Disclaimer: Don't own
Warning: This chapter has mood swings.
Chapter 6
I have to do it.
Sasuke breathed. He felt the old loneliness creep up his spine and begin to tear at his heart again. He hated the feeling, yes, but he'd rather feel that again then...
For him. I have to do it for him.
He wondered... Did Naruto know something would happen? Would he hate the pale boy he had put so much trust in? Sasuke hoped so. Blue eyes met black. Sasuke's gaze shifted away. He couldn't look at those eyes. It felt like a thousand swords were ripping through him whenever he did. He couldn't look at those eyes.
"Ne, Sasuke, are you feeling okay today?"
Troubled blue eyes looked down at the slightly shorter boy, but his eyes were not met. Naruto's concern had mounted throughout the agonizingly slow day, and now they were nearing the train station.
"Fine." Sasuke's mouth was dry.
Two tan, calloused hands gently grabbed his face and lifted it, forcing eye contact. Sasuke saw those azure eyes, and he just... couldn't.
"Why can't you tell me what's wrong?"
Sasuke's mind flew through every wrong and unjust thing in his life, and it was becoming harder to keep eye contact. He was dying to look away. Anywhere but those eyes. A hand ran through his hair.
"I'm here for you Sasuke."
I know, I know, dammit! That's why... We can't...
Eye contact wavered, and finally broke. Sasuke looked at the ground behind Naruto. The raven gasped as he was drawn into a hug.
"Do you want to come over to my place?"
Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut—dammit—and nodded into Naruto's shoulder. Naruto pulled away gently, keeping an arm around Sasuke's shoulders and leading him past the train station, to Naruto's apartment.
Dammit, Naruto, why is this so hard?
Silently, the pair entered the small apartment. It was the same as before: a small entryway, leading to the tiny living room, complete with a couch, coffee table, and TV, the kitchen entrance to the left of the living room, and further past the living room was a small corridor containing the bathroom and bedroom.
Naruto turned to the other boy, his eyes— those eyes!—full of worry, love, and concern.
Those eyes... Why can I not look into them without feeling this?
His broad hand lifted, gently smoothing Sasuke's brow, and placing a gentle kiss on the raven's forehead. He pulled away, hand absentmindedly caressing the pale cheek. The onyx eyes met his mixed with fear and something else, and suddenly his slender, pale arms slipped around the taller boy's waist, burying his face into his broad shoulder. After a moment's surprise, Naruto's arms wrapped around Sasuke's slender shoulders, hands running up and down his back, trying to comfort the boy.
"Please tell me what's wrong." He begged, voice thick, feeling useless to the pale boy.
I wish I could. Oh god, I wish I could.
Sasuke's form began to tremble more as he squeezed his eyes shut, a tiny whine escaping his throat.
Why the hell does this hurt so much?
Naruto held him close as possible, chin resting on the silky black hair, at a loss as to how to comfort the trembling teenager. Sasuke... You're finally breaking, aren't you?
It wasn't long later that Sasuke found himself in Naruto's lap, the taller boy's arms around his waist and chin tucked over his head. Sasuke vaguely felt like a little kid again: curled up in Kimimaro's lap, seeking comfort and receiving it in the best way the older knew how to give it.
Naruto shifted slightly as he ran a hand through Sasuke's dark locks. "You know you can talk to me, right?"
Sasuke pressed his back against the fox, curling up slightly and savoring the warmth. And finally the words just came to him and there was nothing he could do to stop them; the words he'd been trying not to say because he had to end it, if those words had ever been or would ever be true.
"I love you."
Warm, calloused fingers brushed across his pale cheek, tucking some of his longish bangs behind his ear and coming to a rest at the crook of his neck.
"I love you too."
And Sasuke could imagine the bitter, worried smile on Naruto's face. There was a small kiss on the top of his ear, and Sasuke closed his eyes.
Sasuke had a feeling he would not be going to school tomorrow. Maybe it was the look Orochimaru had given him when he returned to the mansion at 5:30, or maybe it was just the way the world had felt in general. He didn't give it too much thought.
But his head hurt from the conflicting emotions he was so unused to experiencing, and he decided to take a shower, as if to wash them away.
He had a bathroom connected to his room—a small upside to living with a rich man—and Sasuke found he had some semblance of privacy due to this. Stepping inside the bathroom, he shed his shirt, annoyed with how uncomfortable it was. He caught his reflection in the mirror—a silly, full-length thing that he always thought was an unnecessary luxury.
