Thanks to all reviewed me! I really appreciated that! But... In my story stats I saw that on "As a dream" I had like 788 hits. Well, I'm speechless 'cause of two reason: one, they are VERY MUCH who reads my story! Two, please... please! It's so hard to make some reviews? I mean, only 13 reviewed me and who reads me are 788! It's not so difficult...
Come on, eh? I don't want to be boring, but this made me some sad... I ALWAYS reviewed what I read, so? Even only a "good\bad story" is fine for me!
Well, this is the finally part of chapter5! And I don't know how this turned out so sad... Well, the pain isn't finish, to their misfortune (You know... I must describe Mana's death, when Allen turn him into an Akuma, when Lenalee's parents were killed, and when she was taken away... for Lavi I decided to make a little more happy story!).
Good reading!
"Will the starts glow this night?\Will the moon raise up?\Will the sun shine this day?\Will the clouds go back today...\It's so dull to stay here,\like no one waits you.\And maybe no one waits you,\maybe you're alone" –Am I alone?-
5- Two's feverish dreams part 3: Affection...
Slowly his eyelids, moving, leaved his light-blue eyes opened; and he blinked, feeling somehow... alive? Didn't he... die? But the heat, strangely mixed with an icy cold that went through his body like bolts, was real. Real.
Outside, sited on the cold ground, he really thought he was going to die. He didn't feel never so awful... His entire body aching, and even if his eyes were opened, he couldn't see anything; he was shaking and crying, but simply, he was too weak to do something. But... he understood, and maybe it wasn't a dream. Just when he felt his mind went away, like being detach from your own body...
I don't want to die...
He felt somewhat... someone who touched him. And he had got up his head, but beyond a deep black, he couldn't see nothing but merely shadows.
Someone was here... but who?
"Allen! You finally woke up!"
He froze. This voice...? He was...
"I was so worried! But... you can't still get up!"
Is it possible... him?
"Mana...?" He whispered, feeling again tears came to his eyes. He couldn't turn...
"Are you feeling... any better?"
Little Allen saw the little, doubtful movement of the man, and this made raise up a burning rage. Why!? He clenched his fist "...why..."
Mana hesitated "Had you say something, Allen?"
"WHY!?" He screamed "WHY ARE YOU HERE!? WHY!? LEAVE ME ALONE!" He stood up, but unstable on his own feet, he fell.
"Allen!"
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!!" He got up, shaking, still not looking at him "STAY AWAY!!"
"Allen, you're still ill!! You must..."
"DON'T SAY ANYTHING!! SHUT UP!! I DON'T WANT YOU!? YOU HEARD ME!? I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE!!"
"Allen, please...!! Your fever isn't stil-"
"WHY ARE YOU HERE!?" He shrieked again, feeling his heart beating crazily "WHY ARE YOU HERE!?" For an instant, his gaze went blurry. He wobbled, nearly falling once more "WHY ARE YOU HERE!? ANSWER ME!!"
"Because I care for you"
He stopped "What...?"
"I care for you" Mana repeated "And I'm sorry for what I said the oth-"
"Allen?"
The child was unconscious on the ground, breathing hardly.
"Allen!!"
I don't understand...
dad... why...
Why you leaved me alone!
And now...
...now...
I just can't understand that...
---------------------------------------
Beyond the little veil of the water, his reflex was examining at him like Allen was carefully watching every pieces of it, frowning. He was little? His eyes, one more time that pale blue and his hair was again of its deep brown. But it couldn't be... why the reflex was crying if he was motionless?
He tried to touch it, but his hand just came through that, only touching cold water, only wetting, and he sighed, like he already knew that his hand would pass beyond the reflex.
He stood up, looking around.
Where was he?
He already knew that place, and in the same time, he didn't know where he was. Was that his home?
Home?
He laughed... "I forgot! I don't have an home anymore!"
No wonder why your parents thrown away you.
He shuddered. Why didn't the recall of those word want to flee away? Why was it echoing into his mind like an endless requiem?
