The room was silent, with a six-foot African American male at a computer, the silence was broken by the musical talents of Voltaire, but all that came to a crashing end as I, the mighty and terrifying Bass burst through his wall and aimed my buster at him.

"Just what the HELL is up with not updating my story in like FOUR DAMN MONTHS!?" "B-B-BASS!" The poor fool shouted as he fell out of his chair. "Look man, I'm sorry and all, it's just…online games like Ragnarok, playing Disgaea 2, oh and Samurai Warriors 2, I mean those things take a guy's attention away."

I growled a little, crossing my arms as I said, "You mean you've been depriving the world of something as important as ME just because YOU got caught up in your stupid video games?" "Pretty much," he said with a shrug, "Would you care for some tea?"

That's Battles, while Wily might be my creator, Battles is my author for the story, and a LAZY one at that! "Hey," he shouted, "I'm typing the damn story, I can tell everything you're saying to me when you address the audience!" "Good!" I barked back, "So tell me why the hell you think games are more important than ME!"

Battles looked off and sighed, saying, "They aren't really, but come on, games can get addicting." "You know," I began, "Most people's excuses are better…like classes or family problems…" Battles laughed and said, "When DOESN'T my family have problems?"

I waved my hand indignantly at him and said, "Right, well…are you going to update my story or not?" "After I get one more level on my knight in Ragnarok!"

I sighed grumpily and said, "How about I blow your head off and get one of your loser friends to write the story?" He laughed a bit and said, "They wouldn't do half as good a job as me and you know it." "Yeah well…" I walked over to his computer and logged him out of his game, much to his dismay.

"HEY YOU JERK!" he shouted, but I didn't listen, instead I opened up Microsoft Word for him, actually took the time to give him a cup of that damn tea he always drinks, shoved him back in his chair, and growled "TYPE!"

He resigned himself to his seat, mumbling something like, "Razza-frackin' fictional character, comes barging into my house and makes me write his damn story rather than play my heavily addicting games…"

"HEY! If you don't get my next chapter up soon, I swear to God I'm going to vaporize all your Yu-Gi-Oh! cards and make you eat the ash!"

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Some Author's Notes: Hey, it's been a while, huh? Sorry, I never knew how addicting online games could get, I offer you my humblest apologies and please, please, PLEASE make sure Bass doesn't vaporize my cards, I've been collecting those for years, come on people, I have Slifer and Ra! I have the Blue Eyes Shining Dragon! The Red Eyes Darkness Dragon…KURIBOH! Well who doesn't have that one? Regardless, join us for the long since overdue next installment of the Misadventures of Bass, now, with the season to be giving, Bass is getting ready to give Megaman the beating of his life. Will he succeed? Read on to find out!

Thanks to Arakxii for Molly and Mickey!

Pesky Disclaimer: Don't own Bass, Megaman, Wily, or any of these bloody awesome Robot Masters and the like that were all made by Capcom, but in a perfect world, the Misadventures of Bass would be reality and many, many of you would have fallen to Skullman.

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Bass here, feels like I haven't talked in ages for some…unknown reason. Anyways, you know how the day usually starts, I wake up, polish the armor, reflect on one of my many regrets, like living with the dweeb's sister, before realizing she cooks like a goddess and getting over it…yeah let's skip all that, we can move ahead to say…ten in the morning.

Well here we are at the mall, I'm still not sure how the Creampuff talked me into it…probably some combination of great food and my programming falling prey to the robotic equivalent of hormones…I hate you Wily…anyways, here we are, and what are we doing? We're CLOTHES SHOPPING…

"Bass, don't you think you'd look cute in this shirt?" She asked, holding up some item of clothing I wasn't paying attention to. Frankly, I was far too paranoid, out in public, no armor on, wearing conventional clothes, but at least it can always get worse…never say it won't or…well it will.

-Sigh-I don't need this. I've had so many setbacks on my fortress, I mean fifth day into it, we lost Burnerman, which…well it was fine by me, I'm pretty sure that guy's permanently stoned…then came trying to lodge a giant replica of my helmet over the huge-ass freakin' skull outside…we lost many Robot Masters that day…but at least the skull looks sweet.

Regardless, it was getting REALLY boring when I got a call on the cellphone I'm forced to use since I'm out of my armor. "Bass here," I said, answering my phone, as I got some sort of scowl from Roll, I guess because I wasn't paying her any attention…she acts like we're on a date or something…wait a tick…we aren't, are we?

Anyways, Elecman answered, sounding heavily surprised. "Bass, you won't believe this! You got to come to Bass Fortress, right away!" I sighed, "Is this really necessary," I asked. "It really is, it'll change the face of Robot Masters forever!" I blinked before asking, "You mean into something a little less retarded?" "No, into something a little less Closetman!"

Holy crap…that could only mean one thing…no way, no freakin' way…that would mean…but I swore the Doc…no freakin' way…I quickly said, "I'm on my way," Before turning to Roll and saying, "Sorry Creampuff, we gotta go, I think we're going to see the most amazing thing Wily ever did besides make me." I produced my keys and hit the call button and in a few seconds, the Skull Ship burst through the ceiling of the mall and landed in front of us, which…caused a LOT of chaos…and I recorded every ounce of it.