Sasuke was too thin. In the mirror he could see his ribs, clearly defined. It wasn't that he didn't eat enough. He had an unnaturally high metabolism. Blankly, he ran his fingers along his side, feeling as his skin dipped and rose, stretched over the slender bones. He was too thin.
Kimimaro had been thin too. He had wasted away to nothing. Naruto, though, he was strongly built. He remembered feeling his bare chest; he could feel the ribs, but they had bulk around them; he was normal.
Sasuke turned on the shower, giving it a moment to warm before shedding his pants and boxers.
The water thrumming against his skin was far too hot, making it redden, but he didn't care. He didn't care it hurt, stinging his back, seeming to make him drown.
Sasuke pressed his hands against the tile wall in front of him, eyes squeezing shut and he felt dizzy, waiting for his body to numb to the water.
At long last he only felt the pressure of water against his back, but never the heat. He straightened, eyes still closed but now meditatively, lips parted only slightly.
It felt nice to be numb for a little while. After a while Sasuke realized he was loosing sense of space, time, and balance and shut off the shower. He leaned against the still-hot wall, catching himself, and he left the shower, drying off with a towel and pulling on the drawstring pants he had left out for himself.
Absently, he ran a hand through his hair to smooth it out, then slipped into bed. His eyes remained half-open for a long time. He really did feel tired, and he wanted to sleep.
Kimimaro...
Sasuke was strapped down to the table, shirtless. The rough bonds dug uncomfortably into his skin, but he didn't care. By age ten, Sasuke was used to this treatment. He heard Orochimaru at his side, going through his things, the clinking of metal as he got what he needed.
"This might hurt, Sasuke." The cruel voice said. He felt a cotton swab dab at the inside of his elbow. A moment later there was a needle prick. A sickening sensation as he felt the liquid enter his body.
Then total pain.
Sasuke ground his teeth together, arching his back, despite the firm straps. A whimper escaped his throat, not daring to scream.
Suddenly the pain was gone, and Sasuke collapsed to the table. He felt his body shaking, and he gasped for breath.
"My, that doesn't seem to have gone well." Mused Orochimaru, unseen to the child.
Sasuke felt darkness overtake his vision. Things never went well... Not with Sasuke... Not with Kimimaro... not with all the children before them... The only thing Sasuke could look forward to was the sweet oblivion that followed the cruel experiments.
Sasuke gasped as he woke from the dream. Oh gods. Oh gods, not that dream again. A year. That memory took place a year after his death—and oh gods, he could never forget the total hopelessness that encompassed him that day forward. Forcing himself to take deep, slow breaths, Sasuke stood and walked into his bathroom, pouring himself a cup of water and drinking it slowly. The empty glass clattered against the marble surface as Sasuke absently put it down and closed his eyes.
He couldn't think about Kimimaro, no, not now. Sasuke felt a mad burning for his knife. He wanted to see blood now, his blood, and he wanted that sweet numbness, and that state of nothingness, and he didn't want to think of Kimimaro.
Sasuke's hands clasped the sink and he leaned forward, closing his eyes tightly. He had to get his emotions under control. Since when weren't they? Ah, since Naruto. That blue-eyed lovable bastard. That boy would be the end of him. Or vice versa.
Taking another deep breath, Sasuke straightened and opened his eyes. He felt his blood turn to ice as he saw a figure standing behind him in the mirror, but quickly masked his face.
Orochimaru. How much of the breakdown had he seen? Emotion was weakness, and weakness had never been a luxury Sasuke could afford. Narrowing his gaze to the cold, aloof, resentful one he usually bore, Sasuke turned to the pallid man.
"What?" Venom dripped from his voice, and he couldn't help it.
That sickly sweet smile was on Orochimaru's face. "Come with me, Sasuke." He reached out, as if to grab the young boy by his shoulder and guide him, but Sasuke flinched back. Pointless, he knew, but it made him feel better. He arrogantly swept past the older man, who's smirk bore into his back.
No, he would not go to school tomorrow.
"Sasuke!" Naruto skidded to a stop in front of said dark-haired boy on Wednesday morning. Sasuke was relieved he didn't attempt a glomp, because at the speed he had been going, Sasuke wouldn't have been able to stop himself from falling over and most likely hitting his head on the sidewalk.
