AN: Ok. I'm going to try something a bit different for this story. It's based around Derek, but this chapter is more Casey-Concentrated and how she's dealing with everything...and herself. So basically---to escape confusion---it's based around Casey and Derek. Their thoughts and views. Not just Derek's.

Blame it on Me

Out on your own
Cold and alone again
Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Casey McDonald, by miracles of God, stood next to her step-brother...her lover...the man she betrayed so ruthlessly. There were no thoughts bouncing in their heads. No tears falling down their cheeks. No comforting touches. They simply stood there. Side by Side. Deb was at the police station recovering her son...and watching her mother be taken into custody. A pain she'd hoped she'd never have to see. Turning her head slowly she stared at the profile of Derek. His blank expression as he stared at the gravestone, the small fairy that covered their daughter's grave. She'd killed her daughter..she'd killed her. I killed her...I...killed her... Was all Casey could think after a moment. Realizing her past goal had been accomplished...but her future ones were no where in sight. Everything was ruined. She shook her head and stared at the stone fairy as Derek did.

Blame it one me

Set your guilt free

Nothing can hold you back now

She was dead. The little girl had only been five months along before she stopped growing. In Derek's mind she'd still had somewhat a fighting chance...maybe he was wrong. Casey had let him name her---Dannie Abigail Venturi---her guilt and pain so overwhelming he swore he could feel it seeping from her pores, from every crevice of her body. He wanted to know what had caused her such pain. What had caused her to hurt so bad she hadn't wanted their child? Or herself for that matter. Looking at her now, from the corner of his eye, he could see...she didnt' know either. They both knew they were over. They both knew that for some unknown or maybe relatively known reasons...they were over. They weren't meant for each other like they'd thought. And in Derek's mind he was unsure of whether it was better or worse. Whether his feelings for Deb were right or wrong he wasn't sure. His mother had helped so much. Nora and George...now nowhere to be found. And at that moment in time he wasn't sure if he could handle knowing where they'd been so long. It'd been weeks since he'd seen the kids. Bills for the house he couldn't afford as a senior were piling up. He knew that the one family member he needed to hold onto, for whatever reason, was Casey. He reached over and took her hand in his as they stared at what was their daughter...a cold, stone grey fairy.

Now that your'e gone

I feel like myself again

Grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

"Derek?" Casey whispered, her throat caught up inbetween her lips. She could barely speak.

"Mm?" Derek replied unsure of how to answer. They hadn't spoken since the day of her attempted suicide. Not realy talked. They'd shared pained glances, knowledgable glances. She knew and he did. They were done. He'd done all he could to save her and she had done all she could to prevent it.

"What happens now?" She asked. He squeezed her hand before placing the delicate pink boquet of roses next to the fairy.

"I dunno Case...I find Deb...my son...I find myself?" He said. He was questioning his answer...he was questioning everything.

"What...about...what about us? me?" she said slowly. He didn't know but for some reason she still needed to ask. To let it out in the open.

"We find ourselves...our lives. We pick up the pieces." He sighed, the only answer he could come up with. The answer that left them both asking the same questions.

To let you blame it on me

And set your guilt free

I don't want to hold you back now love

"Casey can I ask you a question?" He asked quietly. He heard her sniffle. Not crying...just a sniffle...as if she was trying to let out any emotion.

"Yeah." she replied.

"Why?" He asked.

"Why?...Why what?" She tried to understand, he was sure she did.

"Why'd you do it? Any of it? Why couldn't you accept the way you were? Why couldn't you stay Casey? Casey didn't NEED to change.." He said...he wasn't sure if he was angry or sad or disappointed, maybe he was all of the above. But at that point in time, he wasn't sure of a damn thing.
"...Derek...Casey did need to change...she just changed the wrong way." She turned his face towards hers and placed a kiss on his lips and pulling away. "But she never stopped loving you. And neither did I. I never will. I'll see you here. I'll always be here." Casey stated before turning from Dannie's grave. From Derek. From what was once her, from all that was left of her and she walked. Never knowing where she was going. And Derek watched. They both knew it was her fault...and at the same time he felt guilt pour through him. It was finished. He sighed, pressed a kiss to his palm and put his hand to the stone before turning and walking towards the car that had brought him and Casey there. Where was she going? He shook his head. He didn't know. He couldn't know. And he was determined not to care. Not right then. He couldn't care about her anymore.

I can't change who I am

Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me

And in this short life, there's no time to waste on giving up

My love wasn't enough

Casey tightened her grip around her arms, folded. She couldn't cry. There were no tears. Her mind was destroyed. The girl who once was was dead. Taking the bit of money from her pocket that she'd always had with her she bought a bus ticket. To where she didnt' care. She didn't know. She had to leave. She'd let herself lose Derek. And in a way she knew all along they weren't right the way he and Deb were and she understood. She was ok with that. Handing her bus ticket to the driver for a punch she looked around before finding a seat in the back. A joint, one last joint. Taking it from her pocket she lit up and sat in the back of the five person full bus, staring out the window at nothing.

"Derek..." She breathed silently as she stared on. "Derek..."

"Role the joint. Toke it up. The party's on. Haven't had enough now?"

And you can blame it on me

Just set your guilt free, honey

I don't want to hold you back now love.

otbc???o