Don't make Me Live Without You

By: Blondenhot and Angel422

Jude…

"Come on, Tommy." I whispered ferociously, desperately, as I reached resolutely for Tommy's limp hand as it dangled over the side of the hospital bed attached to wires and beeping odd-looking machines. It frightened me. I could hear Portia grumbling in irate unease as I pulled his palm up to my cheek, but at this point, the only thing I cared about was connecting to him—getting Tom to feel my need for his presence—the need for his recovery, and so I rubbed my skin against his palm affectionately, willing him to open his beautiful blue spheres and send sparks through me-just from the simple pleasure of connecting eyes with such a beautiful, such an amazing man one more time. I could hear through the cracked door a song playing softly from the waiting room right down the hall.

Live without you

"I don't know what I would do

If you ever left me, If I ever lost you

This heart of mine would be dying

Shadows would shine out the sun

It would be a whole dark world

Without your love beside me"


"Come back to me dammit!" I whispered almost harshly into the room as my fingers tightened almost unconsciously around his. Portia grumbled again as I leaned forward and laid my forehead firmly against his. His skin was so cold—clammy to the touch as if he were fighting an internal battle to make it out of his own skin alive. The first tear fell—gliding down from the edge of my eye before winding its way with determined care down the side of my face before dropping slowly onto Tom's own cheek. I just watched it as it fell—thinking almost mildly how poetic it seemed to me—like one of those movies where the tears of love are like magic—where, if the person cared enough, the drops became like an elixir of life. I cared enough dammit!

Tommy…

There was pain as I shivered with a coldness that I had already figured out emanated from within my own skin—like a prison cell that I couldn't break out of. Her voice was goading me—making my head spin as my body fought against its charm—its silky presence.

"I'm trying Jude." I tried calling out—realizing that as I did, it was nothing more than my heart speaking. My mind refused to listen to its command. My pulse jumped as I felt her skin wrap around mine—injecting warmth into my body as she lifted up the hand that I had long ago discovered was useless to me. God, Jude! I could hear Portia in the distance grumbling in a mix between anger and maybe even a little sadness. I wanted to tell her to leave—that I was allowed to love Jude only because Jude had never lied about her feelings for me—had never used any alternative methods to try and get me to love her. I was the one who had always lied—who had always avoided the obvious. Something wet fell onto my cheek, and I realized that Jude was crying—that her tears were becoming the tears that I couldn't shed. My body rebelled as I tried calling out to her desperately. I had always hated to see Jude cry...just the thought of her porcelain cheeks red with hot tears seared my heart something painful.

"Just move dammit!" My brain yelled at my nerve endings. Please, just let me move, God. Anything to let Jude know that I was still here with her--still fighting...for both of our sakes. My skin burned as a signal finally made it from my brain to my hand.Wait...have I finally lost it or did my fingers just move?

Jude…

I leaned over him stealthily—letting more tears fall as I clutched his fingers tighter in a grip that I realized rather blatantly may be too hard so I loosened it slightly. A nurse came through the door behind me and I sighed. I couldn't stand the idea of them making me leave, but I wasn't family. Portia was. The nurse stopped.

"Ms. Harrison…" She began as I shook my head.

"And how do I survive

If I don't have you here

Here in my life

Make me walk across, across the burning sands

Make me hold the whole weight of the world in my hands

Baby don't, don't, don't make me live without you

And I'd never make it

Don't, don't, don't make me live without you

Live without you"

"I know." I mumbled as I started to let go of Tommy's hand only to feel it tighten suddenly around mine, using me as an anchor...his own unconcious way of telling me not to go. I almost screamed as I looked down at it. Oh my God! The nurse started to speak again, but I ignored her this time.

"He moved….oh my God….he moved!" I cried out as I lifted up my hand for the nurse to see. His hand tightened again. Oh, Tommy! I get your message. I really do. The nurse shook her head slightly—sadly, as if I was imagining things like the little boy from 'The Sixth Sense'. Shit, woman! I'm not saying I see dead people...I know I felt his grip tighten as I went to move! It may not be a far drive for me to reach insanity but I'm not there yet!

"Sometimes the body moves involuntarily…" The nurse began again as a sudden groan from the bed made us all gasp. Involuntary, my ass. He was waking up. He had to be.

"Tommy!" I cried out loudly this time as I leaned over him again. Portia hurried to his other side not to be beat out by me in this emotional ping-pong game we seemed to have going on. Tom groaned again, louder this time, as the nurse pressed a button calling for a doctor.

