Chapter 16: Crazy Drunken Fun Part 2: Prank calls and Karaoke
This chapter is for Slicer Alchemist who asked to join the "fun". When I wrote this, I was in a sing-song mood, so that is why this is a karaoke chapter. I don't own anything, except me own custom version of Janie's Got a Gun. Enjoy.
Thom and Greed were walking through the liquor isle looking for booze when Greed tripped and knocked over a whole shelf of Vodka. When the clerk came to see what happened, they both pointed to Scar, who just happened to walk by, and said, "He did it!" Then they ran away. While running, Blast ran into somebody and fell on his face. The man he ran into wore all black and had short dirty-blonde hair and blue-green eyes.
"Watch where you're going, I'm running here!"
The man glared at Thom and then a look of disbelief spread over his face. He then said, "Thom, I haven't seen you since the war in Ishbal."
Thom looked confused and then said, "Do I know you? Then the gears clicked in his head and he remembered him. "Rhett, is that you?"
Rhett grinned and said, "Slicer Alchemist, at your service."
Greed walked up, and noticing Slicer, asked, "Friend of yours?" Thom introduced the two to each other.
Kimblee had been walking towards them when the Oblivion Alchemist grabbed him by the back of his shirt. She asked him, "Where is my brother?"
Kimblee pointed in the opposite direction and said, "Over there, talking to some guy."
Jen glanced over and then smacked her head, saying, "Not him."
Meanwhile, Slicer asked Blast, "So, is your sister still around?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
Jen walked up behind Blast and, getting a freaked out look on his face, Slicer yelled, "Ah, it's the evil devil woman!"
Jen started lecturing Blast, Greed, and Kimblee for running off. During her lecture, Thom and Kimblee snuck away. While walking through the isles, Thom nudged Kimblee and said, "I've got an idea." He pulled out a cell phone and dialed the number to the Devil's Nest. When Dorchette answered, Thom masked his voice and said, "Is Al there?"
Dorchette asked, "Al who?"
Thom replied, "Al, last name, Coholic (alcoholic)"
Dorchette said, "let me check. Al Coholic, is there and Al Coholic here?"
Everyone in the bar started to laugh at him, and then he realized that it was a prank call. He yelled into the phone, "You better hope I don't find out who you are!"
They started to laugh and Kimblee knocked over a set of porcelain china. Scar walked by and they pointed at him again and said, "He did it!" The scene switches to the front of the store where everyone but Thom and Kimblee are gathered (For those of you wondering, Gluttony is still glued to the toilet). Greed and Mustang started laughing hysterically when they saw the store manager dragging the two missing alchemists by their ponytails.
He walked up to Jen and asked, "Are these yours?"
Jen sighed and said, "Unfortunately, yes, they are."
They all left Wal-Mart, with Slicer joining them since he had nothing better to do.
Thom decided to prank call the Devil's Nest again.
Dorchette answered the phone and Thom asked, "Is Oliver there?"
He asked, "Oliver who?"
Thom replied, "Oliver, last name, Clothesoff (all of her clothes off)."
Dorchette said, "Let me check. Oliver Clothesoff, call for Oliver Clothesoff."
More hysterical laughter
Dorchette realized it was another prank call and yelled, "Listen here you little punk, if I ever catch you, I'll cut your belly open!"
They all piled into the limo and drove back to the Devil's Nest. When they walked in, Thom, Greed, and Kimblee started to freak when they noticed that Scar was glaring at them from a bar stool.
Scar stood up and yelled at them, "I am going to kill you three! Because of you, I had to pay for all of that Vodka and the expensive china set."
Thom glanced at the bar behind him and noticed the small device that looked like a cross between a TV and stereo. He looked at Greed and asked, "When did you get the karaoke machine?"
Greed replied, "The last time I got hammered."
Kimblee said, "I know, let's play karaoke dare." Everyone stared at him funny, and he said, "It's a game where you dare someone to sing a song and if they don't do it, something bad happens to them. In this instance, you get locked in a room with Hughes and a zillion pictures of his daughter."
Thom says, "Ok. Hey Slicer, wanna play?"
Slicer replies, "I'll pass, thanks. I will however make sure anyone who doesn't sing gets locked in with Hughes."
Thom says, "Alright, I'll go first! Greed, I dare you to sing…Weenie in a Bottle."
Greed's jaw dropped and he said, "I hate you with every fiber of my being!" He then started to sing.
It feels like I've been alone too long
With no girls around my mind was wandering
Thinking of some way to release it
I looked in the kitchen, saw some Crisco oil
And that's when my blood started to boil
Oh yeah
Ow, ow, ow! (Uh-oh...)
Ow, ow, ow! (Oh God, what did I just do!)
No-one wanted to be with me
Had to make my dream come true
I wanted to hump something
I didn't know what to do
It seemed like a good idea
And no-one else was around
I stuck my weenie in a bottle
And now I can't get it out
I stuck my weenie in a bottle today
Got it jammed up in there all the way
I stuck my weenie in a bottle, oh no
Can't, can't someone come help me out
It's turning purple, all the feeling's gone
Now where did I put that friggin' phone!