"Was that necessary," Roll asked. I shrugged and replied, "What, and actually walk back? Hey, I gave them a sunroof, they should be thanking me. Now, shall we go?" I held the door open for her, more to get her moving than any real politeness, and we departed, around the time people started shooting at us…so I retaliated…by ejecting the cargo hold…which was full of Crashman's latest culinary experiment, hard candies.

Now they're already heavy as hell, consider that as hundreds fall from high in the sky through a recently made sunroof onto unsuspecting people…now imagine the poor fool that actually tries to eat one.

Well it only took a couple hours before we landed in my nearly completed Bass Fortress and Elecman rushed to us, quickly ushering me inside as I told Roll to just go off and play with those stupid mettool things, you know head, hardhat, legs, that's it…surprisingly, they're excellent at construction work. You'd think that'd be a challenge…without arms.

Regardless, Roll occupied, Elecman led me through a bunch of corridors into one of Wily's old rooms that we'd yet to explore, and what I see makes my jaw drop. It was…a girl…a robot girl. She looked cute enough, a yellow top, red shorts, brown-laced boots, with her hair in a long braid. Topping off Sleeping Beauty's look was a bandana…or should I say topping off Sleeping Beauty's look was Cutman sticking his head in her chest compartment.

"What the HELL are you doing, you perverted excuse for a toaster!?" I yelled and he jumped back. "I was uh…just you know, making sure she was a real girl and not one of those remodeled guybots." …That's actually a good move, despite the perversion…I mean she IS in Wily Castle after all and he's not exactly one for making chickbots.

Still I yanked Cutman out of her and prepared to close her chest compartment when two things caught my eye, one, her processor, not a Wily design, I recognized it, totally Dr. Light's work, figured. I knew Dr. Wily would never make a chick. Secondly, her ID was SWN-002…the hell? I'm SWN-001, I'm in a classification all my own, her sharing my ID would mean some type of family relation, like she's my little sister and since Dr. Light would never do such a thing…WILY…

I stormed out of the room and into the communication's booth, quickly pulling up video feed of the insane doctor in question. "Bass," He happily said, "How goes construction? Almost ready to try and fail against Megaman?" "Cut the crap, Doc. I found something you left here." Dr. Wily rubbed his chin before replying, "Whatever could it be?"

I sighed, then said, "Cute girl bot, made with Dr. Light parts with my ID code on her. Since you don't build cute girl bots, I'm assuming you somehow…STOLE her from Dr. Light…then abandoned her in a fortress that hasn't been used since the damn seventh Wily War! Why the HELL did you use my ID code, anyways?!"

Wily fidgeted for a bit before stammering, "Well…er…I uh…that is to say…well…let's go with…no…uhm…SSSKRRRR!!! You-you're KRRRRRRR! You're breaking up Bass! KRRRR!! I can barely make out your transmission!"" I had to sigh again before saying, "Doc, we're on a video communication…I can see you making these ridiculous noises." He paused for a good, long time before shouting, "Then you can see me terminate communications!" "Wait, no Doc, just-" It was too late, he cut the line. Note to self…hurt Wily later…with something long…circular…something to bludgeon him with…like a bat…or better yet, Tenguman, I haven't bludgeoned anyone with Tenguman in a while.

Well I made it back to the room with our Sleeping Beauty and found out…she wasn't sleeping anymore. She was sitting up, looking around, while Elecman was currently stomping a fallen Cutman.

"What the HELL, you guys!?" I shouted. "Just kept touching and touching until she turned on, huh?!" Elecman stopped stomping Cutman and turned to me before rubbing the back of his head. It was around then I noticed a large pair of scissors embedded in his arm, a few sparks shooting out and he nervously said, "Well Cutman was being a perverted jerk, so I shot a thunder beam by his foot. He jumped, fell back, accidentally let a pair of scissors fly, it hit me in the arm, I shot off another thunder beam and BOOM, she turned on…hasn't said much though."

The girl spoke up, what a cute voice…stupid robot hormones…damn Wily, she's obviously off-limits, even if she is Light manufactured, as long as she shares my ID…regardless, she said, "Actually, I've been trying to ask them what's going on, where I am, why they were hurting each other, things like that." "Oh…" Elecman said, "Guess I couldn't hear you over the whole…me stomping the crap out of Cutman for shoving a pair of scissors in my arm…"

I sighed, slapped my hand to my face, and could only say, "Carry on." Elecman happily began beating the shit out of Cutman again as I leaned over them and said, "Oh, and Cutman, when we get back, I'm letting Skullman kill you." Cutman gulped between stomps and Elecman even stopped stomping him, saying, "Man, you're gonna get it WAY worse, later…" and he walked off.

Cutman got to his knees and grabbed my leg, saying, "Can't YOU kill me? I mean you do it so much better…so much neater." Aww, he's aiming for sympathy by trying to butter me up…meh. "I know, I kill a lot more efficiently than Skullman, but he does it so much more messier…so much more…creative."

It was about then that a voice oozing with death said, "When we get back, I'm going to take the scissors on your head and peel your armor off, one layer at a time before I feed it to you. Then I'm going to eat your feet and hands, then dine on your CPU before I throw the rest of your body at orphans, piece by piece."

