Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I've been trying to talk Kishimoto-sama into giving me Itachi... or borrowing... y'know...

Chapter 5

Sasuke's eyes opened slowly, a long moment before everything came into focus.

Orochimaru's private hospital?? Dammit... Then it didn't work...

He glanced down. His wrists were both carefully bandaged.

"Oh, you're awake." A familiar voice drew Sasuke's attention. Kabuto, a medic employed by Orochimaru, was across the room, apparently having just noticed Sasuke. He crossed the space between them. "How do you feel?"

Sasuke half-chuckled and closed his eyes. "Alive."

Kabuto sighed. "Sasuke-kun, don't do this. You're playing right into Orochimaru-sama's hands... Do you realize that?"

Sasuke's lips twitched downward. "I know."

Even though his eyes were closed, he knew Kabuto was frowning. "I've taken care of your other cuts as well, so they'll heal better. If you won't stop, at the very least take care of your wounds. For my sake?"

Sasuke opened his eyes. He had nothing against the doctor. After all he was fairly kind (but not overly so), taking care of the teenager since he was young; Orochimaru would never put him in a real hospital.

Lest I be out of sight for too long...

"Alright."

For your sake... so you won't have to waste time on me.

That same day, Sasuke returned to his room, not in the best of moods. Tiredly, he sulked over to his dresser, glancing at the top.

It would be in Orochimaru's sense of humor to leave it for him.

As it was, there were no sharp objects in his room. He wondered what would happen now.

"I see you're feeling better."

Sasuke turned toward the sneering voice impassively. Golden eyes took in his appearance in a measuring sort of way. Sasuke was paler than usual with dark shadows under his eyes as if he hadn't slept for a long time. Orochimaru seemed thoughtful for a moment before speaking, a smirk adorning his face.

"If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you."

If Sasuke were any more of a fool, he would have shouted for Orochimaru to get out. He held no love for Orochimaru's mocking words or veiled cruelty. Instead he mutely fixed him with a blank stare. It was one of the few things he could do in defiance.

"Hm. Get some rest. And don't bother trying to look for a knife. There are none in the house."

And with that Orochimaru left.

Truth be told, the Snake hadn't realized how far he'd pushed Sasuke until he had seen a dark stain forming on a rather thin ceiling. It was fascinating, really, what would send him over the edge; the last time Sasuke had tried to kill himself, he had been nine. Maybe he'd have to be a bit more careful on the topic of Naruto; Sasuke was growing very fond of him.

Orochimaru's smirk widened. Breaking the boy would be fun.

On Monday, Sasuke had been glomped by Naruto in the morning, stating that he had missed the raven over the weekend.

It was enough to make Sasuke give a tiny smile, and he felt a bit of pain in his chest, knowing that he had been so close to leaving Naruto forever, and there the fox was, holding him...

The two of them ate lunch together in an isolated part of the schoolyard when the bell rang. Sighing, Sasuke stood, having enjoyed Naruto's soothing company and reluctant to leave it. Strong arms wrapped around his waist, taking him by surprise. He felt warm lips brush the back of his neck.

"We don't have to go inside, right?"

"It'll be hard to get to class if we don't." Sasuke countered, trying not to get distracted by the presence behind him. He wasn't doing a very good job.

"Then let's skip class." Gentle kisses trailed along his neck, and Sasuke tensed at the (not exactly unwanted) attention. "Let's go out and do something. It'll be fun."

"They'll call home."

"So?" Was the murmur in reply.

"I don't want O—Warujie to find out." Naruto paused. He bit his lower lip, remembering the tension between the ward and guardian on Friday.

"All right. But," He grinned mischievously, "They won't call if we're a few minutes late to class."

He pushed Sasuke into the tree next to them and buried his face in the crook of the shorter boy's neck.

Sasuke was irritated that he didn't mind the attention at all.

His fingers laced behind Naruto's neck, tilting his head back slightly. Well, he was right. Being a few minutes late wasn't that big a deal. Naruto's head lifted and he nibbled on Sasuke's earlobe, his tongue outlining the contours of his ear. Sasuke shivered, allowing a sigh to escape his lips.

