STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLY: Hunh, what a no-brainer…

Quick little message from author: Emotionally speaking, these past few weeks have been really odd. To tell you all the truth, I've felt pretty Kenshinesque, what with the brooding and pondering all levels of existence and stuff. In a way, I think that's the reason why this chapter is slow, doesn't flow quite as neatly, doesn't get in anyone's face or anything of the sort. That being said this chapter is more subdued and of a subtler tone than others I've posted before. The main theme is "hope" for some reason and I think it deals – in ways pertinent to the storyline and not necessarily my life – with how I have been coping with my… well… life, lately. The word "lie" had a recent impact in me – not that I was blatantly lied to or betrayed by anyone or anything like that – but… I don't know, doesn't it all sometimes seem like a big lie? The way you live, you are in regard to others and your views on the future? Maybe it's too much Kierkegaard, but I'm certain that I'm not the only one. Also, I know this sounds kind of random, but I made a mistake when I wrote the last chapter. I talked about the absolutely wonderful e.e. cummings and I did not write his full name in lowcase, which is how he did; Rhapsody07 brought that to my attention and I would like to thank her for it. Not to annoy you all any further, this is where I step down. Safe reading, everyone!

Soundtrack: Tricky DJ Muggs – 'Contradictive'; Yeah Yeah Yeahs – 'Maps'; Frou Frou – ' Only got one'; Billy Joel – 'Vienna'; Death Cab for Cutie – 'Transatlanticism'; Death Cab for Cutie – 'A lack of Color'; Alanis Morissette – 'That I would be good'; Alanis Morissette – 'Unsent'.

This chapter is dedicated to Ri-nee-chan.

Chapter 19: Moments: Sparkles and Fizzes PART II

"Bump in the road, pebble in my shoe."

How is a monster born? In the cover of the night? Through a traumatizing, life changing event? Is a monster truly a figment of an overactive imagination? Could one actually exist?

Monsters are born in broad daylight, and though they seek to hide from no one, they blend in well. Monsters do not breed destruction and chaos; destruction and chaos merely delivers them into the thousands of maternity wards spread across the globe, just as pure and innocent-looking as the rest of the rosy-cheeked and pudgy-toed babies on display at the hospitals' observation rooms. It is a lifetime of wrong choices and misgivings that create a monster; one moment of exposure to the true colors of this world molds victims, not aggressors.

Criminals: they are the ones who see more, who hear more who know more; the real barbarians, though blind, refuse to shield their eyes. Actual monsters don't live under a mattress, hide behind a creepy closet door or take refuge in the dankness and shadows of a basement; they sleep beneath warm blankets, air out their closets when they deem it necessary and lock away all their secrets in the attic. True monsters are the ones that don't get caught.

The authentic brand of 'monster' doesn't go bump in the night, it says 'good morning' in the elevator and 'how do you do?' to the newsvendor.

How is a monster born? Amidst the bustle and hustle of the streets we circulate, of the schools we attend, of the cinema complexes wherein we seek entertainment. They hitch rides with us, borrow our notes and share their popcorn with us. Monsters are born without us knowing.

It is our belief that monsters are fire-breathing mythological creatures that inhabit fairytales and B-movies, never men that reside in our picturesque, postcard neighborhoods, just a fence away from our defenseless children playing tag with a pet golden retriever in the backyard. The advantageous nature of a monster's existence is, essentially, our own ignorance, their keen and unbeatable leverage.

Monsters collide with us and we remain unaware. Monsters converse with us and we nod our heads in understanding. Monsters… the truly depraved and despicable ones, those never get caught. Monsters… we have no clue as to what they are, we don't have a handle on their ways, we don't see through their lies; our ignorance lets them run wild, lets them run free and they, corruptors of innocence, they never get caught.

Seta Soujiro, like any upstanding citizen, made sure his green Sedan's right turn light was on before switching lanes. He smiled at the scenery, at the song playing on the radio and at the road ahead: despite any bumps and slight inconveniences, he could afford to smile, for he knew he would never get caught. You see, real monsters, they never get caught.

In a twisted and resigned kind of way, I should have been happy. Come to think of it, 'happy' is too strong a word. Nevertheless, the perfect opportunity for me to finally pencil some details in and discover more about the considerably mysterious and handsome man sitting beside me was about to present itself and… well… that was a good thing… right?

It should have been a good thing but, in my opinion, any girl who thinks meeting the ex is good, is insane.

Incidentally, all I knew about the woman thus far was that she was called Tomoe and she had really bad timing. It wasn't much to go on, but enough of an abstract concept to represent a threat – fear of the unknown and whatnot.

The biggest question of all was: how did I get myself into this mess? The answer to that particular question was rather simple: I didn't. As luck would have it, someone else took the liberty of doing that for me, someone named Tomoe: anyone want to hazard a guess as to why a stranger had me biting my nails and chewing at my bottom lip?

"If mobile phones didn't exist": now, as I see it, that could be the title of a wonderful essay, perhaps even of a thesis. I guess, in the back of my mind, I will always wonder how the evening would have turned out if Kenshin's cellphone had been off. Would he have kissed me goodnight? Would he have asked me on a date the very next day? Would I have figured out that there was no possibility of reconciliation between them? Would our story have been any different? Would it have been any easier?

