A/N: Here's chapter four. Sorry about the wait for this. I went to NYC with school to see The Producers on Wednesday and I completely fell in love with the show. It was hilarious! Thursday was one hell of a day, so I was totally not in the mood to write anything. Plus, Grey's wasn't new this week so I was a little bummed. Hope you guys like this chapter! READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!

-Kait

It had been one long week. I tested back into the internship program at Seattle Grace and I was finally on my way back to the hospital. The chief is going to keep me under close watch and will only allow me to work six hours a day. I'm going to ease my way back in. Once he trusts me, he'll let me have different hours and more leeway.

Meredith and George said that I've made a lot of progress. I stopped putting on my prom dress at night. I stopped crying myself to sleep. I stopped grieving as heavily as I did before. But what was I really grieving for, anyway? Of course I'll never be the same without Denny. Of course I miss him and need him and want him more than anything right now. But was I grieving for Denny or for myself? Had I gotten myself in too deep, in a position I couldn't get myself out of?

If I hadn't then, I definitely have now.

A child. A child is not something you can just forget about. Believe me, I've tried. I thought I had succeeded in giving her a better home, a better life, a better future. I couldn't give her those things at sixteen. I still can't give her those things now. As much as I want to, I can't. I tried falling away from my past, forgetting everything, but it seems like it's following me. I can't escape it. I can't escape him. I can't escape her. I can't escape myself. I'm stuck.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I find my way out from underneath my covers, my nice warm sanctuary, and slam the 'off' button on my alarm clock. It's five thirty in the morning and I most certainly do not want to get up. But I have to. It's my first day back at work.

I'm scared. I'm scared of how people will react to me being back at work. I'm scared that my patients will somehow know what I did and now want me as their doctor, as their surgeon. I'm scared that I'll forget everything I know just because of my Goddamn nerves. I'm scared that this job, after all I've been through, will begin making me less human. That because I crossed the line, fell in love and stole a heart, that this will be my consequence. That I'll become addicted to my job and never look back. That I'll ignore my daughter and my family and my friends, just so I can do what I know, what I love. Just so I can say that I stuck by my words when I said that I could do this. Just so I can say that I'm a surgeon. So, yeah, I'm scared.

Scratch that, I'm not scared. I'm terrified.

But I have to do this. I have no other choice.

At five, Meredith, George, and I piled into the Jeep and drove to the hospital. I sat alone in the backseat and tried to wrap my mind around what had happened in the recent past.

I crossed the line.

I fell in love.

I stole a heart.

I lost a lover, a friend.

I cried.

I quit the program.

I cried.

I mourned.

I cried.

I learn I'm getting my daughter back.

I cried.

I get my job back.

And now I'm here, preparing myself for a very big day. A day that I know won't involve much fun at all.

The clock reads six forty five. Rounds start precisely at seven. I have fifteen minutes to face my fears and walk back into that hospital, knowing that I literally can't turn back unless I want my daughter to suffer. There's no looking back now.

I told Mer and George that they could go ahead into the hospital, but they chose to stay with me. Mer said that the last thing she wanted to do right now was to leave me alone. She said that I needed her and George and that they weren't going anywhere without me. Do I really deserve such great friends?

We walked into the hospital in a group. Cristina and Alex had met up with us on the way in. No one really said anything. We just walked together with me, their weakest link, right in the center.

Colleagues stared at us like it was forbidden for us to be such a tight knit group, but there was no way things were going to change just for them. Stability was something that lacked in my life. It was something that I desperately needed. It was something I was finally beginning to achieve.

The five of us walked into the locker room and prepared for this morning's rounds. Chief told me to shadow one of the other interns today, so I decided to stay with Meredith. She was assigned to Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd' services at the moment. Cristina needed time to be alone with Burke, George was with Callie today, and Alex was…Alex. He wasn't someone I looked to for cheering up.

Meredith was assigned to a case that she thought would interest me. It was a little five-year-old girl with spherocytosis. She thought that being around children would help me find my maternal side. The thought was nice, but it made me nervous to jump right back into things.

I snapped out of my daydream when I heard Dr. Bailey addressing all the interns. She told everyone to get ready for rounds, except for me. She needed to speak with me. Meredith told me what room she would be in—Room 2619. I told her I would meet her there when I was done.

I waited for Bailey to come deeper into the locker room before we sat down.

"You wanted to speak to me?"

"Yes, Izzie. I just wanted to say welcome back. It's great to have you here again."

