Silken smoke
Chapter 5 Awakening Fortune
By Umeko
Disclaimer: I don't own Esca-fricken-flowne!!
As she rolled over her eyes fluttered open. Staring at the ceiling for a few moments she recalled all of the events from the night before. She sat up in the bed; the room had a light blue glow to it. 'Still early' she thought. Looking down where Van was supposed to be and wondered if it was all just a dream? She jumped up and got dressed quickly and ran out of the room.
Running down stairs she ran into Millerna who told her that Van and Allen had just left moments ago. She went to a window that looked out to the front courtyard and surprisingly saw Van in his Escaflowne at the frontline. She stared longing and painfully, feeling a dark omen brewing inside as she watches him leave. 'Come back to me safely, that's all I ask.' ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The air was crisp; auburn leaves cluttered the ground and trees. The sun set high in the sky. Millerna and Hitomi were in the back courtyard hanging up freshly washed laundry. They were joking and teasing with each other to make the job seem less tedious. Both of the hairstyles were the same: tied back at the nape.
It has been about a month since Van left and Hitomi was still sick from being in the in the snowstorm when she first arrived. Millerna checked her out with the suspicion of a prolonged flu, but it made no since. Hitomi would find herself throwing up often and getting dizzy spells. Even now she was feeling a bit queasy. Millerna suspected that something was wrong and questioned her behavior but Hitomi shook it off and continued to hang up the damp laundry.
She was becoming exceedingly dizzy and nauseous; her world was spinning. She put a hand on her forehead in hopes of stability, but to no avail. Millerna was really worried now.
"Did you eat anything today?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" Millerna asked softly echoing to Hitomi's awareness.
The thing is everything was spinning so badly she couldn't define between dream world and reality and couldn't remember if she did. Whatever contents were in her stomach were rising to her throat. She took a step back but lost her balance and fell back. As she fell she regurgitated down her front and passed out.
She was in a dark room; all she could see was a bed in the middle of this expansive room. She walked over to it. Upon closer observation see realized it was her mother lying in bed with tubes coming from her mouth and nose.
'This is when.'
To the left of her mother was herself, a month ago, holding her mothers' hand tightly. Hitomi's head was tucked in her arms.
"Hitomi?."
"Don't speak mother, you need your strength." She said surly
'I know this.'
" Don't worry about me, I want to tell you something. I love you... You're all a mother could ask for in a daughter. Smart, healthy, athletic; you'll go far. I'm so proud of you."
Hitomi eyes welded as she heard her mother repeating these words.
"You're strong and brave. I admire you.. But with courage, you must also have confidence; to take whatever life throws at you; being prepared for the worst but countering it with the best of your ability. And don't sweat the small stuff, life goes on... You seem so sad all the time; there's no reason to be. This life is not a sad one. Live you life to the fullest. set goals for yourself, and achieve them and you'll see that this life is remarkable. That is the only true happiness, not riches, and the biggest and best whatever. But Family, faith and love. Those are reasonable goals to live by and you can obtain them easily. I'm sorry that I have to leave you, but we'll certainly meet again. Having chosen this fate you too will understand. Don't cry. I love you... More than anyone will ever love you. I only want you to." 'She just gave up.'
She coughed and heaved in heavily. With her last breath she sighed "Be happy" and she passed.
'Why am I here? I don't want to be here! I hate this place! It's so sad!'
The room got very bright and the flashback hitomi and her mother vanished. Shielding her eyes from the intense light she caught a wift of fresh air, in a warm breeze, it smelled like Van. She opened her eyes and found herself lying on the ground.
'Funny I though I was standing'
She just lay there on the grass of a perfect sunny day. The sun warmed her cheeks, stretching among the small wildflowers and crabgrass. She felt a reassuring presence as if Van was there, but nowhere in sight. Smiling, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, then choked. Feeling her body falling deeper and deeper into a dark abyss she opened her eyes to darkness. She took another strangled breath but a heavy fluid filled her lungs. Pumping her legs furiously to find the top, but she couldn't define top from bottom. For long tortured moments she clawed her way to what she though was the surface. She quickly got exhausted; her mind was void of all thought except for the thought of death creeping on her once again. 'Is this real? Am I really gonna die here?' Her lungs ached; the icy cold water numbed her body. She continued to pump her legs as long as they would endure so frightened, knowing that this obstacle would overcome her. With no end in sight she was left with only one option: giving up and taste bitter defeat. All hope was gone.
"Van" with her last ounce of breath, her chest tightened, she knew she lost him forever. For some reason though she felt relaxed, she was letting go, drooping like a rock. 'Thank you, I love you.'