Through half-lidded eyes, Sasuke saw the world contrast drastically; the bright became blinding and the dark became abyssal.

"Otouto..."

Sasuke squeezed his eyes closed, willing his world to return to normal.

"Sasuke?"

Dark eyes fluttered open, and he was relieved to find that he was seeing normally again.

"Are you okay?"

Naruto had heard a tiny whimper that had nothing to do with pleasure and ceased in his ministrations to find Sasuke in distress.

"Yeah. Just a headache."

Naruto hid his concern with an awkward smile, "Oh. Let's go inside."

Sasuke nodded mutely and they each grabbed their respective bags, returning to the brick building.

Sasuke was barely able to walk straight as he entered the mansion. The symptoms had relaxed during the school day, but once he'd gotten on the train they'd made a comeback, and now his breathing was labored, his eyes hurt, and he felt dizzy.

As much as he hated to admit it, he needed to find Orochimaru.

One hand trailing along the wall for balance, Sasuke struggled toward Orochimaru's study. In uncharacteristic clumsiness, Sasuke tripped over his own feet, and the next thing he knew, he was kneeling, side leaning against the wall.

This didn't happen often, but when it did—

His head hurt more, and he began to hear the whispers. He clapped his hands over his ears, but the words only became louder.

Stop, stop, stop. Dammit, shut up!

He felt arms wrap around him, and Sasuke could tell from the gentleness that it was him, not Orochimaru. He wanted so badly to lean into the embrace, but one could not rely on the dead.

At long last Sasuke's consciousness slipped away.

Kabuto's pen scratched on the clipboard, taking the necessary notes.

Actually, to all appearances and information, the raven-haired boy was merely asleep, in the stage before REM. It did not take Kabuto long to decipher this was, in fact, false. Sasuke was an eternally light sleeper and should have woken when Kabuto (deliberately) slammed the door behind him.

The medic wasn't sure what happened—he was never told—but he was occasionally called in for things like this.

Satisfied that he really couldn't do much for the teenager in the pseudo-coma, Kabuto finished off his notes, left the room, and closed the door (gently this time).

Sasuke woke heavy-headed, sluggish, and he felt exhausted. His head tilted to the side, eyes at half-mast, and even though sleep was clawing at him, he knew he would have to stay awake.

His mind seemed to be stubborn, taking a long time to process information. At long last his hand reached out for the call button that he had just realized was there.

While waiting for the medic to appear, he forced himself slowly into a sitting position, resting his head against his knees as there was no headboard for him.

A click of a lock and the door opened, revealing the medic, his hair hastily pulled back, glasses perched on his nose.

"Of course, you would wake up in the middle of the night, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke only turned his head slightly to face him, but still resting upon his knees.

"What time is it?"

"2 AM, Thursday." Kabuto replied curtly, shuffling around for instruments.

"I've been out for three days?" Surprise laced his thick voice.

"Yes," Kabuto had apparently found what he was looking for, "And don't get your hopes up for school."

Sasuke scowled. He had been doing just that.

"I want to run tests and besides, I need to make sure this was an isolated incident. It won't due for you to act up during school hours, now will it? In other words you'll have to stick around here for twenty-four hours. Sorry."

"Hnn..." If Sasuke was a bit more awake, he'd probably have snapped at the doctor.

"Sit up straight." Sasuke complied, Kabuto shining a light into each of his eyes, temporarily blinding the poor boy, who had been sitting in darkness. They went through a few standard tests before Kabuto declared that sleeping hadn't killed his reflexes or eyesight which was such a big surprise.

"Okay. No sleeping for twenty-four hours, got it? Anything weird happens, tell me. I'll be sleeping in my room." At Kabuto's smirk—because he was truly a sadistic man, albeit a professional one—Sasuke scowled and considered making a rude hand gesture, but thought it would be wiser not to.

Instead opting for an incoherent mumble, Sasuke stepped onto the cold tile floor and left the room with Kabuto. It would be a long day.

Friday, finally. Sasuke was waiting in the front of the school for the blond idiot that he didn't want to admit he was looking forward to seeing. For most of Thursday he had managed to avoid the Snake aside from cursory and mocking inquires to how he was feeling. And after all that he still only got four hours of sleep. Life was so unfair.

