The next day. Through the camp's main gate a Buick sedan and a tarpaulin-covered truck enter. Both have Red Cross insignia. They stop in front of the Administration Building and guys surround the truck. Out of the Buick steps the Marvel Man who's face we can't see, and he shows credentials to some Hydra officers. Meanwhile guys are unloading boxes from the truck and distributing them around. Jamie narrates.
"Step right up folks! Get 'The Beating of Remy' video! The entire five hours in high definition and surround sound! Only six bucks apiece!"
"Ooo, I'll take one!" Tabitha shouts.
"Me too," Pietro grins.
"Gimme three!" Rogue holds out a twenty.
Ahem. Wrong narration Jamie!
"Heh…sorry," Jamie chuckles weakly as he starts over.
"Now there's a lot of folks around these days that don't believe in Santa Claus. I always did and I always will. For a while there I thought the Hydra Air Force had shot him down, reindeer, sleigh and all. But, no sir. Come the day before Christmas the Marvel Man showed up with some presents for us. They brought us tea, a little coffee, prunes, and t-toothbrushes and of all things, some ping-pong balls. There must have been a mix-up someplace because suddenly we wound up with two thousand ping-pong balls! It seemed pretty idiotic at the time, but as it turned out those ping-pong balls sure came in handy. Oh mother did they come in handy."
Inside the barrack a Hydra guard is doing some last minute sweeping and Omega Red is taking a last look around. The barrack is fairly clean, the wash gone, everything put away. Omega Red turns to the guard. "Quickly! Quickly! Before the Marvel Man arrives!" The guard finishes sweeping and leaves.
At the other end of the barrack Remy is lying in his bunk. He turns over, clearly in pain. He is holding his ribs with his injured right arm. His face is battered, his left eye is swollen, left ear gashed. His whole body is aching and sore. He lies on his stomach and watches Omega Red. Omega Red takes down a final pair of socks hanging from the line and tucks them under a blanket. He wipes his hands and prepares to leave. Remy calls out, "Hey, Omega Red!"
Omega Red turns and sees Remy. "What is this?" He crosses over to him. "You must get out of your bunk. The Marvel Man is coming to inspect the barr…!"
He gets a good look at Remy's face and baulks. "Good Heavens! How do you look? You had a fight?"
Remy ignores him and holds up a pair of stockings. "How would you like to give Mrs. Omega Red a pair of silk stockings for Christmas?"
"You should go and see the doctor. Maybe I can…" Omega Red stops. "Silk stockings?"
"Take them," Remy drops them into Omega Red's hand.
Omega Red inspects them. "Wonderful! Maybe they are too wonderful for my wife. But there is a piano teacher in the village…"
Remy manages to get up and gets some stuff from his footlocker. "And how about two hundred pixie sticks for yourself?" He presses them into Omega Red's hands.
"Two hundred pixie sticks," Omega Red smiles, then looks at Remy seriously. "What is it you want from me?"
"Who's the guy?"
"What guy?"
"The one you work with. Who is he? How do you do it?"
Omega Red frowns. "I don't want those pixie sticks," He tries to hand them back.
"Yes, you do!" Remy gets out more cartons and thrusts them into Omega Red's hands. "I'll make it four hundred!"
"No! No! No! No!" Omega Red protests.
Remy grabs him. "Listen Omega Red, you'd better talk. Because I'm going to find out with ya or without ya. I won't let go for a second, they'll have to kill me to stop me, so talk!"
"Talk what?" Omega Red frowns. He continues to protest. "No, I...I don't know anything!"
"How many do ya want? A thousand?" Remy fights off the pain and gets even more cartons. He thrusts them into Omega Red's arms.
"No, No, No!"
"Here! Take 'em! Take 'em! Take 'em!"
"No, I…"
They both stop and look at everyone starting to come in with boxes from the truck. Logan, Scott, Lance, Todd and Fred stand near the door looking at Remy and Omega Red.
Omega Red steps away from Remy and dumps the stockings and pixie stick cartons on Remy's bunk. He regains his composure and addresses the guys. "Uh gentlemen, when the Marvel Man comes through the barrack I do not want you to complain to him! Because I have orders from the Commandant to report everyone who complains!" Omega Red stomps out of the barrack.
Lance, Todd, Fred, and Scott drop their boxes on a bunk and walk toward Remy. "Look at him! Warren's being crucified and he's trading again!" Fred sneers.
"Didn't you get enough last night? You itching for more?" Lance demands.
"Some guys never learn!" Todd snarls.
Jamie comes in with some ice in a towel. He offers it to Remy, "H-Here's some ice off the roof."
Lance twists the ice out Jamie's hand and tosses him aside. "Beat it ya little stooge!" He gestures to Logan. "Go on, tell the crumb where he stands."
