Skiergirl- I try to write Royai and get this. Go figure. Anyway, beware of OC-nes from the characters. This isn't meant to be a story where the characters act...sane...or actually less so then usual. Inspiration came from a joke I heard. This is based on that joke. Probably done a million times before but, I haven't seen it.

I'll be a Monkey's Uncle

Now he knew why he was never going to have kids. Not only did it look painful, but taking care of one was a pain. That and it seemed all kids, no matter who or what they were, would ask THAT question. Namely, the one that Wrath was asking now seeming to be on some sort of high. If such a thing was possible for their kind.

"Envy where do babies come from?" Wrath persisted for around the hundredth time that day. And he had been going on for at least a week. By now Envy was getting fed up not sure why Wrath would ask such a thing when he went insane whenever a baby cries. "From humans." he said being careful with his answer. Last time he had said, 'From girls.' and Wrath had then asked if he, Envy could be pregnant. Envy had left in a annoyed fury though part of his mine insisted that he very well could have shifted to a female form at one point in his life and had a kid. Well, maybe not, he didn't think his body, in any form, was well capable. Or sterile for those who wanted to be witty about it and find themselves with a few missing limbs. One of them, in guys, certain to cause the same fate Envy seemed to have.
Shaking these thoughts out of his head Envy groaned too himself as Wrath asked, "Could one of the Elric's have a baby"

"I would hope not." Envy said his features growing dark as he thought about his unwanted half brothers.

"Oh, right." Wrath said bouncing slightly and managing to look malicious, or perhaps in his case, like wrath would. Perhaps vengeful in some ways. "You said before it was girls who created babies. So does that mean human girls are where babies come from"

"Yeah, sure whatever." Envy muttered wishing to get away from this. But he couldn't. At mention of Edward and Alphonse his mind had taken a rather sick turn. Well, sick for him anyway. Now he couldn't help but think of what would happen if either of his half brothers did have a kid. "I could almost feel sorry for the thing." he muttered before an even worse thought came to mind. "That bastard." he growled clenching his fist barely noting that Wrath had 'OOO-ed' at Envy's language before giggling like a made man, or child in his case.

"You talking about full metal again?" Wrath asked actually much used to the term Envy seemed to have adapted for Ed when he was particularly annoyed. Wrath didn't know what it meant which was probably for the better, but it sounded funny. Really, it was funny because once when he had said that about word about Greed to Sloth, Sloth had asked where Wrath had heard such a word. In the end Envy had his mouth washed out with soap, literally. This had caused Wrath hours of mirth at Envy's expense though he was sad he couldn't say that word again or his mouth would be washed with soap.

"Yeah, now shut up." Envy growled seeming to be in a worse mood. But, it could only be expected for what he had thought. After all he could just here Ed's voice saying it and he never so much felt like blowing the pip squeak up. Though he had done just that in his head it seemed imagining it didn't work. But, having Ed dead now was not part of the plans he had to follow.

Again the thought rose into Envy's head. Like a mosquito that wouldn't die and kept buzzing and buzzing. The thought?
Well in what might have been a sense of humor but was more cynical then anything else Envy had thought what he would be to any kid Ed or Al had. The answer had come exceedingly quickly and would have made most others who knew what Envy was groan in something like pain. For him he just spat out, "Bastard." again.

Still what more could be said when Envy might one day become a hom-uncle-us.

THE END Skiergirl-I don't know why but that struck me as hysterical though I almost fell off my bed because of how punny it was. Yes, punny, as in pun intended. I hope all of you got that. You know the whole hom-uncle-us rather then homunculus pun. I found it funny and hope you found the story funny even if it was short. But there is only so much you can write really. That is without someone exploding from needing to know the answer. So, hopefully you all enjoyed. Please read and review.