Chapter Four

The End?

The twenty-year-olds were getting along once more, not a word spoken by either of them of the fighting that had occurred before. Ennis did not say a word about it because he felt no need to, but Jack did not for fear of setting Ennis off again. Their chemistry was odd, a boy as outgoing and talkative as Jack being with someone as reserved as Ennis. Although Ennis warmed up considerably after his and Jack's early morning make-up sex, Ennis was never quite as open as he was before the bear attack.

The two fell back into their previous routine. They would change shifts watching over the sheep, usually share drinks in the morning over a small breakfast, talk and have sex, and then one would go back up the mountain to return in the late afternoon for more food, drinking, talking, and whatever else the two saw fit. On the occasional night when it was Ennis' turn to sleep with the sheep, Jack would convince him to stay in the tent at the campsite.

It was not until mid-August when Jack was returning in the evening from herding sheep that Aguirre showed up at the campsite. He was sitting at the campfire, sipping on what could only be some kind of liquor, talking with Ennis who was solemnly nodding his head. Jack jumped off of his horse and headed on over for the news that Aguirre was bringing.

"Well howdy Aguirre," Jack said as he sat down near the fire.

Aguirre nodded, "I was just now tellin' Ennis what I'm about to tell you. I want the sheep down for counting next Friday. I'm bringing them down a week early this year. Now ya'll ain't been letting too many of 'em die, have you?"

Ennis shook his head, "Only six lost to coyotes, some got sick and died."

"Only the last count will tell," Aguirre said as he rose from his seat, "I'll send word to Alma for her to be back to pick you up then also. Good day boys."

They nodded as Aguirre rose and saddled up on his horse. The two sat in silence as he rode off, and for a few extra minutes before Jack broke the silence.

"Well I guess that's it," Jack sighed, a tinge in his voice that Ennis could only recognize as him being upset.

"Yep," Ennis nodded, sniffing and taking a sip of his whisky, he had been a bit under the weather for a few days.

"So what are we gonna do?" Jack asked, hopeful eyes watching Ennis.

Ennis kept his eyes on the fire, "We're gonna take the sheep down the mountain, sit through the final count, then get paid."

"You know what I mean," Jack kept eyeing Ennis.

Ennis still did not look up, "I don't know, Jack, you're gonna go do what you do and me and Alma are going back home."

"You an' Alma?"

"Yea."

"And that's it, again, just like last year.'

"What did you expect, Jack?" Ennis finally looked up from the fire, "I'm married."

"Yeah," Jack nodded, "what a wonderful life that must be."

"Now don't go being all hateful towards Alma," Ennis spoke, "she's a good woman with a good heart. It's not her fault that we are the way we are."

"Queer," Jack said, "we're queer Ennis, you can say it."

Ennis cut his eyes at Jack and then lowered them back to the fire. He said nothing in return.

"We've got a week Ennis!" Jack exclaimed, "I don't think I can handle loosing you again."

Ennis still did not speak. It was not that he wanted to loose Jack either, much to the contrary he wanted to be with boy as much as he wished that the world were different at the time. The world was not ready for two men to be together, they could very easily die from what they had. Also, on some level, Ennis feared hurting Alma.

Jack shook his head and rose from his seat by the fire, "Fine, don't speak." He walked over to the tent and lunged into it, laying down and exhaling heavily. He soon lost himself in his own thoughts.

Ennis remained outside, staring into the fire, still unclear on what to do.

XXXX

It did not surprise Jack that Ennis spoke no word to him about their argument that night. Over the next few days, the two continued at a monotonous pace, Ennis refusing to speak of leaving and Jack refusing to speak to Ennis. They tended much better to their jobs, but much worse to one another. At night, Jack could not sleep because of his troubled thoughts, and Ennis could not sleep for the same reasons.

What were the two lovers to do? Jack had no life to return to, and as such was willing to do anything to stay with Ennis. However, Ennis had a wife who he loved, who would one day be the mother of his children, and who was the second biggest hindrance to the future he wanted to live, dwarfed only by a narrow minded society who would not understand his and Jack's relationship.