The truth is that I'll never know. I will always remember the ringer going off. I will always remember him asking me if we could stop by her house before dropping me off, if I didn't mind the detour, if I understood that it was somewhat of an emergency. I will always remember how I agreed to loosing what I viewed as my place in line with a phony smile on my face. I will always remember the doubtfulness in his staggering violet eyes. I will always remember the silence that followed.

I will never know what would have happened if Tomoe's call had gone unanswered, what kind of difference it could have made. All I know is that I will never forget when I saw her gracefully slip into the jeep's backseat and felt my own heart plummet into my stomach, any and all thoughts of lingering hope scattered to the four winds.

A pair of long, slender legs was the first thing to come into view once the car door had been opened. The elegant, sea green, pinstriped flared skirt she wore rode up her thighs a bit as she positioned herself on the car seat, exposing more creamy flesh than she would have probably cared to.

Everything about her was impeccable and flawless – not a strand of her lustrous hair out of place. When she stirred ever so slightly after closing the car door and proceeded to unbutton and remove the sage colored cardigan she wore over a sleeveless, fashionable, white beaded top, her movements where reminiscent to those of a prima ballerina executing a transfixing solo under the limelight: one couldn't help but keep one's eyes on her, on her shiny hair, on her glossy lips, on her willowy form.

Kaoru stared down at her lap and sighed; how could she ever compete with that? This woman was gorgeous and she wasn't wearing trainers and her hair wasn't a mess and her nails weren't butchered short and uneven and… the list of things she had and Kaoru lacked, upon a sideways glance of both females, could stretch on to eternity!

"How come I get to be the 'plain' one?"

The blue-eyed girl looked up at the sound of a car door slamming shut. He was back again, after stepping out and going round the vehicle to get the door for her. He was back and… was it her imagination or did he seem kind of… bitter? His hands griped the steering wheel so firmly and he revved the engine so – dare she say it – furiously, that she had to ask herself – to put it in more Sanoesque terms – just what exactly had crawled up his butt?

"Aren't you going to introduce us, Kenshin?" a velvety voice inquired serenely from the backseat.

"Tomoe, this is Kaoru. Kaoru, this is Tomoe."

There was some handshaking, an exchange of pleasantries, girly etiquette that required someone to say "My, I love your bag!" and someone to answer "Why thank you, you may borrow it whenever you'd like." as soon as Kenshin had mechanically initiated the introduction sequence, before silence overcame the occupants of the Grand Vitara's leather interior.

"I am terribly sorry to have inconvenienced you; Kenshin didn't tell me he was on a date." Tomoe spoke up softly and earnestly, after a short while.

"It's okay." Kaoru replied, a small but genuine smile on her lips.

"We weren't on a date, Tomoe." Kenshin stated evenly.

Kaoru craned her head to the side and stared at the man with wide eyes. Okay, so they hadn't been on a date; did he really feel like he should explain himself to his ex-girlfriend, nonetheless? That hurt! That fucking physically hurt! Couldn't he see? Couldn't he see that she had developed a crush on him? What about that weird moment at the diner? Had she been the only one to feel tingly back there??? This was so maudlin, it wasn't even funny, and his attitude was sparking her anger. If she couldn't afford to feel sad and sorry for herself given the circumstances, then she could just go an ahead and get angry, frustrated and grouchy… that, or take to ignoring him for as long as the car ride lasted.

"That's right, we weren't on a date."

If he could have recoiled in his seat without endangering all of their lives, Kenshin was sure that he would have. The mean stare that Kaoru sent his way when she confirmed what he had said before was powerful enough to make a grown man cry; it felt like a kick in the gonads or a shot to the head. Why was she giving him the evil-eye anyway? He hadn't done anything wrong… at least not that he could think of.

"Well, all the same, I am very grateful to you both."

"It was nothing; Kenshin was just taking me home anyway."

"Oh, so you live near here then?"

Kaoru glimpsed through the window and took in all the humongous houses, high walls, iron gates and estates surrounding her and almost snorted aloud: she didn't think that even if her family won the lottery they could afford to live 'near there'!

"Not exactly. Kenshin was worried about you and thought it best if we got to you first."

"My, did I sound that troubled over the phone?" the pale skinned woman asked, an apologetic look plastered across the beautiful planes of her face. "I'm sorry Kenshin, Kaoru: you need not have bothered. I suppose that a few more minutes of my father's ranting would not have killed me, though I am awfully glad to be free of his accusations… for the moment."

"I wonder what could have possibly sent Mr. Yukishiro into a fit…" The scarlet-haired driver remarked sarcastically, perhaps a bit venomously.

Tomoe had certainly not been expecting that type of behavior from the usually dreadfully civil man. She knew that she had hurt his feelings, but he had taken the news rather well, all in all. So… what had changed in the lapse of a day? For, up until that very morning, he had been fairly acceptant of their respective positions within this new context.

