Elegy of Fanelia
A/N: sorry guys this took so long, I got a major block and I have so many other projects I've taken on my own time. I got a lot of threats about me killing Van. Yeah. All I ask is that you stick with it; I probably lost a lot of fans due to that. But oh well. Anyway on with the fic.
Disclaimer: Escaflowne I own not also 'I will remember you' I borrowed from Sarah McLachlan.
The breeze was warmer than it was a couple weeks ago when Hitomi came to know that she carried Van's child. Although She and Milerna were the only ones who still knew. Hitomi asked her to keep this whole thing a secret to save her from more unneeded stress and humiliation. Besides what would Merle say. she didn't want to go there.? Nope it was a lot safer if only those two knew. She would tell Van herself when he came back from the war.
~ I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
She often thought about him during this torture called pregnancy. It was a good thing her belly wasn't protruding to a noticeable level, but Hitomi noticed. She was now almost two months into it.
He had been gone for so long, too long in fact just to bring a rebellious nation under control. Was he ever coming back?
~ Remember the good times that we had? I let them slip away from us when things got bad.
Merle and Hitomi sat in the back courtyard in the garden. Merle marveled at Hitomi's card tricks that she was teaching her. The brown leaves were carried by the wind. The duo had been out here for a while before they were interrupted by Merle's keen sense of smell and hearing.
"I smell blood." As her ears perked up. They both were on high alert, searching around them for movement. Hitomi had her arms crossed protectively over her stomach.
"There!" Hitomi pointed out. Along the horizon a figure moved swiftly toward the castle.
"Do you think he's here to attack us?" asked Merle nervously.
"I-I don't know, if he is we're defenseless."
They watched him approaching closer and closer. He indeed was a soldier wearing red armor, which was not Fanelia colors. Hitomi and Merle got frightened they hid behind a wall. Crouching down quietly hoping he would just walk away.
"I think he's gone." Hitomi whispered.
"No because I can still smell blood, and it's really strong"
"Really, then he's probably close."
"Yeah real close." Boomed a loud voice from above. Both of the girls screamed and scampered to get away but he said he was a messenger of Fanelia. They stopped dead in their tracks and faced him. His armor was not red; it was stained with blood. The royal blue and pewter; Fanelia's colors, shown through at bits and pieces that were not dredged in blood.
"Oh my gosh are you okay?"
He didn't answer; instead he crouched down into a bow.
"Lady Hitomi, I have a message from General Allen Schezarr."
'Allen's the general, I though Van was. Oh my gosh. don't tell me that. oh God please no.'
~ How clearly I saw you smiling in the sun Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one.
He pulled out a scroll stained in blood from his breastplate and began to read from it.
"Red the third moon, we had come up against a difficult opponent. Defeating its army was a hardship alone, in which we lost many men. However, their leader was not defeated. They took the Escaflowne and retreated back to their castle. Storming the castle seems impossible. Also I regret to announce that our King, Van Fannel has been killed in battle. When we return to Fanelia we will have a proper burial"
"...."
"What?."
"Lord Van. You Lie!! He's not dead!! HE CAN'T DIE!!" Merle hissed
"No. it's not true. this isn't real, it's only a dream. a nightmare, a very horrible nightmare." But Van was indeed dead. Hitomi couldn't believe it, it wasn't that she didn't want to, it's that she just couldn't. She was numb, as if it was like watching a movie or a dream like it wasn't her life. As if she had never met this 'Van' before, or moreover having his baby. She felt no remorse for his death but she couldn't convince herself that he really was dead. She wanted to feel sorrow for his death like Merle or even comfort her but she didn't have the slightest bit of empathy for this situation. Impassive. She heard something click in the back of her mind and she went emotionless from everything.
~ I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories.
She turned or her heals and headed for the castle. "He died with great honor." The messenger added but that didn't stop her. Merle followed her afraid that she was to do something rash.
They pasted Milerna and Dryden on the way to her room. Milerna, noticing Hitomi's severe expression asked what the problem was. "Lord Van." answered Merle
"What is he back already?" questioned Dryden
"No He. Died" she choked.
They both gasped and also followed Hitomi.
Reaching the third landing on the first door Hitomi walked to her bed. She sat down and stared out the window. The others stood in the doorway. She then got up and grabbed the knife off her dresser while the others shifted uncomfortably. Bringing the dagger to her chest Merle let out a screech. She turn slowly, only now realizing that they were there.
~ I'm so tired but I can't sleep Standin' on the edge of something much too deep.