His black eyes zeroed in on the blond; his hands in his pockets, kicking a rock around, and totally oblivious. A sadistic smirk graced Sasuke's pale face as a plan took form.

He moved quickly in a wide arc, maneuvering himself behind the slightly sulky blond. Sasuke leaned close, lips almost touching his ear—how was he not noticed?—and whispered,

"Na—ruto..."

The blond jumped a mile high and spun around, nearly tripping.

"Sasuke!" The raven was forced through the trauma of a quick hug, and he couldn't help but think 'nice' before he was released. "Where were you all week?"

"I was sick..." True enough.

"Really? I tried calling you, but no one picked up the phone."

What? Dammit! Orochimaru must have given him my phone number when I was getting the food... Why can't he... just leave Naruto out of this... Why does he have to destroy—

"That must be our old number... You must have gotten the wrong one by mistake."

"Oh..." Naruto looked a bit disappointed, "Well, write your number down for me later, 'kay?" Naruto's eyes shifted around slightly, and upon seeing no one nearby, he quickly kissed Sasuke on the lips.

Sasuke was slightly surprised, then he pulled Naruto down for another kiss. He could feel Naruto smirk as he pulled the Uchiha closer, nipping at his lower lip, Sasuke's slender fingers combing through Naruto's messy hair. Naruto pulled away.

"I missed you, Sasuke. Don't get sick." His face was honest and Sasuke allowed himself a nearly invisible smile,

"I'll try not to." He hoped he could keep that promise.

At lunch, Sasuke and Naruto ate with Kiba, Shikamaru, and Chouji due to Naruto's insistence that Sasuke needed a social life.

Naruto had some how managed to drag Kiba into a conversation about ramen, Shikamaru was dully watching whilst eating, Chouji was inhaling an impossible amount of food. Sasuke, meanwhile, picked at his smoked eel. He wasn't very hungry. Naruto shot him a glance from across the table and turned back to Kiba, arguing that pork ramen was better than shrimp ramen.

Sasuke felt something slide up his leg. Then down. He smirked knowingly at Naruto, who gave him a sideways glance before grinning in return.

It was the first time Sasuke considered his height, when Naruto smiled in borderline-mischief and pulled him into a tight embrace. Orochimaru was much taller than both boys, but all that meant was that he had looked more intimidating when Sasuke was younger. But Naruto, he was just a tiny bit taller than himself, no more than four inches. And he was warm. The warmth soaked like water into his clothing and finally into his body, encompassing him, strangely comforting.

His mind told him to hate and damn the warmth. His heart told him to love it.

The embrace was different. The last time he had been held, he was nine. This one was closer and more intimate. That one had been comforting.

"You're so short, Sasuke." Naruto teased, either not sensing the raven's mood or trying to distract him.

"Hardly shorter than you, loser." Came the automatic retort, the mild insult a reflex.

"You're the loser, idiot," The blond held him closer, "You're short."

"I might get taller." Sasuke felt like a child.

Naruto lifted Sasuke's chin and kissed him gently.

"I like you short."

Sasuke rested his head on Naruto's shoulder.

He really should damn the warmth. For Naruto.

He slowly pulled away.

Dammit, Naruto, you don't know what you're doing to me, do you?

"Let's do something." Sasuke said suddenly.

"What—now?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you didn't want Warujie to get mad at you?"

"I don't care anymore. Let's just do something."

Naruto's face split into a smile. A real smile, not the fake ones he would dish out.

"Let's go to that park again. You liked it right?"

"Hn."

Sasuke felt the arms unwrap from around him and they walked side-by-side.

For a long time they were silent; arriving at the park and meandering through the path, Sasuke absently enjoying the scenery. Naruto took the chance to study the older boy.

Sasuke's face was ever-blank, but Naruto thought he seemed more relaxed than usual, his usual frown gone. Naruto wondered at Sasuke's movements, how he made everything seem natural, fluid, and graceful. It wasn't until they arrived at the field where they had 'fought' last time that the idea arrived and he halted.

"Ne, Sasuke, do you dance?"