"Tomoe… your house… it, umm… it seems really… big."

Tomoe looked on in astonished wonder as the teenage girl sitting in the passenger seat went out of her way to rid them all of the uncomfortable stillness that had pervaded the jeep's interior by sputtering out the first thing that came to mind. Cocking her head to the side, the classy woman glanced at her former boyfriend and was surprised to see the beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips: so she was the reason behind Kenshin's aggravation! Or rather, Tomoe's intrusion on their alone-time was what had the architecture major all riled up…

"It is spacious, which is why it tends to have too many empty rooms..."

"That's… nice..."

"Your house probably doesn't have any empty rooms, does it?"

"Well… we have a guest bedroom?"

Kaoru had already been weirded out by partaking on a conversation that made no sense and bordered on being labeled a psychotic exchange of disconnected words, but when Kenshin's ex began to chuckle softly, she was thrown for a loop. Granted that she had been the one to get the zany chat started, but still… the striking woman's ability to keep up with and surpass Kaoru's capability of cooking up madness when everyone seemed to be on edge was remarkable and, frankly, a little scary.

"You're a very sweet girl, Kaoru." Tomoe complimented once her faint chuckling bout had subsided. In her opinion, the petite girl accompanying them seemed lovely.

She might have been a tad young for Kenshin, but she had a way about her that was… refreshing. Her juvenile spirit contrasted finely with the tired, mature and dark disposition that was, unfortunately, his and, though puzzled by her own enigmatic words, the girl demonstrated no desire to bring the mood down by calling her on what could be considered batty comportment.

"How is Enishi?" Kenshin inquired.

He had taken one look at Kaoru's slight blush and decided to spare her from having to further deal with his ex-girlfriend's very peculiar self: if he kept quiet and let them be, then the mind game Olympics would commence shortly, and he didn't want the adolescent sitting beside him to be exposed to Tomoe's clever, subtle and all together puzzling conversational habits for more than was necessary; it just wouldn't be nice of him.

The soft-spoken beauty uncrossed her legs.

"Going through an awkward, rebellious teenage phase, actually. My parents aren't taking his bleached hair and tribal tattoos too well."

The jovial girl perked up in her seat.

"Who is Enishi?"

The unreadable male at the wheel kept his eyes on the road.

"Tomoe's younger brother. Who is he hanging out with now?"

Always so concerned for others was he that he rarely took the time to care for himself. She knew it too well, being the one to constantly, in her own less explicit manner, remind him of his importance when he could not think of himself in any other light than that of a monster. Oftentimes, Tomoe had to wonder, would he ever learn? Would he ever look at himself in the mirror and see all the amazing things that she had discovered in him once upon a time?

The years could go by, but he had yet to find a reason to open his eyes and take in the truth. He was bound to the past, to memories and moments that she could no longer dwell on. Would he ever awaken? Would something or someone ever manage to jolt him back into the real world?

"Do not be so paranoid Kenshin; there is, after all, a reason why he doesn't like you."

Once the words were out of her mouth she regretted them. She hadn't meant them that way, not the way she knew he had held on to them and wore them round his neck like a tightened noose. Tomoe had only meant to say that her brother wasn't fond of her ex-boyfriend because of all the attention he showered the younger boy with, something that could be suffocating and annoying at times, especially for a teenager who did not need a second father-figure when he already had enough trouble dealing with his actual dad. However, she was perfectly aware as soon as his eyes gained that sad gleam, then hardened, that he had thought of other less innocent reasons as to why Enishi could despise him. Would Kenshin ever wake up to the now or would he forever fitfully sleep his way through yesterday?

Kaoru was no genius, but she knew awkward silence when she found herself trapped in it. Currently, she was ensnared in silence's thick, viscous, nasty shroud and, for the life of her, she wanted out!

"Well… I guess I'm lucky I'm an only child then, hunh?" She spoke up, as cheerily as she could muster, stealing glimpses of the tense man driving her home. "That way, no bratty little brother of mine can have any say on my relationship with my boyfriend… were I to have one. Of course, nothing's perfect and I am willing to bet my prized CD collection that my father could be just as evil, given half the chance. No offense to your brother or anything, Tomoe!"

The way Tomoe saw it, Kaoru was an amusing girl. Truly lighthearted and, by the way Kenshin relaxed ever so slightly after her digression, a potent antidote to the poison that had been corrupting his insides for years. Maybe there was still time and a sliver of hope after all…

"None taken. So, you're an only child?"

"Fortunately and unfortunately, but it's a living."

"As is being the older sister."

"Say," Kaoru started out, a spark of mischief flashing in her sapphire eyes for the briefest of seconds, "since Enishi doesn't like Kenshin and he's a boy, did he ever get round to playing pranks on him?"

The way Kenshin's eyes bulged out of his sockets was hilarious, the look on his face utterly priceless! Kaoru was kneeling on the car seat, hugging the headrest to her chest, peering over at his ex-girlfriend, dying to get the scoop on the many times that young Enishi Yukishiro had pulled fast ones on him. Of all the things she could have asked and of all the ways she could have responded to the uncomfortable situation the three of them found themselves in, she had to aim for the unexpected, the humorous and, depending on the event that Tomoe chose to relay, the humiliating. Simply put: she was amazing... and confusing like hell.