"Don't do it Hitomi, remember you carry his only heir!"
"What?!" said Merle and Dryden simultaneously
"Opps" Merle and Dryden sweatdropped.
She had to do something with this knife, yet suicide sounded unappealing. She grabbed a lock of golden hair and severed it below the ear.
~ It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard.
"What are you doing?"
She grabbed another shock and sliced it.
"Hitomi you have beautiful hair don't cut it!"
She continued doing this as they watched in bewilderment. Finally all of it had lost a good 4 inches and met unevenly around the ends of her ears.
"Why did you do that?"
But there was no response. She just went back to her bed and laid down on his pillow. His musk came up and met to her awareness as a feather lay on the pillow next to her. Her eyes welded and she sobbed into the pillow. Milerna and Merle walked over to comfort her.
"You know time heals all wounds even ones as deep as this" Dryden said hoping to give some sort of closure. "He's not dead. Van will live in anyone who doesn't forget him and will always love him. If what Milerna says is true and you do carry Van's child then he lives in you and will always."
~ But I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by.
"Why did you tell? I trusted you." Hitomi question Milerna. "I didn't - I' only"- "Just leave me alone." "Hitomi.?" "Go away." she said calmly.
~ Weep not for the memories.
They stared for a moment then they did as they were told and left her to herself. She sobbed into her pillow until she fell asleep. She slept for a couple of hours and woke up at dusk, in time for dinner. She got up, recalling the events of the day wondering if it was even the same day. She ran a hand through her hair, which ran off below her ears. She gasped not remembering that she caused this she got up and looked in her mirror.
"What did I do? When did this happen? . Why can't I remember it?" She looked at it with disgust, knowing that she did do this but why. 'It wasn't because Van.' She sighed and went downstairs for dinner.
Milerna was surprised to see Hitomi awake and wondered if she was still in her state that she was when she cut her hair. She only looked upset; her eyes downcast as she sauntered into the dinning room. Only her, Merle and Dryden where present. Hitomi sat next to Merle still glaring at the earth.
"What happened Hitomi? Why did you cut your hair? That was really creepy" said Merle
"I really don't know what happened, all I remember is we were outside- you and I, that's when the messenger came with the news of Van's death and now I'm here." She said non-chalontly
"That's all you remember?" questioned Milerna
Hitomi nodded
"That's strange," added Dryden " It might mean something."
"What do you mean?" said Milerna
"Well for instance-"
A rumbling coming from above, louder than thunder interrupted him. A random soldier ran in out of breath yelling, "we're under attack!" before retreating back into the hall.
"What do we do?!" Shouted Milerna
"We have to get to the back of the castle they're attacking from the front!"
Milerna grabbed Hitomi's wrist and followed her husband and Merle. As they Ran another ominous rumble shook them. "Don't worry it'll take more than that to get through a limestone castle." Dryden reassured.
They reached the back of the castle unscathed and ran to the barn. The mounted a horse each with quickness. Night had fallen as they entered the Forest of Fanelia. The rhythmic pattering of the horses' hooves was hypnotic. It was like everything was fading away like nothing was real as Hitomi went into deep thought.
~ I'm so afraid to love you more afraid to lose Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose.
'Everyone around me, anyone I have ever loved, gone. Even my best friend, Yukari moved to America. My whole family is dead. And now Van. the only one I have ever really loved, gave everything to, my heart my soul. Dead. why? Am I a curse? Not meant to love at all? And now our child will grow up without a father.. Van why did you leave me?'
~ Once there was a darkness deep and endless night.
She stared at the horses' back watching tear after tear in rapid succession plummet. She thought that she must look pretty pathetic slouched over weeping bitterly, feeling so empty and alienated. 'I should be strong. What would Van think if he saw me like this?' she lifted her head, tears staining her cheeks. She smiled a reassured smile.
'But I'm not alone, not ever. I have god with me at all times he'll never leave me when my life is this disastrous. And I have my friends that have always been and always will be there for me.' Glancing at the others 'And I carry Van's baby that he died and knew nothing about. I'm sure he would have been glad if he had known about you sweetheart.' Caressing her stomach 'you know now, don't you Van? Well please watch over all of us during this journey. And I pray that you be with us as your child grows up to be like you. Wait for me I'll find you someday in heaven, we all will. I love you Van. We'll certainly meet again.'
~ You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light. And I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories..
~ And I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let you life pass you by Weep not for the memories..
