While I Loved You
By:Blondenhotand Angel422
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Jude's POV:
The next few hours were hell...it hurt to sit in that hotel room while Sadie and Kwest went to the pool to swim. All I could do was wonder whatTommy and Portiawere doing and if Tommy was thinking of me. I was crying of course and I had soaked the pillows with tears that I shouldn't have been crying. As soon as we had gotten to the cab and Sadie put herhand on mine, the tears first came. I just couldn't handle it...I shouldn't have gone to the wedding in the first place-it's like Tommy said. I didn't have to stay. But I did- I suffered because I had to see the wedding. I had to see Tom get married to her-to someone other me.
I had to die all over again.
I climbed out of bed, rolling lazily out of it like I was sick. I made my way over to my bag and dug in the thing. I grabbed my notebook and a pencil. I had another song.
"If I ever write the story of my life
Don't be surprised if you're where it begins
Boy, I'd have to dedicate every line on every page
To the memories we made, while you loved me
I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived, oh I how I lived
(I lived) While you loved me
I'd start with chapter one, love innocent and young
As the morning sun on a new day
Even though I know the end, I'd do it all again
'Cause I got a lifetime in while you loved me
I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived, oh how I lived
(I lived) While you loved me
I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived oh how I lived...I lived
I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived oh how I lived...I lived
While you loved me."
It was true. I had never been more alive than when we were together...I never would be.
He had some sort of power over me-it was like I was his puppet- he could do with me as he liked and I wouldn't do anything to stop it. That day, my sixteenth birthday, had been the first day I woke up. Yeah I had thought I had been happy. I was wrong. Happy for me was riding in his viper with him on a hot day with the windows down. Happy was us working on a song together. Estatic was kissing him.
And now, unless God wants to have mercy on me, I doubt I'll ever have the chance to do that again.
And that's why I died.
At that moment, Sadie and Kwest came bursting in the door laughing and smiling. When they saw me sitting there, they just stopped. Didn't move, didnt breath, didnt dare laugh. Their facial expressions were priceless...as if they had just hit a bird in the road. Despite the situation, I smiled. Sadie then looked at Kwest's face and cracked up. Then Kwest let out a nervous chuckle. Then, we were all rolling around on the ground holding our sides and wiping our eyes. When we finally recovered, we had to get going. We had a 7:00 PM flight to catch.
Tom's POV:
We sat there quietly, waiting for them to call our plane to board. We had scheduled the 7:00 flight back to Toronto. Portia and I had talked queitly on the drive over here, while Amber was asleep. Now the little girl was all over the seats, bouncing happily.
"Daddy, I've never been to Can-a-da before!" she squeeled as I smiled at her enthusiasm and pulled her into my lap. I tickled her sides and watched as she giggled in a similar manner to what Jude does when you tickle her. God, I've got to quit thinking about her...
"You havent? So I guess you haven't heard about the ice cream shops there, have you?" I asked her, as her eyes grew wide with wonder.
" No Daddy! Tell me!" she screamed, getting excited, and causing a few heads to turn in our direction.
"Well, you have to promise me to keep this a secret." I hushed my voice to a whispering tone. "You can't tell anybody." When she ferociously nodded her head I almost laughed.
"The ice cream scooper...he always gives little girls 2 HUGE scoops when you ask for justone." I told her leaning my forehead on hers. She clapped her hands in glee.
"Really?" She asked too happy to say.
"Really." I said exaggerating the point. She jumped out of my arms and onto the seat next to me, where she got back to her bouncing happily.
I leaned my head back again, glad to finally be relaxed. But then, as I closed my eyes, I saw her face again. Saw her smiling before the wedding. Saw her eyes when I asked her to dance with me. They nearly popped out of the sockets. Saw her broken smile when she was standing by the cake and I was dancing with Portia. I saw her wave when I left. I would never forget that wave...she was really telling me good bye. She was thinking, Let me love him no more. I saw it written all over her face. She was so easy to read to me. And now I'll never get to turnanother page in the Book Of Jude Harrison again.
The Next Day:
Tommy's POV:
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There wasn't time for a honeymoon—just time to share one night before we had to get back to work, and I wasn't complaining about that because I wasn't sure if I wanted to be left alone with Portia that long—didn't know if I could handle it without losing my temper or walking out. I could already see a stretch of long work nights ahead of me as I avoided going home. And that's why I found myself staring up now at the studio in resignation—both in anticipation of getting back to work and wary about how it would go over.
