Part Two: Heart and Mind

Staring up at the clock on the wall next to the second floor nurses station, Meredith breathed a sigh of relief. It was finally 7pm and she had finished writing her discharge notes and could go home. Heading for the locker room, she changed quickly and left, heading towards Joe's, where she knew her friends were meeting her. They were all finishing at eight, except Alex, who was on call and would therefore not be joining them.

Meredith entered the bar and sat down in the same spot she had been the previous night. Noticing the familiar blonde hair, Joe poured a shot of tequila and placed it in front of her before she even had chance to ask. 'Back again?' he said, with a knowing grin.

'I am,' she replied, 'but everyone is meeting me here, so don't let me get too drunk,' she added with a mischievous smile.

'Impossible,' Joe stated. And when Meredith gazed up at him, a confused look on her face, he elaborated. 'You drank nearly all of my tequila last night, and with your liver, the amount I have left wouldn't even have you smiling, let alone falling asleep on my bar,' he said with a wink.

Meredith blushed as she recalled a few memories of the night before and returned to her tequila, which she chose not to knock back in a single gulp. 'That's not at all like you,' came a voice from a few seats down. Meredith looked up to see Derek smiling at her, nursing a glass of scotch. His smile faded as he saw that she looked less than pleased to see him, and she picked up her shot glass and drank the tequila in one mouthful. Derek took a sip from his drink and moved down a seat, leaving only one empty stool between them.

'Where's your wife?' Meredith uttered viciously.

'She's on call, tonight. Thought I'd grab a drink before I go home alone,' he replied calmly, fixating on the harshness on her usually soft face. 'Do you want another one?' he asked, indicating to her empty shot glass.

'Ok,' she nodded, and he smiled as some of the softness returned to her face.

Half an hour and several shots later, Meredith was feeling fairly relaxed, happy even, and she wasn't even resenting Derek's presence. In fact, truth be told – not that it would – Meredith was quite enjoying his company as they chatted like old friends, both of them trying to avoid any mention of his wife, or their relationship.

Derek knocked back what must have been at least his fourth glass of scotch and he was beginning to feel a little tipsy. He could see that Meredith probably shouldn't have anymore to drink and found himself shuffling over once again, this time sitting next to her. 'Derek, don't,' Meredith warned as she felt his warm presence beside her.

'Don't what?' he said, coyly.

'Don't anything,' she replied. 'I remember what happened last time we got drunk together in this bar, and I have no excuse. I know about the wife this time.'

'Mer…' he began.

'No, Derek, don't say anything. Just go,' she pleaded.

Derek finished the last of his drink and stood up, pulling on his jacket. He turned to leave, but before he did, Derek took one last look at Meredith, now only able to see her back and her beautiful hair. He leaned into her and she lifted her head slightly, closing her eyes. 'I miss you,' he whispered softly, and Meredith blinked away a tear, letting it run down her cheek. 'And I never did get a goodbye kiss,' he added, his voice filled partially with mischief, but mostly with regret and sadness.

Stunned, Meredith turned her head sharply to face him, a look of bewilderment on her face. Derek noticed the tear that was threatening to drop off the side of her cheek and he reached up and wiped it away gently with his thumb. He gazed into her eyes, his heart aching for her and he smiled softly, which she returned somewhat awkwardly. Meredith broke the gaze, and stared down at the bar before he noticed another spilling tear.

'See you, Meredith,' he said quietly, and when she turned around a minute or so later, he'd gone.

- - - - -

It wasn't long until Meredith was joined by her friends, who all of a sudden came bursting through the door of the bar chattering loudly. Cristina took a seat next to her, the seat where Derek had been sitting only a few minutes earlier. 'You ok?' she asked, eyeing the mini collection of shot glasses on the bar in front of her friend.

'Oh yeah,' Meredith replied, a hint of cynicism in her voice, 'I'm just peachy.'

'Good,' stated Cristina. She could see that obviously Meredith wasn't all right, but she was tired and unwilling to pursue the subject, knowing full well that Meredith would probably spill all after another drink. Cristina ordered herself a drink, and when Joe placed a beer in front of her, she requested another for Meredith.

Meredith took a sip from her beer before looking up in response to Izzie's laughter. 'What's so funny?' she asked.

'Bambi has a crush,' Cristina replied matter-of-factly.

'On a resident!' Izzie cried, still laughing. George was now frowning.

'I knew I shouldn't have told you,' he said quietly.

'Oh relax, George, we're only playing with you,' Izzie explained.

'Yeah, lighten up. You should just go for it.' Cristina said, surprising herself with her level of understanding towards George's situation.

'Seriously?' he asked, also slightly amazed by Cristina's comment.

'Yeah,' she continued, 'she seems to like you too. But whatever you do George, make sure she doesn't have any disgusting diseases first.' Cristina grinned, pleased that she hadn't gone completely soft.