Everyone whirled around to see Skullman at the entrance, almost drooling with the smile he had on his face. He actually…oh god, he hugged me and thanked me for the gift that would be Cutman's future corpse and I had to ask, "Skullman, you weren't authorized to work on my fortress, what are you doing here?" He shrugged and replied, "I was following you and Roll…I was underneath the Skullship." "…Why?" "There are some things that go better unsaid."

Skullman had a point, but still, there are things that don't need to be answered and things that DAMN WELL need to be answered, and guess which one this was? Before I could even further my inquiry on Skullman, Cutman began pleading, "PLEASE! JUST BLOW MY HEAD OFF, YOURSELF! I BEG YOU!"

It was around now that our quiet, not-so Sleeping Beauty spoke up and said, "Excuse me, I'm very confused, what's going on?" Oh crap, I forgot all about her…I got rid of the idiots and told Elecman to fix his arm before he shoots something else and I'm surrounded by a horde of bots that have been offline for years…then I spoke to her.

"Uh…hi, I'm Bass…er…" Wow, this is hard, staring the second female robot I've ever seen, and Dr. Wily went and stole her from Light and pasted my ID on her…regardless, she smiled at me, kind of a nervous smile, and she asked, "Do you know who I am? I…I don't remember anything, well nothing except my name. It's Molly, by the way."

I don't know if this is good or bad…at least she doesn't remember that she belongs with Dweeb and crew, but what do I tell her? Okay, I need to pull something out of my ass here…she has no memory…she has my ID…I'VE GOT IT!

"Uh…I know plenty about you…after all, I AM your brother, yep, Big Brother Bass. Yep, you uh…suffered some trauma to your memory circuits and needed repairs…" Wait, that was a terrible idea. First of all, how stupid would she have to be to automatically believe that? Secondly, what, am I supposed to just…MAKE UP memories for her? She looked at me, deep in my eyes, oh boy, here it comes.

"Wow, I have a big brother, this is really cool! I want to hear all about you! All about myself! All about us bonding together!" This was working? Well…Dr. Light builds some damn naïve robots…so I said, "Uh yeah, sure, just let me fabricate…I mean…dig in my memory banks for a bit."

I walked back a bit, before she got up and hugged me. The action catching me off-guard, I fell back and tripped over something. She giggled a bit, as I asked, "What the hell was that?" We both looked back and she gasped happily at some dark blue mutt in a much smaller capsule. The dog looked a lot like Megaman's sappy pup, a bit smaller, longer tail, floppier ears, but that was about it.

"Know him," I asked before I realized that as her brother, I should have all the so-called memories of him. "Yep," she said with a big nod, "Testing me to see how much I remember, huh? That's Mickey, my dog." Have I ever said that Dr. Light's robots are way too naïve? Well it's true. I was still going along with it and said, "Well…we can see about getting him online."

Once more, Molly gasped happily and hugged me tightly, and well, since she's new…I won't hurt her for the blatant break in my personal space. Just then, I heard a foot tapping on the ground and I looked to the entrance to see Roll tapping her foot and WOW.

She…

Looks…

PISSED.

"Bass…who is this?"

My mind didn't register which one of the girls said it. Instead, I merely reasoned that we COULD have been on a date today, I'm not too sure, and we had to ditch it because Elecman found a girl who fell over with me while she was hugging me and now we're both on the ground with her arms around me…oh this must look WONDERFUL.

I quickly got up, almost throwing Molly off of me as I dusted myself off and said, "Creampuhhhhhh…" I would have finished, but her glare turned into something eviler, as if…had I finished that nickname, she'd kill me. Wait a minute, logic setting in. I might not be in my armor, but I'm still capable of lifting about two tons on my own, so why am I scared?

I rubbed my neck, getting a crick out as I said, "Listen, I don't know what the hell's going on through that naïve little mind of yours, but since you're here, Molly, meet Roll, Roll, meet my sister."

Roll seemed to calm down instantly, thank goodness, and she helped the girl to her feet and they got to yapping, telling the other of their respective situations while I brought her dog online, anything to keep problems off of me, but as soon as he came online, he bolted up and tackled me, licked my face, and ran off yipping like the dweeb's dog. I don't need this, I think I can just blow it's face off and tell her that her dog's really a sock puppet.

Before I could carry out my ingenious plan, Roll and Molly were already playing with the thing, so after making sure no one was paying attention to me anymore, I exited the room.

I took the time to inspect a few rooms, especially the reinforced one for Nuclearman in the event he…ya know, went nuclear, because that'd be REALLY bad in a confined spot like this. He says his blast radius is thirty feet, but…due to Robot Master stupidity, I bet he meant to say thirty MILES…so…we took extra steps to reinforce his room.

Arsenalman's room was simple. Just give him a normal room with all those random weapons of his strewn about, holstered on the walls. Cannons, rocket launchers, shotguns, swords, pikes, boomerangs, Gutsman's left boot, and a hot pocket were just a few of the weapons put up. Yeah, weapons of destruction everywhere, I like this room…hey…hot pocket…he won't be needing THIS…mmm…pepperoni.

Boltman…went all out on the Greek theme, I can't spend five minutes in there, so I walked right past it.