The shorter boy sent him a sharp glance, turning and stopping.

"Why would I dance?"

Naruto shrugged, "Well, I dunno. Maybe if a girl asked you to dance... or something."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "I don't like girls and I don't like dancing."

Naruto stepped in front of him, close. "You like me, right?" A mischievous glint was in his eyes again, "And what if I like dancing?" Naruto smiled at the blank look on Sasuke's face. "C'mon, I'll teach you."

"You're teaching me how to dance? I'm never going to dance, Naruto."

"Sure you are!" Was the grinning reply.

Sasuke felt a hand on his hip, and Naruto used his free hand to place Sasuke's hand on his shoulder. Then he took Sasuke's other hand.

"Now we just move."

Sasuke followed Naruto's movements smoothly, too entranced by the fox's closeness and warmth and gentleness. And those cobalt eyes.

Naruto's lips were brushing his own, and he felt breathless.

Was this what it was like? Was this what it was like to...

The warm lips pressed gently against his own and he felt his heart speed up. They had both stopped moving.

Sasuke felt like he was drowning in warmth.

Naruto pulled away, their eyes meeting; coal and cobalt.

Their lips met again, gentle, and...

Sasuke was drowning in gold.

Their lips departed, and Naruto held Sasuke in another warm embrace. The raven buried his face into the taller boy's shoulder. Was this...?

They held each other for a long time.

By the time Sasuke returned to the mansion, the warmth had left him.

Sasuke had deliberately not given Naruto his phone number. The blond, of course, did not know this. As it was, the infamous fox was spread out on his couch Saturday night, wishing he could call the raven. Sasuke was a mystery. It was like he was afraid that Naruto would want to be with him.

There was something wrong; Naruto could tell. Despite Sasuke's porcelain mask, he slipped sometimes. Sasuke was miserable. He could see it when he looked into those onyx eyes; when family or past was mention; when Warujie was mentioned.

Sasuke was an actor: aloof, cold, mean, even cruel on the outside, but inside hurting, alone, miserable. Wanting someone.

And Naruto didn't know how to help him.

He had once told the raven that he would listen to him, if he needed to talk about his family. He hoped that Sasuke knew that invitation extended to all aspects. Naturally the boy had brushed the offer away with an insult. It had been a quick attempt to get Naruto off-topic, and he realized that now.

He had to help Sasuke, because something was very wrong.

He only wished he knew what.

Tuesday after school, Sasuke found himself pinned against a wall, with a certain annoying blond attacking his lips.

Their tongues were battling for dominance, breathing hard. Sasuke moaned and pulled Naruto closer.

"Can you two find a place a bit less public?"

Naruto jumped off Sasuke, blushing immensely. The paler of the two was more subtle on embarrassment, shifting slightly.

"Kakashi-sensei!" A second of silence, "Ero sennin!"

Sasuke winced at the sheer volume of the shouts.

"What're you two doing here?" Naruto asked, his embarrassment making his voice a bit louder than usual.

"We were going to ask the same thing..." Kakashi drolled.

"But I encourage you to keep going... Research y'know." Said the elderly man next to Kakashi.

Sasuke stared at the hermit. Ero sennin... How... accurate. He had never met someone so open about their, shall we say, 'naughty' side. He was afraid to ask what kind of research he was doing.

"You're writing another perverted book aren't you...?" Naruto accused, eyes narrowed.

"Yes!" The sennin declared proudly.

Kakashi cleared his throat, "Not that it matters to me, but would you two happen to be...?"

Naruto squeaked, glanced at Sasuke (who dryly rose a brow at him), back to Kakashi, to the old man, then to Kakashi again.

"Um..." The blush was getting deeper.

"I assume that's a yes." Kakashi said, "Congratulations. Be sure to use protection."

Naruto's face resembled a tomato, "B-b-but we're boys!"

"Well it makes clean-up easier and helps against STDs." Kakashi said this all matter-of-factly.

Sasuke thought if Naruto turned any more red, he'd be blue.

The mansion was empty. Kabuto had likely returned to his apartment; he had his own room in the mansion but preferred to lived on his own. Orochimaru was probably getting supplies.