I was shocked. Bailey being nice? When did this happen? "Thank you, Dr. Bailey. It's great to be back."

She smiled. "Alright, well go shadow Dr. Grey. Just know that I see everything. You slip up and you're out, you hear me?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey." And with that, I got up and went to find Meredith. I found her in the room she told me, tending to the little girl who was fast asleep. I walked in and found the girls' mother and father and Addison Montgomery-Shepherd standing over the bed, Meredith off to the sides.

"Ah, Dr. Stevens, great to have you back. Dr. Grey, will you present?" Addison asked.

"Sure. This is Kara Robins, age five. She's been diagnosed with hereditary spherocytosis and is scheduled for a splenectomy and cholecystectomy this morning," Meredith said.

"Dr. Stevens. Spherocytosis?" Addison asked.

"Spherocytosis is a genetic disorder of the red blood cell membrane. The red cells are smaller, rounder, and more fragile than normal, having a spherical shape rather than the disk shape of the normal red cell. They're fragile and less flexible than normal red cells and tend to get trapped in narrow blood passages, particularly in the spleen, and there they break up, leading to hemolytic anemia. Basically, it means that her new red blood cells are misshapen and her spleen kills them because it thinks they're old blood cells."

"Very good, Dr. Stevens. And why is she having a cholecystectomy along with the splenectomy?"

"Gallstones are a symptom of this disease, so the removal of the gallbladder will ease Kara's discomfort and correct the problem."

Addison smiled. "You've been doing your homework, Dr. Stevens. Excellent job. Dr. Grey and Dr. Stevens, prep Kara for surgery."

We nodded and got the little girl ready for surgery. Her parents went out of the room to sign some paperwork and Meredith went to the supply closet to grab something she needed.

Kara looked up at me. "Hi! I'm Kara! What's your name?"

I smiled down at her. "I'm Izzie."

"Can I ask you a question, Izzie?"

"Sure, Kara."

"Am I gonna die? Because my grandpa had surgery but he died. Am I gonna die, too?"

Her words, they broke my heart. This was pretty deep coming from a five-year-old. "No, sweetie. You're not going to die. Not on my watch. Remember your doctor, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?"

"The one with the red hair?"

I nodded. "She's the one of the best surgeons out there. You're safe with her."

She smiled. "Really?"

"Really."

"I have another question!"

I laughed. She was a bundle of energy, but I really liked her. "Okay, what is it?"

"Can I bring Teddy with me?" She held up a battered, old teddy bear. Its stitching was coming loose and its fur was coming off, but she didn't seem to mind. To her, Teddy was as good as new.

I laughed. "Of course Teddy can come along! You wouldn't want him to miss out on this, would you?"

"Nope," she said with a laugh.

Laughter. It was refreshing. All I've heard for the past few weeks was bad news after more bad news after more bad news. Laughter lacked in my life, but Kara brought it back to me. I started to realize that having Hannah back wouldn't be so bad after all. Maybe she'd make me happy. Maybe she's the thing I was looking for all along. Maybe this was destined to happen. Fate works in mysterious ways, and for once, maybe fate worked in my favor.

Meredith was standing in the doorway while Kara and I were talking. She prepped her for surgery and we brought her down to the OR together.

"I saw you two, Iz. You never told me how great you were with children."

I blushed. "I'm not that great. She's five, Mer. Anything excites her."

"But still, you're great with kids, and you'll be great with Hannah. I just thought you'd like to know how I felt. I'm proud of you, Izzie. I'm proud of the responsibility you've instilled in yourself. I can tell already that you're going to make a great mother to Hannah."

"Wow. Thank you. You don't know how much that helped, Mer. I've felt so alone in this whole thing, like I'd have to do this on my own and I'd be horrible at it. But I guess I'm doing something right if you really think I can do this."

She smiled. "You're not alone and you can do this. Have a little faith in yourself, Iz. You deserve it."

You hear that? I deserve it.

A/N: Just thought I'd let you know that I'm definitely not a doctor and I'm not one hundred percent sure about the medical facts used in this chapter. However, the disease mentioned, spherocytosis, is the blood disease that I have. I, too, was five when I had all of this happen to me and I thought it'd be cool to incorporate it into this story. If anyone has any questions, just let me know. This isn't the end of Kara, so you'll get to see how her surgery goes and all that jazz. Okay, I'm gonna shut up now. I know you didn't read this chapter just so you could get to read my amazing author's notes. )

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