"I called a meeting of the barrack chiefs this morning, Gumbo," Logan explains. "I thought maybe I could get you transferred into another barrack. But it turns out that nobody likes you any more than we do."
Remy manages a slight grin. "So you're stuck with me, huh?"
Fred looks at Todd. "Maybe the mutant broads would take him."
"Not with that kisser, not any more," Todd taunts.
"You got off lucky last night, Remy. One more move and you'll wake up with your throat cut!" Lance warns.
"You listening, Remy?" Scott asks casually.
"Yeah I still got one good ear," Remy responds. "Now you listen to me. There're two guys in this barrack that know I didn't do it: me and the guy that did do it. And it could be any one of you: you Logan, or Lance, or Scott, or Fred, or Alex, or even Caliban. And ya better watch out, the guy who left me holding the stick. Because if there're gonna be any throats cut in this barrack…"
Omega Red's whistle cuts Remy off. He enters the barrack and stands at attention. "Attention! Attention! Everybody at attention for the Marvel Man!"
The guys all line up in front of their bunks and stand at attention. The Marvel Man, revealing himself to be Dr. Patronete, and a Hydra officer, Guy Spears enter. Dr. Patronete is dressed in civilian clothes and carries a briefcase.
Dr. Patronete takes off his Homburg hat. "As you were, gentlemen. Please." Everyone relaxes.
Spears indicates the interior. "Here we have a typical barrack. It houses twenty-four men. Every one of them has his own bunk, naturally."
"Naturally. It would be rather awkward to have three men in one bunk," Dr. Patronete notes as he, Spears, and Omega Red begin to walk down the barrack.
"As for the blankets, you will notice they are very warm," Spears pulls one from a bunk and displays it. "Fifty percent wool."
"They also smell of moth balls. When were they issued? This morning?" Dr. Patronete asks.
They continue walking. Dr. Patronete looks around. "What do you do for heat in this barrack? No stove."
"The mutants here used it for a trap door, so we had to remove it temporarily," Spears explains.
"How long is temporarily? I trust not until July," Dr. Patronete quips.
Ray and Piotr enter the barrack bringing in the chow-tub filled with some brew. They put it on the table in the middle of the barrack. Spears points to it. "Here you see a typical meal the prisoners are getting. Omega Red," he looks at him. "What are we having today?"
"Bean soup with ham hock," Omega Red goes to the bucket and gets the ladle. He looks at Dr. Patronete. "Would you like to taste it?
"Thank you, no," Dr. Patronete says.
Omega Red fishes in the tub with the ladle. "Where's the ham hock? There should be a ham hock!"
"When ya find it we'll send it to Marvel," Fred drawls.
Dr. Patronete looks around at the guys. "Are there any complaints? Please speak up."
No response.
"Don't be afraid to talk. That's what the Marvel Convention is for. To protect the rights of prisoners of war. Whether they are Mutants or Humans." He looks at Todd. "What have you got to say?"
Todd gives a smile. "I like it here." Shrugs. "Aeh."
Dr. Patronete is unconvinced. He looks at Scott. "What about you?"
Scott shrugs. "It's all right. Considering."
Dr. Patronete walks on and stops at Remy's bunk, seeing his battered face. "What happened to you? Were you beaten?"
Silence.
"Why don't you answer?" He turns to Spears. "What did you do to this prisoner?"
"They didn't do nothing," Remy replies.
"Who beat you?" Dr. Patronete asks.
"Nobody beat me. We were playing pinochle. It's a rough game," Remy says.
Logan speaks up. "Pardon me, bub. Since you want us to speak up, there was a guy removed from this barrack last night. An Instructor Warren. We'd appreciate your looking into it. That's if they haven't shot him yet."
Dr. Patronete turns to Spears. "Why was the man arrested?"
"Sabotage. He blew up a train," Spears replies.
"They'd have to prove that first, wouldn't they?" Logan protests. "Isn't that what the Marvel Convention says? You can't just take a guy out and shoot him!"
The inside of Kelly's office in the Administration Building. It's sparsely furnished with a desk, a couple of phones, iron stove, black leather sofa, and maps. Kelly is pacing up and down in his stocking feet talking to Warren. In Kelly's hand is a black queen. Warren stands near a wall, completely exhausted and fighting sleep. An orderly stands near the door.
"I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I didn't do it…" Warren sleepily insists.
"Of course you did," Kelly says. "Twenty-six carloads of munitions gone off like a trick cigar! The FOH is running around in circles. The Purists are arresting the wrong people. And Edward Kelly has caught the fish. Most amusing, isn't it?"
"Fish? Are you blind? Look at those wings," Kurt says.