But as suddenly as she gave up, her body felt light again as if a burden was lifted. She realized that she was being carried. Slowly opening, her eyes she saw white, which she assumed, were wings.
'Wings.angels-did I die down there?' She focused on a black blur. "Van?" He smiled as if he was relieved about something. But quickly, went back to being just a blur as she felt herself being puled from a deep sleep.
"No Van don't leave me." Was the last thing she heard herself say.
She opened her eyes and blinked a few times. The smell of bile clung tenaciously to her nose. Looking around the room she noticed that she was alone. 'A dream?' Before she could sit up though Millerna walked in.
"Ah Hitomi I'm glad to see you're awake."
"What happened?"
"You fainted. I have a suspicion of what might be wrong, but I need to ask a couple of questions."
"Okay." She said nervously as she sat up.
"Now when was your last period?"
'Whoa!! That's a little personal don't ya think?!" Millerna only went quiet awaiting Hitomi's Answer. "Well if I can remember it was a little over a month ago." She answered hesitantly very uncomfortable about this conversation. Then the nausea started up again.
"Ok how often do you have these nausea spells?"
"Umm I don't really know I don't keep track of them but the usually." Hitomi looked down her front was covered in vomit 'EWWWW! How embarrassing! And in front of a princess! YUCK! I'm kinda glad that Van isn't here.' The nausea then got worse. She covered her blouse with her arms. "Umm usually... happen at night." She said slowly. Milerna noticed that Hitomi was uncomfortable and embarrassed, just by judging the way she was sitting. Her arms crossed over her chest and hands on her shoulders. She slouched and it looked like she was hovering over her knees.
"Don't be afraid Hitomi, you can trust me, I'm only trying to help."
"I know Millerna but this is so uncomfortable." She said looking down.
"Just relax, now are you still a virgin?" she asked almost tauntingly. Hitomi's cheeks went bright red, she was screaming inside. 'HOW COULD SHE ASK THAT?!' Feeling extremely guilty and nauseous, she swallow hard a few times to keep her food at bay. She debated whether she should go and throw up or answer Millerna's question, although her rosy cheeks delegated her answer. And then it hit her. 'Oh my gosh! Why didn't I see it before? All of the symptoms point to. could I be.' before she could finish what she was thinking she ran to the toilet just in time to make her deposit.
Millerna walked in as hitomi finished. She carried a tray that had a small cup of tea on it. Hitomi sat with her back against the wall catching her breath. "Here drink this" Millerna advised. Hitomi sipped it but it was still a little too hot. Millerna crouched down.
"It will calm your stomach and take the taste away. I'll show you how to make it. You can use it throughout your pregnancy." Millerna thought she would be surprised to hear the news but she only cast her eyes down. Which in fact surprised Millerna a little.
'Pregnant. I'm only 19 and Van's the father, I wonder what he'll think. I feel so guilty. I really wanted to wait until I was married. well all I can hope for now is if he'll ask me to marry. What are the chances of that? . And if not. well I won't get rid of the child, I love Van too much to get rid of . his. child. He has given me a precious gift and I'm sure he doesn't know it. Besides I'm sure there is no abortion clinic on Gaea. But still what if he doesn't want to marry me? What if he only wanted me for my body? No.was I just a tool? A tool only for his pleasures?! NO! Why did I do that?! I'm such a fool! I feel so immoral, so. unclean.'
Her eyes danced and glistened with teardrops. ". Van." she whispered. She wasn't sure of what to think of him anymore. 'Does he really think like that?' Cradling her knees and tucking her head in and bawled. Millerna was baffled at her behavior. 'Does she not want the child?'
"Hitomi what's wrong" She was too shaken up to answer "Oh Hitomi. it's okay." She said hugging her and making circular motions on her back. "If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm always here. Whatever you need. Ok Hitomi?" she just nodded in her knees.
Millerna assigned Hitomi to bed rest for a week to regain her strength, She and Merle would visit occasionally, Eries had returned to Austuria shortly after Van left. The week seemed to drag on forever she wanted so bad to get out of bed but every time she would try Millerna or Merle or a maid would catch her. So she would lie there with nothing else to do but try and judge Van's actions for putting her in this predicament. Also she constantly worried for his wellbeing. She wanted to know answers to her questions but at the same time afraid to know. If Van only had to stop some people from coming to Fanelia then what's taking so long?
Thank you for all of the reviews and sorry that these chapters are so darn short but it's kinda hard to explain some things the way I want to and they don't come out right. Anyway I really don't know if chapter 6 will come out soon or not I'm really busy nowadays. But I want to make the next chapter about Van and his progress.