Smashman had a simplistic room filled with large boulders. The room was designed to look like a rock quarry, it even had a few pieces of construction equipment tossed around a bit.

Frankly, I never even went in Otakuman's room…because I can't stand him…him and his whole, "I refuse to die," routine of his. Regardless, I finally took a breath and stepped in. Oh boy, random pictures of me everywhere. Heh, one of me giving the finger on the ceiling. Is…is that a piece of my hair taped to the wall? How the hell'd he get that? Okay…slowly…backing out of here…before…I'm creeped out even more than I already am…

Okay, let's check out Photonman's room…which…is an exact replica of the bridge from the original Star Trek series…yikes, I have an army of weirdoes.

Overdriveman's room had the space for him to move around in, with a few columns in the room. At least he didn't model his room with hundreds of mirrors like that Bruce Lee movie…

Finally, Timeman's room. As I entered, I saw Timeman calmly sitting in the middle of it, but the room was flashing multiple colors. "What's…going on," I asked. Timeman looked back and replied, "Do you like? It's a giant mood ring!" I blinked a few times and asked, "Uh…is it…broken?" He didn't like that comment and started to swell with tears before harshly shouting, "OUT! GET OUT! I HATE YOU! I POSITIVELY HATE YOU! Oh what am I saying? You're awesome, you're Bass, you're the greatest!"

He was probably still ranting, but I'd left. I think I need a drink of something heavy…REALLY heavy…like coolant. Unfortunately, I was approached by Pirateman. "Look," I said, "I'm in the mood to drown my day in something strong enough to reset my internal memory, so why don't you leave me alone?" "Yar, look matey, I was just trying to inform ye of a development." "I know all about the girl, Pirateman, I left her with Roll." "Aye, but what will we be doing about the other lass?" The…other lass?

Trying not to fall into the same situation as last time, I brought Roll with me, and since I didn't feel like her wandering around by herself, I brought Molly and her damn hyperactive dog with me.

Sure enough, there she was, sleeping life away in a stasis capsule. Now, before anyone went about and opened her chest and started poking around, I uplinked with the adjacent computer and learned that…whoa…holy crap…holy crap on a Robot Master stick. Another girl…and built by WILY…I'm…experiencing some…some sort of emotion. I don't know what it is…it's not the guilt I was feeling when Roll saw me with Molly and took things the wrong way…no, it makes a lump in my neck, my knees are sort of weak…hmmm…I…I think it's called…nah, screw it.

"Okay everyone, back up and away before someone screws up and turns her on by accident." Roll walked in front of me and did that thing where she puffs her cheeks, trying to look imposing…it looks…cute. "Bass, how can you just leave her here? She deserves to be online, just like anyone else. Besides," She leaned over to the console I was linked to and gasped, "SWN-003! Molly said she was 002! That makes you 001! That makes her your youngest sister!"

Huh…as I checked…damn, she was right, great, now I have the makings of a family, yep, leaving this one offline. "CREAMPUFF, NO!" It was too late, she'd initiated the startup process. Halting it now would cause irreparable damage to her…oh boy. So a quick glance over…once again, hot chick, like I'm trapped in an anime. Sailor fuku dress, leave it to Wily to design a Japanese schoolgirl. She opened violet eyes, sat up, with long, blue hair. She looked around, smiled, then, all of a sudden, grabbed my Creampuff and pressed their lips together.

Now as a guy…this is freakin' awesome. As a male robot trapped in a castle full of guys…this is freakin' awesome. Being the one that actually sleeps with the Creampuff…this is freakin' awesome. Being…well…me…this is freakin' awesome. I see no downside to this…and with the length of this kiss, apparently Creampuff didn't either.

"Uhm…brother?" I looked to Molly. "Roll…short-circuited and I don't think our new sister realizes this yet." Wow, apparently being kissed by a girl actually was enough to fry Roll's logic center and give her a short-circuit. As I parted the two girls…which…was surprisingly difficult thanks to the grip of my as-of-yet named sister…who I'm guessing was built with somewhere around my level of strength. Joy.

Well I tried to sit Roll down…and she fell over. I picked her up, stood her up, leaned her against a wall….she fell over. I simply picked her up and held her while her systems rebooted…which I hope will be soon.

I looked to our newest member and asked, "And what should we call you?" "Arita," she replied, "Can I have her back please? She's soft." Wow, she keeps saying stuff that I can't reply to automatically. "Uh, sorry, I don't think you're her type." "Give her to me, I'll make me her type." Wow, she's as forceful as I am and into the rather rare commodity of female Robot Masters…yes, we're ALL technically Robot Masters, even Megaman…ugh.

Wow, this brings up the concept of the Robot Master Theory of Equilibrium that states for every Robot Master, there is an equal, yet opposite counterpart. For instance, someone as stupid as Gutsman has their mental match in the amazing computational skills of Elecman. Someone as violent, sadistic, and untrustworthy as Skullman meets their match in the honorable Swordman. And apparently someone so into guybots like Starman is matched in…Arita.

"Ngh, uh…mmmmm…" I looked down, Creampuff was waking up. She looked to me with a smile and said, "Hi, I had the weirdest dream." Arita smirked and said, "So I'm dreamy, eh?" "ACK!" Roll shouted, thrashing her limbs around, making me drop her. "That's not what I meant!"