~ Weep not for the memories.
A/N: sorry guys this took so long, I got a major block and I have so many other projects I've taken on my own time. I got a lot of threats about me killing Van. Yeah. All I ask is that you stick with it; I probably lost a lot of fans due to that. But oh well. Anyway on with the fic.
Disclaimer: Escaflowne I own not also 'I will remember you' I borrowed from Sarah McLachlan.
The breeze was warmer than it was a couple weeks ago when Hitomi came to know that she carried Van's child. Although She and Milerna were the only ones who still knew. Hitomi asked her to keep this whole thing a secret to save her from more unneeded stress and humiliation. Besides what would Merle say. she didn't want to go there.? Nope it was a lot safer if only those two knew. She would tell Van herself when he came back from the war.
~ I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
She often thought about him during this torture called pregnancy. It was a good thing her belly wasn't protruding to a noticeable level, but Hitomi noticed. She was now almost two months into it.
He had been gone for so long, too long in fact just to bring a rebellious nation under control. Was he ever coming back?
~ Remember the good times that we had? I let them slip away from us when things got bad.
Merle and Hitomi sat in the back courtyard in the garden. Merle marveled at Hitomi's card tricks that she was teaching her. The brown leaves were carried by the wind. The duo had been out here for a while before they were interrupted by Merle's keen sense of smell and hearing.
"I smell blood." As her ears perked up. They both were on high alert, searching around them for movement. Hitomi had her arms crossed protectively over her stomach.
"There!" Hitomi pointed out. Along the horizon a figure moved swiftly toward the castle.
"Do you think he's here to attack us?" asked Merle nervously.
"I-I don't know, if he is we're defenseless."
They watched him approaching closer and closer. He indeed was a soldier wearing red armor, which was not Fanelia colors. Hitomi and Merle got frightened they hid behind a wall. Crouching down quietly hoping he would just walk away.
"I think he's gone." Hitomi whispered.
"No because I can still smell blood, and it's really strong"
"Really, then he's probably close."
"Yeah real close." Boomed a loud voice from above. Both of the girls screamed and scampered to get away but he said he was a messenger of Fanelia. They stopped dead in their tracks and faced him. His armor was not red; it was stained with blood. The royal blue and pewter; Fanelia's colors, shown through at bits and pieces that were not dredged in blood.
"Oh my gosh are you okay?"
He didn't answer; instead he crouched down into a bow.
"Lady Hitomi, I have a message from General Allen Schezarr."
'Allen's the general, I though Van was. Oh my gosh. don't tell me that. oh God please no.'
~ How clearly I saw you smiling in the sun Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one.
He pulled out a scroll stained in blood from his breastplate and began to read from it.
"Red the third moon, we had come up against a difficult opponent. Defeating its army was a hardship alone, in which we lost many men. However, their leader was not defeated. They took the Escaflowne and retreated back to their castle. Storming the castle seems impossible. Also I regret to announce that our King, Van Fannel has been killed in battle. When we return to Fanelia we will have a proper burial"
"...."
"What?."
"Lord Van. You Lie!! He's not dead!! HE CAN'T DIE!!" Merle hissed
"No. it's not true. this isn't real, it's only a dream. a nightmare, a very horrible nightmare." But Van was indeed dead. Hitomi couldn't believe it, it wasn't that she didn't want to, it's that she just couldn't. She was numb, as if it was like watching a movie or a dream like it wasn't her life. As if she had never met this 'Van' before, or moreover having his baby. She felt no remorse for his death but she couldn't convince herself that he really was dead. She wanted to feel sorrow for his death like Merle or even comfort her but she didn't have the slightest bit of empathy for this situation. Impassive. She heard something click in the back of her mind and she went emotionless from everything.
~ I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories.
She turned or her heals and headed for the castle. "He died with great honor." The messenger added but that didn't stop her. Merle followed her afraid that she was to do something rash.
They pasted Milerna and Dryden on the way to her room. Milerna, noticing Hitomi's severe expression asked what the problem was. "Lord Van." answered Merle
"What is he back already?" questioned Dryden
"No He. Died" she choked.
They both gasped and also followed Hitomi.
Reaching the third landing on the first door Hitomi walked to her bed. She sat down and stared out the window. The others stood in the doorway. She then got up and grabbed the knife off her dresser while the others shifted uncomfortably. Bringing the dagger to her chest Merle let out a screech. She turn slowly, only now realizing that they were there.
~ I'm so tired but I can't sleep Standin' on the edge of something much too deep.