As Tomoe narrated several instances wherein her younger brother had tripped Kenshin, set his jacket on fire and put a dead goldfish in his shoe – upon insistent request, for otherwise she would not have talked as much, given that it was not in her nature to be chatty –, she stared intently at the younger girl, reading every single one of her expressions, unable to contain a small sad smile or two as her laughter rang out through the jeep. The girl was just so very much alive!

After Pandora unleashed all kinds of evils and plagues upon the world by opening the lid of a box that was to remain sealed, everything was deemed lost. And then, a tiny voice called out until, at long last, it was released and hope, the one thing that could presume to repair some of the damage that had wreaked havoc all across the land, shone down upon the earth. Maybe Kenshin would be able to wake up after all; perhaps, all he needed was a bit of hope.

"Why couldn't I be the one with the power to heal you and bring you hope?"

To wait. It has been fairly commented by author upon author, journalists and tourists, how there seems to be an everlasting wait going on at the Malecón, in Cuba. The sweeping avenue, the wall that separates city from sea; it is reported to be the setting for many lingering thoughts, unmet expectations and disheartened sighs. There, lovers meet and lovers part: one quick glance at the endless sea of melancholy blue and frothy white serves as a visual reminder that nothing has changed in years, that all forms of waiting in a place such as that are in vain.

The time goes by, tick for tock, counting down the hours, the days and the years lived in a perpetual state of pending and waiting that is nothing short of sad. Sadder still is the fact that men and women from other parts of the world, who do not live in such dire circumstances, can identify with the main theme: the freedom that does not come, the invariable, mundane routine of a daily life whose predictability is steadfast and equable.

The tide rolls out and rolls in. The sun sets and rises, only to set again. The ocean sparkles, catching beams of sunlight on its fluctuating surface, then darkens, moonbeams giving the crests of waves a special sheen, the nightly stars seeming to drop from their heavenly posts and drown in a festival of sparkling lights. Tomorrow will only be the same as yesterday…

Leaning against the balcony's railing, Tsubame Kinjo looked down at the winding street and pondered her existence – that, and more specifically, her upcoming birthday party. Her mother had been going on and on all afternoon about how her aunt Tae had been so incredibly nice as to volunteer to help in the kitchen and how her cousin Yutarou had sent her a lovely present all the way from Germany.

Never mind that the infamous gift turned out to be a rag doll and that she, the birthday girl, was turning fourteen. Never mind that she had never asked for a birthday party in the first place and that she had no friends from school to invite, seeing as she was too shy to speak up in the classroom, let alone during recess. Never mind that her father would probably show up halfway through the celebration, stoned out of his mind and asking for more money to sustain his expensive heroin addiction. Never mind that she didn't have much of a life to begin with…

Before anyone dares jump to conclusions – people tend to do that a lot, this she knew too well – the thirteen-year-old was NOT getting ready to commit suicide or anything of the sort; she was simply thinking on the crappy hand fate had dealt her in the only place in the whole of the tiny apartment where she could get some semblance of privacy and tranquility.

She knew her life sucked – on more levels than one – but she had never really given any thought to taking her life.

That was the beauty about the eternal patience act that both she, in her own way, and the people strolling by or sitting at the Malecón maintained: giving up was never an option. Sure, things mightn't change and sure, it wasn't a pleasant feeling knowing that what little control you could have over the life you lead is, technically, out of your hands, but… someday, somehow, if one could but hold on long enough, resist in even small, unnoticeable ways like sitting around and pondering one's existence without fully giving up, then maybe, just maybe…

To wait.

"Here's to hoping everything's not lost!"

With a fresh smile on her face, the short, gaunt brunette slipped back inside the apartment, biding her time for the day that her luck would change.

Certain moments of our lives cut like a knife and, sometimes, the best we can hope for, as a means of distancing ourselves from the ever painful truth, is a lie. Reality, in the end, is nothing more than what we make it: we choose the things and the people that will constitute our own realities, as well as the person we would like to be or feel we should be integrated to that fictitious environment that we, by conviction alone, baptize as our authenticity of life; the American, Chinese, Ethiopian, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, black, white, boy, girl, individualistic, collective, pop, rock, this or other way of affirming ourselves in a space that we share and mark as personal territory.

Having options doesn't automatically give way to making the right choices; our constructs of reality hold more mistakes, flaws and imperfections than we can count. The bottom line, though, is that it need not matter which choice is made as long as a decision is undertaken because, if we remain hesitant, what each of us knows as our reality destabilizes, the lack of squiggles and chalk drawings on clean slates holding each and everyone of us up to the light in blank, unfulfilled, passionless, unmotivated glory. Basically, if we don't connect the dots, we are nothing; we have to make ourselves, possibility of wrong choice or no.

It's never easy for, life as we come to know it, is dreadfully frightening. That which scares us is that which cuts and takes much too much time to heal. Sidestepping panic turns into a lie, a negation, the denial that appears to be somewhat of a saving grace. Our lives define themselves by the lies we will true. Therefore, a lie is Truth and the truth is a Lie.