'Or a penchant for sleeping with Alex,' Izzie chimed in.

Meredith had remained silent throughout the entire conversation and pitied George a little for the stick he was receiving. Her mind flashed back to her conversation with Derek earlier, and she decided that she wasn't in the mood for listening to her friends and their banter. She took a final sip from her beer, leaving it half full and got up from her bar stool. 'Ignore them, George,' she began, grabbing her bag and coat, 'I'm sure Callie is great and you deserve to be happy.'

George smiled at her appreciatively before turning back to Izzie and Cristina, who had been silenced by Meredith's uncharacteristically encouraging words.

'Ok, who are you and what have you done with Meredith?' Cristina asked.

'I'm fine,' stated Meredith, pulling her hair out from under her coat and slipping a scarf around her neck. 'I just have someplace I need to be,' and with that, she left without another word.

'Odd.' Cristina commented.

'You know, she brushes her teeth in the shower? She says it saves time.' Izzie said, laughing gently. 'Now that is odd.'

- - - - -

Meredith knew she probably shouldn't be driving, but she told herself that she felt fine. She jumped into her car and turned on the engine, rubbing her hands together and shivering while she waited for the engine to warm up a little. After a minute or so, she pulled on her seatbelt and drove out of the car park.

She pulled up on her driveway and looked up at the looming shadow that was her house. The windows were dark and rain splattered and the house generally looked rather unwelcoming. Meredith looked down at the clock that was flashing from her dashboard. 10:37, it read, it's green numbers illuminating the car. Screw it, she thought, recognising how early it still was and also realising that she didn't want to go into that big house and be alone. Again.

Meredith backed her car off the drive and drove away, heading back the way she'd come.

- - - - -

Derek lay on the bed of his trailer in the darkness. It wasn't until he'd gotten in his car that he realised how drunk he really was. Relieved to have some peace and quiet, he relished the silence that surrounding him. Not that he didn't love his wife, because he did, and he loved the way she bustled around the trailer occasionally tripping over something and cursing at how much she hated living in it. However, tonight he needed quiet and as he closed his eyes, his thoughts returned to the bar earlier that night, and to Meredith and how much he missed her.

He was just beginning to nod off when he heard the noise of an engine and he opened his eyes as the yellow of headlights flooded the dark trailer with light. Sitting up, Derek flicked on the lights and groaned as his eyes adjusted. He presumed it would be Addison, and so he made his way to the door to unlock it, so she could let herself in.

As he got to the door, Derek peered through the obscured mesh that was the front door and instead of seeing the expected image of his wife, fumbling about with her coat and bag and complaining about her heels as they stuck into the soft grass, he saw Meredith, her simple form glowing as the light from the trailer danced on her soft features.

Forgetting that he was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, Derek opened the door and stepped outside. 'Hi,' was all he could muster.

Meredith looked a little bewildered, like she was as unsure as to why she was there as he was. 'Hi,' she replied. She looked up at him in his simple clothing and surrounded by the trailer, and smiled as she thought of how little he looked like one of the country's finest neurosurgeons. He returned the smile, and gazed at her, their eyes locking.

After a moment, Meredith stepped onto the decking, walking towards Derek, who was still standing in the doorway. 'So…' she began. They were close, now, less than a foot apart and still staring intently at one another, as though the entire world had fallen away around them.

'So,' Derek echoed, his smile fading slightly.

Meredith sighed and licked her lips, which had become dry, and she realised just how nervous she was. 'So apparently I owe you a goodbye kiss?'

'It would appear so,' Derek replied, with a mischievous smile.

'But you're married,' Meredith retorted, 'you're married and now I'm here. And I don't feel guilty. I don't feel like the dirty ex-mistress. I just feel… empty.'

'I am married,' he replied simply.

Their gazes were still locked and there was a comfortable silence for a few moments. 'So…' Meredith began again.

'So,' echoed Derek, once more. The tension was escalating and Meredith stubbornly refused to make the first move. Unable to control himself any longer, Derek brushed his lips against hers. Meredith didn't flinch. She'd known exactly where she was going when she pulled off of her driveway at 10:37 and here she was, less than an hour later, everything she'd gone through to heal the wounds caused by Derek and the arrival of his wife was shot to hell. And Meredith didn't care.

She returned the kiss, bringing her arms around his neck as he reached for her waist. The kiss became harder and as Derek grappled his fingers through her hair, Meredith pulled away. Breathing heavily, she pulled her arms from around his neck and he removed his hands from her hair. Derek looked at her questioningly. 'You have a wife,' she declared.

'I do,' he answered honestly, which contrasted heavily with the look of longing in his eyes as he gazed fiercely at Meredith.

Once again, there was silence for a minute or two. Finally, Meredith spoke, and Derek's shoulders relaxed in relief. 'For old time's sake?'