Sasuke walked upstairs to his room, flicking the light on and dumping his messenger bag at the entrance.

He walked across the room, to the window, and stared at the outside. The mansion's yard was impressive; wide and impeccable, a forest reserve bordering the east side. Sasuke hated it.

He would love nothing more, at the moment, than to set the trees on fire, to watch the forest burn, to revel in the destruction.

He hated the forest, because Orochimaru loved it. To the Snake it offered mystery, intrigue. To Sasuke it offered only suffering. That was why he loved fire. Fire was something certain: add oxygen, and it will grow; add water and it will diminish; leave it be, and it will destroy. Sasuke found that, with so many uncertainties in his life, the certainty of fire was reassuring.

Cutting had long been his release, but Orochimaru had taken away all of the sharp objects in the house. Sadistic bastard. Once, when Sasuke had been playing with fire, Orochimaru learned of his infatuation with it. Thus, all lighters and matches were kept out of the mansion.

Sasuke needed to use the next bit of money that came his way to buy a knife or a lighter or something.

Giving a nonchalant shrug, Sasuke turned away from the window, unbuttoning his white dress shirt and abandoning it on the ground, more comfortable in his black undershirt.

He collapsed onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling for a long while. Finally, he turned to his side and instead stared at his wrists. They were still bandaged from his recent suicide attempt.

He closed his eyes.

He wanted to sleep.

The two were about halfway down the school block when it began to rain. Loud protests came from other students who walked this way home, and Naruto swore. Sasuke rose his brows at Naruto, face giving away nothing. He sighed.

"Aw, man... Sasuke, this sucks."

A tiny smirk. "Hm."

"Are the gods trying to drown the world?" Naruto scowled. The downpour only seemed to become thicker.

"Che... Uh, hey, wanna go to my house?"

Sasuke shot him a surprised look. Naruto grinned in amusement.

"Well, you have a lot further to go... right? And this doesn't look like it'll let up soon." A tiny glance at the sky, down the road, and then a nod.

"Okay."

The two were completely soaked when they arrived at Naruto's apartment.

"Uh, I can let you borrow some of my clothes and we can just throw yours in the dryer."

Sasuke was running a hand through his hair, trying to keep his wet bangs out of his eyes. He gave Naruto an uncertain look.

"Alright."

He followed the blond to his room, and after a moment a long-sleeved black shirt and jeans were thrust into his arms.

"These'll fit you. I think."

A short time later, both were in dry clothes and the dryer was fully operational. He noticed that the dark-eyed boy was fidgeting with the sleeves of his borrowed shirt.

What, Sasuke, knower-of-all, is nervous? Well... I suppose he isn't the type to go over to many people's houses...

Naruto made his way to the kitchen and claimed a seat at his western style table.

"Feel free to help yourself to the fridge... And can you get me a soda?" Naruto grinned, deliberately being a poor host.

Sasuke gave him a knowing, nearly amused look, but didn't comment. He opened the fridge.

Soda, bread, a can of unmade orange juice, apples, and...

"Your milk is expired."

"Oh... Uh... I'll take care of that later."

Sasuke grabbed two bottles of soda and handed one to Naruto as he sat across from him.

"You look better in regular clothes than your school uniform." Naruto decided. Sasuke's lips twitched.

This... It was so... right.

Relaxing after school with someone who cared about him...

It took a moment for him to identify the feeling he had... He wasn't sure, because he hadn't felt it in a long time... but, he was pretty sure it was... love.

He felt himself smile.

Orochimaru was well aware that Sasuke was at his dear boyfriend's house. He had no solid proof of this, but it didn't matter. Sasuke wouldn't run away. Sasuke had no friends. Sasuke had no hobbies. There would only be one reason why Sasuke would be late.

Ah, Naruto. He was quite an interesting specimen. He was beginning to change Sasuke. The same young boy who was so afraid of happiness, friends. Lovers. He had several options in mind for the blond.

The first was to kill him; devastate Sasuke into submission. That however could simply make the boy suicidal and he really didn't have time for such antics.