"Maybe he's a flying fish?" Todd thinks.
Warren falls back against the wall about to doze off. Kelly reaches out and straightens him up. "Ah, ah. You are being rude again."
"I just want to go to sleep," Warren mumbles.
Kelly looks at his watch. "Nine-thirty. Madame Hydra should be at her desk by now. Shall we call Headquarters and tell her the good news?" Kelly picks up the phone.
"I didn't do it, I didn't do it…" Warren yawns.
Kelly gets an operator. "Hydra Headquarters. Madame Hydra. Urgent."
He hangs up and sits on the edge of desk. The orderly comes up and starts to put Kelly's boots on his feet.
Kelly addresses Warren. "I hope you appreciate this moment, Instructor. You see, I'm a former high school principal. All the Kelly's were high school principals. Well, you know what happened to the principals."
"Yeah, they all went insane after nearly being killed at Bayville a few times," Pietro quips.
"Just give me five minutes on that couch, will ya? Just five minutes…" Warren begs.
Kelly ignores him. "The young ones they put into the infantry divisions. The older ones they put in the quartermaster's corps. Or they made them recruiting officers or wardens like me. Wet nurses to putrid mutant prisoners. At Headquarters they have forgotten that Colonel Kelly even exists. But they will remember now."
The orderly finishes with Kelly's boots. Kelly gets up, straitening his uniform. The phone rings. Kelly picks it up.
"Hydra Headquarters? This is Colonel Kelly. Madame Hydra?" Kelly stands at attention and clicks his heels. "Edward Kelly. Esuohdam 17. I report the capture of the mutant responsible for the ammunition train accident in Great Falls in my prison camp. Yes, Madame," Kelly clicks his heels again. "Name, Warren. Instructor Warren. Sabotage. Yes, Madame." Kelly clicks his heels once more.
Kelly hangs up and sits on his desk. The orderly comes over and starts to pull off his boots.
Kelly looks at Warren. "Well, there will be two FOH men here tomorrow to take you to Headquarters. You will be interrogated by the General Staff." Kelly walks up to Warren. "When it comes to the part about your arrest, I'm sure you won't forget to give me the proper credit."
Warren leans against the wall moaning. "I just want to sleep…I haven't slept for three days…"
Kelly pulls him up, grinning. "You will remember the name? Kelly? Edward Kelly!"
There's a knock at the door. "Yes!"
Omega Red enters and addresses Kelly. "The Marvel Man to see you, Colonel."
"Alright," Kelly allows.
Omega Red gestures in Dr. Patronete and leaves. Kelly greets him. "Well, Inspector. How did you find the camp? Crowded but pleasant, shall we say?"
Dr. Patronete ignores him. "I want to talk about Instructor Warren." Looks at Warren. "Is this Instructor Warren?"
"It is," Kelly confirms.
Dr. Patronete looks back at Kelly. "What exactly is he charged with?"
"Whatever it is, it's out of your jurisdiction. This man is not a prisoner of war. Not any more. He is a saboteur."
"He is a prisoner of war until you can prove sabotage."
Warren yawns and tries to stay awake. "I didn't do it. I was in the Great Falls station and the train was three miles away when it blew up."
"Come now! You threw a time bomb," Kelly accuses.
Warren manages a small laugh. "How could I have had a time bomb? They searched me when they took me prisoner."
"And the way you search your prisoners, it does sound rather unlikely," Dr. Patronete stares at Kelly.
"All I know is he did it. I am satisfied," Kelly states.
"I'm not. According to the Marvel Convention this man is…"
"Is there anything in the Marvel Convention that'll let a guy sleep?" They look at Warren who has managed to get to the couch and plops down on his chest. He immediately falls asleep.
Kelly turns back to Dr. Patronete. "You were saying?"
"Simply this. After the hostilities are ended, there will be such a thing as a War Crimes Commission. If a man should be convicted without proper proof, you will be held responsible, Colonel Kelly."
"Interesting," Kelly drawls.
"Isn't it?" Dr. Patronete glares at Kelly. Kelly turns and walks away a few feet.
"Very well. If you insist on details. I have ways of finding out about that blasted time bomb." Kelly nods to the orderly who opens the door. "Good day, sir."
Dr. Patronete starts to leave. "You will forgive me for receiving you like this?" Kelly indicates his stocking feet.
"Perfectly all right. I do not like boots," Dr. Patronete comments.
As Dr. Patronete leaves Kelly calls out, "Omega Red!"
Omega Red enters. Kelly addresses him. "How did the mutant have a bomb at the train station? I want you to investigate how he did it."
"Yes, sir Commandant," Omega Red replies.
"Find out, and quickly!" Kelly hands out the black queen.
"As you command," Omega Red takes it and leaves.