Chapter 5 Awakening Fortune
By Umeko
Disclaimer: I don't own Esca-fricken-flowne!!
As she rolled over her eyes fluttered open. Staring at the ceiling for a few moments she recalled all of the events from the night before. She sat up in the bed; the room had a light blue glow to it. 'Still early' she thought. Looking down where Van was supposed to be and wondered if it was all just a dream? She jumped up and got dressed quickly and ran out of the room.
Running down stairs she ran into Millerna who told her that Van and Allen had just left moments ago. She went to a window that looked out to the front courtyard and surprisingly saw Van in his Escaflowne at the frontline. She stared longing and painfully, feeling a dark omen brewing inside as she watches him leave. 'Come back to me safely, that's all I ask.' ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The air was crisp; auburn leaves cluttered the ground and trees. The sun set high in the sky. Millerna and Hitomi were in the back courtyard hanging up freshly washed laundry. They were joking and teasing with each other to make the job seem less tedious. Both of the hairstyles were the same: tied back at the nape.
It has been about a month since Van left and Hitomi was still sick from being in the in the snowstorm when she first arrived. Millerna checked her out with the suspicion of a prolonged flu, but it made no since. Hitomi would find herself throwing up often and getting dizzy spells. Even now she was feeling a bit queasy. Millerna suspected that something was wrong and questioned her behavior but Hitomi shook it off and continued to hang up the damp laundry.
She was becoming exceedingly dizzy and nauseous; her world was spinning. She put a hand on her forehead in hopes of stability, but to no avail. Millerna was really worried now.
"Did you eat anything today?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?" Millerna asked softly echoing to Hitomi's awareness.
The thing is everything was spinning so badly she couldn't define between dream world and reality and couldn't remember if she did. Whatever contents were in her stomach were rising to her throat. She took a step back but lost her balance and fell back. As she fell she regurgitated down her front and passed out.
She was in a dark room; all she could see was a bed in the middle of this expansive room. She walked over to it. Upon closer observation see realized it was her mother lying in bed with tubes coming from her mouth and nose.
'This is when.'
To the left of her mother was herself, a month ago, holding her mothers' hand tightly. Hitomi's head was tucked in her arms.
"Hitomi?."
"Don't speak mother, you need your strength." She said surly
'I know this.'
" Don't worry about me, I want to tell you something. I love you... You're all a mother could ask for in a daughter. Smart, healthy, athletic; you'll go far. I'm so proud of you."
Hitomi eyes welded as she heard her mother repeating these words.
"You're strong and brave. I admire you.. But with courage, you must also have confidence; to take whatever life throws at you; being prepared for the worst but countering it with the best of your ability. And don't sweat the small stuff, life goes on... You seem so sad all the time; there's no reason to be. This life is not a sad one. Live you life to the fullest. set goals for yourself, and achieve them and you'll see that this life is remarkable. That is the only true happiness, not riches, and the biggest and best whatever. But Family, faith and love. Those are reasonable goals to live by and you can obtain them easily. I'm sorry that I have to leave you, but we'll certainly meet again. Having chosen this fate you too will understand. Don't cry. I love you... More than anyone will ever love you. I only want you to." 'She just gave up.'
She coughed and heaved in heavily. With her last breath she sighed "Be happy" and she passed.
'Why am I here? I don't want to be here! I hate this place! It's so sad!'
The room got very bright and the flashback hitomi and her mother vanished. Shielding her eyes from the intense light she caught a wift of fresh air, in a warm breeze, it smelled like Van. She opened her eyes and found herself lying on the ground.
'Funny I though I was standing'
She just lay there on the grass of a perfect sunny day. The sun warmed her cheeks, stretching among the small wildflowers and crabgrass. She felt a reassuring presence as if Van was there, but nowhere in sight. Smiling, she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, then choked. Feeling her body falling deeper and deeper into a dark abyss she opened her eyes to darkness. She took another strangled breath but a heavy fluid filled her lungs. Pumping her legs furiously to find the top, but she couldn't define top from bottom. For long tortured moments she clawed her way to what she though was the surface. She quickly got exhausted; her mind was void of all thought except for the thought of death creeping on her once again. 'Is this real? Am I really gonna die here?' Her lungs ached; the icy cold water numbed her body. She continued to pump her legs as long as they would endure so frightened, knowing that this obstacle would overcome her. With no end in sight she was left with only one option: giving up and taste bitter defeat. All hope was gone.
"Van" with her last ounce of breath, her chest tightened, she knew she lost him forever. For some reason though she felt relaxed, she was letting go, drooping like a rock. 'Thank you, I love you.'
