Disclaimer: Around and around the world turns, but neither of us own the X-Men or The Princess Bride yet!

Authoresses' Notes:

Rogue238: Bye, Bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levvy, but the levvy was dry and good old boys drinking Whiskey and Rye, singing "This'll be the day that I die. This'll be the day that I die."

CF: X-men TAS rox my sox. That's all I have to say ;)

Chapter 4- The Fire Swamp

"You people are crazy!" Jean shouts, running away from CF and Pyro, who are laughing maniacally.

"What was all that about?" TM asks, stepping up with Raven and Lightning.

CF and Pyro hide their hands behind their backs and grin evilly. "Nothing," they say at the same time.

Scott, who happens to be walking after Jean, starts to scream horribly.

Raven grins and says, "Ah, the pleasure that sound brings to my ears."

"Me too," CF agrees.

"So, anyone else want to start the play?" Lightning asks.

"Not me," Rogue groans, glaring at the fancy dress she's wearing.

"Ah, chere, but dis is our big love scene," Remy says.

"One of them," TM reminds them.

"Y'all are horrible," Rogue whines.

In spite of her laughter and evil plotting, CF decides it's time to begin with a "Lights! Camera! Action!"

The Man in Black is dragging Rogue along. Apparently, they've been doing this for a while, because Rogue is acting exhausted. She keeps falling and he keeps forcing her up and to keep going. Finally, he lets go of her and stops running. "Catch y'r breath," he orders harshly.

Rogue tells him, though excessive panting, "If y'all will release me…whatevah ya ask fer ransom…y'all'll get it, Ah promise ya."

"And what is dat wort', de promise of a woman? Y're very funny, Highness," he says sharply.

Rogue can almost breathe normally now, "Ah was givin' ya a chance. No mattah where ya take me, there's no greater hunter than Prince Scooterdinck." Here she breaks out laughing along with everyone other than Scott, who is being laughed at, Jean, who feels sorry for him, and Raven, who just never laughs.

The Man in Black shakes his head,

"Scooterdinck?"

"He can…" She tries through the laughter. "He can track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find ya!" She can't contain her laughter anymore. The thought of Scott hunting, seeing nothing but red, is just so hilarious.

"Y' t'ink y'r dearest love will save ya?" The Man in Black says.

Rogue immediately stops laughing and glares at the directors and then The MIB. "Ah nevah said he was my dearest love! And yeah, I guess he'll save me…"

"Y' admit t' me y' don't love y'r fiancée?" The MIB is surprised.

"He knows Ah don't love him," Rogue responds.

"Are not capable of love," he smirks, "is what y' mean."

Here Rogue stands to face him. "Ah have loved more deeply than a killer like y'rself could eveh dream!" She says with vehemence.

The MIB is angered by this and raises his fist as if to backhand her across the face. She flinches, but doesn't move.

"Dat was a warning, cherie. De next time, my hand flies on it's own. For where I come from, dere are penalties when a woman lies."

CF places the All Important POBP in front of the camera.

Raven smiles broadly at the two actors. "That was beautiful."

"A compliment? Coming from y'?" Remy asks warily.

"Relish it," Lightning says, "It may be the only one you ever get."

"Lawrence!" Raven warns.

"Hey, you promised not to say that name!" he whines.

"Lawrence, Lawrence, Lawrence!" she hollers.

"Um, peoples?" CF says quietly.

"What?" they yell at her.

Scott runs behind Jean, sobbing.

"Um? The play?"

Raven calms down. "Oh yes, the play." She removes the POBP.

The scene is changed to one where Scott is kneeling over Pyro's "dead" body. He grabs the empty Pixy Stix packet and sniffs it, before handing it to Kurt. "Iocane powder, I'd bet my life on it." He gestures to a trail of footprints.

"And there are the Princess's footprints. She's alive, or was, an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her, I shall be very put out."