Roll huffed and stormed off, Arita quickly following her, not caring about important things like…where she is, what's going on, oh, or her brother for that matter. Oh well. I had more important things to do.

More important things meant making sure, and I mean SURE that none of their special weapons were somehow the perfect counter for each other. We've tested before, but damn it, I wanted to make SURE! Next, I went over the Skullwarrior. You know, that's the standard mini-skullship that Wily falls back on, in the event that his plans go down the toilet…which they always do. He insisted that I take the stupid thing with me and well sure, I just had to make one modification…

"There," I said as I finished welding a giant, freakin' grate over the window. I don't know if you ever paid attention to these things, but for some odd reason, you can only pilot it with you head sticking out the window and likewise, it only takes damage if you get shot in the face. How getting shot in the face somehow damages the SHIP, I don't know. How Wily has survived years of being shot in the face by a buster, equally, I don't know.

Well enough work for the day. It was time to gather everyone and head home. After all, I was confident that the base was completed enough, so Bass Fortress was officially open for business.

It took about an hour to get home, even though it was a thirty minute ride…mainly I spent time making sure Skullman wasn't underneath the ship, because that guy's getting really creepy.

Now home, I greeted Wily in a way I should have done a LONG time ago. "Bass, how are you?" He started as I lifted up Tenguman, the frightened bird-bot shouting, "What is the meaning of this!?" Before either one of them knew it, I was beating Wily senseless, and let me tell you, it felt GOOD. Well it was until I noticed the girls gawking at me.

"What?" I calmly asked as I set Tenguman down. "Aww, why'd you stop?" Arita asked. Yep, she's got my take on things. But unfortunately, Molly and Roll saw it as unnecessary violence and actually took the time to mend Wily's wounds. Weirdoes.

I made myself a sandwich and went to my room, plopped on the bed, and enjoyed some silence. Afterwards, I helped myself to a cup of coffee—I'd recently installed my own personal percolator in the room, so coffee whenever I want, TOTALLY AWESOME—and I had a bit more silence.

The silence didn't last. First the door opens, then enters the Creampuff, Molly, Arita, Treble, Tango, and Mickey. They all begin talking to each other, or were already in conversation, I couldn't tell and wasn't going to pay THAT much attention to them. I notice that Tango has taken to lounging on top of Treble, who doesn't seem to mind, as long as the cat stays quiet. However, Mickey's moving way too much for Treble's taste and before long, my dog slaps him with a mighty paw.

As Mickey goes yelping to the other side of the room, it occurs to me what's going on. Creampuff has invited the girls into my room, since my room is the only one with locks and all the other Robot Masters really don't need access to female robots without…I don't know, orientation on how to deal with women.

I guess it's smart, but still, I'd prefer being talked to about who spends time in my room. So before we end up with some kind of horrid sleepover, I quickly enter my capsule, my soundproof capsule, and shut down for the night.

Well a few days gone by, a few things happened. One, the other girls have no sense of cooking skill, whatsoever. Granted, they're no Crashman, but give me Roll's cooking any day. Next, after two days of sharing my room, I personally knocked down the adjacent walls to my room, set up doors—with locks—between the rooms, and let them have their own rooms with locks to the outdoors.

Treble REALLY doesn't like Mickey, who doesn't seem to understand and just spends more time with my companion. Treble's taken to being vicious to the sappy dog, always barking or snarling anytime Mickey gets near.

Most important and most exciting, it's time. It's finally time to prove my superiority over Wily's schemes and stomp Megaman's face into the dirt!

I ditched the girls and proceeded to my Bass Fortress with my Robot Masters and did one last check over the design of my fortress.

"Are you sure these spikes are sharp enough," I asked. "Remember when that idiot, Dr. Eggman tried to kill Sonic and some of his spikes were just disguised springboards? I'd really hate it if we helped Megaman jump higher." Just then, I poked one of them, and like any time you touch spikes, you explode and die into a horde of brightly lit balls.

"BASS!" Everyone shouted as I pulled myself together. "What?" I asked the confused crowd, "I had an extra life." While nowhere near as advanced as Otakuman's repair features, Megaman and myself share nanotechnology that we refer to as extra lives that allow us to repair our destroyed bodies. Granted, I rarely use this, but it has its uses…like right now.

I sent my soldiers off to their respective rooms and assumed a chair with Elecman and Pirateman in my command center, my central room. From here, we could watch and dictate the battles as we seem fit. We could even activate traps at will. So…

Rader goes off. We look and see Megaman's teleport signature. He's heading for the front door like always. I press a button. Megaman appears on the ground just as a horde of spikes shoot up and kill him on the spot.

"UUAAGGH!!!!" He screams as he explodes into little blue balls.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!" All three of us shout as I rewind and play the scene again. Before long, Megaman comes back, teleporting in, JUST out of the range of my spike trap and enters the front door. He goes through a few corridors and approaches one of our patented reinforced shutter doors. Usually means a boss battle…except THIS time…Megaman runs right into a high energy output beam cannon. The little squirt is vaporized on the spot…my god this is funny.

Uh-oh, here we go. He's entered Smashman's room.

"PUNY SQUIRT! I'M GOING TO SMASH YOU!!!"