"Planning on staring at the building until the day comes to an end?" A voice asked from behind me and I smiled. Yeah, she was one of a kind.
"Thought about it." I finally commented as Jude sidled up next to me. She hrrrummpphhed.
"That's not going to get us a Grammy anytime soon, Quincy." She commented emphasizing the 'us' and that made me feel great knowing she wanted to ride to the top with me along for the trip. I laughed. No, it wouldn't. She shrugged as I kneed her in the tush—gently pushing her toward the doorway.
"Then by all means, let's get back to work." I proclaimed as I followed her inside—making our way to the empty studio as Kwest walked by with steaming cups of coffee. Jude and I both grabbed one simultaneously as Kwest stared up at us in agitation.
"Did I say those were for you two?" Kwest asked as Jude and I shrugged before perusing Kwest silently.
"No." We answered before turning up the scalding liquid and downing it anyway. Ahhhhh, caffeine!
"You two ready to get on the ball? We have a press conference at two and an album to get under way." Darius proclaimed as he walked around the corner. He looked tired and a little harried, and I knew that Portia had probably talked to him about her worries—about our relationship. It irked me.
"We're ready." I mumbled as I shoved past everyone into the sound room. I could feel Jude's gaze on my back, and I knew she wondered why I was being so abrupt, but I couldn't help but feel crass about the idea that Portia was beginning to use the studio against me.
"Let's get to work." I stated simply as she shrugged—grabbing her guitar almost reverently, and I watched the tip of her fingers strum the strings lovingly with new alacrity. God, I really needed to start thinking about wearing baggier pants.
"So...do you have any new songs written?" I asked her, trying to settle into a more comfortable postion, knowing that this would be a long, trying day. I had figured she must have written something about me and/or the wedding since I saw her last. I was right.
"Yeah...I actually did." she began to play the first notes and sing.
"If I ever write the story of my life
Don't be surprised if you're where it begins
Boy, I'd have to dedicate every line on every page
To the memories we made, while you loved me."
She sang softly with her eyes closed, as if afraid to look at me. Hell, I was afraid my pants would rip the seams with one more heated look.
"I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived, oh I how I lived
(I lived) While you loved me
I'd start with chapter one, love innocent and young
As the morning sun on a new day
Even though I know the end, I'd do it all again
'Cause I got a lifetime in while you loved me."
And that's when she opened her eyes. She looked straight at me, unafraid of my opinion and unaware of my discomfort. She sang, poured her heart into the words meaning for me to learn something.
"I was born the day you kissed me
And I died inside the night you left me
But I lived oh how I lived...I lived
While you loved me."
She strummed the final chord and looked at me expectantly, waiting on my response to her new song. That was about me.
"Jude..."
Jude's POV:
I watched him in fascination, as he opened his mouth to apoligize or give me some other kind of shit that I really didn't care about hearing. All I wanted was to tell him to bite the juicy part of my cho-cho and get it over with.
"Jude..."
"Ya know, Tommy, while I was at your wedding I would have killed to have heard you apoligize for leaving me...getting married even. But you wouldn't apoligize to me then and I don't want to hear your apoligies now. So- don't even start." I told him, deciding at the very last second not to tell him to-well you know. The whole cho cho thing...
"Jude..." He started once again against my wishes. I jumped up from my spot and leaned against the wall beside the couch. God, could the friggin' idiot not get a clue!
"Tommy. I don't wanna hear it! I don't want to hear an apology and I don't want to hear you say you wish you could take anything back or any of that shit! The only thing I want to hear-well the only thing I want to hear you can't say to me because of this weekend." I told him, matter-of-factly.
"Jude!" he said shoving himself out of the chair and putting an arm close to my shoulder on the wall. I looked up at him now, for the first time of the day. He was looking down at me, staring into my eyes as if we were swapping secrets again and his eyes were saying it all. In a way, they were...he kept looking at me in the eyes and then did something completely out of the blue and something I adored.
"I loved the song...and I'm sorry." he said in a whisper. Then, his head came closer to mine and it finally occired to me. He was going to kiss me! He's married and here he is about to kiss me. I wallowed in it, not objecting a bit. Portia was already intimidated by me...why not make her plain out scared as hell?
