A/n Warnings for language and sexual innuendo. I don't own CM, no copyright infringement is intended
Penelope Garcia had decided a girls day out was in order for her, and JJ. She also invited Haley Hotchner and Emily Prentiss. She was surprised to find that she liked Emily, even though they were so different.
She hadn't seen JJ since helping her move in with Dr Reid. She wanted to know how they were getting along, especially after the Lila Archer incident. She'd sweet talked Reid into spilling his guts about it, and now she wanted to hear JJ's side of the story. And anyway, it was an excuse to shop.
Luck was with them, in that no one had to work on the Saturday she picked. They left Jack with Aaron, who was once again attempting to clean out the garage.
Haley suggested the brand new mall that had been the target of a terrorist attack some months back, although she still didn't know what really happened. Hotch couldn't bring himself to tell her how close she'd come to being killed on that terrible day.
Emily and Penelope understood all too well, but they agreed to go the mall anyway. Penelope had a couple of bad moments upon entering the building, as memories of the explosion that almost killed Derek, raced through her mind.
She had never been so scared in her life, as she was when calling him, and waiting for him to pick up the phone. The relief she felt when she heard his voice, was not something she could ever hope to describe to anyone. Now if she could only convince him to move their relationship to the next level.
The mall was huge, and crowded with families, groups of teenagers and their cell phones, and old couples walking hand in hand. They started with clothes for JJ. She and Spencer were taking a four day holiday the next week, and Penelope insisted that she need some new clothes.
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Meanwhile… Morgan and Reid showed up on Hotch's doorstep, which delighted him to no end. He could once again put off cleaning the dreaded garage. When Gideon showed up with a deck of cards, and a chess board in one hand, and some lovely thick steaks in the other, they decided on an impromptu barbecue. Hotch then sent Derek out to the market for snacks and beer. When he returned, Hotch shooed them out of the kitchen so he could concoct his special, secret marinade for the meat.
"Since when are you a chef Hotch," Morgan asked, perturbed at being ordered to leave the kitchen for the sake of secrecy.
"What, I can't have skills outside of the office," Hotch shot back.
"Well yeah, of course-"
"Then get out of here, I'll tell you when these are ready for the grill."
The retreated to the back deck, because the weather was great, and because there wasn't anything important on TV, sports-wise.
By the time Hotch emerged with the steaks, a lively game of poker was going on. They desperately needed a fourth, and made Hotch join them after he put the meat to flame.
Reid was losing badly because he lacked a believable poker face. Soon both Morgan and Reid were out of the game, and they moved away to the other end of the deck, where Morgan began to grill him about JJ.
The girls had found several great outfits for JJ, including a dark blue dress with spaghetti straps that hit her about an inch above the knees. It made her eyes pop, darkening them so they resembled the purest sapphires that were ever pulled from the earth by man. They also found matching high heeled shoes and handbag.
Penelope dragged her to a lingerie store, and convinced her to try on some thigh high stockings, and a garter belt with black lace panties, and bra.
"Spencer's eyes and tongue are going to fall out of his head when he sees you in that," Haley commented, thinking she should get this same getup in her size, and surprise Aaron.
"Who cares about his eyes and tongue, as long as the most important part stays-" Garcia began only to be interrupted by Emily.
"Whoa, don't go there; I don't want those pictures in my head." Emily complained loudly.
"Yes, let's not discuss my boyfriend like he's a piece of meat."
"Darling... of course he isn't a piece of meat." Penelope said, in a soothing, placating tone, as JJ changed back to her street clothes.
After JJ bought the sexy lingerie, they headed out for fuel at the huge food court in the center of the mall. During the course of the conversation, Penelope said to JJ, "So tell us, what it is like living with the BAU's brainiac."
All of the women eyes trained expectantly on her, like three small dogs waiting for bones to chew on.