Smashman rushes Megaman, who has that look, you know the one where you have a deer in the headlights. Luckily or unluckily depending on how you look at it, Megaman avoids the behemoth.

Back and forth it is, for a while. I mean Smashman doesn't have that much of an imagination. Eventually, he…oh my god, what's he doing?

"SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!"

He's…he's smashing…himself…oh my god, where does Wily get the idea to build these things?! Well, before the dweeb absorbs whatever smashing powers Smashman had, I flipped a switch on my chair and BOOM, Smashman explodes…idiot.

Well with a confused Megaman on the move again, he arrived in Timeman's room.

"What the…" Megaman was mystified by all the swirling colors. Before he knew it, an angry Timeman tackled him and started kicking him madly. It didn't take much for Megaman to throw him off, but Timeman began to cry. "Hey, uh…it's…it's okay," Megaman soothingly said.

Megaman was soon given a big hug from Timeman and I started cursing things so vile that I had to delete them from my memory banks later. Somehow, this got Timeman moving again…I think, his power is freezing time…so time freezes…then unfreezes…then he's dead. I don't know what the hell happened.

Great, two Robot Masters down, one who's fight I mainly missed thanks to time powers…and Megaman probably absorbed that one. I was pissed, so when he entered the next room, I entered the code to drop the floor out, and BAM, indoor cliff.

Megaman teleports back in and before long, he gets to meet Overdriveman.

This is better, this is much better. Megaman can't lay a finger on this guy. Each second that goes by is another blow to his head or damaging fist to his side. Then, surprisingly, the dweeb manages to lay a charged buster shot that catches Overdriveman off-guard.

Overdriveman hits the ground hard and scrambles to his feet as that nitrous substance goes into his systems and once again, things happen that I can't see. First Timeman stops everything, now Overdriveman's working at such speed that the cameras can't keep up. I was getting frustrated, and I almost threw my chair when Megaman exploded. I MISSED IT!

"Yar," Pirateman said, "He be the first to actually KILL the blue land lubber!" Elecman looked over to Pirateman, "Do you even know what a lubber is?" "Ye-well…er…ye see, uhm…hey look, the blue one, he be back!"

Soon, Megaman returns. Megaman and Overdriveman charge each other. Then, like a frameskip, Overdriveman's dead and Megaman's leaving the room.

"What the hell!?" I shouted. "I guess Megaman's using Timeman's power to good effect," Elecman offered. "Yar, this be cheap," Pirateman retorted. "We dinnae even get to see the fight. It just up and be over, like some author trying to get out of writing in-depth fight scenes!" Elecman calmly looked over to Pirateman and asked, "Are you breaking the fourth wall?"

"Break the fourth wall?" Pirateman was confused, and in his confusion, attempted to do what Elecman proposed, launched a remote mine, and blew a wall. I had to smack him. "IDIOT! It's a term referring to when fictional characters remark about being fictional and acknowledging the world beyond them!" "We…be fictional?"

Ugh, I don't need to get into that philosophical existence crap. Even worse, I heard Photonman scream in agony and explode. "DUDE! LAME!" I shouted, "Photonman's dead and I didn't even get to see it!

Well next is Otakuman…who...went down damn quick to the dweeb before pulling himself together. Then he realized that Megaman was my greatest rival and…was far more interested in an autograph than killing him. Megaman spent thirty minutes signing random crap before offering Otakuman a nice, glowing football.

Wait a minute.

That's not a football…that's one of Photonman's photon charges. Oh boy. A deafening explosion ensued, reducing Otakuman to atoms…whoa, he pulled himself together. Huh, this might be a never-ending battle.

No, wait a minute, dweeb blew him to smithereens again…and this time leveled a chunk of the ceiling on top of Otakuman. Now with the ceiling on top of him…it doesn't look like Otakuman's getting up…I don't know if he's dead or not, but he's certainly stalled.

Now as time goes by, I manage to kill the dweeb again by getting him with a trick door, which isn't a door at all. It's a heavy-strength woodchipper. Yeah, he's scrap. Now let's wait as he comes back in…yep, there he goes.

Ah yes, he's made it to Arsenalman. Wait a minute…logic setting in...Arsenalman uses an arsenal…on the wall…which the dweeb can get ahold of. No dweeb, put down the rocket launcher. "NO, DWEEB! PUT DOWN THE ROCKET LAUNCHER!"

A deafening explosion.

Silence…

"He…used the rocket launcher."

"Thank you, Elecman, I CAN SEE HE USED THE DAMN ROCKET LAUNCHER! WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHO WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO PUT THAT IN THERE!" "Uhm, this may be just…a thought," Pirateman began, "But since everything had to be cleared by ye, and this is yer fortress, then by all means, shouldn't the person that approved this here bad concept be ye as well?"

I growled, my eyes lit up, and I loomed over Pirateman. "What did you say?" I asked, menacingly. "Er…totally Arsenalman's own fault it was. He be dead now, that's what he gets." "I thought so."

"Hey guys," Elecman spoke up. "He entered Boltman's room."

We all turned to the cameras. Megaman entered a completely dark room. Before he knew it, lighting struck the center and everything lit up. Boltman stood in the center and unsheathed his sword. "Megaman," he said as his sword brimmed with electricity, "Prepare to meet Zeus."