He smiled as she placed her hands on his chest and placed a delicate kiss on his lips. 'For old time's sake,' he agreed, returning the kiss and allowing their lips to collide ardently.

They remained there for a while, simply allowing their tongues to explore each other's mouth and Derek relished in how sweet she tasted. Meredith felt him shiver a little and, realising they were still standing outside she pushed him into the trailer. They stood inside the doorway and Derek let his hands wander to her hips and up insider her jumper, his warm hands caressing her back until he could bear it no longer and he lifted the jumper over her head. He remembered how beautiful her body was and he looked up at her, watching as she shook her hair free, allowing it to settle around her shoulders.

Meredith smiled at him and reached for his shirt, tugging gently on the hem, before pulling it off him. She stroked his chest gently before kissing him again and allowing him to push her further into the trailer. They were now standing at the foot of the bed and Meredith reached hungrily for his boxer shorts, noticing how much he wanted her, too.

Derek pulled away from Meredith's mouth and looked her in the face. She was biting her lower lip and staring back at him, her eyes sparkling. It drove him crazy when she bit her lip like that and he reached for her neck, spreading kisses there, before moving down to her collarbone and listening as she groaned gently. Payback, he thought with a smile. Meredith knew what made him crazy, and in the same way, Derek knew that her collarbone was one of the most sensitive parts of her body. He remembered back to when they were together, when they'd spend all night exploring one another's bodies, and how he'd spend hours kissing and tasting her skin, only to always return to her collarbone.

Derek felt her hands running through his hair before pulling his head away from her neck and up so that he was facing her. He leaned up to her and kissed her, before reaching for her waist and sliding his hands down her curves until he reached the waistband of her jeans. Derek fumbled with her belt for a few seconds before undoing the top button and unzipping the tough denim. She wiggled her hips a little as he pulled the jeans down and let them fall to the ground. They stepped out of their respective bottoms and Meredith pushed Derek down on to the bed gently, before climbing on top of him. She clasped her hands in his and placed them above his head, lowering herself so that their faces were close.

She kissed him hard, before he pulled his hands free and placed them on her shoulders, feeling the delicate skin and stroking her arms. Meredith kissed the side of his mouth and along his jaw line, but quickly moved down to his neck after his stubble began to burn her lips. She kissed his chest softly, inhaling the fading smell of his cologne, the same scent that had worn off her sheets a while ago.

Derek's hands moved over her shoulders and down her back and again, remembering how she liked it, he stroked small circles gently on her lower back. He did this for a few minutes while Meredith continued to plant kisses on his neck, tasting his skin, and moving her hands up so that she could once again run her hands through his hair. As she did this, Derek moved his hands up her back, tugging delicately at her bra. Moving one hand back down to where it had been moments earlier, he used his other to deftly undo the clasp of her bra and she sat up on his stomach, removing her hands from his hair and allowing him to gently slide her bra off.

Meredith looked down at Derek almost self-consciously as he gazed at her near-naked body, drinking in her beauty. He placed his hands around her wrists and smiled at her reassuringly, before pulling her back down to his face and kissing her. He let go of her wrists and moved his hands up to cup her face, holding back falling pieces of hair so he could see her beautiful face fully and she did the same, caressing his face softly, her thumbs stroking his cheeks gently.

They stopped kissing for a moment and remained in that position, just staring deeply into the eyes of the other. Meredith smiled hesitantly, feeling a pang of emotion in her stomach. She couldn't describe the feeling. She didn't know if it was guilt, apprehension or just the memory of the pain this man had caused her. Derek smiled back at her, restoring comfort but his smile quickly faded as she blinked quickly, and allowed a tear to escape and run halfway down her cheek before dropping onto his face. 'What is it?' he questioned softly.

Meredith exhaled deeply and some of the sparkle disappeared from her eyes. Her gaze left his as she fought back another tear, losing miserably as it trickled down her face. She looked back at him intently and bit her bottom lip, forgetting how crazy it made him, and lowered her eyes. 'I miss you.'

Using his thumb to wipe away the second tear, Derek's heart wrenched. 'I miss you, too,' he whispered. They continued to stare at one another, neither wanting being the first to break the gaze before Derek leaned up and kissed her gently, intimately. The kiss was soft, real, and loving. He rolled her over in a swift motion so that he was now lying above her. Using one arm to hold himself up, Derek used his other hand to touch Meredith's face, stroking away strands of her hair before leaning down and kissing her again and extending his kisses across her cheek and down to her neck, just below her ear. And then it hit him, the smell of her hair, that sacred scent that embodied everything that was Meredith, to him. Derek inhaled deeply, and allowed the air to escape his lungs slowly, clinging onto the flowery aroma for as long as possible.