"What kind of thing is that for someone to say about the person they are supposed to be in love with?" Rahne asks. This earns her a couple or four glares from the directors. "Okay, back to being mild-mannered unopinionated Rahne…"

Scott tries to jump onto the Rob/Ray horse, but misses once again and is dragged off the stage, holding onto the tail of the costume, his hair standing up due to Ray's bad (or maybe very good) aim.

The POBP returns and when it's removed, Rogue is nearly being thrown to the ground as the Man in Black releases her. They'd been running again. They are at the edge of a very steep ravine.

"Rest, Highness." The MIB tells her. He is not out of breath at all, but she is gasping for air.

She calms down and says, "Ah know who ya are. Your cruelty reveals everythang!"

He smirks at her, very interested in what she has to say.

"Yah're the Dread Pirate Sinister! Admit it!" She glares at him.

"Wit' pride. What can I do for y'?" he says cheerfully.

"Ya can die, slowly, cut inta a thousand pieces," she says enjoying his torture.

"Ooh, sounds fun," Wolverine mutters. He sees the four almost identical glares. "Shutting up now."

"Hardly complimentary, Y'r Highness. Why loose y'r venom on me?" He asks.

"Ya killed my love," she growls.

Watching her closely, he responds, "It's possible; I kill a lot of people. Who was dis love of y'rs? Anot'er Prince, like dis one? Ugly, rich, and scabby?"

"I am not ugly!" Scott shouts. Everyone else coughs 'yeahright' into their hands.

"Shut up before I take those glasses and shove them down your throat!" Raven growls.

"No, a farm boy. Poor, poor and perfect, with eyes like a storm." She says, reliving some distant memory, that's still heartbreaking. In fact, the only reason she isn't crying, besides the fact that it's not in the script, is because she hates this man so much she won't cry in front of him. "On the high seas, your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Sinister nevah takes prisoners."

"I can't afford t' make exceptions. Once word leaks out dat a pirate has gone soft, people begin t' disobey y', and den it's not'ing but work, work, work, all de time," he explains.

"Y'all mock my pain," she says, with a voice full of venom.

"Life is pain, cherie. Anyone who says differently is selling something. I remember this farm boy of y'rs, I t'ink. Dis would be, what, five years ago?"

Rogue nods.

"Does it bot'er y' t' hear?"

"Nothing y'all can say will upset me," she says, curious as to how her beloved died.

"He died well, dat should please y'. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said, 'Please. Please, Remy need t' live.' It was the 'please' dat caught my memory. I asked him what was so important f'r him. 'True love,' he replied. And den he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant y'. Y' should bless me for destroying him before he found out what y' really are" The MIB continues.

"And what am Ah?" Rogue asks angrily.

"Faithfulness he talked of, madam. Y'r enduring faithfulness. Now, tell me truly. When y' found out he was gone, did y' get engaged t' y'r prince dat same hour, or did y' wait a whole week out of respect for de dead?"

"Ya mocked me once, neveh do it again…Ah died that day!" Rogue yells in his face.

He's about to respond when he catches sight of something on the horizon.

"And ya can die too, fer all Ah care!" Rogue screams, pushing him down into the steep ravine.

He teeters on the edge for a moment and then rolls down the steep ravine. The mask is torn off, but she can't see his face. He's really getting beaten up by rolling down the ravine.

Rogue stands there watching him, satisfied with herself until she hears the words of his reply drifting up to her.

"As...y'...wish...," he says between bumps and gnashes.

"Oh, my sweet Remy! What have Ah done?" Rogue mutters, barely above her breath and jumps into the ravine herself. Not thinking about what she is doing, she tumbles down the steep ravine, head over heels, getting just as beaten up as Remy.

On the horizon, the dust cloud that had distracted Remy stops to reveal the Rob/Ray horse, with Scott still being dragged by the tail, and the other men on their horses.

Scott stands up and dusts off. "Disappeared," he mutters. "He must have seen us closing in, which might account for his panicking in error. Unless I'm wrong, and I am never wrong," which causes quite a bit of laughter from the rest of the cast, "they are headed dead into the fire swamp."

"Fire Swamp!" CF and Pyro shout and clap their hands with excitement.