Whoa, he's actually serious, Overdriveman serious. He might actually, WHOA! He killed the dweeb with a powerful burst of lighting! Look at that dead body sizzle, awww…it exploded into the orbs.

Megaman came back, look of determination on his face. He tackled Boltman and wrested his sword free. Then as Boltman summoned lightning, Megaman impaled him with his own sword. Kind of a gory move, didn't expect it out of the dweeb. Well…this acts like a lightning rod and Boltman blows himself to hell.

Ugh, this is like that Metalman incident. You should remember the second Wily War. Metalman was an upgraded Cutman who shot the Metal Blade, a weapon so sharp that it actually killed Metalman in two hits. It REALLY SUCKS when a Robot Master is weak to HIS OWN weapon.

Damn it, I'm down to one Robot Master. Is this really as hard as Wily makes it look? Is the dweeb really some kind of unstoppable kill machine?

Oh hell, it's Nuclearman's time. Well…who knows, he might prove to be a miracle warrior. Nah, we're boned.

Nuclearman was ready and waiting and apparently shared Grenademan's penchant for taking pain, as he constantly ran INTO the shots Megaman was firing, all while lobbing off miniature nukes, making the entire fortress shake, but luckily, it was a sturdy build.

Finally, due to the poor strategy of going FOR the shots, rather than dodging them, Nuclearman lost and went critical. This made the entire foundation shake, blowing out power conduits, lights, cameras, everything. Cracks formed on some walls while others collapsed completely.

Thirty foot explosion, my ass. Wasn't even a thirty mile explosion! "How'd we survive that," Elecman asked. "That's easy," I said, "Got that special material designed to absorb radical kinetic energy. Most of the explosion was absorbed, but as you can see, we took some damage…more importantly, PREPARE FOR THE DWEEB!"

"Yar, I'll get the Skullwarrior ready!"

After Pirateman's comment, Elecman shouted, "I'll stall Megaman a bit!"

-Sigh-my entire plan is coming apart at the seams, all because one, Wily bots are apparent morons, and two, Megaman's a total kill machine.

Before long, I hear a blast and that signals the end of Elecman.

"YAR! HOW DO YE PILOT THIS THING!?" I see Pirateman flying around, ramming walls, the floor, columns, everything. "SERIOUSLY, MATEY! ALL THE CONTROLS ARE IN GIBBERISH AND COVERED IN SOME KIND OF…I THINK IT'S HONEY! NOT TO MENTION IT HAS FOUR PEDALS! I GET ACCELERATION AND BRAKE! WHAT ARE THE OTHER TWO FOR!?"

Leave it to Wily to make something completely illogical. No wonder I never use his gadgets. They cause chaos. Speaking of chaos, the Skullwarrior explodes, I guess because Pirateman hit his head against a wall too many times. Don't ask me why Wily's tech works the way it does.

Soon Megaman enters. "DWEEB!" I shouted. "BASS!" he returned as we ran to each other, weapons primed and ready. "WHERE'S WILY!? I'm saving the day and getting back my sister!" "Huh?"

I had to think back to when I challenged him. Oh right, the sock puppets. And he thought Wily and Roll had been hideously disfigured when our plan went south. I hit the dweeb. "THAT WAS ALL A LIE! This is all my plan, scan the place, you won't find a single organic here! NOW I'M GOING TO CRUSH YOU!"

"You mean…Roll isn't in danger?" I sighed and shook my head. "No, by the way, you should probably apologize or whatever, I don't know why you guys are fighting, but it would be great if you two got over it and she moved back in with you."

Sure, I'd be giving up good food, but I think she adds to the chaos, and I'd rather have less of it, thank you. Unfortunately, I made Megaman go back to whatever they fought about and for the first time in my life, I saw the dweeb smirk…SMIRK.

He walked to the entrance and said, "Well if you want to try to take over the world, don't use Wily's old fortresses. They all have this really neat flaw. Let me show you." He pressed a button on the wall, a big, red button that I can't believe I missed.

"SELF DESTRUCT INITIATED!"

"What?" I asked. He shrugged and said, "You know how all of Wily's bases tend to explode? He's got this button right by the entrance of all his fortresses." I stopped, tried to assert logic to it, couldn't. "WHY!?" I shouted. "I dunno," he replied, "But this place is going sky-high, I'd get out if I were you. Tell Roll I'm still mad at her."

He teleported out and left me to my fortress, collapsing in on itself as it counted down to destruction. I dropped to my knees and raised my fists to the sky. "WILY! IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS, I'M HURTING YOU WORSE THAN I'VE EVER HURT YOU BEFORE!!"

Somewhere, somehow, as he was sipping coffee, Wily's favorite mug cracked neatly in half, spilling coffee on him.

Megaman looked on as the entire place exploded. He examined the rubble and said, "Poor Bass, he didn't make it."

"Guess who."

"Huh?"

Megaman looked to me. I was battered and bruised from the explosion, but I didn't care as I knocked him off his feet. Now on the ground, all I could do, all my logic center said to do, was kick him, repeatedly, over and over again. Kick that shoddy frame he calls a body. BREAK THOSE RIBS! KICK MEGAMAN!

