Chapter 24: Piggy, Barbie and a baseball bat
Another four weeks had gone by since that day Luke had started to breathe on his own again, but other than that, nothing had improved or changed. Luke still laid in a coma, although the doctors had stopped the medication. The situation was getting more and more critical due to the fact that the longer he lay in a coma the more his brain would get damaged. Lorelai had had several talks with the team of doctors which supervised Luke in different shifts, but they were as helpless as she was at this point.
There was no possibility to wake him up, no medication could do that and everything the whole family and friends could do was waiting. All inhabitants of Stars Hollow were helping out as much as they could. Kirk was helping Lane and Cesar at the diner, although Lorelai hoped that Luke would never find out. Babette and Miss Patty were spoiling Laila as much as they could and Kirsten constantly baby-sat William and was feeding and cleaning his beloved pets. Even James and Andy were stopping by regularly to do the books at the diner and help Lorelai with her paper-work at the Inn.
But all the help of these people and not even the support her parents and Rory gave her could make the constant feeling of loneliness disappear, which accompanied Lorelai day and night. She felt like she was left alone in hell, trying to find the way out of this terrible place all by herself while she was blindfolded and deaf. She stumbled from one appointment to the next, tried to arrange her schedule so that she was able to be at the hospital and at the Inn and somewhere between those two places she had to fit her children in, which needed her attention now more than ever. Sometimes she was having nice time with her two kids at home, reading or playing with them, but then she got sad and started to cry before she yelled at William and Laila the next second.
They were behaving like little angels and Lorelai forgot from time to time that they were just as scared as she was, maybe even more. When they were home alone they were tip-toeing around the house, trying to be as quiet as possible. They tried not to bother her with anything and Lorelai had started to cry when she had witnessed Laila calling Emily because she was thirsty and scared to ask Lorelai since the toast incident.
Laila had been hungry and had asked Lorelai to make her something to eat, but Lorelai had been on the phone with Sara's psychologist, which had caused Laila to ask William. Being in his "man of the house" mode, William had agreed and had tried to make his sister a toast, but had forgotten that the toaster was no longer popping out the toast. The fire alarm had started when the smoke had reached the contact, Lorelai had thrown the toaster into the sink and unplugged it from the electricity before she had started to freak out. She had screamed and yelled, cursed and cried, had slapped William when he had tried to explain himself and had finally send the two children into their rooms before she had broken down completely and had sat as a sopping bundle on the ground, rocking herself from side to side like a lunatic.
Jo, the guy who had tried to hit on her before Luke had had a talk with him at the baseball stadium, had found her and had brought her to bed and the two scared kids to Kirsten, before they had called Emily and Richard. Since then the kids always looked scared when they had to ask her something and looked at her like she had lost her mind. Emily had insisted that she was finally taking the pills the psychologist at the hospital had given her.
But Luke, William and Laila were not the only persons Lorelai was worried about, because Sara was still at the hospital and she was still not talking. Sometimes she was reacting and interacting with her family, at another time she was just staring blankly ahead, totally apathetic. After a long talk with Sara's doctors and Rory, Lorelai had agreed to let a psychologist visit her daughter after three weeks in the hospital without any progress.
The woman was very nice and the therapy was different than Lorelai had thought. Dr. Diaz was playing and drawing with Sara, or at least trying to. There were days when even the professional wasn't able to enter Sara's own little world and had to leave without getting a single reaction from the girl. Her broken bones had healed and she should have long started her physical training, but she was refusing to leave the bed or to even try to move her legs.
The unstable states of two people Lorelai loved more than anything else, beside her three other children, was what got to Lorelai. Nobody could tell her when Luke would wake up, if he would wake up. Nobody could tell her if his brain was damaged and how much it was damaged. They couldn't tell her if he would be disabled, they couldn't tell her that he wouldn't be either. Nobody knew if Sara would ever utter a single word again or how much the traumatic experience had influenced her. If she would talk, go to school or be the funny little girl she had been before... nobody knew.
It was now the middle of November and Luke's birthday approached quickly. Lorelai knew that there wouldn't be a discussion about having a party, there wouldn't be the waking up in the early hours of the morning to have a little alone time with him before the kids would wake and there wouldn't be an argument who would give his present first to daddy. The mere thought that this would be all missing brought tears to Lorelai's eyes and broke her heart. Not only this birthday was endangered but all others to come. Who knew of they would ever celebrate a birthday together again?
Two days before Luke's birthday William and Laila had insisted to go with their grandparents to their daily visit to Sara, that's how Lorelai knew something was up. The night before Luke's birthday when Lorelai dragged herself upstairs into bed she saw that the light in Williams room was still on and decided to look what he was doing. It was past ten o' clock and way past his bed time.
When she neared the door she heard whispers inside and tried to hear what they were saying, but wasn't successful. Slowly and quietly she opened the door and looked inside. William and Laila were sitting on his floor trying to wrap something big into paper.