Pulling up in front of Kaoru's house, Kenshin took a glimpse at his other passenger in the rearview mirror. No doubt she was beautiful and smart and no doubt that he had loved every minute that she had been his. Tomoe caught him staring at her through the rearview mirror and hinted with her chin towards the younger girl busily chatting away. Getting her meaning, the violet-eyed man shook his head and chuckled inaudibly; Tomoe and Kaoru were as different as night and day.

"…and we ended up emptying a whole bag of flour over Kaz's head. In retrospect, I don't really understand why he still hangs out with us…"

Mulling over the information she had just imparted and the patience that she had never given Kaz credit for, Kaoru looked off to the side, only to become aware of the fact that they were parked in front of her home.

"Well, this is me!" She announced cheerily though, on the inside, cheerful was a far cry from what she was feeling.

"Let me get the door for you." He said and, before she could protest, he was out of the jeep and jogging round the automobile.

"It was nice to meet you Tomoe." She voiced out politely.

"Likewise."

As soon as her door was flung open, Kaoru exited the vehicle; a rush of warm air greeted her outside, on the empty street and, for some reason, she felt as if she were a tapering form in the wind. It had happened to her several times before in her lifetime, the sensation of fading into the landscape, unable to tell her own self apart from the freshly cut lawn, the tree leaves stirring in the balmy breeze or the black rubber tires that rolled over hot pavement. This feeling generally came over her when she was mentally running away from something and trying desperately to cling onto anything else; after closing her eyes for a few seconds and becoming a vanishing silhouette beneath the dark, cloudless sky, she was ready for it all, for the lies that were to be her reality.

Turning her head to the side, she looked over at Kenshin, who still held the door open, and smiled tenderly at him. He really was a good guy… he just wasn't meant to be her good guy, was he? It was sad to come to such a realization, but she was a smart girl and she knew when she was way in over her head. So it came down to this… a goodbye was in order.

"Thank you, Kenshin."

She had seemed so far away seconds before and she felt so far out of reach now, even when she was looking him straight in the eye. He didn't like it. She always felt so accessible, available, so open and easy to contact that when she withdrew ever so slightly it seemed almost fake, almost unlike the girl he was coming to know. He didn't like it. He needed her closer.

"I'll walk you to the gate."

There was no room for argument. It was a new side of him: he could be stubborn, but rarely did he impose, demand, or take the reigns of a situation. He was an interesting man, a mystery that any curious being would be attracted to, just for the sheer pleasure of solving it and putting the pieces together, if nothing else. Since Kaoru was too tired and disheartened to put her foot down and fight him, she simply shrugged and allowed him to lead the way.

The car door slammed shut, their feet shuffled against the ground and all too soon, they were back where they had started from. Oh, the irony…

"Well, thanks again, for helping me study."

Kenshin's loafer-clad feet scuffled a bit while Kaoru's white trainers remained firmly rooted to the ground.

"There's no need to thank me; I volunteered, remember?"

Kaoru's shoes squeaked as she inched closer to the gate, a piece of old gum gluing itself to one of the soles.

"Goodbye, Kenshin."

There was a tiny click and then the gate creaked open. A pair of white trainers moved back, remained stock still in place for a second, then quickly sprung forward and stood on tiptoe before unmoving brown loafers. Withdrawing swiftly, they dragged themselves to the gate while low-step leather footwear remained planted on the sidewalk, motionless.

Slowly and almost hesitantly, Kenshin's hand, of its own accord, pressed itself against his cheek, where her lips had gently and lightly made contact with his flesh.

"It's goodnight." He whispered softly, his eyes hooded and his trembling fingers laggardly moving away from the spot where she had seared him with a fleeting kiss.

Kaoru, thinking she had heard some type of murmur, spun around. "Sorry?" She asked, not daring to hope, not daring to dream, not daring to breathe.

"It's goodnight, not goodbye."

His voice was clear like crystal and as sharp as a pointy pencil. This time, she heard him properly only, she still couldn't be sure whether she was dreaming or not.

"Goodnight, goodbye: it's all the same, wouldn't you agree?"

She had stepped away from the gate now, and it creaked and moaned as the wind did with it as it pleased.

"Would you really have me agree?"

He was giving her a choice. He could be quite thickheaded sometimes, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what her intentions had been with that little scene that… that had made him see how… how much closer he needed her...

He wasn't thinking straight and, even in his own mind, he was stuttering; he should just walk back to his jeep and forget everything. He should keep on lying to himself as he had proceeded to do since the very day he'd met her. In fact, there was a really long list of things he should do and others that he very well knew he couldn't.

All the same, it became impossible for him to hold back the sigh that escaped him as the silence continued to stretch thickly and tautly between them, a string of fate strung too tight.

"The engine's still running." Kaoru murmured meekly, looking at him in the shoe.

"Kaoru…" Kenshin uttered, seeking out to make eye contact, unsuccessfully.

"Tomoe's still in the car." She breathed out, almost laboriously.