But as suddenly as she gave up, her body felt light again as if a burden was lifted. She realized that she was being carried. Slowly opening, her eyes she saw white, which she assumed, were wings.
'Wings.angels-did I die down there?' She focused on a black blur. "Van?" He smiled as if he was relieved about something. But quickly, went back to being just a blur as she felt herself being puled from a deep sleep.
"No Van don't leave me." Was the last thing she heard herself say.
She opened her eyes and blinked a few times. The smell of bile clung tenaciously to her nose. Looking around the room she noticed that she was alone. 'A dream?' Before she could sit up though Millerna walked in.
"Ah Hitomi I'm glad to see you're awake."
"What happened?"
"You fainted. I have a suspicion of what might be wrong, but I need to ask a couple of questions."
"Okay." She said nervously as she sat up.
"Now when was your last period?"
'Whoa!! That's a little personal don't ya think?!" Millerna only went quiet awaiting Hitomi's Answer. "Well if I can remember it was a little over a month ago." She answered hesitantly very uncomfortable about this conversation. Then the nausea started up again.
"Ok how often do you have these nausea spells?"
"Umm I don't really know I don't keep track of them but the usually." Hitomi looked down her front was covered in vomit 'EWWWW! How embarrassing! And in front of a princess! YUCK! I'm kinda glad that Van isn't here.' The nausea then got worse. She covered her blouse with her arms. "Umm usually... happen at night." She said slowly. Milerna noticed that Hitomi was uncomfortable and embarrassed, just by judging the way she was sitting. Her arms crossed over her chest and hands on her shoulders. She slouched and it looked like she was hovering over her knees.
"Don't be afraid Hitomi, you can trust me, I'm only trying to help."
"I know Millerna but this is so uncomfortable." She said looking down.
"Just relax, now are you still a virgin?" she asked almost tauntingly. Hitomi's cheeks went bright red, she was screaming inside. 'HOW COULD SHE ASK THAT?!' Feeling extremely guilty and nauseous, she swallow hard a few times to keep her food at bay. She debated whether she should go and throw up or answer Millerna's question, although her rosy cheeks delegated her answer. And then it hit her. 'Oh my gosh! Why didn't I see it before? All of the symptoms point to. could I be.' before she could finish what she was thinking she ran to the toilet just in time to make her deposit.
Millerna walked in as hitomi finished. She carried a tray that had a small cup of tea on it. Hitomi sat with her back against the wall catching her breath. "Here drink this" Millerna advised. Hitomi sipped it but it was still a little too hot. Millerna crouched down.
"It will calm your stomach and take the taste away. I'll show you how to make it. You can use it throughout your pregnancy." Millerna thought she would be surprised to hear the news but she only cast her eyes down. Which in fact surprised Millerna a little.
'Pregnant. I'm only 19 and Van's the father, I wonder what he'll think. I feel so guilty. I really wanted to wait until I was married. well all I can hope for now is if he'll ask me to marry. What are the chances of that? . And if not. well I won't get rid of the child, I love Van too much to get rid of . his. child. He has given me a precious gift and I'm sure he doesn't know it. Besides I'm sure there is no abortion clinic on Gaea. But still what if he doesn't want to marry me? What if he only wanted me for my body? No.was I just a tool? A tool only for his pleasures?! NO! Why did I do that?! I'm such a fool! I feel so immoral, so. unclean.'
Her eyes danced and glistened with teardrops. ". Van." she whispered. She wasn't sure of what to think of him anymore. 'Does he really think like that?' Cradling her knees and tucking her head in and bawled. Millerna was baffled at her behavior. 'Does she not want the child?'
"Hitomi what's wrong" She was too shaken up to answer "Oh Hitomi. it's okay." She said hugging her and making circular motions on her back. "If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm always here. Whatever you need. Ok Hitomi?" she just nodded in her knees.
Millerna assigned Hitomi to bed rest for a week to regain her strength, She and Merle would visit occasionally, Eries had returned to Austuria shortly after Van left. The week seemed to drag on forever she wanted so bad to get out of bed but every time she would try Millerna or Merle or a maid would catch her. So she would lie there with nothing else to do but try and judge Van's actions for putting her in this predicament. Also she constantly worried for his wellbeing. She wanted to know answers to her questions but at the same time afraid to know. If Van only had to stop some people from coming to Fanelia then what's taking so long?
Thank you for all of the reviews and sorry that these chapters are so darn short but it's kinda hard to explain some things the way I want to and they don't come out right. Anyway I really don't know if chapter 6 will come out soon or not I'm really busy nowadays. But I want to make the next chapter about Van and his progress.