Chapter 5: My brain is not a nice place to be
Suddenly I was supposed to become the hero of this situation, if I were a religious man I would say that this is part they skip in the book of revelation…I see what caused the explosion a moment ago… Mel Gibson was doing some reenactments of his last work "Apocalypto" about a bunch of pansies with cannibalistic passion and a beloved love for the color blue… did I mention they looked pretty gay? I rather go for tights…and that is never going to happen!
-I have to get to the pills- Q told himself just to keep himself in focus, trying to forget that Helena was almost naked and willing in the visiting room, mercy lord…for I am very horny.
-People of Scotland! - Mel Gibson was doing a line from Braveheart using a mop like a sword, a moment later someone threw a baseball at him that got him on the head…a couple of moments later he went "mad max" on the poor soul.
Q was running and was sucker punched by Tom Cruise who was wearing the MI2 sunglasses, Q felt to the floor unconvinced that a little man like that could knock him out…he was in full Ethan Hunt mode, he wanted to save the day...he needed the good publicity to get out, be a hero, do another Steven Spielberg movie and kill Sumner Redstone and those bastards from paramount, plus finding out why "Suri" is non-Caucasian.
-Step away Frodo- Q did not have a lot of patience…he needed to cross the hall fast and get to the meds in time.
-Coming here was the mistake of your life. See, the closer I am to someone, the stronger I get. I'll be able to go in your brain, even if you're wide awake- He was dancing around like a Muhammad Ali wannabe…
-My head is not a nice place to be- Q punched Tom Cruise in the gut with a powerful left hook and then another jab to the head with the right arm…before fainting Q grabbed him by his US$200 t-shirt a threw him into the crowd.
The crowd stopped until a skinny fellow screamed: -That guy killed Jerry McGuire- and everyone then attacked Q who started running towards the hall.
Pete "the male nurse" woke up… his head was pretty messed up and he felt nausea, but he remembered that he called "Q' for help. He stepped outside and watched in despair the madness taking over the asylum… than a puny little man running in front a crazy mob that wanted to kill him…and Mel Gibson playing Martin Riggs the crazy cop in the "lethal weapon series". He screamed at Q: -What can I do to help?-
-Would you charge my Ipod? - Q responded with disdain.
-What would want me to do that? - Pete perplexed with the request responded.
-Are you that stupid or are you pretending? - Q was now running with a deranged monkey on his back…no sorry it was Tom Cruise.
-What? - Pete couldn't understand because of the noise around him.
Q lifted the crazy monkey and threw on top of the crowd (sorry again it was Tom Cruise, I just get mixed up, honestly) and screamed at Pete: Do you have a dentist office?
-Yes- Pete screamed back.
- Ok- I need you to throw those tanks of "Novocain" into the lunch hall and then close the door behind me, Can you do that? - Q was trying to buy time by dancing a polka…they thought it was some mystical form of Martial Art.
-But you will be trapped with those lunatics! - Pete screamed back.
-Probably, but I am already crazy- Q responded… suddenly the madhouse has grown quiet as Mel Gibson approached "Q" he was certainly the ringleader and if he didn't move they wouldn't go after him.
-Join us now in this fight against our oppressor- Mel Gibson was doing Hamlet.
-Who elected you? The problem with democracy is, it doesn't keep you very safe- Q responded with a bloodcurdling tone.
-What do you want brother? - Mel Gibson said with condescending tone, he was out of here…this performance was so much better than the one on the internet…ok, so I have an illegal downloading company… sue me… I'm a superhero, ok...maybe I'm not anymore but the general public doesn't know that.
-I need self help books…a lot of them- Q responded with sarcasm.
-Self-help books? You don't seem the type- Mel Gibson was now a cop…
-I read whatever I can find. Anyway, I've got issues - what with kicking the shit out of nun and all- Q was buying time but they were getting too close to comfort.
-So you rather die as a martyr? - The crowd was getting awfully close…Mel Gibson was ranting again, who knows what character he might switch too, the Passion of the Christ came to mind…too gruesome to be true, after all we're all crazy.
-We can't let everything we have be ruined by a silly misunderstanding! – Q screamed with theatrical flare.
-And just what is that I'm not understanding? - Mel Gibson replied, he was playing Pilato's part…crazy fuck.
-All this time I expected you to hate me because I was against the revolution of the masses, not because I am a Jewish cop that lives in L.A. - Q responded while looking at Pete who signaled the trap was in place.
-Are you a Jew Cop? sorry man but now I really have to kill you- Mel Gibson replied.
Q started to run towards the lunch hall with all the crazies behind him….he sees the smoke and havoc ensues…everyone started laughing hysterically and hitting each other out of despair…he goes to the back of the room to the fridge, he opened it up and found the 10 gallon ice cream… he dips his head inside yto avoid inhaling the gas….he starts to feel dizzy…he hates strawberry ice cream…Pete stole the chocolate chip's gallon and switched, mother……
A moment later he passed out.
Hope you enjoyed it