Home.
The saying "No place like home" never had as much of a warmth as it did the first time I walked into the new house, holding her hand, and having the peacefulness of it all wash over me for the first time since well...about two years ago...when Jude kissed me.
In that moment, everything was forgotten.
Portia, our marriage liscense, G Major. Everything but the amazing creature who was holding my lips in hers, and the rush of blood I felt swim through every vein in my body. I loved her. From the minute I met her, til the second I die, I knew then that that was it.. that was the last chance I had to mend the broken pieces, and do something right. We never really discussed it, all that was said about our course of actions before then, but the moment I said I love you to her, everything melted away. Everything was the same as it was before, all was right. Well--minus my eyesight. It was still hazy, but I had grown to appreciate it.
I was trying harder than ever to be the kind of man I was supposed to be--meant to be, in God's eyes. My life had been so hard, so long it seemed for only about 25 years, and karma had finally caught up with me. Portia took the news well, in a way that none of us expected. She smiled and said "God. Finally." I never asked her if she meant finally, you two hooked up, Or if she meant Finally, I'm done with you. But either way worked for me.
She had wiped her hands of me, and I was fine with that.
Amber was growing up. The tiny, adorable brunette, was almost 7 years old, and made me look like an old man at only 25. Her curls had stayed with her through her toddler years, and had softened into angelic spirals, always bouncing, always perfectly styled. Her eyes still twinkled like there was something special in them...and in a way there was. At only seven, she seemed to understand the idea of love, and she did love. She loved her father, who had been there for her as long as he could and who loved her as much as he valued life, and vowed on the day of his second wedding that he would never leave her again. She loved her birth mother, who as hard as she tried and as much as she loved Amber wasn't strong enough to stick around..she was and always had been born on the go. She loved her second mother, who's cheek's glowed with the same glow every pregnant mother's cheeks glow with, when they are expecting.
Our music career's had both sky rocketed after the wedding all those months ago. So many good songs had been produced over the span of only a few months. My best, that Jude helped me write late one night, was our song.
"I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.
The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, it makes true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.
So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.
Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home..."
And it was so true...I never had a home after I got into the Music Industry. I was city to city, girl to girl. I never sat down at home and just hung out, like normal people do...like regular people. I had taken advantage of the situation out of my own selfishness, and mistaken needs.
And then everything clicked.
Jude's career had hit an all time high with all the girls who sympathized with her, and felt her pain. They hated me for awhile and there are still some crazed fans who still resent me for what I did to her. Every once in a while, I get some fan mail that really bother me...so much hatred are poured into them, and so much heartbreak is expressed. Some from girls who thought that they were in love with me, and some from people who I have hurt...the girls who I had been with in the past were especially brutal. Jude took everything out in her music, and the out pour of emotion was amazing...moved and touched me into my soul, and believe me, she got some major brownie points.
"Eternal flame came on the radio
And I remember how you loved it so
Memories sneak up on me, wherever I go
A car like you used to drive
Pulled beside me today at the light
Chances to break down and cry, wherever I go
And you want me to be strong, any less just shows I'm weak
How'd ya turn so cold, where's the boy I used to know
Chorus:
And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be going
I'm just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you
An inside joke comes to mind
We'd wear them out all the time
Memories sneak up on me wherever I go
And it seems you've disappeared, though you're not that far away
Please tell me it's not true, I didn't mean that much to you
And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be going
I'm just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you
What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel
What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel
What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel
I treated you like an angel
And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be going
I'm just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you
I treated you like an angel..."
Obviously, that one was written on a day she felt no remorse. But it was an empowering song, and after we had both cried, together, over our pasts, we recorded it, and she sang it in a raw voice, and didnt hide anything, from anyone. And then there were those days when all I wanted to do is let the world know I had found her...the only one who would ever mean enough to me, that she was it.
"It's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
Because i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
Because she's all that I see and she's all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again
it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again
it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
coz i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again.."
And I was. Jude was a gift God sent to me, on only a whisp of luck, and he sent her down here to make a man happy, too happy to even describe, and that man was me. Before I go to bed everynight, and before I wake up in the morning, I thank God for the blessings that have been, well, thrust upon me, and I wonder where I would be today if I hadn't recieved them in the manner I did. I remember the first day we had met, and the thoughts that had gone through my head at the little wanna-be punk rocker I was to sculpt into a star. Someone who was supposed to make it big, in a world that very few ever truly suceed in.
And she had, she really really had. I loved her even more for it.
(to be continued.)
123456
Alright you guys, this is almost it! The stories comin to an end, as sad as that is. I've been working on it for so long and it means to much to me. Tell me what you think alright? Its my first chapter without Angel422...and I miss her. But here we go..can we try 120 reviews? Or more? I believe you guys can:) lol, i hope you like it. Caroline.