Summary: Why was Axel so hell-bent on getting Roxas back after he left the Organization? Where did those ink-drops beneath his eyes come from? Axel's journal might shed some light on the subject... The original Number XIII...

Disclaimer: I don't own Square Enix or Disney. If I did, I would be a very, very rich woman, even richer if I lent out men like Axel, Leon, and Sephiroth to people willing to pay the price for a period of time with them. I do, however, own all rights to the OC in here.

Burning Fire and Darkest Shadow

God, it's almost impossible to forget about her, even if I did want to. At moments when I do not summon the thoughts, I can't help but remember alabaster skin, so soft and silky, moving under and atop me. Midnight hair slithering about us in a dark shroud while she went down on me, sensitizing my nerves even as her mouth worked over me. Eyes like rain-washed amethysts, darkening to the rich shade of fine wine as she got wetter and wetter while I worked on her, gazing wide-eyed into my own ocean-green orbs before rolling back into her head and shutting tightly against a gasping, crashing wave of ecstasy.

You can't forget things that meant something to you. People and occasions that make you feel whole again when you're missing so much of yourself.

Onyx and I did that to each other. When we were together, we were happy. We made each other feel as if we had hearts again. Roxas made me feel that way, too, but not in the same way. What Onyx and I had was special. Impossible to replicate with anybody else. Think what you will about my and Roxas' relationship, but I became celibate after Onyx. No more hanky-panky-spanky for Axel. Not until I see her again, anyway.

Assuming we both have next lives, that is...

But anyway, I digress. I think the reason we were allowed to continue our relationship for so long was due to two reasons. First of all, I don't think most of the Organization even knew about it. We were careful not to give anything away, only doing the skin-slap in-and-out when we were pretty damn sure that we wouldn't be interrupted. That usually mean that we only fucked when we were out on missions. You are never truly assured of privacy in either castle, after all. Due to our ability to access the Realm of Darkness and come out wherever the hell we want at will, doors are entirely unnecessary and utterly useless. Hell, walls too. I've been interrupted in all manner of activities, so I know not to feel too secure.

But I gotta admit, seeing Demyx's face when he walked in on me while I was jacking off that one time... Damn, that was worth a laugh or five. Yeah, I've got the biggest one in the Organization (communal showers. Not for the modest). Probably why Larxene hates me so much. From what I've heard, Marluxia doesn't have that much to speak of below the belt. After that beating she gave me when I hit on her that one time shortly after she joined, there's no way I'd ever have fucked her. Heh. Her loss.

Yeah, I know I'm good. Onyx certainly screamed it enough.

Second reason we were together so long is probably because we were both so useful to Xemnas. Nobodies like us don't come along every day, after all. And we did so much field work that we were virtually indisposable. Most of the dusks were made by our efforts. Nobody (funny, huh?) else in the Organization was responsible for the creation of so many Nobodies as Onyx and I. So even if somebody did find out about our illicit activities and tattled to the boss, Xemnas wouldn't do anything about it beacuse not only were we expanding the ranks, we were also creating a ton of Heartless for the Keyblade kid to kill. We were making a gigantic contribution to the eventual formation of Kingdom Hearts, so Xemnas was willing to overlook most transgressions.

'Most' being the key word. 'Most.'

I still don't know who told Xemnas that damned lie. I have a couple of suspects in mind, but no certainties. Larxene could have told him out of sheer spite and jealousy. No one really paid her that much attention after Onyx arrived, after all. Even Marluxia tried to hit on the Maiden of Darkest Shadow a couple of times. Just got tired of vanilla and wanted to try chocolate, I guess. Blondie was not too happy about this, as one might expect. She was not my number one suspect, however.

Zexion was another good possibility, but again, not at the top of the list. The Cloaked Schemer might have come up with this whole thing as revenge for her turning him down, but I don't think so. Same goes for Xaldin and Luxord, both of whom are also on the list for the exact same reason. None of them go for having their pride scorched like that. Onyx turned all of them down in humorously sarcastic ways when they all decided they wanted her to warm their beds. But I don't think any of them came up with this.

Heading the top of the list is Number IV. Vexen. The Chilly Academic proposed to a "mutually beneficial relationship of an extremely physical nature" (can't believe anybody would actually talk like that...) whilst in earshot of Xigbar, Lexaus, and myself after a meeting; yeah, he really did say that. I was a bit too surprised to burst out laughing or I would have. Vexen was always too formal for his own good, but that was beyond ridiculous. Onyx, however, had no such problem with laughing like a loon. She told him that she was not interested in getting boned by an "uptight, lily-white, ever-so-frozen mad scientist" like him. That got me and Xigbar laughing as well as Marluxia, who had been walking by when she said that. Vexen, as one might expect, was both furious and humiliated. Not a good combination.

Besides, he had plenty of time to plan. Onyx and I had a mission to tend to in Agrabah, so we were gone for a few days after that.

I think we both knew that something big was coming the night before we went back to the Castle that Never Was. We just wouldn't leave each other alone that last night after we had succeeded in taking out our target. I'd get tired from the last round and she'd say that she needed me one more time before rolling me over and climbing on top after a quick blowjob to get the flag up. She'd tell me to leave her alone and go to sleep, and I'd just tongue-lash her until she was screaming for me to get inside her. We went like that all night, demanding that the one of us get the other off one more time, the other so exhausted that the one that still needed the other had to get them ready and want it too. But it was an experience I wouldn't mind repeating, even if I was extremely sore the next day. I mean, if the friction had affected me that much, how the heck was Onyx even walking? Still, I think both of us would have done it again and again and again without hesitation, because we really did enjoy each other's company. I guess if we had been whole when we met, it could have been said that we were in love.

But we both were Nobodies, and I still am. We don't have hearts. We are incapable of love, only echoes of true emotions. Onyx and I had deep affection for each other, so I guess that means that we could have been in love if we had had hearts.

Whatever. In any case, we just couldn't let go of each other. The last time was never enough. We finally fell asleep because we just couldn't move anymore. If I concentrate hard enough, I can still feel her on top of me, her head pillowed on my chest and our arms wrapped around each other, my fingers tangled in the silk that was her hair. I can still feel the last kiss we gave each other before falling into dreamless oblivion.

I don't know what the hell it could be called, but it was as close to love as two Nobodies can get.

Too bad we didn't find out anything more. Given a bit more time, we really could have figured it out. The truth behind this fiery dream we shared in the deepest shadows.

Too bad reality was waiting for us back at the Castle that Never Was.