Disclaimer: Not mine. If I were Jo, trust me, the books would be quite different. For one, this story would actually be a part of the books. And the main character would be Severus Snape. J

A/N: I decided I should at least give a real fan fiction a go, so I decided to work on this second chapter. If it's horrible, it's because the plot bunnies were only here to show me the beginning, and now I am floundering about on my own, drowning in overused Lily/Snape plots, and choking on my studio audience laughter. Flame me if you wish, but be forewarned……..I DON'T CARE!!!!! Enjoy!

Chapter Two: James, the Conspiracy Theorist

James Potter, who currently looked strangely like a goldfish, was lost for words. He simply gaped as Sirius and Remus laughed, slapping their knees and wiping tears away. Even Peter was tittering from his spot across the room. James opened his mouth to test out words as the laughter died down, but a final snort from Remus set Sirius off again. It could go on forever.

His lips formed the only words they could find. "Shove over!" Moony, who was a lot calmer than Sirius at the moment (or rather, any moment), shifted to the left, creating a space for James to sit. He flopped into the space between his friends. Sirius gave a final contented sigh and turned to face him.

"I was wondering how long it would take you, man," he said, nudging James in the shoulder with an abnormally sharp elbow.

"Oh, you be quiet," Moony commented, wiping his still streaming eyes and peeking around James. "I had to tell you, at least he found out on his own." Sirius attempted to look hurt, but was apparently too jovial, or else too lazy, to care.

James looked first at one friend, then the other. He breathed a few times to allow his mind to gather, and finally figured out how to make his mouth go again.

"YOU KNEW!!!!!!!!!!"

A loud clunking noise was heard shortly after this outburst. No one really cared, but if they had bothered to look around, they would have noticed one Peter Pettigrew, lying on the floor, apparently passed out.

Sirius laid a large hand on James's shoulder, grinning broadly. "A better question would be, who didn't know?"

At this, James glanced to Remus, who at least had to common decency to look a bit guilty. "Sorry…should we have told you, then?"

James's brown eyes widened until they seemed about to pop. If looks could kill, Remus's dead body would be on the ground, although keeping itself a safe distance away from Peter's body, which was not dead at all, only cowardly.

The hot air blasting from James's nose was beginning to disturb Moony. He scooted a little further to the left, and tried to look innocent. He knew that he should say something, but what was there to say? He twisted his face into what he hoped was an apologetic look.

"Sorry, Prongs. We thought you'd be unhappy….which you apparently are…..and it's not really that important, is it?"

"What do you mean, not important? I've been trying to get Evans to go out with me for…." he paused and attempted to count on his fingers, giving up after putting down the first three. "Oh, who cares how long it's been! She's with Snivellus? And how, exactly, does everyone know except the person who wants to know the most?" At least now he felt a bit better. He drew a deep breath, preparing to start ranting again, but Sirius spoke up.

"Y'know Evans's friend, the quiet one…..Alice? Well, you see, she -"

"Are you trying to set me up with Alice to take my mind off Lily? Are you crazy? What does Alice have to do with ANYTHING?! What I'd like to know is how you two oafs knew about the…..the thing that's been going on right under my nose!"

Remus sighed from his other side, rubbing the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stop the headache the James always seemed to cause. "James, he's not trying to set you up with a Hufflepuff. Alice came around one day, said she couldn't remember anything. I recognized right away that it was a memory charm. I figured that a student did it, and I knew I could reverse it….and when I did she just started vomiting up a story about Lily and the grease spot. We would have told you, if we hadn't known you would…well, do this."

"How long ago was this? And who else knows? Does the whole school know except me, is that it? Or have you kept it to yourselves so I'd be less likely to find out?" James ignored Padfoot's open mouth and started up again. "Are you sure she's telling the truth? What if this is one of Evans's attempts to get me away from her….she thinks that I'll just leave her alone if she's taken….and you two are apart of it! Quit plotting!" It took James a full two seconds before he realized how stupid that theory was. In that two seconds, a few things happened. First, Peter managed to get up and wander over to the couch, where he was ignored. Secondly, and more importantly, Lily Evans walked through the portrait hole.

A/N: Okay, I have no idea if Alice was a Hufflepuff or not, but that felt like the right thing to put……I think I might be trying too hard to be funny. Am I? I've only gotten one review, from a friend of mine, but I really want to write this…so I am. Maybe you all will decide to start reviewing once there are more chapters. I will be patient. Besides, I only like to put these up because it makes me feel accomplished. And because I think my plot bunnies are coming back to gnaw on my right hand again…..they want a serious showdown between Lily and James….Oh well, we'll wait and see, won't we? R&R!