Invincible

"Your heart races when you think something is dangerous. You feel your blood pump, your adreniline kick in. You feel . . .well. . .high. It's euphoric, just like drugs only you dont' have to inject or sniff or eat. You just do something really really stupid that could get you in a lot of trouble and there you go, you're set. You can get high like that whenever you want, warning/caution/advisory. . .one too many hits may cause massive destruction to more than just yourself. You may just hurt everything you care about once you believe you're invincible to pain." Derek once again pushed away from the computer, wobbling as he stood up and collapsed on his bed. Casey was pushing him to the limit, testing him. Their parents still weren't home, he had no idea what that was about. They called every night and all that, they just never informed them of when they were coming back. Somehow he had to believe they were figuring out a way to help their oldest daughter, because Derek was running out of ideas. He felt like her parent. And he was at a loss. He'd long since put "decorative bars" on her windows and after she went into her room at the beginning of the evening he locked her door except when she had to pee. Let's face it, he had her on pretty much a lock down. ..and the more sober became. . .the more upset, tearful, and terrified she was. ..and she was sick twenty four seven. Pregnancy and withdrawals weren't exactly a great combo. He sighed and threw his pillow at the closed door. why casey? why? you're perfect. ..why do you have to turn yourself into someone else?

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The lock clicked at nine-fifteen, bathroom break. Casey, defeated sat on her bed defiantly, she'd pee her pants if she had to, puke on her bed, whatever it took to show Derek he wasn't her owner or her boss, that he had no right to keep her locked up when they weren't in school or to make sure that people that didn't do what she did. ..keep an eye on her. It was fucking ridiculous. With a slam of the door Derek locked it again. He knew what Casey was doing. It'd been weeks since he'd thought about their baby's welfare. Since that night at the house. . .four months pregnant and he wondered if the baby was inside her. ..just floating. Picking up the phone he dialed the clinic. "Thank you for calling Toronto's Women's Clinic, we are not available right now or we are closed, please either call again later or leave us a message, we care about what you have to say. Thank so much for calling." BEEEEP. Derek swallowed.

"Help. . .my girlfriend. ..please?" He begged into the phone as the tears fell down. "Derek Venturi. . .555-1964. . .please. . ." He hit the end button and tossed the phone on his bed and exiting his room. "Lizzie, Edwin, Marti!" He yelled. He was already getting parent practice. . .it was strangely natural to him. Like he wanted to be one, something he never thought he'd want. His first child was due in a week, he needed to call her. Needed to make her feel better. . .and to be there for her. Abandoning her was wrong. He cared about Deb when they'd had sex, just not enough. . .he'd been an ass. . .and now here he was, sober as a stone. . .trying to make his life right. All it'd taken was the love of his life to start fucking up her own.

"Yeah Der?" Edwin said, holding Marti on his him and leaning against the banister, Lizzie on the floor with her legs crossed.

"Ed you make sure that the bars outside are secured on Case's window. Marti go get your pj's on and Lizzie will you make sure the kitchen is cleaned up?" He said in one breath, without question the kids did as they were told. Once you saw Casey as she was, and how Derek was trying to make everything right for everyone . . . you sort of. . .listened. . .you cared. Derek went into his room and grabbed the phone again and dialed Deb.

"Hello?" Deb's sniffled voice filled the phone. He choked at the sound of her broken voice. Why was she so hurt this time?

"Hey Deb. . .it's Derek, PLEASE DONT HANG UP!" He yelled, he could see her hesitating, then with a sigh she stayed on the line.

"What do you need asshole?" She seethed into the phone, pain still visible in her voice.

"I need to make things right." He said slowly, lighting a cigarette and stepping out of the front door, taking a drag. He loved his uncle for sending him this 'support.'

"With what Derek? Me? Me and You? Me, You and Our Family?" She said slowly, like she was sneering but not wanting to at the same time.

"Everything." He sighed, taking a drag and blowing out slowly. Allowing the nicotine to sink in before he let the smoke billow out in a slow stream. "I need you to know. ..that baby is mine, I believe you. I still think we should have the DNA test. ..because our parents insist it. . .but you need to know that I'm here, I'm going to help you raise this baby." He said. He wanted each one of his children. His next child was due in three months, the next in five. . .he was on a role as he could say.

"But we're not together huh?" Deb said, he could hear the tears coming.

"Tiff. . .you're a great girl . .and there's a part of me that cares about you like that. ..but that parts not big enough . . .I'm in love with someone else." Derek rolled his eyes at himself, even to him that sounded stupid.

"I understand Derek. . .but. . .can I ask.. . .who she is?" Deb asked between stuttered breaths.

". . .Me." Casey breathed into the other phone line before there was a click.

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"Casey. ..:" Derek finished after Casey hung up, he could see her silhouette slumped through her curtains, sobbing uncontrollably, his heart wrenched and his stomach dropped. oh case. .

"You two are meant for each other. .." Deb sighed slowly. "The due date is in three days, December 1st." She said slowly. "Talk to you later Derek."

"Deb, I'll be there. I promise." He said before hanging up the phone and running up the stairs, staring at Casey's door. should I go in?

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The door lock clicked and Derek entered the room, Casey slumped in a heap on her bed, a bowl in front of her that Derek had provided earlier. It was full. Her eyes were full of tears, smeared mascara, pain.

"Derek . ..I'm . ..I'm..." She began sobbing harder. ..she couldn't speak, wrapping his arms around her Derek rubbed her forhead.

"Shhhh baby, it's ok. . ." He said slowly, whispering into her ear as he rocked her on his lap, on her bed. "Shhh, I'm here. ." He said again.

"Do. ..you. . .r. .really. ..l. .lo. ..love me .. . m. . most?" She said through her racked sobs. Cupping her cheeks in his hands he looked in her perfect blue eyes, whiping away a few tears as her crying continued.

"Yes. Case you're the only one who was able to get through the fucked wall I had for the longest time. ..the only one who as soon as I thought i'd made the perfect life for myself .. you made it better than anyone could have. Yes." He nodded and put his forhead to hers. "Can you help me Case? Keep this baby going? Keep you going? Keep you going?" He asked, through her sobs and pursed lips she nodded. He kissed her cheek and pulled her close as she sobbed into his shoulder.

i love you too.