"Well at first it was hard, because I'm kind of a slob, and he's such a neat freak. I like a clean house, I just never have time to actually clean. Spencer keeps the house clean. He always forgets to pay the bills, so I'm-"
She stopped talking when she noticed they were all staring at her like she'd grown another arm. Penelope sighed loudly and said, "Yeah... yeah... we all know he's a neat freak, that's not what we want to hear about. What's he like in bed?"
JJ choked on her chicken salad, and turned purple. "Penelope Garcia… I am not talking about our sex life… and that's final."
"Oh come on JJ… it's not like we're going to run out, and take an ad out in the paper."
The others nodded their agreement. JJ looked at Haley and said, "Do you condone this?"
"Hey… I may be married, but I'm still a woman - so spill."
JJ heaved an exaggerated sigh and said, "You promise this goes no further than this table?"
"Hey, what happens at the mall stays at the mall," Emily quipped causing the others to laugh.
"Oh alright, I've only got one word to say to you, Stamina," she said - with a cat that ate the canary expression.
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"Okay Derek… why don't you stop interrogating Spencer," Hotch said with some impatience.
"It's like we're their parents sometimes, isn't it," Gideon said quietly, and with a little smile.
"Yeah it is, and it's annoying."
"I know that Morgan's teasing of Reid gets on everyone's nerves, but I'm glad that he has someone like JJ. She's been really good for him. He's much happier now, and more settled. She's certainly better for him then Lila Archer."
"Yeah... I'm going to have to send JJ some flowers, or a thank you card, or something," Hotch said, trying to decide if he really wanted another card.
Playing cards with Gideon was like trying to swim amongst the sharks with a bleeding hand. You tended to get swallowed whole. Everyone thought Hotch had a poker face, but it was Gideon that could out bluff most people without even trying hard. It was why he was good at his job. Hotch took the card.
"So you really think Lila Archer would've been bad for him, Jason."
'Oh… I saw her for what she was from the start, why do you think I told him not to tell her about her agent being killed."
"I thought you wanted her cooperation in the investigation?"
"Yes… I did… but I also knew that if he spent anytime alone with her, she would try to get him into her bed, and I was right."
Hotch's eyebrows winged up in surprise, "but I thought all she did was kiss him in the pool?"
"That's true, but I knew he would feel guilty about not telling her, and that when he did she would pull away from him, and she did. Then, they had to separate, and he was able to judge her intentions for himself with some distance involved."
"You were right, as usual Jason, it didn't work out for them."
"I always thought JJ was a much better match for him, and I figured if we stayed out of it, they would eventually find their way to each other, and they did."
"Giving Reid tickets for a football game on his birthday, and then suggesting he ask her out, was hardly "staying out of it" Jason," Hotch said with a grin.
"Yes, well I had to plant the idea into both of them, now didn't I?"
"I bow to your superior talents," Hotch said as he folded once again.
"Tell me one thing Jason; would you be so happy for them if JJ were still with the BAU?"
"Well now, what I think doesn't really matter does it? After all there's no rule that says agents can't fraternize."
"So you don't think it would have been a problem, that she would distract him?"
"No I don't, but I think its better that they have some separate lives, don't you?"
"Yes, I do - it's time for the steaks to come off of the grill."
"Come on you two," he hollered at Morgan and Reid. "The steaks are ready."
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The girls were checking out the bed and bath store. Emily had a thing about bath crystals; she would take long bubble baths whenever the opportunity arose. It was her favorite way to relax, especially now that she was with the BAU.
"So dish girl, what's the story with Lila Archer?" Penelope asked, and got an elbow in the side from Emily.
"Don't use that woman's name in my presence if you want to live."
"Telling us about it will make you feel better you know."
"Penelope Garcia, I know for a fact that you already know Spencer's side. He told me how you sweet talked him into telling you all about it."
"Yeah, but I want to hear your side of the story."
"This is not for gossip, I may not be at the BAU anymore but I don't want my life to be an open book. "
"Of course not my friend, you can trust all of us, right girls?"