"Kaoru." He stated in a slightly harsher tone.

"My parent's are going to freak!" She mentioned with a tilting laugh, her hands suddenly the most interesting thing in the world.

"Kaoru!"

He snapped at her and that startled her out of her little world of madness; Kenshin wasn't one to snap. Kaoru lifted her head and met his gaze head on, exactly as he had wanted her to do all along; he discovered that unhappiness was unbecoming of her.

"Goodbye Kenshin."

And that was the end of it: the girl was crushed for some reason and, just like that, she was spinning on her heel and giving up on a beautiful friendship?

"Because that's all it could ever be, a beautiful friendship."

Well, he would have none of it! They were good together, hanging out with her was nice and all that harmless teasing felt ten times better than lonely brooding! She had always proved herself impossibly obstinate and he refused to allow her to succumb to any other type of behavior. They could be friends. They had to be friends. He needed them to be friends…

"Goodnight, Kaoru."

Her entire frame stiffened before her body broke off into little panicky waves of uncontrolled tremors: what was he saying, exactly???

Before she could even get her body to rotate and face the destabilizing concept of his dogged utterance, Kenshin was walking back to his means of transportation, shaking off thoughts unbidden and hopes that he had no right to. He had sealed his fate years back on a night quite unlike this one and there was no taking it back now, no time machine to save the day.

Silently slipping back into the vehicle parked right in front of the house with the quaint little gate and red rose arch trellis, Kenshin did the only thing he could: he took a deep breath, told himself a sound bunch of well-conceived lies, placed his foot on the gas pedal and drove away.

What does it mean when taillights flashing in the distance seem blurry and unfocused?

The two of them, they were long gone, and yet, she still lingered, for some unbeknownst reason. It felt as if this was how everything had started off, questions and doubts distracting her and making her emotions range up and down the Richter scale of sentimental, earth shattering instances.

The man was trouble. The man was taken – in a sense. The man… he had not wanted to say goodbye. The velvet rope he flung her way and the flicker of hope he lit up inside her, all of those things were not good, not healthy, not what she needed in the least. And yet, those things were there, inside her, craving to be acknowledged. She wished she could turn a deaf ear on everything that had transpired but… she had pretty much already heard what he had said and, as much as she would appreciate it, the feelings aroused would not be denied.

True to her self, she readily admitted – mentally, anyway – that the situation was operatic at best, borderline cheesy and stupid at worst. Nevertheless, those considerations were of no relevance when it was plain as day that the truth was as it was and could not be changed, in spite of the self-deprecation.

"Damn Pandora!"

Landing a punch in insubstantial air, Kaoru ambled for the gate, swung it open and stepped through the archway. As it slammed shut, the nearby lamppost flickered on and off, emitted a few orangey sparks and fizzed out. It was night.

"She seems like a very nice girl."

"She is a nice girl."

The soft humming of the automobile's engine. The whooshing of the breeze against the windshield. The sound of a conversation put on hold.

"I don't expect you to be okay with these circumstances."

"None of this was expected."

"We wouldn't have been happy."

"That's what I keep telling myself."

The radio playing low. The telltale ticking of a wristwatch. The hushed up voices of two minds coming to terms with reality.

"I'm happy now, Kenshin."

"It's all I ever wanted for you."

"It is all I want for you as well."

A chuckle. A pained chuckle. Laughter tinged with regret and sadness.

"And then there's the irony…"

"And then there is reality. Kenshin… we would have never made it together. There's too much emotional baggage in the way."

"There's always too much in the way, isn't there?"

A sigh. A heartfelt sigh. The noisy exhalation of someone who has been there one too many times.

"You can't keep blaming yourself."

"We both know-"

"Yes, we both know: stop clinging to the past Kenshin, you will loose your sanity if you keep this up."

"I can't just erase it all Tomoe! I can't just-"

"Try."

"Tomoe…"

"Please try. For me, for yourself, for that nice girl we just dropped off: try."

A pregnant pause. A pregnant ex-girlfriend and a moody ex-boyfriend together in a confined space: they really couldn't act more civilized toward each other if they tried so… a pregnant pause indeed!

"She's too nice of a girl Tomoe." He stated, his voice cracking slightly as he stared straight ahead.

"I like her smile."

"People like us-"

He tried to make his opinion known, but she didn't want to hear another one of his self-directed lectures; she simply wanted to make him see what was missing in his life.

"People like us deserve second chances, Kenshin, and, when God smiles down on you, it's okay to smile back."

After that, nothing else needed to be said or could be said, for that matter. Life was the way it was and people were the way they were and that was the bottom line. She couldn't change him, he couldn't change her, they couldn't trade in their past or their separate futures for a handful of magical beans and it was the end of something very special that no longer was.

One generally expects closure to be a dramatic and tense moment that twists things around and restores order within the chaos that was once generated. Closure is meant to make one see things in a different light, the cracks on a broken and poorly mended vase finally coming to evidence; at least that's how books and Hollywood define the end of an important chapter in a person's life.

Tomoe Yukishiro was still attractive, elegant, intelligent, graceful and distinguished.

