Chapter 7: Fullmetal at the Movies

I've had lots of sugar, BLAST IS BACK, and I'm ALIVE even though my sister freed the beast all over the back of my head for the bra and panties match! Hahahahaha! Seriously, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, or any of the movies that I make fun of, especially Star Wars (hell, if I did, it would be George Lucas kissing my ass, not the other way around). I wish I owned it. If I make fun of your favorite movie, please don't be angry, it's all in good humor. Besides, if it makes you feel any better, Star Wars is my favorite movie, and I am royally screwing it over. I got this idea while watching Robot Chicken on Adult Swim. Don't own that either. This will be a multiple chapter story. I make it muti chapter so you, my faithful readers, don't have to read through one VERY long chapter. My sister thinks I'm demented, what do you think? Enjoy.

I don't know nor do I care to know how, but the Fullmetal Alchemist cast convinced Hollywood to give them unlimited access to all movie sets and props. We start this story on the set of the hit movie, Star Wars. The Alchemist cast is redoing the climactic battle between Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. Greed is playing Vader, and Thom is playing Luke.

Greed pretends to cut Thom's hand off, and says his own version of the famous words, "Thom, (Vader breathing sound)… I am your father!"

Thom, taking the script in his own hands, says, "Oh my god, my dad is a pimp! Now I officially need therapy."

Greed pulls off the Darth Vader helmet and says, "Come on, I ain't that bad."

Thom replies, "Yeah, you are!"

Kimblee, who was playing director, yells, "Cut!"

The scene switches to backstage, where Thom and Greed have found the lightsabers and started a duel. Just as it starts, Jen and Kimblee walk in and sit down to watch. A few minutes later, Archer walks in, and gives the two combatants a disapproving look.

Then he says, "You two are really childish, do you know that?"

He then walks over to the prop box and pulls something out. He spins around holding Darth Maul's double bladed lightsaber and says, "Besides, this is a man's weapon." Believe it or not, he joins the two of them in a duel.

Jen stares wide-eyed, turns to Kimblee, and asks, "Is that Frank Archer playing Star Wars with Greed and my brother? Did you spike my drink again in another obvious attempt to get me to get to bed with you?"

Kimblee replies, just as shocked as her, "Um…yes, but this isn't from the alcohol."

The battle ends with Archer "accidentally" slamming the lightsaber blade into the back of Thom's skull, rendering him unconscious. He awoke several hours later, in a daze.

He looked at Archer and said, "You hit me in the head with a freaking lightsaber!" He rubs his throbbing head as he speaks.

Archer gives him his most innocent look (have you guys noticed that he is waaay out of character?) and says, "It was an accident."

The scene switches to Ed and Al who are rummaging through the props from the movie King Arthur. Ed pulls out Excalibur (the sword is almost as big as he is) and Al pulls out a lance. They commence to sword fight. Mustang appears out of nowhere, brandishing a cutlass from Pirates of the Caribbean, and joins the fight. The fight ends when Ed loses his grip on his sword, and its hilt smacks Mustang between the eyes. Ed and Al run off, not wanting to feel Roy's fire when he wakes up.

A few hours later, after Roy regains conciseness, he stumbles onto the set of Austin Powers. He picks up Austin's blue suit and makes his way to where Riza is sitting and talking to Jen. He has also donned a pair of fake glasses, and looks exactly like Austin. He taps Hawkeye on the shoulder, and when she turns and looks at him, says Austin's catch-phrase, "Yeah, baby!"

Riza looks at her commanding officer with disgust. She becomes even more disgusted when Breda, also coming from the Austin Powers set, walks up dressed as Fat Bastard (I know, it's a gross mental image). The disgust turns to laughter as Hoenhiem (Ed and Al's father) walks up dressed as Dr. Evil, with Ed following behind, dressed in the same outfit.

Hoenhiem says, "I am Dr. Evil," then he points to Ed and says, "and this is my Mini-me."

Ed blows up, and yells, "I AM NOT MINI, GOD DAMN IT!"

For now we will leave this "charming" scene and return to Thom, Greed, and Archer. They walk through the many movie sets, trying to find somewhere to have fun. Major Armstrong suddenly jumps out of nowhere in a dinosaur costume.

Greed yells, "Everybody run, it's Godzilla!" The three of them run in the opposite direction, leaving a dumbfounded Armstrong in the dust.

To be continued…

Author's Note: If you have any suggestions for movies to screw with, just put them into a review. I will not turn down any suggestions. As I know the suggested movie, I will put it in.