"Tom?" I said in a lower tone this time as his eyes opened slowly before his head fell to the side on the pillow. I could see the blankness in his stare and it scared me the living daylights out of me. He had looked right at me...but it looked like he hadn't seen me at all.

"Tommy?" I asked again—persistently. I wasn't going to let the darkness claim him again. If only I knew how dark it really was for him. Tom peered up in the direction of my voice once again as I squeezed his hand on my own this time. Suddenly he moaned.

"Are my eyes open?" He asked suddenly in a raspy tone denoting that his voice hadn't been used in awhile—that his throat was possibly raw from not enough use. Lord knows, my voice has never sounded like that.I cringed as my body grew numb with trepidation.

"They're open." I confirmed haltingly as he closed them suddenly before blinking and opening them again. I knew what he was going to say even before he did. I knew when he reached up and gropped for my hand that I had dropped in surprise a few seconds earlier.

"Jude...I can't see."

A Little Later…

Jude…

"These kinds of reactions are not abnormal." Tommy's doctor stated mildly as we all stared at him in shock with the exception of Tommy who was now looking blankly out into the room as if his life was dissolving into a thick mist around him. I wasn't going to let him get discouraged! I just wasn't...I couldn't.

"What do you mean these reactions are not abnormal?" I asked quickly—feeling like the blonde I now was, but the fact was that doctors never spoke English. We knew they had gone to college—we knew that they had to have a pretty high IQ in order to make it through medical school. So why, then, did they always seem to feel this need to spout obscure knowledge to us as if we were supposed to immediately understand what they were saying. If they wanted us to understand they could have just used english. Yeah right. The doctor shook his head.

"He had an aneurysm—a slight blood clot near his brain. We managed to avoid any serious damage in the lobes, but there was swelling. It has managed to push against the optic nerve—has caused damage. I'm not sure if the damage is permanent or just the result of temporary swelling around those nerves. We'll know if he ever regains his sight." The doctor explained slowly as if I were Tom Hanks in that movie Forrest Gump. I almost rolled my eyes at him as I glanced over at Tommy, watching as he ran his hands over his eyes and down his cheeks as if he hoped that he would be able to rub away the blindness that we had no clue would be temporary or not.

"So there's the chance that he will regain his vision?" I asked slowly as I let the hope emanate throughout my system like a set of fireworks. Hope I could live with. The doctor nodded, slowly with a "Duh!" look plastered across his face. Alright, we could do this then. We could work through the blindness for now. Portia had grown awfully quiet behind me, whether she was afraid to say anything or she didn't care was beyond my knowledge. The nurse stepped up to stand beside the doctor.

"We can show you how to teach him to exist with his blindness—there's a class you can take here at the hospital for family members who need to learn how to work with the blind. He'll be learning here as well. That way when you return home, you can work together to learn to navigate through life. Blindness is not that big of an obstacle anymore. He could function just fine—even in the job he does now." The nurse explained reassuringly as I smiled over at her. I was beginning to like this woman, and I was certainly willing to take the class with Tom. Portia still remained silent. Where was her support. I shrugged.

"Make me walk across, across the burning sands

Make me hold the whole weight of the world in my hands

Baby don't, don't, don't make me live without you

make it trough the day, make it trough the night.

Without the one that I need in my life.

Don't, don't; don't make me live without you

live without you

live without you"

"I'll take the class." I stated boldly as I looked over at Tom. He smiled, and I smiled too. It was the first time I had seen him grin since he woke up. That was a good sign right?

"We can do this." I assured him as I reached out and squeezed his hand—watching as he nodded. I knew we could. After everything we had been through in the past...there was no way I would let him go through this with just Portia. Speaking of the devil...why was Portia being so quiet, in her own little corner of the hospital room as if she was sitting on a bench on a sunny day in the park? She was his wife...why was I acting more worried about him than she was?

"I need you here in my arms

As long as I live

As long as I breathe

I need you here

beside me

Make me walk across, across the burning sands

Make me hold the whole weight of the world in my hands

Baby don't, don't, don't make live without you"

The when everything had gone awfully silent, Portia said something. " Tommy.We've been married for what...13 days? I don't know...can we handle this? " she asked as I stared at her in amazement. Was she saying what I think she was saying?

(to be continued)

Hey guys! Here's our next chapter...I love the reviews I got last time! I got the most I have ever had for one chapter! Can we make it to 83 reviews before my next update? Or maybe 85 if u really love us... : ) Thanks for everything! LUV!

Blondenhot and Angel422