Scott twitches.

Raven clears her throat.

"Sorry," CF says grinning like she's not sorry.

"I can read minds, you know," Raven says.

Meanwhile, Kurt is looking sick at the thought of the Fire Swamp.

Back to the ravine floor, where Remy and Rogue have stopped rolling. Rogue lies nearly dead, as Remy crawls painfully to her.

"Can y' move at all?" he asks.

"Move? Yah're alive! If ya want Ah can fly," she answers, "but next time, Ah want a stunt double."

Raven's eyes begin to glow and CF clears her throat. "Stick to the script," she says kinder than she would to most cast members. After all, it's Rogue.

"Remy told y', 'I will come f'r y'. Why didn't y' wait f'r me?"

"Well...ya were dead," was her rather obvious reply.

"Death' can't stop true love. All it can do is delay it f'r a while," he says.

About this time, they are lost in each other's eyes and forgetting everything but each other and their lines. "Ah will neveh doubt again," she says.

"Dere will never be a need," he tells her.

"Hold it!" CF calls. The POBP is placed and the recharged power inhibiter is given back to Rogue, which causes her to grin fiercely. After it's turned on the POBP is removed.

And they begin to kiss. It's a tender kiss, tender, gentle and loving and that's just about the time Jamie's voice cuts through on the microphone, "Oh no. No, please."

The POBP returns as they shuffle to the bedroom set again. The power inhibiter is taken back to recharge, making Rogue sad. And Lightning removes the POBP.

"What is it? What's the matter? It's not like I can read minds, you know," Xavier says sarcastically.

"Stick to the Script!" yells Lightning.

"They're kissing again. Do we have to hear the kissing part?" Jamie whines.

"Someday, you might not mind so much," Xavier says.

"Skip on to the Fire Swamp, that sounded good," Jamie says eagerly. At least he's eager to not be playing Xavier's grandson.

"Oh. You're sick, I'll humor you," Xavier says, flipping through the book. "So now, where were we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah. Oh, okay. Remy and Rogue raced along the ravine floor."

TM places the POBP and the scene changes to Rogue and Remy running along the ravine floor. CF removes the All Important POBP.

Remy glances up to see Scott, Kurt and the others watching them. "Ha! Y'r pig fiancé is too late! A few more steps and we'll be safe in the Fire Swamp."

"We'll neveh survive," Rogue says.

"Nonsense, y're only saying dat, cause no one ever has," he replies.

They run on into the Fire Swamp. It looks no worse than any other moist, sulphurous, infernal horror you'd come across, well except for the giant trees which block the sun, flame burst every now and then and the like.

Rogue is looking absolutely frightened and Remy is, but he's trying to hide it. He is however wielding his sword as they move along. "It's not dat bad." When Rogue raises her eyebrow and looks at him like he's crazy, he continues, "Remy's not saying he'd like t' build a summer home here, but de trees are actually quite lovely."

A slight popping noise and Pyro is put to work creating a burst of flame. Remy is untouched, but the much hated dress of Rogue's has caught fire. Remy forces her to sit and grabs the fiery cloth and puts the fire out. Pyro and CF start crying. TM gently pats CF's back to calm her.

"It was such a beautiful fire," CF cries.

"You wouldn't want it to hurt Rogue would you?" TM says.

"Well, no. . . but, but. . ."

"There's plenty more fires in this scene." TM reminds her.

"Oh yeah!" CF says, suddenly cheerful. "On with the play!"

"Well now, dat was an adventure." Remy says, checking her legs to make sure she wasn't burnt. If she had been, he'd have been killing Pyro about now, despite CF's threats and tears, but Rogue is fine. "Singed a bit, were y?"

Rogue shakes her head no, "Y'all?"

Actually, he did burn his hands a little, putting out the fire, but he shakes his head "no" anyway and pulls her to her feet.

There's another popping noise. Remy quickly lifts Rogue out of the way as another burst of flame shoots up.