"What are you doing?" Lorelai asked, her voice barely above a whisper. It was enough to scare the two kids that much that they dropped the paper and looked at her with huge scared eyes. Lorelai knew that they expected her to freak out again and yell at them or start to cry, but the pills were helping and Lorelai just felt numb most of the time.
"We.. we were just..." William tried to explain and stepped protectively in front of his sister, what touched Lorelai even in her numb state.
"It's late you two, you should be asleep" she told them gently and crouched down in front of them.
"We just wanted to wrap this, 'cause we couldn't all day" William said shyly and looked down.
"It's a birthday present for your daddy, huh?" she gave them a small smile and Laila and William nodded. Lorelai sat down on the floor and pulled her two children on her lap.
"Am I allowed to see what this is? Maybe I can help you wrapping it?" she asked. Laila relaxed and snuggled into her mother after handing her the big package.
Lorelai took the crumbled paper from the mass underneath and her breath hitched when she realized what was in front of her: Laila's princess Barbie, Williams favorite baseball- bat and a picture of him and Meeko, Sara's piggy and a huge picture of the three of them smiling on Sara's hospital-bed.
Lorelai swallowed hard before she was able to say something.
"These are your favorite toys and you want to give them to your daddy as a birthday present?" she asked them.
"Daddy is still asleep and we thought that when we give him our things as a present he will wake up, because he knows that we need them." Laila said.
"We thought maybe he wants to wake up then. Maybe he has just forgotten we are waiting for him, too" William shrugged.
"Sweeties, no matter how long your daddy will sleep, he will never forget about you. Your daddy loves you very much and I know that he wants nothing more than to spend time with you." Lorelai assured them.
"Why is he still asleep then? Doesn't he miss us?" Laila asked.
"Of course he does. And he is fighting so hard to wake up. But you know, while your daddy is saying "I want to wake up and be with my babies again" his body is saying "I am not ready yet and you have to sleep some longer that I can heal". And this is the problem, that's why he isn't waking up. He has to wait just as we have to wait and I am sure your presents will help your daddy to convince his body to heal a little faster, don't you think?" she said and tried to keep her tears at bay.
"Yeah, I think so too" William agreed.
"Me too, mommy" Laila said and yawned.
"You're tired, mmh princess. Let's get you into bed" Lorelai said and kissed them both before she stood up with the kids still in her arms.
"My oh my, you two are heavy. Soon I will need a fork-lift to carry you around. Poor old me!" she quipped.
"You're not old mommy!" they said both at the same time and slung their arms around her neck.
"What do you think about sleeping in the big bed with me tonight?" she asked them and laughed when they both yelled "yay" at the same time.
"Can I ask you two something?" she asked them when they lay cuddled up to each other on the bed.
"What mommy?" William's voice echoed in the dark.
"How did you get Sara's piggy from her?"
" We told her our plan and she smiled and gave us piggy" William said as it was the most normal thing.
"Okay, good night sweeties. Sleep tight!" Lorelai smiled and then sighed. Maybe Sara would be okay after all.
The next day at the hospital Lorelai went to Sara at first, like every day. She felt that William wanted something, because he stayed closely by her side all the time. When her parents arrived and played with Sara and Laila she took him aside to talk with him.
"William, honey, what is wrong? Do you want to tell me something?" she asked.
"Mommy, can I..." he trailed of.
"Sweety, talk to me. Can you what?"
"I promised Sara and Laila that I would give daddy the presents myself and then tell them how he is. I want to see him" he confessed, his lip quivered and his eyes welled up. Lorelai thought about it for a second. This was her son asking to see his father on his father's birthday. She didn't know when Luke would wake up or if he would ever wake up. Maybe he would look even paler in some months, thinner, more different.
"Okay, honey. Take the present and come with me. I will try to get you inside"
Hand in hand they walked into the intensive care and were soon stopped by the nurse which had to open the door and let them in.
"Mrs Danes children are not allowed to the intensive care, we already told you that" she said firmly.
"Today is my husbands birthday and my son wants to see his father and give him his presents. Please Sally, let him in. We all don't know when Luke will wake up and it's better they see him now while he is still... than later" Lorelai said and by the look on Lorelai's face the nurse knew what she was talking about.
"Okay, but be quick and when somebody asks.."
"You didn't see us" Lorelai smiled gratefully.
They walked in and Lorelai handed William one of the green coats they had to wear and help him to wash his hands with the special soap.
"Honey, remember that your daddy is very sick and needs his rest okay? He is not looking very good, but don't be scared" she prepared William for the sight he would soon have to endure. Luke had lost a lot of weight these past weeks and he was as pale as never before.
"Okay" William nodded bravely and held his mother's hand a bit tighter when they walked into the room.
"Hey hon' look who is here to wish you a happy birthday" Lorelai said and tried to sound as chipper as possible while she led William to his father's bed.
"Will although he is asleep, he can hear you, you know" she whispered into William's ear.