Three heads nodded enthusiastically. JJ sighed loudly, and by the time they exited to store they'd heard the whole story. The girls were stunned to know that Spencer had lost his temper like that.
"He seems so quiet and gentle; you must have really pissed him off JJ."
"Yeah, well I'm not proud of it. I acted like a real bitch over one kiss."
Emily began to protest that if it were her guy she would flip out too. JJ held up a hand to stop her she told them that she didn't want to talk anymore about it, and wanted to forget the whole thing.
"You said Gideon took her aside to talk to her, I wonder what he said to her," Haley wondered aloud.
"Well the boss man can be scary; if I were Lila, I'd stay away from Spencer."
"So would I Pen," JJ remarked solemnly.
They hit a few more stores before JJ declared that she'd had enough, and they'd better get home, to which Penelope made a remark concerning love struck girls missing their guys. To which JJ replied that she believed Penelope was as anxious to see Derek, as she was to see Spence.
"So tell me girl, when you are going to succeed at getting Derek into you bed?"
"How do you know I haven't," Penelope said with a lascivious wink.
"I may not be a profiler, but come on, it's obvious, you to are stuck on eternal flirt and fore play."
"Don't you worry you pretty little head over it JJ, I have my own plans."
The girls were unsuccessful in getting Garcia to open up about what she had planned for Derek. Secretly JJ cheered her on; she knew that the love of a good man was worth more than diamonds.
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When Spencer arrived home that evening, he found JJ in the kitchen cooking up something that smelled wonderfully of garlic, and basil.
Hi babe," she turned to him, and kissed him on the cheek. She wore faded jeans and a white tank, her feet were bare, and her hair was pulled up in a messy bun on the top of her head.
He wanted more than a kiss on the cheek, but was content to wait till after they ate.
"Tell me about your day sweetheart, did the guys play nice?"
"Everyone except for Derek, he wanted to know all about our sex life."
She laughed, and he looked at her like she'd lost her mind, this was not the reaction he'd expected from her. He thought she'd be mad.
"I thought you'd be upset to hear about it, my love."
"Well I had the same problem with the girls, especially Penelope. We really need to get those two together, and then maybe they won't be so preoccupied with our love life."
He helped her dish up supper, and didn't comment about what she proposed. His lack of comment wasn't lost on her. She would have to come up with some thing on her own, maybe Haley could help her.
"So what did you tell the girls about us?" Spencer wanted to know if he should be prepared to be deflecting comments from Derek on Monday. Surely Garcia would fill him in on everything JJ had said.
"I only said that you could go all night if you were so inclined."
Spencer went so red that his head looked like it might explode.
"Why did you have to say that, now I'm going to hear about it from Derek for sure?"
"Hey, it will be great for your reputation."
"That is so not funny Jen!"
"As long as your 'talents" are only for my enjoyment, I don't care who else knows."
She got up from the table, took his hand and said, "Why don't you make use of those talents now."
He rose to his feet and followed her into the bedroom.
"Al right, but I refuse to enjoy it."
She patted his face with her free hand as he shut the door behind them. "That's ok I'll enjoy it enough for the both of us."
JJ was wrong about one thing; she wouldn't need to do anything to get Penelope and Derek together. Garcia took the job into her own capable hands that very evening, showing up on his doorstep. She didn't seem to care that it was a Saturday night, and he may have plans. Still, she was surprised when he opened the door, and even more surprised when he invited her in with no smart remark.
Spencer was pleasantly surprised when Morgan said nothing to him on Monday morning, no teasing remarks, or sarcastic comments. Now that he'd hooked up with JJ, he was able to notice the way he was looking at Garcia, and he couldn't wait to tell Jen her services as match maker would no longer be needed.
A/n I always thought there was more to Gideon's request that Spencer not tell Lila about her agent be killed, the dialogue with Hotch is my reasonings behind what Gideon did.