"I HATE YOU!"

-Kick-

"YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!"

-Kick-

"YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE AN ANNOYING AMALGAM OF HELL AND FRUSTRATION!"

-Kick-

"I THINK I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOUR SISTER!"

-Kick, Kick, KICK!-

The kicking went on for a few hours, I only stopped because the servos in my leg broke and it sorta just hung there. Figuring he had enough, I walked…er…hobbled away, then got really pissed and jumped him, beating him until I lost an arm servo. THEN I stopped and went home, a quick teleport since everything was trashed.

As I got in, a newly repaired Starman rushed to me, scooped me in his arms, and said, "Bass, oh baby, my sweet baby, you'll be okay. Momma will make it ALL better."

"Sta-Starman," I stuttered. "Yes, my sweet prince?" I grabbed him, pulled him to me, faces close together. He was blushing. "As soon as I stop hurting," I began, "I'm going to kill you. Then I'm going to kill Wily. The humanity, no, the world will benefit from the loss of his DNA."

As if on cue, Wily entered and gasped at my condition. "So uh, Bass," he started, "I take it you lost." "Yes, Doctor. I lost." "So, do you understand just how hard it is to beat the little blue boy?" I growled before saying, "I don't care at the moment. FIX. ME. NOW."

Then, Roll entered, a big smile on her face and a tray of food, "HI BASS, I MADE YOU SOME-" The Creampuff squeaked and dropped her tray, summoning a horde of Robot Masters that grabbed anything they could off the floor and ran off. "WHAT HAPPENED!?"

"Wily…is an idiot." That was all I could say as emergency protocols made me shut down…god I hate life. I hate each and every ounce of it.

----------

Ending Notes: Sorry this took so long and equally as sorry that Bass didn't actually beat Megaman…though he did assault him nicely.

Next time: Bass is feeling rather down, thanks to his defeat. In order to make him feel better, Roll decides to do something for him that he's never had before.

Diveman: OH! OH! SHE'S GOING TO SLEEP WITH HIM!

…She already does that.

Diveman: Yeah, but I meant with humping action.

Tenguman: Don't be ridiculous. She's not going to do that. She's OBVIOUSLY going to give him a statue of me. After all, there is no greater pleasure than looking upon my beautiful body.

Slashman: She's gonna wait until he's taking a shower, sneak up behind him, pull back the shower curtain, then SLASH, SLASH, SLASH!

Brightman: SHE'S GOING TO DO HIS TAXES!

Diveman: …Taxes?

Tenguman: What the hell's wrong with you?

Brightman: Uh…er…fifty bucks says nothing happened to nobody.

Tenguman, Slashman, and Diveman: DEAL!

Ugh, no you idiots. She's going to throw him his very first birthday party.

Brightman: Oh…that was my next guess.

Well regardless, read on for a little Bass Short and please review, even if it's hatred for how long I took to update! Though…now that I work in a daycare AND volunteer to tutor kids afterwards…I'll have less time to type, but it should be sooner than a few months before I update again…sorry, sorry, sorry once more. Seriously, if it seems like I'm taking too long, I probably am and there's only one solution…complain about it, get me motivated.

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A Bass Short:

Bass yawned, polishing his shoulder as he walked down the hall of Wily Castle, only to see Timeman and Timeman II (The one Dr. Light built), holding hands, seemingly frozen.

"What the hell?" Bass asked as Wily only made a, "Hmm." Bass scowled. "Hmm, what?" "Well, I'm no insane mad genius, but I think their temporal powers have caused a sort of…distortion."

Bass yawned as he moved to poke the frozen duo. "And what does that mean, Doc?"

"BASS! NO!"

It was too late, as Bass tapped them, BAM, he was gone and Wily gulped. "Roll's going to kill me." "Why would I do that," Asked the cute girl in question, entering the hallway. "Uh…no reason, my dear." Roll looked over and asked, "What's with them?" "Frozen in time," Wily replied before adding, "DON'T TOUCH!"

Just then, in a burst of light, Bass reappeared, laughing maniacally, holding his sides as he rolled around on the floor.

"BASS!" Wily shouted, "YOU'RE ALIVE!" Likewise, Roll shouted, "YOU THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD!?"

Bass didn't hear either, he was still laughing his ass off.

"What's so funny?" Wily finally asked.

"Get-haha-get this, I got zapped from time period to time period. First to 21XX, where humans have lost a chunk of their population and their protected by Megaman X, DWEEB 2.0! Then, in 22XX, Humans are even less in number, being protected by a copy, DWEEB 3.0 and 4.0! I got BLASTED 3000 years later and what do I learn? Humans don't even exist anymore! The last human lived on some space colony and what did their Megaman do? He brought the last human to the surface of Earth, where, without the life support systems of his precious station, he DIED."

Bass began laughing again as he said, "Don't worry, there's a horde of human clones. Still, don't you see the pattern, as time goes by, you have Megaman and less and less humans. My assumption, THE DWEEB IS THE WORST HERO EVER! Doc, we can go ahead and stop the evil scheme thing! The dweeb will kill everyone for us!"

Dr. Wily stopped and pondered this, before long, joining his creation in laughing maniacally, while Roll sighed and said, "Men…" before going on her way.

-End-