Something In the Air

Act IV

"Do you have any of that perfume left?" Honker asked, seated at Beth's kitchen table as she fixed a quick snack to keep him and Gosalyn occupied while she showered.

She shook her head. "Nope, just what's on my shirt. And it's not all perfume- part of it is Koo-Koo Cola and I think the smell of the cab driver's weird cigarettes sank in, too."

Gosalyn dug into the bowl of pretzels and cheezy-poofs that Beth set in front of her. "Yech, no wonder you smell so weird. It's been a couple of hours and you're still funky."

Beth gave her a level look. "Thanks, Gosalyn," she deadpanned.

Awkwardly, Honker said, "Um... could I... maybe... that is, uh, do you think I could... examine your shirt? To try and see what the makeup of the perfume is?" Gosalyn couldn't help being amused by his request to look at Beth's shirt up close, and apparently it was making him more than a little uncomfortable himself.

"Sure!" Beth said cheerfully. "I'll change out of it and you can look it over. I have some microscopes and things upstairs, I'll bring them down, too. Anything else you think you'll need?"

Somehow it was immensely satisfying for Honker to find that Beth seemed to have any equipment he could request. He smiled, wishing his family were more like this. "Uh, that should be okay... I have some solvents in my backpack, so I should be able to separate the individual elements on my own."

Looking at her shirt distastefully, Beth stuck out her tongue. "Great- any excuse to get out of this thing is all I need." She sighed. "This used to be my best shirt, too..."

"Well, look at the bright side," Gosalyn commented. "At least now you'll have a great story to tell about one of the rags you keep under the sink."

It was an hour and a half before Beth felt confident that she had scrubbed the smell out of her feathers. In fact, she felt like she had come close to scrubbing her feathers clean off in spots- she'd probably be sore after she dried herself off. But as she took a deep breath while stepping out of the shower, she figured it was worth it.

Toweled off and freshly dressed, she found Gosalyn first in the living room and stood in front of her. "Smell me," she ordered. Gosalyn looked at her as if she had asked her to sing an entire opera in Yiddish. Beth elaborated. "The perfume? Can you smell it anymore?"

Reluctantly, still looking as if one arm were being twisted behind her back, Gosalyn leaned in and took a whiff. "All clear," she reported, visibly relieved.

Beth expressed her own relief in the form of a sigh. If nothing else, this meant that she wouldn't have to explain another time that it wasn't her perfume, just something that had spilled on her. "So how are you guys coming along?"

With a snort of laughter, Gosalyn said, "Honker is doing all sorts of smart things. I've been out here watching TV for about a half an hour now. Did you know they air the same programs on channel 38 as they do on channel 35, except that there's a four-second difference in between them?"

"Oh," said Beth, wondering why it was that Gosalyn could take the time to compute the exact time elapsed between tv stations, but didn't care to work with Honker at the microscope. Sometimes kids were beyond her, she thought with a sigh.

They entered the kitchen, where Honker was still diligently looking over his samples. "Hi," he said as she entered. "While you were gone, I extracted what I could of the mixture from your shirt and did my best to break it down. I organized samples onto these slides here," he indicated about five slides near the center of the table, "and I'm working on finding the composition of the basic elements involved. What it looks like is that the combined chemicals and compounds bonded to create a new effect when they interacted with your, um, body."

"I labeled the slides," Gosalyn stuck in.

Nodding, Beth smiled at her. "And you did a... good job," she said lamely. Turning back to Honker, she said, "So the effect that the mixture produced... was it pheromone-related?"

"Well, considering that the, um, romantic, uh... incidents seem to be related to the exposure of the mixture to your... uh... body secretions," he was obviously struggling to find delicate ways of speaking about sweat, "it seems likely. The chemical makeup did change again after that exposure. When I sampled sections that weren't exposed that way, like here at the hem, the findings were different." He pulled out a slide that was labelled "No fearamons", and fixed it under the microscope.

Beth made an impressed noise as she examined it. "Wow, this looks incredible! There's some kind of a synthetic bonding agent at work here, from the look of it. There're traces of frucose bonded to the atoms of...whatever this other substance is."

"That's what I thought," Honker affirmed. "I separated the frucose and other ingredients from your Koo-Koo Cola and this is what I got." He put in another slide, this one causing Beth to make a subdued "hmmm." Honker pushed up his glasses and sniffed. "I'm, um, not sure what it is."

"It's synthetic, like I supposed. Man-made. Not a perfume, though." Beth took a few strides to her junk drawer and pulled out a notepad to write out her notations, then hurried back to the microscope. "It looks vaguely carbon-based," she mused.

"Does it? I must have missed that," Honker answered, and he and Beth started talking about chemicals and makeup and things like that.

Gosalyn slumped in her chair and wondered if she was dying. Maybe she was being punished for something. Sheesh, if she'd known that the cool detective stuff was going to be over by this point, she'd have stayed at home!! She groaned as Beth made what was evidently a joke about atoms, and Honker dissolved into uncontrollable laughter. Some best friend. Gosalyn kept watching them and imagined that they were speaking in a foreign language; that made it a little more bearable. They practically were anyway. One word, "elemental", sounded a little like "elephants". The idea that Beth might be talking about elephants tickled Gosalyn to no end.