He was like the time stopped, that time... He sited on the water, wetting a little. Yes, the time stopped and he couldn't do a thing without feeling guilty, he just sat there, his eyes watery and focused on the wall in front of him, like it could take away his pain. His hands were trembling, and his body was starting to follow them, too; and without even knew, he stood up, wobbly on his feet, but willing to approach the door and escape.
Mana didn't say any words... destroying Allen's hope to feel a "sorry" and then a hug. Yes! Maybe everything would turn normal again! Maybe, Mana was just too angry and he didn't mean to say those words! Maybe... maybe he could feel the truly significance of "home" inside his heart, again. But...
the truth is so damned cruel!
...nothing came but the utter silence. And this, made him more sad, more desperate, more... why he didn't say "sorry"? Why didn't Allen have the guts of say "I'm sorry! You're right, it's my fault"? He could pronounce those little words, and the world would come happily to him, maybe a little irritated, but not alone. He could be with someone, now, warmly near the fear of his house... yes, his house... not "home"... why could we call it so, when it isn't anymore that?
But those words made him angry.
Eh... Allen didn't feel so angry like this time, feeling his heart knocking onto his chest's wall, crazily, and he didn't stop to cry. Mana didn't have the right to say that! Wasn't he... wasn't he the one who talked about "bearing so wasn't your fault... it's... casualness". Ah, ah... casualness? But Hevlaska didn't say "destiny"? Was he an exorcist for a merely coincidence, or because of the fate? Well... anyway, he didn't like very much his life.
Allen Walker, in a dark future, you will be the destroyer of the time.
Funny! The destroyer of the time!? The time was destroying him! The time that turned back to show his life! The time that made him revive moments that he doesn't want to refresh! He had forgotten... he forgotten when Mana screamed those words at him...
No wonder why your parents thrown away you.
...,and now! Maybe he couldn't forget this anymore.
He screamed.
He screamed.
And he screamed once more.
But he didn't feel more fine; and instead of that, his heart seemed to burning like between flames, like a knife was cutting it into little bloody pieces.
"W-Why no on-e wa-...nts me...!?"
Hard to say.
"Wh-y am I... alo-...ne?"
But... what's the true meaning of the word "alone", in the first time? A child who went out to buy something for his mother, was alone? A man who was walking along a street, was alone?
No.
No.
The true meaning of "alone" must be find inside the heart. Without home, without people, without love... this was "alone". Without anyone who waits you and happily says "Welcome back!" at your return. Without a place to return when you're weak, a place to be called home. Without the heat of a fire, without the warmth of one's love, without nothing... this was "alone".
Alone.
And how the people were able to give that a so awful sound! Just hearing it, Allen shuddered, feeling worse, and... alone.
"Mana..."
"...come back!"
I need you.
----------------------------------------------------
Allen suddenly woke up.
That dream...
"Allen! You wake up!!" And he even didn't have the time to turn, that Lenalee was already hugging him, crying softly.
"I'm... sorry?" He asked, unsure what to do. Did he do something wrong?
"Don't be sorry! It's not your fault! When we found you... you passed out on me! I was so scared! And only now you woke up! We had waited two days before you would open your eyes! And you was having nightmares on nightmares! And the little one... we were thinking that he wouldn't do that! I thought you were dieing!!"
"I'm sorry..."
Does Mana forgive me?
"...I'm sorry..."
I hope yes...
"I'm sorry"
Good... I really liked how I wrote that! And I hope you will like that too! The next chapter will be finally how this end, and so his title will be "Give me strength, give me warm, give me love"
And... I ask one thing... in English "I love you" is for the true love (two "lovebirds"), for, at example, the love of a mother for her child, the friend love, the brotherly love... right? All the type of love! Is there a way to difference those? Because in my language "I love you" had two meanings:
Ti amo (lovebirds)
Ti voglio bene (for friends, brothers, ...)
So, I find so strange to write "I love you" when Mana (for example) is saying this words to Allen! Because this made me think of "Lovebirds" (I don't know how to say that in other ways!)
If someone knows somewhat, write!
And PLEASE
PLEASE
The ones who read me without reviewing... it's SIMPLE to review! Please!
:D AcqueCristalline