"Well, one t'ing Remy can say, de Fire Swamp certainly keeps y' on y'r toes."

Rogue is shaking from fear as she takes Remy's hand in her gloved one.

The POBP is held up for a moment and when it's removed, Remy is leading Rogue, cutting bushes and generally making their way through the swamp.

"Dis will all soon be but a happy memory because Sinister's ship "Revenge" is anchored at de far end. And Remy, as y' know, is Sinister," he says happily.

"But how is that possible, since he's been marauding twenty yeahs and y'all only left me five yeahs ago?" Rogue asks.

"Remy, himself, is often surprised at life's little quirks."

At that moment another popping noise is followed by another burst of flame, at which CF's eyes light up brightly. Remy picks Rogue up and moves her out of danger and puts her back on the ground and they continue without missing a beat.

"Y' see, what Remy told y' before about saying 'please' was true. It intrigued Sinister, as did my descriptions of y'r beauty," he says as he cuts more vines out of the way. "Finally, Sinister decided something. He said, 'All right, Remy, I've never had a valet. Y' can try it for tonight. I'll most likely kill y' in de morning.' T'ree years he said dat. 'Good night, Remy. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill y' in de morning.' It was a fine time f'r me. I was learning t' fence, t' fight, anyt'ing anyone would teach me. And Sinister and Remy eventually became friends. And den it happened."

At his pause, Rogue urges him on, "What? Go on. . ."

Here, Remy picks her up to carry her over some swamp water. "Well, Sinister had grown so rich, he wanted t' retire. So he took Remy t' his cabin and told him his secret. 'I am not de Dread Pirate Sinister,' he said. 'My name is Jean-Luc. I inherited dis ship from de previous Dread Pirate Sinister, just as y' will inherit it from me. De man I inherited it from was not de real Dread Pirate Sinister, either. His name was Julien. De real Sinister has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Genosha.' Den he explained de name was de important t'ing f'r inspiring de necessary fear. Y' see, no one would surrender t' de Dread Pirate Remy."

"Ah might…" Rogue mutters, not loud enough for him to hear.

"What was dat?" Remy says.

"Ah, nothang. Better get on with the script before they kill us," Rogue says sweetly.

"Okay, but Remy'll just get it outta y' later." He then starts saying his lines again, "So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and he stayed aboard f'r awhile as first mate, all de time calling me Sinister. Once de crew believed, he left de ship and Remy has been Sinister ever since. Except, now dat we're t'get'er, Remy shall retire and hand de name over t' someone else. Is everyt'ing clear t' y'?"

Everything is not clear to Rogue, and she is about to say so, but she screams, "Remy!" as she steps into the Lightning Sand and is wisked away into oblivion.

Remy cuts a vine in half and takes the one that's still connected to the tree. He drops his sword and dives into the sand.

And then there is nothing…the Fire Swamp has won. It has defeated our heros. Across the scene, a giant robot rodent, probably eighty pounds, walks. It sniffs at the sand and heads off.

When suddenly, Remy bursts out of the sand, carrying Rogue. They pull to the ground, using the vine. The swamp has not won yet.

Panting for air, and sick with worry and fright, Rogue starts crying, pretending Remy is laying dead beside her really works. The Robot Rodent, which will be called the ROUS (Rodent Of Unusual Size) from here on out, watches them. Remy can clearly see it, but Rogue cannot. Remy cleans sand off her face.

"We'll neveh succeed. We might as well die now." Rogue says.

"No, no. We've already succeeded," he says, watching the ROUS, which has been joined by a friend.

He helps her stand, and with an arm around each other, they keep walking. CF, TM, and Raven all take pictures of them, because they look so sweet, and blackmail is fun. That earns the directors another glare from Rogue and a patented smirk from Remy.

"Remy mean, what are de t'ree terrors of de Fire Swamp? One, de flame spurts. No problem. Dere's a popping sound preceding each, we can avoid dat. Two, de Lightning Sand. But y' were clever enough t' discover what dat looks like, so in de future we can avoid dat too."