She paid more attention now, creating an imaginary conversation between Beth and Honker about elephants that had bitten Beth's sister.

HONKER: Did she die?

BETH: No, but she was never able to yodel again.

HONKER: A moose once bit my brother...

Beth nodded, examining the sample of sweat-affected chemical mixture. "Yep, definite alterations in sweat production there. It's like it kicked pheromone production into hyperdrive." She picked up the slide of the pure sample of the synthesized chemical in her other hand. "And this... I have no idea. It looks like it's an agent with the same sort of effect as chloroform, only less powerful. Certainly intended to produce a strong odor, though. I guess it would probably serve to shut the mind down totally."

"Maybe when it interacted with the other agents, and then you, it became gender-specific and started leaving the minds of people who could smell it open to suggestion," Honker put forth.

Shrugging, Beth said, "Who knows? I guess we should really try to figure out how to counteract the effects."

Honker thought for a moment, then said, "Well, since it seems to work along the same lines as chloroform, and chloroform is temporary, maybe it wears off."

"We can't work with maybes, though," Beth said with a sigh. "If it doesn't, there's not just Drake and your brother who have been affected by this. There's all those men I passed on the street- Oh," she moaned as she realized how hard it would be to track them all down and give them the antidote. "This is going to be so tough."

"Let's go over our options," Honker said. "It might just wear off."

"It might also be cancelled now that I'm not wearing the chemicals anymore," Beth added. But she frowned. "I just can't take that risk. Do you think if we worked together really hard, we could come up with an antidote?"

"Maybe," Honker said slowly. "But we don't have a lot to work with- just the stuff on your shirt, and that's getting really old now."

Gosalyn was watching them intently, a big grin covering her face. Honker and Beth looked at each other, then Beth turned to her. "Gosalyn? Do you know something we don't?"

Gosalyn broke into giggles and answered, "I think so, guys, but if an elephant and a moose had kids, the tusks and horns would make its head really heavy!" She laughed for a few moments before noticing that Honker and Beth were staring at her. Calming, she said, "Oh, you were really talking to me. Sorry. Um, I wasn't really listening..."

"Maybe it would help if you could find the person who created the original mixture," Honker put in helpfully.

Beth would have snapped her fingers if she hadn't been holding a slide in each hand. "Tonya!" she nearly gasped. It was her best bet. After setting the slides down as gently as she could, she dashed to the phone book and found the only Skitting listed. The given first name was simply T.; it had to be her. She dialed and let the phone ring more than six times.

In her lab, Tonya gradually became aware of the ringing of the phone. She tried to block it out, but it just continued persistently. Finally she wrenched herself away from her work and snatched the phone off its cradle. "Yes?"

A pause, and then a too-familiar voice stuttered, "Uh, is- is this Tonya Skitting?"

"Yes."

"Oh, good. Tonya, it's Beth Webfoot, from work." Of course, it would have to be, wouldn't it? Beth Webfoot seemed to, from the first moment they met, get her kicks from spoiling all of Tonya's dreams. Another pause on the other end of the line; evidently she was waiting for a response after her introduction. When she didn't get one, she said, "Um, well, how are you?"

Tonya snorted in irritation. "Busy," she answered.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" There was genuine regret in her voice, but it was too late now. "Look, I'm really just calling to ask you a question. Um, that perfumey kind of chemical that got spilled onto me earlier today, uh..."

The memory only inflamed Tonya's resentment of her obnoxious coworker. Not only had the klutz wasted it, but she'd proved in a disappointingly direct manner that the mind-control potion most definitely did not work. "What about it?" she asked wearily.

Drawing a breath, Beth said, "Uh, well, could you let me know where you got it? Because, it's having some sort of... unforeseen consequences I think, and I was just sort of wondering if there was a place where I could get an antidote or anything?"

"No, I don't think so," Tonya said, her one thought that of getting off the phone with Beth. Of course the consequences had been unexpected, Beth knew nothing about her experiment in the first place. "No, I don't remember where I got it from actually. I really need to go now."

"Wait, please!" Beth begged, desperation in her voice. "Oh, please, Tonya, it's really too much- it's like some kind of love poti-"

"I'm very busy and I have to go," Tonya repeated, and then hung up the phone. Instantly she wished she hadn't, as the words "love potion" registered in her mind. Her eyes grew wide- was that what the effect was?? Instead of being a mind-control potion, she had somehow altered it to create a love potion? It just figured that Beth would be the one to get her creation to work that way!!

But still... The possibilities slowly dawned on her, more and more, and she grinned as the idea grew more exciting. If she could create a love potion... Her heart beat sped up as she returned to her work with this new idea. Her life could still be perfect, she could still have everything she wanted... with a little effort.

Frustrated, Beth hung up the phone at her house. "She was- really busy," she said to Honker and Gosalyn, who were watching her curiously. "And she didn't know where to go for help."

