Well... this is the last chapter! I put a poem written by me, to start the chapter. And... well, the chapter isn't a real chapter... you'll see!
Anyway, I didn't call it "Exorcist and poker" but "Moments"
I put two Japanese words... onegai (please) and shishou (master)
Good reading and I hope you will like it! XD
Another day ends,
and I cry...
Another day ends,
but why am I there?
Alone
And silently... why there aren't anyone?
Another day ends,
and I dry with a distracted gesture those tears
come off with rudeness from my scarleteyes
come off with rudeness, but they come from my heart
come off with my "yes", but deeply I love them
and I dry with a lonely gesture those tears
that in the night fall...
And I miss you, I miss you, I miss you...
I watch the moon, and I smile,
but maybe something doesn't remain anymore,
and maybe, that something is lost forever, I know, I know
I know that so well,
and I cry.
When the day ends, his life,
inside his last complain of pain,
I cry,
alone... and I miss you, I miss you...
Another day ends,
and I cry...
Another day ends,
why aren't you there?
Alone
and silently... why am I mourning about those moments still?
Like needles made of gold, needles that however are painful
they enter
they overlap one on another
with insolence, with pain, with cry
those recalls
so beautiful, but they're painful, they're painful...
Why aren't you there?
Why did you leave me alone?
And maybe, like a flower in winter, I couldn't survive,
and I'm sorry,
maybe I hadn't time, maybe I hadn't strength... but the gust gave up
it gave up and I did what I did
(you know)
but do you forgive me?
Because I don't forgive me, I mourn you,
I would you...
Don't you remember? The inglenook, you fired up, to give warm to our tired hearts,
however... that inglenook, is now off, in my home there aren't anyone anymore...
That inglenook, I miss that, like I miss you, again and again...
Another days ends,
and I dry with a distracted gesture these tears
come off with insolence from my eyes,
crimson,
like the blood that comes from my heart
like a night of full moon, that lights up with rubies,
like a lonely night, a night like this
and I'm alone
and I cry
maybe because I want, maybe because I'm sad...
But maybe, because I feel so, and I don't even know the cause,
maybe I cry because I miss you, maybe I cry because no one hugs me
like you did...
But it turn back? You turn back? You will turn back?
What demands I ask to myself... like a dreamer who waits a ghost ship,
like a child who waits silently what can't arrive,
but he's me,
right?
Silently child who waits in this night of moon, child forever and never,
child who hopes, but he knows it's all fake...
The life, is so not right, child who suffers, lonely, child without home
without mother
without father
but where were you? You who took me, you that wanted me,
even the "no" of the other, even I was different.
You wanted me.
And thanks.
Thanks so much.
I love you, but do you love me?
I love you, but do you remember me?
And I cry,
in this night inside my heart,
and I cry
because I'm alone, and I cry, I cry
because you're not there to hug me
in the silence of the stars
that burn
in the sky,
do you remember... we used to look those together! And you told me
the most shining
laughing
why is your laugh blurry, now? Blurry just because of a fog...
but I don't see nothing,
and your face appear disappear
into my dreams, into my nightmares... I hear a man talks
and I turn back
searching for you, but you're not there, and so I ask myself
with that pain into my heart, I ask, without know
and without answer:
why is the life so wrong?
Why do the life hate me?
And I ask myself, into this everlasting night,
without any answer...
Why did the sky stole my only star?
Because into my everlasting night, inside my scarlet and lonely night,
someone stolen my only star,
you,
that glowed into my sky, illumined the darkness who surrounded me,
illumined something of my sadness...
who stolen it?
Into one instant, and I was just alone, and your were here
you're here
alone under three metres of ground, you're alone, and no one remembers you.
Anyone but me.
Look at me, onegai,
everywhere you are,
look at me, onegai,
don't abandon me...
Look at me, everywhere you are,
do you still love me?
Because I do,
And everyday more.
Don't abandon me, onegai,
because it sounds strange
but I still need you,
you,
blurry shadow into my recalls
smile who illumines a morning of rain
smile who illumines a scarlet night,
you,
dad,
where are you?
I still love you...
...you know?
But where are you?
I need your hands,
around mines, I need your guts
'cause I don't have it anymore,
I need your smile, because I forget how to do this,
but I smile...
You, my only star of the night,
where are you?
Where did you go?
And I cry, into this lonely night, and I cry, without no one.
And I dry away these golden tears of mine,
and my scarlet eyes move a last time, to research yours,
but I don't find anything...
And I cry, in this lonely night, but the sun goes up,
and a voice calls me...
...a voice calls me...
I still love you,
dad,
you too?
Onegai, give me a "yes", onegai, onegai... because I cry, and I still love you.
I cry,
and you love me?