"Don't do it Hitomi, remember you carry his only heir!"
"What?!" said Merle and Dryden simultaneously
"Opps" Merle and Dryden sweatdropped.
She had to do something with this knife, yet suicide sounded unappealing. She grabbed a lock of golden hair and severed it below the ear.
~ It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard.
"What are you doing?"
She grabbed another shock and sliced it.
"Hitomi you have beautiful hair don't cut it!"
She continued doing this as they watched in bewilderment. Finally all of it had lost a good 4 inches and met unevenly around the ends of her ears.
"Why did you do that?"
But there was no response. She just went back to her bed and laid down on his pillow. His musk came up and met to her awareness as a feather lay on the pillow next to her. Her eyes welded and she sobbed into the pillow. Milerna and Merle walked over to comfort her.
"You know time heals all wounds even ones as deep as this" Dryden said hoping to give some sort of closure. "He's not dead. Van will live in anyone who doesn't forget him and will always love him. If what Milerna says is true and you do carry Van's child then he lives in you and will always."
~ But I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by.
"Why did you tell? I trusted you." Hitomi question Milerna. "I didn't - I' only"- "Just leave me alone." "Hitomi.?" "Go away." she said calmly.
~ Weep not for the memories.
They stared for a moment then they did as they were told and left her to herself. She sobbed into her pillow until she fell asleep. She slept for a couple of hours and woke up at dusk, in time for dinner. She got up, recalling the events of the day wondering if it was even the same day. She ran a hand through her hair, which ran off below her ears. She gasped not remembering that she caused this she got up and looked in her mirror.
"What did I do? When did this happen? . Why can't I remember it?" She looked at it with disgust, knowing that she did do this but why. 'It wasn't because Van.' She sighed and went downstairs for dinner.
Milerna was surprised to see Hitomi awake and wondered if she was still in her state that she was when she cut her hair. She only looked upset; her eyes downcast as she sauntered into the dinning room. Only her, Merle and Dryden where present. Hitomi sat next to Merle still glaring at the earth.
"What happened Hitomi? Why did you cut your hair? That was really creepy" said Merle
"I really don't know what happened, all I remember is we were outside- you and I, that's when the messenger came with the news of Van's death and now I'm here." She said non-chalontly
"That's all you remember?" questioned Milerna
Hitomi nodded
"That's strange," added Dryden " It might mean something."
"What do you mean?" said Milerna
"Well for instance-"
A rumbling coming from above, louder than thunder interrupted him. A random soldier ran in out of breath yelling, "we're under attack!" before retreating back into the hall.
"What do we do?!" Shouted Milerna
"We have to get to the back of the castle they're attacking from the front!"
Milerna grabbed Hitomi's wrist and followed her husband and Merle. As they Ran another ominous rumble shook them. "Don't worry it'll take more than that to get through a limestone castle." Dryden reassured.
They reached the back of the castle unscathed and ran to the barn. The mounted a horse each with quickness. Night had fallen as they entered the Forest of Fanelia. The rhythmic pattering of the horses' hooves was hypnotic. It was like everything was fading away like nothing was real as Hitomi went into deep thought.
~ I'm so afraid to love you more afraid to lose Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose.
'Everyone around me, anyone I have ever loved, gone. Even my best friend, Yukari moved to America. My whole family is dead. And now Van. the only one I have ever really loved, gave everything to, my heart my soul. Dead. why? Am I a curse? Not meant to love at all? And now our child will grow up without a father.. Van why did you leave me?'
~ Once there was a darkness deep and endless night.
She stared at the horses' back watching tear after tear in rapid succession plummet. She thought that she must look pretty pathetic slouched over weeping bitterly, feeling so empty and alienated. 'I should be strong. What would Van think if he saw me like this?' she lifted her head, tears staining her cheeks. She smiled a reassured smile.
'But I'm not alone, not ever. I have god with me at all times he'll never leave me when my life is this disastrous. And I have my friends that have always been and always will be there for me.' Glancing at the others 'And I carry Van's baby that he died and knew nothing about. I'm sure he would have been glad if he had known about you sweetheart.' Caressing her stomach 'you know now, don't you Van? Well please watch over all of us during this journey. And I pray that you be with us as your child grows up to be like you. Wait for me I'll find you someday in heaven, we all will. I love you Van. We'll certainly meet again.'
~ You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light. And I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories..
~ And I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let you life pass you by Weep not for the memories..
~ Weep not for the memories.