A/n the same warnings apply

Disclaimer: I don't own CM so please don't sue me.

Reid was yanked from dreams of death, and screaming children by a touch. He jerked away from the touch, thinking Death had come for him. His heart slammed into his chest, and he nearly screamed. Then his eyes focused against the bright hospital lights, and he saw Gideon standing over him. His "father" looked more miserable then Reid had ever seen, which was saying a lot. Then the look of misery was gone, and the older agent was smiling at him.

"Hey Spencer, the doctor just came through, JJ's out of recovery. We'd like to see her, but I thought you'd like to go first."

"Jason is she awake yet?"

"No, she's still sleeping. The doc said she'd be out for at least another eight hours."

"What time is it?"

"It's about eight in the morning - you've been asleep for four hours."

He rose slowly from the chair, and winced, his neck and back was cramped. A nurse stood waiting, and he followed her down the hallway. They passed doctors, and other nurses, which consulted charts, or each other as they moved into and out of rooms. He saw patients in wheelchairs attached to wires and tubes. One old man was shuffling slowly down the hall dressed only in a hospital jonnie and robe. He was dragging an IV behind him. There was hope, at least he was out of bed and moving, other weren't so lucky. Other's like Jen.

The nurse finally turned, and opened the door to room 309. He took a deep breath, and entered behind her. She walked to JJ's bed, and began to take her vitals as Spencer watched. He avoided look at Jennifer. He was trying to convince himself that this was all a mistake. He wanted it to be nightmare. He would wake up, and she would be there lying next to him, or with her head on his chest. Her long blond hair tickling his bare skin, her gorgeous blue eyes would open, and she would smile at him. He would feel loved and wanted.

It wasn't a dream, it was very real. He forced himself to look at her when the nurse left the room. Her face was so badly bruised that had he not known it was her, he wouldn't have recognized her. He didn't realize his hands had curled into fists, until he felt the pain of his nails in the palms of his hands. He made himself open his hands, as he moved closer to her hospital bed. She had tubes in her arms receiving fluids and antibiotics. She had a nasal cannula in her nose and various dressings on the parts of her body he could see. He knew from the doctor, there were injuries that weren't easily seen.

Don't think about that, you'll only upset yourself.

I have to think about it, I have to decide what I'm going to tell her.

He pushed it away. There was nothing he could do to fix what had happened. He hadn't known until hours ago how he would react to such news. He'd always thought he would be scared, or maybe angry at the changes that would happen in their lives. He never expected he would be happy for a fleeting moment and then to have it ripped away, well it was almost more than he could bear. How much harder is this going to be for Jen? He sat down next to her, and took one of her hands in his. He stared at her bruised face for a long time. Then he began to cry.

A very long time later, he remembered that the other's wanted to see her. He didn't want to leave her side. He didn't want to stay there either. He wanted to be there when she woke upHe didn't want to be anywhere near there when she did. The conflicting emotions were tearing him apart. This wasn't fair! She'd done nothing to deserve this terrible loss. He wanted to run away, and let the doctor be the one to tell her. He couldn't do that, she depended on him to be strong. His hands were clenched into fists again. If he could have, he would've killed Michael North with his bare hands for what the bastard had done to her. He didn't even have the pleasure of seeing him in a court room, or going to jail. Then man was dead by his own hand, and he'd taken away one of the most precious things Spencer could have in his life. He touched her face once more, and got up to give the others time to visit with her.

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When JJ awoke it was to a world of pain greater than she'd ever felt in her life. Her whole body ached and throbbed, right down to her eyelids as they fluttered open. The light was bright on her face making her squint. She moaned and a hand squeezed hers. It was a touch she recognized.

"Spence…" Her voice was scratchy, and something clicked in the back of her throat as she swallowed.

She turned her head, and there he was, smiling down at her. His large chocolate eyes pinned her like a deer in headlights. There was something in them, even in her disoriented state; she could see something was wrong. Gone were the days when he could hide anything from her. Then she was surprised when his eyes changed, and whatever he was hiding went away. Maybe she imagined it.

"Hi babe… I missed you."

"Spence I-"

"Shh baby, don't try to talk. Are you in any pain?"

She nodded and he turned to get a nurse. Her voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Spencer… what's going on, something is wrong I can see it in your eyes."

He turned back and did his best to smile brightly at her.

"Jen nothing is wrong, I'm just relieved you're safe, I was so scared I was going to lose you."

"Are you sure that's all?" Talking was making her light headed, and the pain was so bad she wanted to sleep again.

"I'm very sure my love, now let me get someone to give you some pain meds."

She let him go because if anything was wrong, he'd tell her when he thought she could handle it. Then the doctor was there, and all of her friends from the BAU. Then there was pain medication, and she ceased to care about anything.

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Morgan spent the better part of the late afternoon, and evening trying to get Spencer to tell him what was bothering him. He was as good, or better that JJ in determining that something was really upsetting the young agent. When Reid finally reached his limit in dealing with Morgan, he admitted that something was terribly wrong, but he wasn't going to tell them till he told Jennifer.

It was another long night. Spencer paced the waiting room for hours before falling into a restless sleep that broke Garcia's heart to watch. Morgan had told the rest of the team that there was bad news on the horizon, so they were all on edge. How much more could her young friend take? Hadn't fate been cruel enough when he was a child and a young adult?

When morning came again, and visiting hours began, Spencer made his way back to JJ's room. He knew he would have to speak to her very soon. She wasn't stupid she would know something was up. As it turned out, he didn't have to say anything, she was the one that guessed the reason for the pain behind his eyes. She had forgotten the reason she'd been anxious to see him, the morning she was grabbed by a masked man while getting into her car to go to work. She'd been so happy that she hadn't been paying attention to her surroundings, and the next thing she knew there was a gun in her back. She didn't remember anything after that till she saw Spencer's face when she woke up in the hospital.

She turned to look at him as he walked into her room. He looked so sad that her heart began to pound. What if - no don't think that way, just say what you have to say and everything will be alright. Her hands went to her belly as he sat down.

"Hey Jennifer, how are you this morning."

"I'm okay Spencer, but you're scaring me, please tell me what wrong."

He stayed silent for so long that the truth rushed through her, and she could no longer deny the feelings of dread she'd had since the night before.

"Spencer… will you please look at me?"

His eyes reluctantly moved to look into hers, and she saw the truth. She began to cry as he gathered her into his arms, and their tears mingled together, for each other and for the precious life that had been lost to the whim of a mad man.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?"

"I just found out the day before yesterday, and then that man - I was so afraid of how you would react."

"Oh, Jen I'm so sorry you'd think I would be unhappy or angry. Then yesterday when the doctor told me I was so happy for a brief instant. Then it all came crashing down when he said you'd had a miscarriage. If I could, I would kill the man who did this to you, to us and our baby."

JJ said nothing; she just clung tighter to him, and cried for a long time. When she slept again, he went out to the waiting room to tell the others what happened.

Morgan swore loudly his hands turning to fists, and then his shoulders slumped when Penelope put an arm around his waist, and her head on his shoulder as she cried. As usual Hotch's face betrayed nothing but his eyes held Reid's for a long time. Then he left the room, pulling out his phone as he walked to the elevator. Spencer knew he was leaving the building to call Haley. Emily crumpled into a chair, and for a long time there was only silence except for the two women who were weeping.

TBC