"Happy birthday daddy" he said shyly and hugged his mother's leg.
Lorelai bend over and kissed Luke softly on the lips.
"Happy birthday, my love" she said and pressed another kiss to his forehead.
"Can I give daddy a kiss, too?" William asked after he had seen what his mother had done.
"Sure, sweety" she smiled and lifted him up and sat him down on the bed. William scanned his father with his eyes before he lifted his hand and touched his fathers cheek.
"Daddy always feels like he has a fever. He says he is his own radiator" William giggled then.
"Yeah, I know" Lorelai smiled and stroked over William's hair.
The boy leaned forward and placed a kiss on Luke's cheek, leaned his forehead against his father's forehead. Not able to pull back William's head dropped to Luke's shoulder and the boy clung to him.
"I miss you daddy! Please wake up! Daddy please!" he sobbed into his father's shoulder. Lorelai rubbed his back and let him cry, she knew he needed it.
"Angel, why don't you give your daddy his presents?" she asked after a while when the boy had calmed down.
"Okay" he sniffed and pulled back from the embrace, but stayed on the bed. Lorelai handed him the present and he looked at it helplessly.
"He can't even open it mommy!" he sniffed and Lorelai saw that his eyes welled up again.
"Why don't you open it for him? I'm sure your daddy won't mind" she assured him. William nodded and started to unwrap the presents. He explained to Luke what he held in his hands before he lay the presents down on his bed. He even showed him the pictures and explained it to him, while piggy lay on Luke's stomach, next to the Barbie and the baseball bat.
Lorelai and William stayed for half an hour, before they walked back to Sara and the others.
"Do you think daddy is happy about the presents?" William asked her just before they entered the room.
"I know he is" she told him and took a deep breath before they entered Sara's room.
Later that day, when Kirsten had arrived and Lorelai fed Sara dinner the psychologist Dr. Diaz entered and asked Lorelai for a talk. She apologized to her kids and Kirsten and followed the doctor in her office.
"Mrs Danes I am afraid I don't have any good news" the doctor came immediately to the point.
"Oh no, not today" Lorelai whispered and shook her head in desperation. The doctor looked at her curiously, but Lorelai didn't explain herself and waited for her to continue.
"I made several test with your daughter during the last few weeks, or I tried to make them at least because most of the time it was just not possible. As you already know we tried to find out if the brain of your daughter got damaged during the accident, because she doesn't talk. The neurological tests where without any abnormalities, which is a good thing."
"But?" Lorelai interrupted.
"But Sara still isn't talking. I tried to find out if she can't talk or doesn't want to talk, but the time here is not sufficient to find that out."
"Which means?" Lorelai asked and sat on the edge of her seat.
"I made some phone calls and talked to some colleagues and we would advice you to give Sara into a psychological clinic for children as soon as possible"
"No!" Lorelai said firmly when the doctor hadn't even finished.
"Mrs Danes, please hear me out: That Sara isn't talking is a problem, but not the only one. She is apathetic and doesn't react. She needs her physical training to be able to walk again and she can't do that if she doesn't participate. Your daughter needs help and she needs it soon!" the doctor said with urgency in her voice.
"I.. I can't decide that today. Please, give me some more time. It is all too much today. My husband's birthday and now this.. Please I need to think about it." Lorelai said, clearly upset as she focused on her hands in her lap.
"It's okay. Take your time to decide. Just... not too long, for the sake of your daughter" Lorelai simply nodded and then stood up and left the room without saying another word.
Lorelai practically ran to the intensive care and into Luke's room. She flung her self at her husband and clung to his sleeping form.
"God, Luke, please,please wake up, please!" she cried into his shoulder like William had done earlier that day. They want to take away Sara. They want to transfer her to a psychological children's hospital. They can't help her here, Luke" he voice broke and she wasn't able to speak anymore. She lay there crying for a while and when she had a tad of control over herself again, she had a headache from crying so hard. She pulled back and sat up, took his hand in her own.
"Now I am even ruining your birthday. Not only your life but also your birthday. I wish I would have made you happier when you were still awake. All I did was make you do what I wanted and forcing my wishes on you. Why did you even marry me? I ruined your life and nearly killed you. I think it would have been better for you if we had never met. I think that's why you are still asleep, because you don't want to see me anymore. Maybe I should just go and don't come back here. I miss you so much and I can't stay away. But maybe that's what you need. You need me to go and don't come back." Lorelai was crying again.
"And... and that's my birthday present for you: I will go and never come back. I know we will see again when you are awake because of the kids, but other than that I will stay away.. from you" Lorelai was nearly hysterically crying, but managed to stand up.
"I... I really love you" she said and walked away from him.
Two steps, then she couldn't go any further. Something, literally, held her back. She turned around and looked down at her hand: His hand had closed tightly around hers, held her with a strength nobody had expected left in that sleeping body. She stared at their hands and let her eyes glide over his body up to his face. Only to stare into his beautiful blue eyes. They were open.
TBC