"Where were you yesterday! I was worried!"
Sasuke blinked. "You were?"
Naruto looked about and noticed they had garnered a few curious glances. He grabbed Sasuke by the arm and found a more private spot, behind the tennis court.
"Yes, I was worried!" Naruto hissed quietly, "You were all depressed on Monday and when you didn't turn up on Tuesday I was afraid you... did... something..." Naruto's eyes flickered away, but the message had been conveyed.
Sasuke pulled the taller boy into a hug. "I wouldn't do that." It felt so strange saying that, as he remembered the bandages on his arms from his recent attempt, but he didn't care. He couldn't stand for Naruto to worry. "Something came up is all. I'm sorry." A part of Sasuke's mind was amazed at how he was able to feel and convey all those emotions...
Naruto shrugged in Sasuke's hold. "Don't worry about it," He said with one of his false laughs. "It's nothing... Just," He pulled back to get a good look at Sasuke's face, "talk to me. I feel like I don't know anything about you."
Sasuke's mind already knew how to turn that comment into a fight, and then it would finally be over, but his tongue froze in his mouth and the words never came. Instead, "Let's go to your place again. We can talk there."
Naruto tilted his head to the side, "After school, right?"
"Yes, moron. After school." Sasuke smirked amusedly.
It wasn't until well into his first class that Sasuke had to refrain from smacking his forehead. Idiot. What are you going to say if he asks a question you can't answer?
Naruto had no clue whether to laugh or cry.
Their usual gym teacher, Gai, was absent. Instead they had a man named Ebisu. Who was quite possibly worse. Then again, he didn't ramble about the 'spring of youth' or whatever and didn't burst into tears along with Lee, so maybe he was better. He wished he had gym with Sasuke, if only to see him attempt to escape his fangirls. (Maybe that's how he stays in shape. I know for a fact Ino and Sakura are pretty quick. Naruto thought amusedly.)
At least he had Shikamaru. And Kiba. So it could be worse.
"Oh, Naruto-kun, isn't it terrible that Gai-sensei has left us!" Lee cried to the blond.
"He'll be back tomorrow, fuzzy brows."
"But tomorrow is so far away! The power of youth cannot wait!"
"Uh-huh. I've gotta... bye."
He had no problem with Lee... He was just... weird...
"Hey Naruto."
Why is everyone talking to me today? Oh yeah, 'cuz I'm great.
"Hey Tenten. I didn't know you have gym with me."
The brunette sighed. "I don't. Kakashi-sensei wants to see you."
"O—kay." He didn't move.
"Now."
"Now?"
"Yes, Naruto." Tenten gave an exasperated sigh.
"Uh... right! I'm going."
And with that, Naruto unwittingly walked out of the gym, down to room 116, and into torture's waiting arms.
"You wanted to see me, Kaka-sensei..." He trailed off as he spotted the second man in the room.
"I'm sorry Naruto," There was genuine apology in Kakashi's voice. "He insisted on it."
Naruto had to keep from whimpering in fear. There, next to Kakashi, was the one man he truly feared.
Jiraiya.
The elderly man smiled in a way that clearly bespoke suffering for the teenager. Knowing there was no way out of it, he closed the door behind himself and braced for the torment.
"Sooo. What's his name?"
"I told you, Jiraiya, it's Uchiha Sasuke." Kakashi sighed and shot his student a sympathetic glance.
The man's grin only widened and gestured for Naruto to come closer. Against his better judgment he obeyed, taking a seat at a desk.
Jiraiya leaned forward. "Have you done it yet?"
"No!" Instantly his face resembled a tomato and jumped out of his chair. "We've only been going out for three weeks." He flushed more when he realized he said 'going out'. At this point, Kakashi's sadistic and perverted side decided to rear it's ugly head.
"So, your boyfriend—is he a good kisser?"
"Sh-shut up!"
"Uzumaki, respect your teachers!" Was the false scolding of Kakashi.
Naruto felt a distinct desire to crawl into a corner and die.
"What's your favorite color?"
"That's all you can think of? Pretty cliché, don't you think?"
"Just answer the damn question, Sasuke."
Subjects: Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto.
Location: Naruto's apartment. Kitchen table.
Time: After school. Who cares about specifics?
