. His eyes widened at the sight before they gazed back to Kanda who spoke nothing but extended his hands to gather the little baby into his arms. He helped Allen to sit on his bed and after that was done he put the baby into Allen's waiting hands, watching him as he touched the soft pinkish skin of their daughter in pure happiness.

"Allen Walker Kanda," he said. "Meet your daughter, Lucina Maya Kanda."

"Oh God…" Allen whispered in veneration. "Oh God… is this true…"

"It is," Kanda said. He adjusted his position so now he sat really close to Allen. He wrapped one of his arms across Allen's shoulders, embracing him and their little Lucy as he spoke, "She's our little Lucy."

"Our little Lucy," Allen repeated those words with a smile. That smile was still on his lips when he looked into Kanda's eyes so deep that those grey eyes seemed impossible to fathom, "I've told you it's a girl."

"Yes, your instinct is correct," Kanda said. "She's really beautiful."

"She looks like you," Allen whispered. Softly he touched his nose to the baby's face. She only squirmed without any sign of waking up soon. "I'm so glad that I'm still able to see her face before they take her away from us…"

Hearing that, Kanda inwardly tightened his embrace on Allen's body. "Could we not speak about it for now?" he said. He did not want to bring that depressing topic now, not with them being so happy with the birth of their child. He wanted Allen to feel nothing but happiness for that little time they had together with their child. He did not want Allen to remember the certain fact that they would have to be parted from their daughter eventually. He did not want Allen to be depressed over that.

"But we still need to face it, either we like it or not," Allen sighed but his smile was still on his face. "But I'm glad, Yuu… I'm happy enough, I really am… I can be married to you, I can have your child, all those were unimaginable to me in the past, but now, I feel that I will never want to have the otherwise. I love you, Yuu, and I know you love me too and also our child. It's enough, Yuu, I'm happy with it."

Kanda ran his fingers through Allen's hair like so many times before he had done and whispered, "Thank you."

It might sound strange to anyone else why Kanda said 'thank you' that time but Kanda knew that Allen understood. He didn't mean to thank Allen who had given him the baby; it was far more complicated than that. He thanked for being able to love him and be loved back. He thanked for having a chance to have someone to cherish, someone to protect, someone to lean on to. He thanked for experiencing those all he had with Allen. Who might guess that their mission together would bring them this far? And when Kanda remembered the snowy land and the battle they had for seemingly a decade back, he could not help but thank whatever God up there that He had met him with the boy he had in his arms that time.

The sun rose higher. A new morning had broken with all the things began to wake up for work. They could hear the rushing sound from the outside of their room coming from the people walking to do their particular job. But they did not move from their position, not even just to raise the curtains up or open the window. They were content in each other's presence and none had the need to come out from the warmth they both felt that time.

In his bliss Kanda Yuu took the liberty to tilt Allen's face and gave the boy a gentle kiss on his forehead. He secured his palm on the back of Allen's head as he drew their face nearer until their forehead touched. Gazing into those clear grey eyes, he sighed. For once, he felt the wave of sleep alluring him to the realm of dream and then he closed his eyes, feeling really satisfied and glad because finally he felt there was a meaning of his life.

Because finally, his life was not his alone.

- end chapter 14 -

(A/N: muhu… this is what you'll get if you try to write a fic while reading your textbook of Artificial Intelligence. But that's not the most important point now, right? You know the point… read, review, something like that XD so, please do review1 hope you have a god reading and see you next chapter!)