"Stop smirking, Lightning," Raven says groaning. "The sand was not named after you."

Lightning just laughs at her.

CF rolls her eyes and TM smiles at him.

Rogue, being annoyed, decides Lightning's ego is big enough, "Remy, what about the ROUS's?"

"Rodents Of Unusual Size? Remy don't t'ink dey exist," he lies. At which time, the ROUS decides to fly at him.

Rogue starts to scream as Remy fights the robotic beast. Suddenly Rogue stops screaming. "This is so stupid!. If Remy and Ah were really in love, which we ain't, and he were really in trouble lake this, which he isn't, Ah wouldn't just stand here and scream about it, Ah'd get in there and help him!"

"Well, it's not your movie!" CF says haughtily.

"But this is ridiculous! Y'all all know how much Ah hate being all damsel-in-distressy!"

"Well, we didn't write the script!" Lightning informs her.

"Yes, you can blame S. Morgenstern for that one," TM says.

"It ain't fair!" She says stomping her feet.

"Well, too bad," Raven says. "Now go back to being the stupid bimbo who can't think for herself this part calls for!" In her hands she holds a pack of cards…Remy's cards to be precise. They are starting to glow as she shuffles them, careful not to let go of one that's charged.

Rogue gives up her fight for women's equality and goes back to playing the part of a stupid bimbo who can't think for herself. Meaning, she starts screaming again.

Remy fights the ROUS as it fights back. He tries for his sword but the beast is on top of him. He flips it and runs for his sword. The ROUS turns towards Rogue.

"Remy!" she screams pathetically.

He abandons his sword and grabs the ROUS's tail. Rogue grabs a branch and tries to beat the skull in, however, Forge made it out of adamantium. It grabs the hem of her dress. It pulls her to the ground.

Remy jumps on it's back to save her and the ROUS turns on him. It bites his shoulder and due to the magic of stage makeup and Pietro, it looks as if Remy is really hurt instead of barely scratched.

The ROUS is going to win and Remy knows it, until he hears a popping noise. So, in one last desperate attempt at Script-Written Victory, He rolls over into the flame. Actually, only the ROUS is hit with the flame, thanks in part to Pyro. Remy gets up and while the burnt ROUS is struggling towards him, he reaches his sword and stabs it through the heart, well, through the motor at least.

The ROUS collapses, dead…or at least completely broken.

"That took a while to make!" Forge yells.

"So?" All four directors deadpan. Scott whimpers.

Rogue and Remy are relieved.

CF replaces the POBP. Remy kicks the ROUS robot and Forge rushes to it, muttering something about his poor baby. TM and the other directors roll their eyes. And then the POBP is removed to reveal the edge of a forest with a beach beyond.

Rogue and Gambit rush out of the woods. "We did it," Rogue says, in disbelief.

"Now, was dat so terrible?" Remy says.

And they rush towards the beach, only to be stopped by Prince Scooterdinck on the Rob/Ray horse, Count Wagner and the other men.

"Surrender!" Scott says, as the two lovebirds are surrounded.

"Y' mean y' wish t' surrender t' Remy? He accepts," Remy says confidently.

"I give you full marks for bravery, don't make a fool of yourself," says the idiot in the red glasses. Everyone else snorts.

"Y'd know all 'bout dat, wouldn't y', Scooter?" Remy mutters, but then continues with his lines. "Ah, but how will y' capture us? We know de secrets of de Fire Swamp. We can live dere quite happily f'r some time. So, whenever y' feel like dying, feel free t' visit," Remy says haughtily.

Scott is getting aggravated, "I tell you once again, surrender!"

"It will not happen!" Remy shouts, holding tightly to Rogue.

Rogue looks at the guards, more than those around them are guards hiding in the bushes. Two of them have crossbows pointed directly at Remy's heart. She feels her own heart slide into her stomach.

"For the last time, SURRENDER!" Scott yells.

"Deat' first!" shouts Remy.

Rogue is getting frantic now, she spies another guard with another crossbow aimed at Remy's heart. It's the last straw for her. "Will ya promise not ta hurt him?"