The second was to torture him to death and force Sasuke to watch. One might think that would only serve to make the raven more suicidal and self-abusive, but Orochimaru knew him like no one ever would. It would simply break his spirit, all life would be gone, including the want to die. He was, though, a bit fond of Sasuke's passive-aggressive fire.

The third option was simply to move elsewhere with Sasuke. It was the safest for Sasuke's sanity, but there was always the chance they would communicate.

And the final option. To make Naruto 'useful', as he had originally intended. That could, though, go wrong in many ways.

Well, he had time to think about it. Orochimaru glanced at the clock. Sasuke would be back late.

Sasuke had only interacted with Naruto in public, and now he realized what he had been missing out on.

Naruto was sucking on his bottom lip, laying on top of him on the couch. Sasuke couldn't help a groan as Naruto's tongue slid into his mouth, massaging his own tongue.

The blond retreated, trailing kisses along Sasuke's jaw, down his throat, before selecting a spot on his neck, sucking hard.

Sasuke moaned, sliding his hands under Naruto's shirt, feeling his chest. He really needed to come over to Naruto's more often.

Naruto's own hands were running up and down Sasuke's sides, breathing hard. Sasuke's couldn't help but dig his fingers into Naruto's back. He had to admit, he was getting aroused and the fact that Naruto's hips were grinding into his wasn't helping.

Naruto's tongue ran across his collarbone before their lips pressed together again.

Suddenly there was a loud buzz and both boys pulled apart quickly, alarmed. Naruto smiled and with a breathy laugh, buried his face into Sasuke's neck.

"The dryer." He clarified.

Sasuke couldn't help a tiny laugh as Naruto pulled back.

"You look beautiful when you smile, Sasuke. You should do it more often."

They met in a chaste kiss before Naruto pulled away.

"Let's get your clothes."

Reluctantly, Sasuke allowed Naruto to leave the couch. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he wouldn't say them. Couldn't.

He couldn't love Naruto. Because that would be too great a cruelty.

Sasuke wanted to hate him. It was a desire that drove him mad; to just hate the blue-eyed bastard and to make him hate the raven right back and then everything would be okay.

Not like this.

Not like feeling love, and happiness, and emotions he couldn't feel, because if he did—

He had loved once. Kimimaro had been like a brother to him. After Orochimaru had 'adopted' him, Kimimaro had shown him kindness. No cruelty, only sympathy and understanding. As long as they had been together, they had a chance.

Kimimaro had saved him, in more ways than one. When he had been bleeding to death from slit wrists, he had been the one to find help. He had comforted him when Sasuke was at his lowest.

Kimimaro was his earliest memory. He had no recollection of any life before Orochimaru and he didn't know if that was right or not, but Kimimaro was the only one ever there for him.

When Kimimaro had died, Sasuke knew that really he should blame Orochimaru, because if it wasn't for him then all of this wouldn't have happened. But Sasuke knew it was really his fault. He was the only one to be blamed for Kimimaro's death. And he accepted that.

If Sasuke loved again, even if it was differently from the way he had loved Kimimaro, it would only end in death.

It had to end.

He just didn't know how to make it.

This was different. He didn't feel as disconnected as he usually did; the cool metal table was clearly felt by his naked back; the lights did not play tricks on his eyes.

There was no ghost to keep him company.

His eyes were half-lidded, the tranquilizer still doing its job. At his side he could hear the man arranging everything. His loose pants were too thin and he felt cold. There was a light touch at his wrist.

"This will hurt a little."

Sasuke didn't care.

There were no concerned green eyes to watch over him.

End Chapter 5

Otouto: (弟) Younger brother. I forgot to translate this last time.

What did you think of the dancing thing? Rather cliché, but I couldn't help but write it out and then I ended up liking it a lot, so I kept it in.

Yeah. Kimimaro. Only one person got it. Actually, I was surprised no one guessed Gaara. But then again, he'd probably be all, "...get over it..." and walk away. For an emo he's pretty down-to-earth. All that sand he carries around must ground him... Some of you guys guessed Itachi, and I thought that was really cool. I love him, but he gets a bit of a different role here.

And I know Sasuke's falling 'hard and fast' as they say, but I think that's a bit of the point...

And no. That last part was not yaoi. Scout's honor.