Gosalyn looked sympathetic. "What are you going to do now?" she asked.

With a shrug, Beth said, "I'm gonna do the best I can, I guess. Honker and I will have to set about looking for a cure to-" She stopped as the doorbell rang, and looked pained. "Ah, I'll be right back."

She opened the door to find Drake beaming at her. "Hi," he said sheepishly, inviting himself in and stepping past her. "I, uh, I just couldn't wait any longer to see you again. Is this a bad time?"

Her heart was skipping again. She opened her mouth to tell him that actually, the timing was a little bad, and she'd have to see him later that night. Her voice didn't seem to care what her mind told it to say, and made up its own script. "N-no! I mean, well, not really! I was just... doing... nothing." Beth was dismayed to find that not only was she mixing up her priorities, but her tendency to stick her foot in her mouth seemed to have intensified about tenfold. "B-but, um, aren't you supposed to be out looking for Steelbeak?"

He actually blushed. "I, uh... I couldn't concentrate on anything. All I could think about was you, and... uh, I just really think I need to talk to you."

Well, this answered the question of whether the infatuation lasted without the perfume's presence. She thought of Honker and Gosalyn in the next room, and hoped they stayed put for a while. "W-we can talk now..."

"Oh, good." He started pacing, and speaking as he walked. "Well, Beth, I've known you for a while now, right?"

"Seven months," she supplied helpfully.

He nodded. "Seven months. Wow. Anyway, well... um... Lately, I've been thinking about... maybe, well, maybe it's time to... um..." He looked up at her, and seemed to get distracted. "Time to think about your eyes..." he muttered.

She blinked in confusion. "Uh... really?"

Flustered, he shook his head. "No! I mean, not that I don't want to think about your eyes, but- ah, what I mean is, I've been thinking of you as more than a friend lately, Beth, and I think... I think I want to start a... a serious relationship. You and me." He flashed a nervous grin at her.

Beth's legs seemed to fold under her. "Oh, Drake," she breathed, hoping this wasn't just another dream, "I... I think I'm ready for that."

"Oh, Beth, that's great!" His grin was so wide it threatened to split his head in two. Rushing to her side, he took her hand in his- then dropped to one knee. "Beth Webfoot- do me the honour of giving me your hand in marriage?" he said, a bit stiffly but emphatically.

Her stomach felt like it had had the air kicked out of it. She managed to catch herself before she fell over, but just barely. "Uh-" This had to be a dream. One of those dreams that never, ever happened in real life. "Uh, but Drake, isn't it- a little early for that?"

"Too early to spend our lives together, Beth? Of course not! Our love is complete! Why wait?"

When he put it like that, she couldn't think of any specific reason. But somehow, despite all her dreams of moments like this, she felt... wrong, somehow. Well, of course she felt wrong- he'd practically been brainwashed into this! But... there was more to it than that, deep inside. She didn't know what it was, couldn't find a word for it, but it spread in cold tendrils from the pit of her stomach through the rest of her body. She took a faltering step backwards, her mouth working soundlessly as she tried to think of an excuse. She couldn't even provide one for herself, however. Didn't she love him? "I..." Of course she loved him. But was she ready for marriage? To anyone? "I don't... I don't know, Drake, I..."

Drake looked up at her, his expression hopeful and so nervous he looked almost close to panic. And as she looked into that face, some of the cold melted, replaced with a heated love and near-unconditional devotion. But- the cold didn't leave. She was in conflict, and could say nothing.

From the look on Drake's face, he needed an answer now. And by no means was she ready to give one. Desperate, she searched for an excuse to get away. "I just remembered! I promised I'd bring Launchpad a cup of... um..." What was something Launchpad might use? "...Motor oil."

Drake's look changed to one that essentially said, 'I don't want to think you're crazy, but you're not giving me much choice here.'

Embarrassed, she shrugged. "Well, you know Launchpad!"

She ducked into the kitchen with the excuse of getting a cup, and took Gosalyn by the shoulders. "Gos! You have to distract your father!"

Gosalyn, who had been raiding Beth's refrigerator, dropped a pickle back into the jar it had come from. "How?"

"Any way you can!" Beth said desperately.

"Um..." Honker spoke up. "You do realize you're giving Gosalyn permission to get into trouble in your house?"

Beth nodded wearily. "I don't have much time. Just try not to break too much." Gosalyn nodded excitedly, and Beth grabbed a measuring cup and a can of oil from beneath the sink, and ran back into the living room.

Drake smiled when she came back in. "I'll go with you," he said, getting up from the couch.

"Uh, thanks, that's-" Beth was mercifully saved- well, mercifully may have been a strong description- when a crash came from the kitchen and the unmistakable smell of pickles filled the air. Beth stung with some regret- she'd been looking forward to those pickles. Still, she thanked Gosalyn silently. "Oh yeah, I forgot, Gos is in my kitchen. Watch her to make sure she doesn't get into any more trouble? Thanks so much!" She ran out of the door before Drake could refuse, and headed for the Mallard house, two houses down.