When he finally decided that the smell of Meredith's hair was permanently engraved in his mind, he moved his kisses down the familiar trail of her neck and collarbone, extending the path to her bare chest and tasting the soft skin of her breasts. Derek moved his mouth across to her left nipple, brushing his tongue across it until he felt it harden. Holding himself up on his knees now, he kissed her face and placed his hands on her shoulders, stroking his way down as he pulled himself into a kneeling position, until his hands were resting on her hips.

Meredith looked up at Derek, who'd paused momentarily to figure out his next move. She smiled at him and inhaled sharply, holding her breath slightly as he caressed her hipbone with his thumb. She bit down on her lower lip seductively as Derek lowered his head once more and continued kissing her stomach, gradually moving lower and lower. As he almost reached the rim of her underwear, he focused his kisses on this point, knowing that it would have the desired effect. Derek smiled with delight as it did and her back arched towards him.

He was becoming impatient now and after Meredith's back relaxed into the bed, he leaned over her and they kissed. Derek pulled away from her mouth and rested his forehead on hers for a minute or two, taking time to smile at her. She returned his smile; her eyes transfixed on his and reached her hands up to once again caress his face. Derek kissed her lightly before pulling away and sitting upright. He stroked his hands across her stomach before placing his thumbs underneath the elastic of her underwear. He moved backwards, pulling the lacy panties with him and slipped them gently over her feet. Finally there was no clothing holding them apart and he leaned back over her so that his chest was touching hers.

Meredith tightened her legs around him, forcing the closeness she'd desired for months. Derek lifted his head and kissed her deeply before pulling away to look at her, to check on her even – to make sure she was still ok. Meredith licked her lips and breathed heavily, and Derek felt her chest rise and fall below him. She smiled at him fondly and nodded. Closing her eyes and relaxing her entire body in his presence, Meredith cried out faintly as he entered her.

Beads of sweat had formed on Derek's forehead and as Meredith opened her eyes and noticed this, she reached up and wiped them away, bringing up her other hand and running her fingers through his hair, grabbing chunks as her pleasure intensified. Derek flinched a little but continued, and began kissing her neck as her head rolled back. He began licking as well as kissing and moved down to her collarbone. The sensitivity of his tongue caused her back to arch her back once more, allowing him to thrust deeper inside.

Meredith could feel the pressure inside her mounting as she moved her hands from his hair and down his chest before placing them on his back, her gentle strokes becoming harder before finally, her nails dug into his back as her pleasure mounted. Derek didn't draw back from the slight pain and instead moved his arms under shoulders, drawing her closer to him. He nestled his face into her neck as his pleasure also increased, the scent of her hair filling his nostrils only heightening his desires.

Finally, she stopped clinging to his back and relaxed her hands, before pulling him into a tight embrace. Derek looked up to face her and could see in her eyes that she was almost there. He locked his lips with hers, biting down on them as they climaxed together, and a slight yelp escaping her mouth as their bodies trembled together.

- - - - -

They lay, still joined together, for a long time before Derek finally lifted his head to see Meredith looking back at him, smiling. He returned the smile and rolled over, sitting up to pull the duvet over them. Derek sat against the headboard and Meredith sat up and cuddled into him for warmth. He nuzzled his face into her head and breathed in the smell of her hair for what he knew would be the final time.

Meredith placed a hand on his chest, causing him to lift his head. She pulled back a little so that she was facing him and looked into his eyes. Their gaze spoke all of the silent words of emotion that simply did not need to be said aloud, before being sealed with a gentle kiss.

As they pulled apart, Meredith sniffed a little and once more, she couldn't fight back tears and they trickled down her face. It was only when she blinked away more and looked up at Derek, that she noticed that he too, was bleary-eyed. A small tear fell down his cheek and Meredith smiled broadly, causing Derek to chuckle. She wiped away his lone tear and gazed at him for just a moment longer, before climbing out of the bed and dressing silently.

Derek watched as she collected all of her clothing together and dressed. As she buckled up the belt on her jeans, he clambered out of the bed and pulled on his boxers and t-shirt. Meredith made her way to the door and before she left, turned to see Derek right behind her. She looked up at him and sighed, hoisting her bag up onto her shoulder. 'Goodbye, Derek,' she said, smiling.

Derek swallowed hard and reached up to her face, stroking it gently, mentally noting every curve. He smiled back at her softly. 'Goodbye, Meredith,' he replied, dropping his hand and watching as she walked out of his life.

So that's it. I hope you like it. It actually upsets me a little bit because I think it would've been nice if they had ended it like this. I know I wrote that 'she walked out of his life' – she didn't really, because obviously they work together. But metaphorically she did. Because he chose Addison, which is a decision that I wanted to keep in the story as I wanted it to be as though it could have happened, and not an alternative universe.

Please leave reviews. I doubt I'll write more, as I already have a work in progress, but maybe someday I could write another one. Who knows?