Broken

"There's no computer here. . .to write down my thoughts. . .tell the world how I feel or give them some sarcastic advice. There's nothing right now. I'm sitting in a hospital. . .while they try to save my Casey. . .my Casey. . .no one to tell me that even though I'm broken now I'll be ok. . .no one to tell me that my broken Casey will survive. . .no one to tell me that my baby is alive. . .everything is broken." Derek buries his face in his hands. Tears long since dried across his cheeks. . .shaking hands and a pale face. He hadn't given a thought to Deb, a selfish thing to be sure. . .but Casey. . .Casey was what mattered now. Until his cell phone rang. With a sigh he flipped it open, putting it to his ear.

I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh
I want to hold you high and steal your pain away

"'Lo?" He said a solemn tone.

"Mr. Derek Venturi?" A voice on the other line answered, seemingly somber.

"Yes, who is this?" He said, not caring. . .but what was there to care about besides Casey?

"We have a Ms. Deb Sanchez in the Toronto Hospital, she says she needs to speak to you. It's. . .urgent." The unknown caller announced, avoiding the name question.

"What a lovely coincedence, I'm here to. What room is she in?" He asked with no hint of a smirk or sarcasm, dead seriousness had come over the suddenly sober Derek Venturi.

"Room 205." The caller announced and hung up. Derek sighed, snapped the phone shut and headed towards Deb's room, his first child's mother. His life was swirling around him.

Walking past the ICU he peaked in, hoping to catch a glimpse of Casey before he saw Deb. He didn't. In replace of that he retreated to the photo in his wallet of him and Casey. . .mostly Casey as the camera had been lopsided. Her face was bright and smiling, long before she'd begun any drugs, sex, or anything else. Before she'd become a 'promiscuous girl.' He smiled through tears at the sight, not realizing he'd walked right into Deb's wooden door until he felt his nose throb. "Dammit." He muttered, pushing the door open and walking inside. If he lost Casey. . .he'd break. . .he wouldn't make it.

I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

----

Deb Sanchez sat up against her propped pillows solemnly. She hadn't smiled in hours. She hadn't slept, laughed...she'd been numb. But once Derek walked the door, rubbing his nose, a million things ran through her at once, leaving her empty once again.

"You didnt' come..." She said slowly. He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Why?" Deb asked...she wasn't in the mood to beat around the bush. Her world was crushed, her heart and life...broken.

"Casey..." He began, Deb scoffed angrily.

"What the hell does Casey matter?" She said. "She's your step-sister Derek, that's NOT NORMAL!" Deb wanted to scream, but silence had left her throat too dry. "How can she know what we've all been through? Our group of friends? The 'cool crowd!'" Deb screamed at him, begging him to listen. Derek could only feel his tears welling up again, but he wouldn't cry again. Not with Deb there. She'd meant near everything to him...and he'd gotten her pregnant. He'd thought it was just a hook up...and that Casey was just a step-sister and that the other girl, Corinne..was just ... he wasn't sure of anything anymore. "Derek what happened to you?" Deb sobbed. "Why did you forget me? Why did you leave me? You got in my crotch and that was it?" Deb spat through her tears. "We were eachother's first loves...I carried and GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR child...and I don't matter?" She begged. Derek sighed and sat at the edge of her bed, she moved her foot, he moved to her side after some thought and put his hand on her cheek. Thoughts escaping him.

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me, anymore

"Deb...Casey attempted suicide." He said slowly. "She's also pregnant with my child. I'm scared Deb. I'm scared that the second love of my life is dead. I'm scared that a dead fetus has been floating inside her stomach and veins that've become a pool of alcohol, pills, and drugs. I'm scared our baby isn't going to be ok. I'm scared right now Deb. I'm sorry I wasn't at the birth...I'm sorry." Derek said, tears spilling over his cheeks. He hadn't known what to do after his little speach. He didn't know. Deb placed her hand over his on her cheek and kissed his palm. There were no more words. They'd been through the mill, the two of them, this was no different she supposed. Derek's tears were cascading down his cheeks now, his emotions a train wreck, like his life. Laying his head down on Deb's stomach he begged her to forgive him through his tears. All she could do now was cry with him. Unable to tell him that something had happened to their baby.

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
---
You've gone away
You don't feel me here anymore

oTBCo