Kenshin Himura was still introspective, serious, dedicated, clever and gallant.

Whichever flaws the perfect picture held, they had both been aware of since day one.

The definitive end of their relationship was not marked by sudden enlightenment or an abundance of superfluous words vocalized during a heated argument or an impassioned speech. It had little to do with airports, abandonment and career choices.

"I don't know if I remember how." He spoke quietly and at length.

Closure, for the both of them, came in the form of a mutual understanding: when silence was comfortable enough to ease into again, that's when the former couple knew that there was no going back, no way to save a shipwreck or resuscitate what was long ago dead.

"It will come back to you." Tomoe said, thinking back on a bright and charismatic girl with long, jet black hair. "These things, they have a way of working themselves out."

Patting her belly, the ever-composed woman leaned back in her seat, a wan smile on her thin lips.

It was all over, and yet… it had only just begun. They had always been so busy prodding each other and comforting and consoling and acting as if love were a yoke, that they forgot… love can be a thousand different things for every single person, but it is never meant to be a burden.

At a time, they had loved as best as they knew. Now, they could dig deeper and cultivate something they had overlooked in their frantic quest for one another's acceptance: friendship.

The sparks that had once flown between them had fizzled away and the rose tinted lenses cracked; however, something remained. And that something that they had ignored and disregarded when they were far too busy coming up with ways to cement a shared belief erected upon a foundation of lies and nearsightedness was ten times more precious than they would ever be aware of.

Friendship was their just reward.

Reviewer Responses:

To Rhapsosy07: Thank you very much for pointing out that dreadful error that I made typing e.e.cummings' name last chapter: it was really stupid of me and a mistake that, as a journalism student, I can't afford to make. If only my teachers could see me now… hehehe. Anyhow, Laura e. C – which by the way I think is totally cool because I also find Mr. cummings to be incredibly inspiring – until the next time I update, thank you for always being around.

To Nigihayami Haruko: You know, I wholeheartedly agree with you; Sano just wasn't given proper exposure during the anime. The manga was a bit different, but there still lies so much untapped potential there… I still see gaping holes in my coverage of that character – bigger still with Aoshi who has, so far, barely made an appearance, though I won't go into that – but I still have so much ground to cover with this story that I figure by the time I'm done, the final product in that respect could very well be decent enough. A confession that I have to make is that, when I got into fan fiction, my favorite couple, at one point, was Sano and Megumi; it just sounded more accessibly complex than K/K: Kenshin killed people, for crying out loud, that's a HUGE obstacle to overcome! Sano and Megumi's main obstacle is each others' tempers and views on life, rendering their messed-up relationship slightly more contemporary, if nothing else. Thanks for wishing me luck on writing this chapter – believe me, right now, I need all the luck I can get! – and here's to hoping you liked this chapter too!

To Nekotsuki: I think this story is pretty quirky too! Unfortunately, this chapter didn't have many comedic elements, though I'd like to think that it had its moments. Anyway, thanks for reviewing and adding this fic to your faves' list. Bye!

To Ri-nee-chan: So you're the little angel that nominated my story? Let me just bow really low and give you an enormous thank you. The fact that you said my fic had 'niveau' was, well, marvelous actually; it's just one of those words that sound so 'classy', d'you know what I mean? In light of the circumstances, and since I don't really know of any other way to repay you or thank you for the vote of confidence, this chapter is dedicated to you, my Ri-nee-chan. Again, gracias, merci, obrigada, danke, arigato and well… thanks!

To De Lazy Lime: It is true: Megumi Sano an equation that will always go wrong. I am grateful to you for proving patient with me and condoning my slowpoke ways: that's the way to a writer's heart if I've ever heard of one! Hahaha. I know that this chapter wasn't K/K's "moment", but I think – correct me if I'm wrong, though – that it was a good melancholic preamble to it. As for your comments on the characters that specifically trouble you: thank you very much for addressing that issue because, frankly, it's the kind of feedback I need to help me mold relatively likeable characters – though some aren't meant to be liked. Aoshi's case is special since I still haven't formally introduced him to the plot. So far, everyone has simple mentioned him and then, on one occasion, he was seen and interpreted through someone else's eyes. I've done this because it seemed like a fitting way to insert him into any story; he's quiet, unresponsive, serious and leader of the Oniwabanshu: I see him slinking into anywhere, completely unnoticed until the bomb goes off and, somehow, he's at the center of it all. Misao: she is not my favorite character at the moment, either. I have made her superficial and, truth be told, annoying. I know that is not great – especially if you like the character – but it serves the purpose of the way I intend to write her out. Misao is, at the time, in a slot that has not advanced since the first chapter but, rest assured that in due time, this will change. All I can say, not to give her or myself away, is that there's more than meets the eye there and that she still has a LOT of growing up to do. If there are any other character's you want to comment on, any other bone you would care to pick, don't hesitate, it's what I'm here for, alright? Thanks loads and toodles!