It was not until Thursday night, the two lovers' last night together, that Ennis finally tried to talk about what Jack was so eager to discuss.

"I'm guessin' tomorrow's gonna be the day," Ennis stated as he ate the last bit of his beans.

"I'm guessin' so," Jack said, who had eaten barely anything in the past week.

"You should eat your food," Ennis pointed out, "yer startin' to look poor."

Jack took a sip of whisky and eyed Ennis, "What do you care?"

Ennis sighed and sat his empty can of beans aside. He glared at Jack before rising up to take a piss in the woods.

"This is bullshit!" Jack rose from his seat and threw his liquor bottle in the fire, he took his place in the tent directly after.

Later that night, after Jack had tucked himself into the tent and given time for the liquor to make him appropriately drunk, Ennis decided to try once again to talk to the boy.

"Hey, rodeo," Ennis called as he opened the tent flaps, "you got a second?"

"Do I have a choice?" Jack groaned.

Ennis sighed and took a seat in the tent. He looked down at Jack, who was glaring at him with intensity only a drunk person could conjure.

"Listen, bud," Ennis began, "I just don't want us to end on a bad note."

Jack sighed, "But you acknowledge that we're ending?"

"This thing, whatever it is that's between us," Ennis said, "it's got to end. It was nice while it lasted, but it's got to be over. It just ain't right."

"This thing?" Jack sat up and grabbed Ennis, "This ain't a thing, Ennis, it's you and me being queerer than a three dollar bill."

Ennis jerked away from the boy, and glared at him with an angry intensity, "I'm no queer, boy, now you get your shit straight."

"Oh my fucking God, Ennis!" Jack exclaimed as he punched the ground, "So you stick your dick into guy's asses for what?"

Ennis grabbed Jack's throat, "Now you keep your voice down, or I'll make you."

With no sober reserves to hold him back, Jack allowed his fist to collide with Ennis' face. This shocked Ennis, it really did. He did not think the boy had it in him, nor did he believe that Jack would hit him even if he did have the guts to do so. Ennis was tempted to throw a punch back, but did nothing instead. He merely rose from his seat and exited the tent, probably the most level-headed thing he had done all summer.

Jack pleaded for him not to leave, realizing what he had done after the fact. Ennis did not listen, but he kept walking until he had reached his horse. He then galloped up the night trail back to sleep with the sheep for one last night. Jack, on the other hand, lay cold in his tent, alone, just like he would be tomorrow night. No Ennis to keep him warm. No Ennis to nod while he carried on a conversation, mostly with himself. No Ennis at all.

XXXX

The next morning came all too soon. Jack could feel his heart dropping as he packed up camp for the final time. Ennis came down shortly after Jack had finished packing everything, which was a very small collection of nothing. Jack opened their last fifth of whisky and took a sip. He passed it to Ennis, who took it and drank from it as well.

"I'm sorry," Jack said, almost in a whisper, as he caught glance of a bruise just under Ennis' eye.

Ennis looked at the boy and nodded, "Whelp, Rodeo, let's get them sheep. We can be hope by nightfall if we start early."

Jack did not speak of his feelings about leaving the mountain. The first time had done nothing to Ennis to shake him, at least on the outside. So, with a heart weighing more than his body, Jack saddled up on his horse and he and Ennis proceeded up Brokeback. Once they were up the mountain the two stopped to overlook all of the sheep.

The horse ride was up was quiet, as was the first few minutes of their initial look of the large herd of sheep.

"Well," Ennis finally spoke, "time to round them up."

Jack looked at Ennis and nodded, his head hung a bit low. Ennis whistled to his horse as he proceeded down to the herd of sheep. Jack watched for a moment, the realization that the summer was over was so much more real now that it really was.

XXXX

"Well I'll be damned," Aguirre spoke, "if I'm counting right this is less than a ten percent loss. I ain't never seen that happen."

Ennis nodded at Aguirre, "We tried."

Aguirre nodded, "Turns out I was wrong about you boys, and that's coming from one of the biggest hardasses in this state."

Jack shrugged, "Well, does this mean we're getting paid any more?"