Reason: 'Learning about each other'. You'd think this was suggested by a marriage counselor.
"Blue. Yourself?"
"Orange!"
"Should have seen that coming." Sasuke was smirking at the boy across from him. He glared, but continued.
"What teacher do you want to dismember the most?"
"Hm... That sub. Ebisu."
"Kakashi. I'll mutilate the bastard."
Sasuke rose a brow and his voice took on a mocking tone, "Now, now Naruto. Watch your language. And I've heard that murder lowers your GPA."
"I said mutilate, not murder."
"And that's so much better. He'll live to tell the tale."
"I'll cut out his tongue."
"He could write."
"I'll cut off his fingers."
"Type with his toes."
"And his toes."
"He could glare fiercely in your direction. The police would figure it out."
"Oh fine, I'll just kill the bastard."
"That's a good boy."
"Fuck off, Uchiha."
"But I thought you loved me?"
"I'd love you more if you weren't such a bastard."
"I'm hurt Naruto."
"Hey! Don't change the topic! What's your favorite animal?"
"Raven."
"And I'm cliché?"
"Shut up, Uzumaki. Yourself?"
"Fox!"
"So saw that one coming."
"Yeah yeah. Best kisser?"
"Shikamaru."
"WHAT?"
"I'm kidding. Kiba."
"Sasuke..." The whine was reminiscent of a child.
"Fine, fine... You. Happy?"
"Yes!"
"..."
"Aren't you going to ask me who I think the best kisser is?"
"I already know. Yourself."
"Damn! How'd you know?"
"You're you."
"Deep, Uchiha. Very deep."
"You're doing so much better."
Sasuke was smiling slightly at the blond boy opposite of him. Somehow this was... more fun than he expected. He thought there would be harder questions. Like why he had no parents or why he lived with 'Warujie'. He didn't know how to answer those.
"Hey, Sasuke-bastard."
"Yes, loser?"
"Let's work on homework?"
"What? You want to do work?" Sasuke rose a brow. The Uzumaki was up to no good.
"I work..."
"And I like girls."
"Sasuke, how could you?"
The pale boy rolled his eyes. "C'mon, moron. Let's do homework."
They both stood and left for the living room where they had promptly abandoned their schoolbags.
Upon walking into the rug-clad area, Naruto suddenly spoke.
"Great. Now let's fool around."
"Wha—" The smaller was tackled around the midsection, colliding with rug. To his dismay he let loose a tiny yelp.
Sasuke smirked at Naruto's predictability. The blond was straddling his hips, hands on either side of the raven's head. Naruto grinned in a feral way before roughly claiming Sasuke's lips. Surprised at the ferocity, for a moment all Sasuke could think to do was tangle his fingers in the fox's wild hair and lick at Naruto's lips. Gently, Naruto took Sasuke's tongue with his teeth and tugged slightly.
Whining, Sasuke lifted his head from the ground to more fully lean into the kiss. Naruto broke the kiss, still smirking, and licked Sasuke's ear before sucking hard on his neck. Sasuke tangled his fingers in the blond hair, panting.
Maybe he could put off homework for a little bit.
Sasuke frowned as he stared at himself in the mirror. On his neck was a very obvious dark mark. It did not help whatsoever that he was so pale. Pouting slightly—wait, no, frowning, he didn't pout—frowning slightly he buttoned his school shirt to the top. He hated how stuck up he looked like that, but at least he wouldn't be parading around a...
...hickey.
Dammit! Sasuke scowled at his reflection. The damn bastard! He was going to kill him!
Quite suddenly, he smirked.
If anyone knew how to get under his skin it was Naruto.
End Chapter 6
I know what you all were thinking when reading the beginning of that flashback. Get your mind out of the gutter. ...On second thought; don't. Anyway, no one guessed experiments, which kind of surprised me. I thought right when I posted the first chapter, someone would review and say, "I know EXACTLY what's happening!" And proceed to lay out my entire story before me. But no one did. Maybe some of you guessed it and just didn't say anything? (Don't lie, please!) I hope it's not so weird that I've managed to scare people away. But if I did... eh. Oh well.
That last line—look back at chapter 1 for a slight variation on it. You'll see things are changing. Yay for character development (sort of).
I'm not particularly fond of the beginning of this chapter, but... whatever. It's mushy. :pokes it: Ew, it makes a squishy sound...