Then, Kwest walked in, with Sadie on his heels. Tommy jumped away from me, as if I was a sick dog and he was a scared little child. I managed to smile at them calmly, even though my heart was racing from the thought of what almost happened and the fact that my sister and her soon to be boyfriend had almost walked in on it.
"Um, hey guys." I said, trying to catch my breath as I looked at Tom in a "What do I do?" kind of manner. He just shrugged looking helpless.
"Hey...sorry if we were interupting anything. Darius sent us in." Sadie said with a slight smile. So they had seen what we had been about to do. I could swear that I heard Tommy curse under his breath at that. Ha!
"Oh, it was nothing. We were just talking about a new song I had written." I told her, smiling now, enjoying the effect I had on my dashing producer. When I said this, he looked at me shocked. I had finally fooled the unfoolable...he thought I didn't want to kiss him.
WRONG!
"Ok...if you insist." Sadie said, muttering the last part but loud enough Tommy and I could both hear her words. Once again, Tommy looked over at me. He stared at me, as I watched him from the corner of my eye. Men...if they weren't so damn loveable I don't think I'd have anything to do with them.
A little later, Sadie and Kwest left the room, undoubtably to go tell Darius that every thing was good and then to go get lunch. I looked at Tom then, a smile spreading sheepishly across my lips.
"Ok...lets get to work again." he said in that same simple, abrupt, andaggravating manner he had been using all morning...well almost all morning. He seemed pretty happy earlier...
Jude later in the studio…
"You look like you ate a lemon. Something wrong with the song?" I asked into the microphone quietly as Tommy sat back against the side of the soundboard—twirling a pencil throughout his fingers as he shook his head. I knew better than to trust his response so I went against my better judgment and laid aside my guitar before walking into the other room—taking a seat next to him as he threw the pencil down in front of him. I just waited for him to blow. I knew that look.
"She's going to drive me nuts!" Tommy exploded as I just shrugged my shoulders up at his expression.
"Portia?" I asked quietly as he nodded. Who else would 'she' be? I had to take a deep breath before continuing on.
"You married her Tommy." I pointed out as he shoved his hand into his other palm almost viciously—hitting it as if the pain would erase his woes— his burdening troubles.
"No, I married an idea. That's all it was—an idea. This confounded need of mine to give Amber a father because, God knows Jude, I never had one. Not really. The one I had…dammit! I keep beating myself up wondering if I might have made a mistake—if marrying Portia will hurt Amber more in the long run." Tommy replied as I just stared over at him in shock. His daughter meant that much to him. I couldn't fault him for that even if I did think he had made a mistake.
"I know you, Tom. You can make it work." I remarked quietly—comforting him despite my own pain. Love does conquer all, and I just wanted him to be happy. Tom shook his head.
"Can I? Can I make it work with Portia when I'm dreaming about someone else?" Tommy asked as I shuddered audibly. He wouldn't do this now, would he?
"Why?" I asked on a whisper as Tommy leaned in close.
"You know exactly why." He stated simply as I had a simple case of deja vu—remembering this conversation from an earlier time—a different date and location. Under different circumstances.
"Yeah." I finally answered as his finger lifted up my chin—bringing my eyes up to meet his piercing gaze as he moved in close. I could feel his breath against my lips. I shivered.
"It's like a disease, Jude." He muttered as his lips almost brushed mine gently only to be pulled back harshly as the door behind us burst open. I closed my eyes and silently counted to three. Please don't let it be.
"Portia." Tommy said slowly as he sat back down into his vacated chair heavily. Talk about the old ball and chain.
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Hey guys! Ok here's chapter 10...sorry it took me this long...we've all been so busy lately! But it's summer. until school, we have all the time in the world right? Plus my little brother had a friend over last night and they searched the internet for porn pictures all night. (he's 14) Anywho, thanks to everyone who reviewed our last chapter...we decided that Angel422 and I would continue co-writing together so this should be interesting! We are having so much fun...I hope ya'll like it too! Thanks for everything Angel422! Thanks to our readers and LUV!
Lots of love to all those who reviewed the previous chapters and glad that you are tuning in. Keep checking in. What will Portia do? Hugs and LUV to all. Blondenhot and Angel422