"A raise?" Aguirre asked, "Hell no, boy, does it look my money grows on trees? But you're more than welcome to come back next year."

"I don't think I will," Ennis said, "I promised Alma I wouldn't have to leave her for this long again."

"I may," Jack spoke, "just depends on where I land."

Aguirre nodded, "Then head on up to the office. Buck's up there, he'll give you your money."

Jack took a sip of his coffee. He was rethinking Aguirre's final words to him and Ennis as Ennis spoke on the payphone outside. The boys waited outside of Aguirre's trailer for a while, but when Alma never showed they decided to head down to a small café across the road from the Signal Motor Inn.

When Ennis returned to the table he looked extremely pissed, a face that Jack had seen more than once.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"Nothin'," Ennis replied, "Alma's just gonna be a little late is all."

"Aguirre never called?"

"Nope."

"When's she gonna be here?"

"She's heading out early in the morning, so she'll be here tomorrow around 9 or 10."

Jack nodded and looked across the road. Ennis followed his glance. Jack shrugged and Ennis nodded. Almost as if they read one another's mind they called for their check and began to leave. But, as neither of them was aware, their minds were on much different pages.

XXXX

Jack's eyes were closed when Ennis got out of the shower. He grinned as he ran a towel through his wet hair. He soon tossed the towel aside and crawled under the covers with Jack.

"You awake?" Ennis asked.

"I am now," Jack responded.

"Oh," Ennis replied as he turned onto his back.

"What?" Jack turned to look at Ennis.

"Nothin'," Ennis responded.

"Nothin?"

"Yep."

"Fine." Jack rolled over and turned out his bedside lamp.

Ennis lay there for a second. It was his and Jack's last night together, and Ennis had expected more to come of it than a turned back and silence.

"You mad?' Ennis asked, in an uncharacteristic way.

"Do I have reason to be?" Jack asked, only to be responded by Ennis' silence. Jack then rolled over, "Or do you really mean 'Why ain't I made a move'?"

Ennis eyed the boy, "Well…"

"I don't feel like getting fucked by someone who's gonna leave me in the morning," Jack rolled over again to put his back to Ennis and closed his eyes.

Much to Ennis' surprise, Jack said nothing more and actually fell asleep. Ennis was soon to follow.

XXXX

The sun's vibrant rays crept through the small gap between the motel room's curtains. Jack opened his eyes, still warm under the covers. He rolled over to find that Ennis was not laying beside him. Instead, the bathroom light was on while the actual room was completely dark. He sighed and sat up on bed. Perhaps he should apologize to Ennis for being a jackass the night before. Of course, he may have deserved it, but it was no way to spend their last night together. Fear of loss just overtook Jack very strongly, so much that he shut down more than Ennis had.

He rose from his seat and walked towards the bathroom, "Listen, Ennis, we need to talk before Alma gets here."

When he got to the bathroom door he found that no one was in it. Ennis was not there. Jack's heart began to pump a bit harder as he glanced at the clock on the bedside stand. It read 12:23.

"Shit!" Jack bolted out of the bathroom and threw the front door open. Alma's truck was nowhere to be seen. Ennis was gone.

Jack fought back tears. Men do not cry, that was what his father had preached to him when he was young. Now, Jack saw no way to hold them back. In a pathetic scene, while he was standing in his own doorway, Jack burst out into tears. Only one person saw him, and that was a little girl rushing from a car to the room beside his.

XXXX

Jack had turned in his keys to the room and climbed into his truck. He had nowhere to go. No home to return to, save for his parent's house. He could not go back there, not now, not when he needed to get out on his own. He glanced at the passenger seat of his truck, the last person to sit there was Ennis. In his spot was a folded piece of hotel paper.

Jack took in a sharp breath, he knew what it was going to say. Part of him did not want to open it, for it was the ominous end that he had feared would come to his and Ennis' relationship last summer. However, this time there was no hope for Ennis' return to Brokeback.

Jack sighed heavily and grabbed the note. He unfolded it and, in Ennis' sloppy handwriting, only one word was written.

"Sorry."