To Aryanne: I was actually concerned as to how to fit Katsu in and, truth be told, my concerns did indeed mirror yours. Basically, I was down between either making Sano a bisexual and Katsu his ex, or taking the route I finally opted for. The first option simply complicated things all the more so, I decided to play it safe and add a brotherly figure into the mix without giving me a headache: lazy writers, hunh? You say Karou is not off-the-wall clinically insane, whereas I… I have my doubts and reservations. Hahaha. Don't worry about sounding like a film critic: your review was pleasant and nice; if you're still nice about reviewing then you're still far, far from being anywhere near film critic standards and, doesn't that just make you feel happy inside? Hahaha. So, yeah, your glad Kenshin' s not into Guns n' Roses… you and me both darling, you and me both. Good luck with the writing and until soon, hopefully.

To missaw: Woody Allen is a famous film director; you should check out some of his movies. Rent 'Mighty Aphrodite' if you can: it's pretty good. I'm glad you liked my take on Sano and Megumi's relationship and as for Misao and Aoshi… sorry about keeping you on hold yet again but, it's coming, I promise. As for movies – somehow we always end up talking about those – have you seen "The Terminal" with Tom Hanks? It's pretty funny so, if you have nothing better to do, some free time on your hands and you haven't seen it yet, go to your local theater and relax a bit. Good day my dear missaw! Thanks for sticking by me!

To Kean: No, thank you. Trust me. I hope you had a nice birthday. How many candles on the cake?

To VanyD: Well Dr. Iram, psychologist, writer and procrastinator extraordinaire, is back in business! And, apparently she hasn't been doing a good job lately. I do intend to read your stories but I have tests coming up so, gonna have to wait until those pass on, if you know what I mean. Sano always spreads joy upon his returns; isn't he grand? Hahaha. Actually I am feeling much better now, thanks for asking. In a few days it will have been two months since I had surgery and I am feeling tip-top and dandy and ready to take the world on! Well… less upbeat than that but, 'good' is a nice synoptic way of putting things. Getting confused is natural: sometimes I give myself the rurouni swirly-eyed look by rereading my writing! Till next time and thank you very much for your consistency in reviewing!

To Shaeya Sedjet: Thank you for the flower and chocolate bouquets: those were both scrumptious and smelled lovely. As far as calling me 'mum' goes, I don't know how comfortable I feel with anyone calling me that yet – blame it on intimacy issues and whatnot. Hahahaha. Thank you for reviewing and liking the story.

To meMegumi being bitchy… that's an understatement, hunh? Thanks for the review!

To Vic'chonn: True love… maybe someday it will happen for me – so far, I've only been on the unrequited end of the rope, if you get my drift… I'm a talkative person amongst friends but I know how to be quiet too and enjoy the silence when it comes to that. Tomoe, Tomoe, Tomoe: how she doth complicate my life! She is very hard to write, did you know? She can be so stiff, so overly polite and diplomatic that anything I write with a little heart in it makes it sound as if I'm faking it, I'm making her less real or something. I'm okay with how she came off in this chapter, not 'happy' but for now, it will do. In this fic, she's not really the bad guy, though she is kind of a physical manifestation of Kenshin's demons at times, something I think you might have picked up on if attentive enough. Curiously enough, I didn't really make her out to be selfish but, I guess, in a way what she did IS selfish. Sometimes the characters that we ourselves write, surprise us like that, hunh? Thank you very much for asking me how I'm feeling after the surgery! Actually, I am much better and recovering marvelously well. Sometimes the scars itch, but hey, it's the price you pay! Bye now!

To Misato-Katsuragi2: If you think that there have been many twists and turns in this story so far, then Lord will you be confused and befuddled with what's in store! The squirrel: no animals were harmed during the production of this fic so, don't worry, it really was only a bump in the road and not roadkill. As to why Kenshin was all upset and broody over it… I can't tell you yet but, I'm sure that you can come up with a few ideas as to why all on your own. Thanks and see you later!

To Dea Mariella: Mousey on over to the next chappie, why don't you! I'll be awaiting you in the upcoming chapter reviews!

To Ocean Fish: I e-mailed! So, now I'm tapping my foot and impatiently awaiting for your reply! Jazz fan indeed, though personally, I don't know that much about the genre so, if ever I need some information on the subject, you're my Deep Throat! Don't get upset over an occasional review response that is short, it's just that I get so many reviews that, by the end of this thing, I'm kind of worn out and tired. Don't get me wrong, I love responding them individually and getting as many as possible, but it takes time and, with tests and stuff, time is not something that I have much of. You're still my pookie, you will always be my pookie, but sometimes I will write more and sometimes, unfortunately enough, I will only manage to write less. Right now, I have so much homework that it's killing me and the fact that teachers have suddenly realized the joys of having e-mail accounts is not helping in the least. As far as music goes, I like Ella and Armstrong, well there is no other like him is there, but my forté, knowledge wise, is rock. Heard of any good rock bands lately? I recommend Death Cab for Cutie: check them out because their sound is pretty good. Well, this is me and I'm signing out now, okay? I hope this chapter was to your liking! Kisses and adieu ma chère!

Well, I'm beat. Another one bites the dust and, apparently, it's me. Up, up and away!!!