"What was that?" Scott asks, suddenly looking at her.

"What was dat?" echoes Remy, whirling to face her.

"If we surrender, and Ah go back with ya, will ya promise not ta hurt this man?" Rogue asks again.

"May I live a thousand years and never hunt again," says Scott, making it look very solemn by raising his right hand.

Looking at Remy, she goes on, "He is a sailor on the pirate ship Revenge. Promise ta return him ta his ship."

"I swear it will be done," Scott replies.

Remy is confused as he stares into the emerald eyes he loves so much. Rogue stares back at him, trying to find a way to explain, a way to say goodbye.

Scott leans in to Kurt and whispers, "Once we're out of sight, take him back to Florin and throw him in the Pit of Despair."

"I svear it vill be done," Kurt whispers back.

Rogue, without too much acting, tries to explain to Remy, "Ah thought ya were dead once and it almost destroyed me. Ah could not bear it if ya died again, not when Ah could save ya."

Remy is dazed and stands there in silence.

Rogue is about to say something else when Scott, managing to maneuver the two quarrelling boys in the horse suit, swoops her up onto the back of his horse and they ride off into the sunset.

Remy watches them as they ride off and the guards force him to Kurt's horse.

In his hand, Kurt holds a heavy-looking cardboard sword. "Come sir," he says, "Ve must get you to your ship."

Remy stares up at him, "We are men of action. Lies do not become us."

"Vell spoken, sir…" Kurt says.

Remy is now staring at his hands.

"Vhat is it?" Kurt asks annoyed.

"Y' have two fingers on each hand…someone was looking f'r y'…" This said because we aren't counting his thumb. . .

Kurt clubs Remy on the back of the head with the heavy-looking cardboard sword. Remy pretends to fall unconscious.

"Cut!" CF shouts.

"Well, now. Wasn't that awful," Raven groans.

"It wasn't that bad," Lightning says.

"Lightning, you are too easy going," TM states.

CF laughs. "You people are nuts."

"Oh and you're not?" TM retorts.

"I never said that!" she yells. Then quickly forgets why she was yelling and turns to Pyro, "Great job with the fire!"

"Thanks mate!" They laugh evilly.

"And just think what comes next," Raven says with a very evil grin.

"Ooh, the Pit of Despair!" CF says, grinning almost as evilly.

"You're starting to get along with her.." Lightning says, "That's scary."

"Very scary," Evan whines. "When do I get to play my part?"

"Soon. . . Soon," the directors all say, rubbing their hands together evilly.

Scott faints dead away.

REVIEW RESPONSES!

Heartsyhawk:

CF: The movie is the BEST. Seriously. Yay…people fear my squirrels. Penguins! Penguins are…cool. (PUN INTENDED) No one can have too much sugar, lol. Anastasia, yay…seriously, school takes up way too much time. Argh, I hate advanced geometry…Thanks!

TM: Thank you! I'm so happy, and sick, very sick. . . lol. No the squirrels with the flaming nunchucks beat all! You have to watch the movie. It's like the funniest movie ever made. Lol. I'd take it over an Adam Sandler fic any day and I love Adam Sandler.

Gul-z:

CF: Scooterdinck was TM's idea. looks at TM's response Heyy…where IS our MEV? If she was trying to take over the world, I'd know. THANKS!

TM: Hey! You read Oops! We are waiting on our MEV to finish her part. (Scowls) Our MEV has been very slow. Thank you. We are very excited and my older son is too. My daughter just thinks it's going to be like a doll that she can play with, so she's happy too. Little does she know. . . lol. We all love the name Scooterdinck. :)

Chica De Los Ojos Cafe:

CF: It was my idea? Ohh yeah…I forgot that. Thanks!

TM: Yeah, that was CF's idea. Lol. It was a very good idea. Lol. Thank you!

REVIEW THREATS!

Only 3 reviews last chapter. (Taps foot) CF's squirrels have been very busy!

You had better review or face the Wrath of the Squirrels!