Dial 9-1-1
Please pick up, I'm in a lot of pain
This was supposed to feel good, now I'm suffering
Oh please answer (Denver 911, what is your emergency?)
Ow, ow, ow! (Hello...?)
Ow, ow, ow! (Sir, what seems to be the problem?)
I stuck my weenie in a bottle.
Greed turned red and everyone started laughing. Greed said, "Very funny, now it's my turn. Fullmetal shrimp, I dare you to sins Janie's got a Gun."
Ed said, "Ok, but can I change it a little?"
Greed replied, "Go for it." Ed smirked and started to sing.
Riza's
got a gun
Riza's got a gun
The safety's come
undone
Squinting in the Central sun
What did The Furher
do?
What did he put Roy through?
They say when Riza's got her
gun out,
You'll find her chasing Roy Mustang
The Colonel had
it comin'
Cuz when Riza's got a gun
She's very good at
takin' aim
Riza's got a gun
Riza shot someone
Mustang
better run
And better watch his flaming buns
Tell her that the
paperwork's not through
She'll probably put a hole in you
She
tracked down Roy Mustang
Hopin' to blow out his brains
They
say the spell that she gets under
From single barrel thunder
Makes
Roy run away like he's insane
Run away, run away from the first
Lt. yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run from
Hawkeye-eye-eyee-eyee-eye
Riza's got a gun
The safety's
come undone
Mustang better run
She's a weapon of mass
destruction
Everybody is on the run.
Everyone except for Hawkeye thought it was funny. Ed grinned and said, "My turn, and I dare Archer to sing I Feel Pretty!"
Archer yelled, "Oh come on!"
Roy looked at him and said, "It's either that or Hughes."
Archer sulked and said, "Ok." He reluctantly sang.
I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty, and witty and gay
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me today
I feel charming
Oh so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty
That I hardly can believe I'm real
See the pretty girl in that mirror there?
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face
Such a pretty dress
Such a pretty smile
Such a pretty me!
I feel stunning
And entrancing
Feel like running and dancing for joy
For I'm loved
By a pretty, wonderful boy!
Everyone burst out laughing, and then he said, "Now I dare Thom and Greed to sing Tit Willow."
Thom and Greed grumbled and then went to sing (any duets will be in script format, but it is just the duets, so please don't get me in trouble for it.).
Thom: On a tree by a river, a little tom tit sang willow,
Greed: Tit,
Thom: Willow,
Greed: Tit,
Thom: Willow, and I said to him, dickey bird why do you sit, singing willow,
Greed: Tit,
Thom: Willow,
Greed: Tit,
Thom: Willow, is it weakness of intellect birdie I cried,
Greed: Or a rather tough worm in your little insides,
Thom: With a shake of his poor little head, he replied, willow,
Greed: Tit,
Thom: willow,
Greed: Tit,
Both: Willoooow.
Kimblee laughed and said, "My turn, and I dare Al to sing Iron Man." Al got up and started to sing.
Now the time is here, for Iron Man to spread fear,
Vengeance from the grave, kill the people he once saved.
Heavy boots of lead, he will soon fill you with dread,
Running as fast as you can, Iron Man lives again!
"My turn, Roy sing Luck Be a Lady!" said Al. Roy got up and sang.
Luck be a lady tonight,
Luck be a lady tonight,
Luck if you've ever been a lady to begin with,
Luck be a lady tonight.
Luck let a gentleman see,
How nice a dame you can be,
I know the way you've treated other guys you've been with,
Luck be a lady to me!
Thom said, "Boy Roy, that was weak."
"Just when you think you know a guy," remarked Greed.
Jen's turn was next "Kimblee I dare you to sing the Peter Griffin Can't Touch Me song, only as you instead of Peter." Kimblee began to sing.
Can't touch me,
Can't touch me,
J-j-j-j-just like the bad guy from lethal weapon 2,
I've
got diplomatic immunity, so hammer you can't sue,
I can write
graffiti even j-walk in the street,
I can riot, loot, not give a hoot,
And touch your sister's tiet,
Can't touch me,
Can't touch me,
Can't touch me,
Stop Kimblee time,
I'm a big shot, there's no doubt,
Light a fire, then pee it out,
Don't like it, kiss my rump,
Just for a minute, let's all do the bump,
Can't touch me,
Yeah, do the Zolf Kimblee bump, can't touch me,
I'm presidential Kimblee, interns think I'm hot,
Don't care if your handy-caped, I'll still park in your spot,
I've been around the world from Hartford to Bag bay,
Go Kimblee, its Kimblee, Yeah Kimblee, Yo Kimblee
Let's see Regis rap this way, can't touch me,
Except for you, you can touch me.
Amazingly everyone applauded him.
That is it for part two; part three is next (Duh)