Give me a "yes", onegai, onegai... because my tears are only for that,
I cry...
Are you listening to me, everywhere you are?
Onegai, tell me you still love me,
dad, tells me, because I still remember you...
With love,
your Allen.
10. Moments
12th August,
Today, we must find some money... I must find some money, because Master doesn't want to. I think I maybe play some acting in the circus that is now in the city. I would like to! Master will kill me, if he'd know... he wants me to gamble! But I will NEVER do something like that! Why can't I do what I can!? I can do street performance! Then! But he doesn't want me do something like that... because he said I'm ridicule and I'm stupid wanting to do something like that... it's heartless... Mana would let me! Mana always lets me do what I want!! Always...
Nine months are passed, eh...?
Still now, I cannot stop to feel guilty... Well, I'm the one at fault, right? To do something like that... I was a stupid! A stupid child... And maybe Master it's right while he's saying "stupid apprentices" and all the various insults he always says to me... Even at night I have still those nightmares! It's horrible... I revive, and revive, and revive that night. It's horrible to revive the same thing once more and once more! And I feel guilty everyday a little more...
Mana... I think I really missed him... he was so gentle! Not like Master, always angry with something or someone! And he did act like a father! But Master... noooo! I know: a master isn't a father! But he isn't acting like a master neither! He isn't even human! Yesterday he was angry with me because a man took our last money! He's really heartless... the man was gigantic! Enormous! And he even punched me! I was in pain, and he screamed to me!
(Well... after, he followed the man... and he "destroyed" him… but he didn't do that for me! But because he wanted back the money! I was happy when I heard the man already expended all!!).
I hate him!
I want to run away! But really, when I think about that... where could I go? I don't have an home anymore... anyone... where could I run? I'm only a child... The only thing I'm able to it's acting a clown or destroy Akuma! It's sad... I really would like to go back...
Stupid, I'm crying again...
In the first time, I cried all the time! I couldn't stop crying, the first months! Everytime Master asked me to tell him something about my past, I ended cry! He called me stupid, idiot, dim... but I just couldn't stop... now... well, I tell him all my past, but sometimes, I cry... like now.
My hands started to shake! But I don't want to become loud. I don't want to wake up Master! He would kill me if I do that, 'cause of something stupid like cry. It's night now... I write that every night, because I don't he knows about my diary... if he ever read that...
I don't know why I'm writing this, but I feel a little more good, after.
But now, I have to go… if I don't sleep now, tomorrow morning I will be like a walking zombie!
I hope to do some good dreams! Lately I dream only nightmares...
A.W.
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15th August,
Master is a good person, really! When I told him that I want to play a role in the spectacle, he let me do what I want! He even went to watch me!(I SAW HIM SMILE!!!) I was really happy! And I gained a lot of money, too!!
The spectacle wasn't so difficult... I played as a clown, and the director was so happy because I was good!
I can't stop to smile!
Everywhere you are, dad, are you proud of me...? I'm doing exactly what you said...
"Go on" "Don't never stop"
You used to say to me those words, right? I'm keeping my promise! I will never stop! Never!
I hope you're happy!
A.W.
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"Shishou, don't you stand out too much when you wear that coat around?"
"Foolish disciple... I'm different than you are, moron"
"What good would it do on our end to hide from enemies that are unable to be seen? This is coat is target. If I do this, I'm able to suspect all of those that closen themselves to me"
"In order to protect those that must to be protected, you must resolve to make yourself a target to them. Can you bear that burden, Allen?"
"...I wonder if this fear exists in you, Allen"
(anime: episode 13 –together with a coat-)
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The sun was finally raising up from the mountains on the horizon. It was strange... but on the days when Allen's past was living, never that daily star was visible. Moon, rain, but never the happy sun. It wa strange, really...
When the past started to disappear, Allen, Lenalee and Lavi were watching. Allen a little distant from his friends, a sad look, scarlet eyes posed on the cold ground, as he looked at his younger one, who was slowly turning into nothing. The images were still moving, but nearly invisible, like ghosts, and the boy was feeling a sensation like that... fear, even if he knew they weren't phantoms, even if he finally understood, and accepted... but he was scared, because after, what will happen?
Why did the Innocence show my past?
Why me?
He didn't want thoughts like those... but he was envious: his friends didn't have to revive all of their past.
"Shishou! An Akuma!"
"Shut up, moron!!"
"But... there are three Akuma!!"
"I don't care. I leave all to you!"
"WHAT!?"
Allen laughed: really, his master was an irresponsible person... but he wanted him, and that was the important. And finally, the images disappeared, leaving a smiling Allen, not alone, inside the city.
Well? Good? Bad?
It's not very much... The next chapter will talk about Lenalee's past, "An imaginary demon".
Bye bye!!
:D AcqueCristalline